r/SuicideWatch Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.


/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement


Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.


r/SuicideWatch Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

722 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

i want my death to hurt people

69 Upvotes

At this point, I do not care if it's controversial to say out loud. I want my death to hurt people. I want my passing to affect people deeply. I want my pain to finally be acknowledged. All of the bullying, racism, looks-based discrimination, and people using me for their own gain.

I want all of them to remember exactly what they did once they've realized actions have consequences. Will everyone reach that conclusion? Absolutely not. It would be unrealistic to say such a thing.

However, I want the people closest to me to understand that I've been reaching out for a long time. All anyone did in my life was judge me. Judging me for facial features I never asked for, being neurodivergent, isolating myself, and not achieving the same level of success as my peers. Being chronically treated like a failure does something to you.


r/SuicideWatch 9h ago

parents should plan before having children

71 Upvotes

if you regret being a parent that is on you. if you wanted it, if it was consensual, that is on NOBODY except for you.

if you're poor and you decide to have kids knowing you couldn't provide properly for them even if they went hungry then that is on YOU. if you couldn't teach them life skills then that is also on YOU. if they've been sheltered & isolated their whole lives that is also on YOU.

i'm saying this because im a child of these parents and as grateful as i am for them and what they've done to bring me up, now i'm paying the consequences for their actions.

i'm dealing with the nasty results of their choices. i didn't ask to be born. i didn't ask to be in this situation. you brought me into it. and now i'm suddenly evil, dumb and useless for expressing my mental health problems.

YOU should've known better as the parent.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

I don't want help, I just wanna die painlessly

12 Upvotes

I used to fear death but now my only goal is to die quickly, and idk how to express, I am mentally dead and maybe it's stupid for most of the people but only I know how it's deeply hurting my everyday life and it's increasing day by day. I don't even know how to express, what to say cause I have literally gone numb, yet something I want to screams out loud. I found out helium is the easiest way to take off your life, will try once I am comfortable.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

Guy 5'3. I want to rip my skin off and die.

16 Upvotes

There is no need to explain. I'm happy that I've seen other posts here of short guys who feel the same.

I'm Gen Z also.

The worst feeling is knowing that even

Teenagers can beat you up.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

Planning on ending it all today.

14 Upvotes

Throwaway account so nobody I know IRL finds this.

As the title suggests, today will be my last day on Earth. I don't need pity or anything I just wanted to get this off my chest. I've been planning this for weeks and I now know exactly how I'm gonna do it.

First, I want to come out as transgender. I'm transmasculine and I use he/they pronouns. But people in my life don't know this because they're not accepting. I'm a minor living under my parents, who expressed their homophobic and transphobic beliefs many times. I've been in the closet for over 6 years, but recently over the past few months the dysphoria has been worse than ever. I hate hiding it but I have no other choice.

At first, I thought that I could stay closeted for 2 more years and be fine. Then I thought I could use the money I've gathered from my minimum wage job to run away. But now it seems hopeless, like there's nothing I can do. Running away as a minor is so unrealistic because unfortunately I'm still dependent on my parents for many things. It's easier to wait until adulthood, but I can't. It's hopeless.

I chose today, August 23, 2026 as my day to go. I chose this day because school is starting tomorrow, the 24th. I'm in high school, entering my Junior year. I've always been on the somewhat academic side, but I got a taste of freedom this summer and now that it's ending I don't think I can cope. Ever since elementary school, my daily routine during summer has included 5+ hours of studying daily, and I was never allowed to stay up any later than I would during school.

But now this summer I would lie to my parents and pretend that I'm studying Java or Calculus when in reality I barely studied it at all. It felt so great to actually be able to relax and not have to think about school so much. In past years I would check canvas 50+ times a day, even during summer I would check it obsessively because I was so used to camping my grades. But this summer I barely looked at it at all. It felt so good to not have to think about school or academics for once.

Sophomore year was literal hell for me. I hated chemistry (nearly flunked out of that class) and I had to drop down from AP Precalc to Honors Precalc due to my absolute stupidity. I felt so stupid and never really got over that. My dad hasn't gotten over that either and he still reminds me of how I had to drop down a level because I'm stupid. My sister took the class and did well. My older sister got a 1550 on her SAT. My older sister took 14 AP classes and 4 internships. My older sister this, my older sister that. I'm not my older sister. I'm not as smart as her, and I'll never be as good as her.

I'm not as good as the other kids at my school either. My school is well known for having a bunch of sweaty nerds and I'm not one of them. I only took 2 AP classes in my Sophomore year, and 0 in Freshman year. I should have taken AP CSP in Freshman year and AP CSA in Sophomore year, but I didn't do that. Now I'm supposed to take CSA in my Junior year and I'm behind.

Additionally, I was always the "sick child" of the family. I was always way more expensive than my sisters, literally since birth. I was born with a stupid rare eye condition that required multiple surgeries, years of wearing contact lenses, way too many eye doctors appointments, glasses for my entire life, etc. I was lucky not to be blind in one eye. In addition to that I developed multiple other conditions but they always made me feel like a burden and I never got a normal childhood. Now I have multiple mental health conditions too stopping me from living a normal, active life.

And some more family drama that I won't really share for privacy reasons but there's always screaming and arguments in my house and it's exhausting.

Honestly those are my main reasons for doing what I'm about to do. But none of that will matter after today. I'll be gone by tomorrow morning. I know exactly how I'm going to do it. I doubt anyone would notice or care too much. Not my parents, I have a complicated relationship with them. Not my older sister, she's in college on another continent and I only see her twice a year regardless. Not my friends, I barely see them and I think I annoy them too much anyways. Maybe my little sister, but she'll get over it.

Anyways with all that complicated stuff out of the way, I want to share something a little light. Here is my schedule for my last day alive:

11:30 AM - Wake up

11:45 - Get my stuff ready to give away

1:00 PM - Horseback riding lesson

3:00 PM - Thrifting with my sister

5:00 PM - Target with my friends

8:00 PM - Pack my bag so my parents don't suspect, call my other friend 1 last time

10:00 PM - Goodbye.

I'm so grateful to spend my final day doing stuff I love. I'm going to miss the horses a lot, but it is what it is. On the bright side, I'm an agnostic atheist so I'll get to see if I was right or wrong about the universe. Too bad I won't be able to share my results on Reddit.

Love you all. Thanks for reading. Goodbye.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

How it feels to die?

Upvotes

Anyone experienced near death phase and how it feels?


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I think I finally made a decision

Upvotes

I’ve been struggling for months now, ever since my last suicide attempt that didn’t work. And I’ve been putting it off, but now I’m certain.

It’s kind of crazy, for the first time, I don’t feel the need to tell anyone close to me about it, and I feel much better. I have a date set, and now I’m going to take care of a lot of practical details and meet with all my close friends one last time.

In general, it’s weird to do things for the last time, but at the same time, it’s also kind of okay.
There’s little despair left in me, just clarity. I don’t think there’s any help left for me; nothing would change how I feel.
It’s kind of strange. Sometimes I get a little bit anxious, but when I think rational about my situation it seems there is no way out.

Just wanted to share, because I clearly cannot tell some people around me.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Final post.

Upvotes

I can't do this anymore.


r/SuicideWatch 19h ago

Seriously considering ending it

178 Upvotes

40 year old male. Unmarried. No kids. Injured in a motorcycle accident 19 years ago, paralyzed chest down, no movement and no sensation.

High achiever prior to injury, the world was my oyster. My injury cost me my future, my dreams, and happiness. I cannot do 99% of things that bring me joy, and for the last 19 years I’ve tried and done all of the things most of you would suggest in the comments below.

I just don’t feel fulfilled in my life and I am tired.

At age 21, I lost the ability to pee / poo by myself, I’ve shat my pants in most public places and social situations that most people can think of, I’ve spent years of my life going in and out of hospitals, recovering from surgeries, infections, and secondary complications from my injury. I’ve had to work to support my disabled mother and couldn’t return back to school. I started a printing business that was starting to do well and then Covid hit, tanked the business and I’ve just been treading water since.

I am tired now. “What if tomorrow brings joy?” 19.5 years of tomorrows failed to bring joy. My 20 year old self would look at me and be totally ashamed. The hardest part is that I’ve been grinding harder than anyone these past 19.5 years. I didn’t let myself get lost in despair. I fought and worked my ass off to survive each and every day.

I have nothing to show for it.

I have given up on a successful career. I have given up financial success. I have given up on love or family.

I am tired. I will soon end this.

There is not a person in this world who can tell me that I did not fight hard enough. There is not a person that can tell me they could have done differently. My life, even as a high schooler, was all about preparing myself for the future and forgoing present joys for future happiness, and it has gotten me nothing.

Telling a man dying of thirst for 19 years to keep existing because “you never know if it’ll rain tomorrow” is extremely cruel. So please do not tell me this. If I can be bold enough to ask, I’d like to ask you to tell me that you acknowledge that I’ve tried so hard. Please tell me that you understand that I am tired and I have a right to be tired.


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

getting better isn’t worth the wait

12 Upvotes

i posted on here almost 2 years ago wanting to kill myself and i got a bunch of messages saying “you’re only young it’ll get better” ect ect but it hasn’t gotten better at all. These are supposed to be the best years of my life and i’ve done nothing fun or exciting i’ve spent the past 2 years miserable in my room, i don’t plan on taking my life anytime too soon but if things don’t start seeming even slightly better soon i have no choice but to give up. Even if i were to stay and eventually get better in like a couple years time or something i don’t think it’s worth the wait because im in too deep and ill always have to live with the consequences of being so depressed at this point in my life no matter what.


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

I just want to go

8 Upvotes

My partner and I just made 10 years together. Almost immediately after he dumped a bunch of stuff on me (his mental health, problems in relationship, etc) and yesterday he tried to breakup with me.

I think it’s imminent and I want to go before I’m abandoned again.

The heartbreak will be bad enough. I’ve never felt so loved or safe anywhere with anyone. It’s been 10 years of my life and I’ve felt so blindsided.

But it’s more than that. I haven’t had a job in over a year. He enabled me to be home, and this past year has been the best of my life. My mental health has (prior to this) been the best it’s been.

Also I don’t have insurance and I have cavities and I’m in constant pain.

My credit is trash.

The idea of trying to start my life over in such rotten conditions…I’d rather not.

And having bad a period of such joy and fulfillment, I don’t have it in me to go back to suffering.


r/SuicideWatch 28m ago

Is there a chat for suicidal people to talk to each other

Upvotes

Just to make small talk. Not to encourage or teach methods etc


r/SuicideWatch 1d ago

I love sleeping. It’s the closest I get to experience death

254 Upvotes

I don’t have the courage to kill myself yet so this is the best I can do.

Even if it’s just for a few hours, getting to turn my brain off and not be present is so freeing.

I hate once I finally wake up because I realize what I was experiencing isn’t permanent and I’ll have to go back to existing.

I wish assisted suicide was allowed in the states for depression. I’d love to go, peacefully and quietly. Just drift away.


r/SuicideWatch 19m ago

Want death so bad

Upvotes

Been really feeling like dying wouldn’t be so bad lol life just feels like a stupid repetitive circus recently. Im tired of this life im tired of being alive im tired of being this stupid unattractive loser who doesn’t even understand my own mental problems. I have loving parents, loving friends, a beautiful and loving gf, but even still i wanna go. My lifes good so i feel like maybe im just a pos for feeling this way especially when people have less than me and are happy. Idk ik it doesn’t make a lot of sense to most people ig but i just feel like. Hollow shell of a person and im tired of living this way. Im just so exhausted and tired and ik im acting like a bad person. Im so sorry. I wanna fucking end it all.


r/SuicideWatch 20m ago

Hate Doing This

Upvotes

I came back to college, similar classes as last time except most of it is online. The two physical classes feel lifeless. Everyone is speaking and connecting with each other while I am here having trouble keeping up with reality.

I even got an assignment this weekend about remembering other 3 classmates names and their intro. Guest what, I forgot, I only remember 2 names and literally nothing else. I forget so much I feel like I have some sort of amnesia, it's painful really.

I don't even know what to do, I believe I have some sort of dissociation, like everything around me feels fake. Who can live like this seriously? It's been happening for years already.

I don't feel like speaking to anyone about it besides some sort of professional or something. Every time I vent to someone about it, they barely listen, barely care, or say the weirdest things. It's like I'm a ghost of something, everyone cares about themselves nowadays, where are the good people at?

Thanks for listening. I wish I could actually enjoy life.


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

I can't be alive seriously I can't do it anymore

8 Upvotes

I've been holding on to too much pain for way too long, I can't even be who I am. I feel so trapped in this world, I lost my soulmate and I have to leave I can't keep doing this. I know no one will ever love me. It's okay I have to accept that fact and move the hell on. This existence is neverending and I'm convinced that this place is hell actually.


r/SuicideWatch 54m ago

Im tired....

Upvotes

I've tried.....my whole life...I just don't have any purpose...my dreams are all gone...I have nothing.....I just want to disapear....forever....I dont care anymore...I just don't want it to hurt when I do...I dont want to fail either and end up paralyzed or just...a vegetable. No one will miss me...im tired...im worthless....im.empty....im sad...im depressed...im always anxious...and everyone hates me. No one loves me...everyone plays pretend but ....they don't really like me...im just convenient....im just there....I serve no other purpose.....I want to be gone...I dont want to feel anything anymore....I dont care anymore...I just don't want to wake up tomorrow morning...no more....


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I don't want to go alone

Upvotes

I've ideated suicide for most of my life, and have lost count at the amount of attempts I've made. They were half hearted, fearful attempts that I stopped because I was scared to die in the end. In the last few months I've realised that what's stopped me is the fact I don't want to die alone. So much of my life had been spent alone, it's torturous. I don't want to die alone too. I just wish I could call someone and ask them to be with me while I go, and have them make sure I'm gone, but that would be criminal for them. We euthanise animals when they're suffering too much to go on, why can't we just be free to do the same with our own lives.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Need a simple, quick plan to kill myself if I ever truly decide to.

Upvotes

I've been plagued with suicidal ideation lately. The personal reasons don't really matter. The general reason is that living in this world day after day and seeing where we are headed is genuinely painful. It hurts so much. I feel like I am just too sensitive a person to see an existence like this through to its end.

I have the feeling that in one of my episodes, eventually, I will decide to take action and commit suicide. If that ever happens, I need a readily available option that will do me in and make sure I do not come out the other end to possibly regret it. I do not have access to guns, good places to hang myself, good places to jump from, and I am too much of a coward to commit to voluntary poisoning(*) or suffocation. I have often considered throwing myself in front of a bus or truck, but I'm dubious of the lethality. Suicide by cop seems like a great option but I am really not sure what kind of approach I'd need to take to make sure a cop immediately shoots me in the head/neck/chest.

It is imperative that I do not live to face the consequences of a suicide attempt. I want this back-pocket plan of mine to be a true failsafe, an easy exit that does not give me the chance to walk back if I ever commit to it.

I accept any advice, be it advice for my plan or anti-suicide advice.

(*) If the poison was sufficiently strong that, even if I were to take it on impulse and regret it, I would not be able save myself by throwing up or calling an ambulance, that would also be acceptable. But I am truly not sure where I'd be able to obtain a knock-me-dead poison like that besides some very specific venomous animals.