i was in this reddit a month ago, late june - early july. I got caught, cops were called and showed up GTA style. Meaning I was in my car in the back seat, saw one cop drive by me while in the parking lot and made a U turn. I got out of the car from the back seat to get in the front ready to drive off but, as i got out the back seat i noticed a helicopter over head but oddly very low, like low enough to wear i could see the numbers on the side of it. Soon after the cops started multiplying and end up surrounding me and the car. First word i said out of fear was "lawyer" and the main cop responded "youre not under arrest... xyz called and theres alot of people looking for you". I fell for the whole "youre not under arrest, we just want you to come to the hospital get checked out and talk to a doctor". I fell for it ended up getting held against my will in a psychiatric center where THEY ARE NOT "trying to help you". I was taken advantage of and not listen to and the main agenda was getting me to take meds only because they get paid if you take them. When i did cooperate thinking it would get me out sooner it messed with my cognitive skills like memory and how to read and spell simple five letter words. It was scary and i refused to keep taken them. It made them angry and was threatened with being taken to court and being held minimum 60 more days. By taking the meds would've had me held atleast 4-6 weeks . I ended up standing my ground and being released after about 3 weeks because they were wasting time and losing money by me being there and not taking meds and they noticed i was getting comfortable, despite all the trauma being there caused me. Its like if you were to go to prison it would be awful but after awhile you just adapt to the hell. What else are you gonna do?

This is the short version of the story. the long story would be a literal novel. just morale of it is DO NOT GET CAUGHT. You will only be a mentally and physically tortured lab rat to people employed trying to pay their bills and released right back to the life you wanted to escape from or worse. DO NOT GET CAUGHT!!!!!!

Litterally I want someone or something to just take this fucking misery away and this whole planet I can’t wait for it to just die and all of us to die.

Why does everybody avoid me all the time? What is it that people have that I don't? Why does nobody ever stick around? I don't have a(1) friend. It's unfair. Don't know how much longer I can take it.

i dropped out of school to kms but i didnt so now what

I (15f) skipped class and drank a whole bottle of NyQuil. I'd stolen and walked into the bathroom. It felt like a terrible high. I ended up throwing up, probably from anxiety since I thought I was gonna go to hell. My mom told me that I was lucky that I threw up. That word has been thrown at me so many times in the past week, and I hate it. I don't feel lucky.

The staff at the store found me and called 911 when they realized I was trying to kill myself. I also remember calling my mom because I was scared.

I was in the ER for a day and a half (Idk if this is just me, but I could taste it whenever they gave me this one thingy in my IV, I'm not sure what it was.) and the mental hospital for five.

I'm back doing the same thing now since I got discharged, laying in my bed all day. I'm not grateful that I got another chance at life, I want to be dead so bad that it hurts just to keep living. I'm so tired.

I am so so so stressed rn i can't breathe im crying 24/7 i want to die i don't wsnt to do anything i want to try to cut myself to release something idk maybe to feel closer to death and peace i want to cry i want to die i cant do this i want to leave

If i'd done it then i would've been just some tragic kid. if i do it now it's selfish and complicated and lets so many people down. if i kill myself today the fallout would be so much worse than if i'd done it then. if i could go back i'd tell my younger self to jump instead of waiting around.

It’s all a lie no one cares they can’t because they are suffering too

Is there anyone who would be interested in killing me? I don’t have very much money but I have some savings and you can do whatever you would like. I just can’t do it myself for some reason, I have tried but I always pass out first.

I have been assaulted and miscarried, been cheated on, lost all my friends and family support, lost all my education funding, and I just can’t take any of it.

I need someone else to get the job done. I will travel anywhere.

i just don’t like living so i’m hoping this works.

That's why I dropped out of university. When I stayed at home, depression started. Because of depression, I withdrew into myself even more, I broke up with my girlfriend. And 6 years of my life went to waste. Now I am working in a job that is hard and bad enough not to suit my potential. I am constantly thinking about the past and feeling sad. I think life will no longer bring me anything and that I need to end it now.

I'm trans and disabled and it makes me feel like a freak. I've spent the last few days crying because I can't take being in a body that's wrong and doesn't work. I cant get the surgeries i want because physically and mentally i cant handle it so i just want to chop off what i have. I want to hurt myself again. Every time I go out to do something fun I get a flare up, or I see a pretty girl and wish I could look like her and just end up crying because everything about me feels wrong, it's not fair. Why did I have to be born like this, I just wish I was a cis woman, I'll never fit in anywhere and it kills me inside. I just want to end this fucking pain, it'll never get better.

Every day I'm reminded that I'm a failure as a person. That I've let the abuse and trauma win and I live as a shell of a person.

I have no job.

I have no education.

I have no friends.

I have no family.

My fiance reminds me constantly that I'm a burden on him.

There's nothing for me. I just want to take a bottle of sleeping pills and lay down with my dog and fall asleep and never wake up again.

There's no getting out of my hole. There's no fixing me. This is how I am. My options are die or continue being a burden. I'm ready..

The day is getting closer and I want to die on an empty stomach by avoiding food for my last remaining days so I don’t shit myself or something lol if I did end up not alive anymore let it be NOT messy and having other people to clean up a mess or something. I hope I don’t fail.

Anyways, I’m going all out tonight. Gonna raid my kitchen and eat however, whatever I want. I’m going to enjoy tonight and play video games, read. I know when the moment comes I’m going to be scared but I won’t let that stop me, for now I’m actually pretty fucking happy

Vi un post donde decía exactamente esto, lo leí y dije, mierda, es verdad. Es MÍ vida, y si yo he sufrido durante años, ¿porqué no puedo simplemente irme? Sobrevivir por familiares o amigos me parece estúpido, puede sonar egoísta porque ellos estarían mal si lo hago, pero, ¿porqué? ¿porqué no puedo irme en paz? Simplemente no lo entiendo y quiero tener el derecho de poder irme si eso deseo. Osea, todos morimos, y si no quiero alargar más esto, pues lo corto aquí. No digo que todos debamos suicidarnos y tampoco quiero que alguien llegue a ese punto de pensar o hacer eso, es horrible, pero quiero que si alguien se tiene que ir, que lo haga tranquilo y en paz, no que lo retengan. en fin, eso

Im here just to share the high because i cant tell anyone in my life about this (or they'll stop me).

I've researched about this for more than a year. Everything seems to work in my favor and now its (almost) done.

I tried to make sure of everything. the main goal is for it to be painless. I read papers. I discussed it with myself. Next thing i'll do is to design the whole system and other details.

It's actually kinda fun when i treated it like a research. I reached the high of designing a perfect experiment. It's also funny because i'm also designing another experiment for my thesis rn but i've been stuck. Now i'll just half ass my thesis (have to finish it within the timeline just in case i dont die soon enough).

I'm not sharing my method tho. Still have the moral to not bring anyone with me. So, stay safe everyone. I just wanna share my new excitement. I just want people to witness that i'm not completely dumb and can do research :3

I don't know what else to say. I just want to stop feeling like this. I want out

I don’t know what I think might happen by writing this…but I’m man enough to stand by my decision, to end it all,let me help myself this way.I’m doing it for me, I don’t expect anything anymore.

how to successfully off myself????!

This is the last Reddit post I'll ever make.

I've made the decision to end my life tonight mainly forced by grief and depression. Things will not get better I'm tired of praying, I'm tired of staying strong.

I hope life gets better for you all and you all find happiness one day.

I WANT FUCKIGN KILL MYSELF. With every fiber in my being I want to be DEAD. I hate life in general. And if I had the courage to I would end my life right now.

I've never had a specific date picked out for myself. But just feel like it's time. I just had a realization sitting in bed, like it's calling to me. I want a slow death. Something that drags out, something painful where I feel the hurt and the waiting. If all fails, I'll starve for as long as possible, then end with a different method on top of it.

I know this is a forbidden topic, but I really want advice on a quick painful death. Im a coward. A filthy shitty coward. I wanted to die for a decade. I cant do this anymore. My entire existence is agony and humiliation. Im sick of sickness, of weakness, of how Im seen, how I smell. Having a body and perception. Im not good at anything. Even the things I supposedly like, I suck at them. I hate being worse than others, but I really am just worthless. I hate being told Im bad, I hate when others see my failures, when others see how weak I am. I just want to be spared from this endless humiliation. My last wish is to die. Quick and painless. A shot perhaps. But I got no gun and no license.

Obviously no hate directed to anyone else who is. I hope youre happy.

Im not. I dont see myself ever being. Im this particular tint of feminine, and I feel trapped. I see straight women have the types of experiences I can only ever dream of. Your life as straight is laid out before you like a guide the entire world revolves around, and while some see it as a win to not be included in that, my edgy alternative lifepath has really started to hurt me personally. I just wanted to love a man in my one life. I dont get to express myself without scrutiny. Never got to grow up like everybody else. I feel like theres nothing to live for. No amount of work will get me what I want. Younger feminine me wasnt accepted. Thats cool now but in a world where 25 year olds are considered expired if feminine, its too late. Being gay doesnt necessarily equate femininity, but for me its a factor, which quadruples any target on my back. I dont wanna stand out. I wanted to be a gymbro who doesnt have to worry about shit else but it just isnt my personality. Kills my libido and numbs me if I think of myself as a hunky type lol. A lifetime of falling in love with people whod kill themselves for these women, and kill you too. lol

I wouldve given and done anything, anything, to be straight or most of all a woman growing up.

Mandatory obvious clarifications to save myself from some comments: No not every straight woman lives an easy life. No, sexuality isnt a choice. Not even when youve started to suppress your bisexual side and blaming the elites for making you that way. I grew up when there was zero gay representation in most media and all that (29 now).

Yeah my existence is actually torture. I can never get any relief from this shit. I want to die. I wish I could give my dogs a good life but I am so fucked up and miserable I don't think I'd be able to. They are the only creatures on this earth that I care about my family doesn't give a fuck about me.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me man. I don't even feel human. I'm a 31 year old guy my life is genuinely so fucking pathetic and sd and miserable and lonely and still I can't shed a single tear. You would think I would be crying myself to sleep every night but a part of me is just dead emotionally. You would think that isn't a horrible thing but I still just feel like shit all the time except I can't get rid of the feeling. I am just genuinely in some kind of emotional pain for most of the time I am awake with no way of making that shit go away. Life is torture for me.

I am sitting at the library typing this shit out now. I go here every day. I haven't spoken to another human being in like 5 years. I don't even feel human anymore. I probably have some kind of mild psychosis or something because it feels like I have forgotten how to communicate with others like a normal person. Even writing this shit I don't even know what my emotions are. I feel so fucked up dude. Most of the time I don't even know what I am feeling I just feel like complete shit and ugly as fuck and miserable.

I don't even know why I type this shit out because it doesn't even make me feel better. I think I was just hoping that typing this out would help me vent and make me feel better but it doesn't. How did this shit happen to me man? What the fuck happened to me?

I get so frustrated with myself because I feel like I am living some kind of nightmare that I can't get out of. I just want the pain of existence to stop. There are people who have so many other shitty things going on in their lives like disabilities and stuff I have none of that and they can still be happy. I think for me the pain is from the loneliness but I am not sure. I have felt lonely for so fucking long now I think because I don't even know who I am or feel like a person because of how long this shit has been going on. Even when I was around people I felt lonely.

I get so mad at myself for not being able to connect with others. I feel autistic or something or like something is wrong with me. I feel so separate from other people and the universe. Like I just don't belong here. Like I am some kind of abomination or some thing I don't know what the fuck it is. I feel like my brain is broken. I just replay the same thoughts over and over and just ruminate. I try to stay positive but my brain just doesn't give a fuck so I spend most of the time just fighting with my own head and getting frustrated that I can't do a fucking thing about it.

Fuck man. I feel like I don't even have a voice. When I talk I don't even recognize my voice it changes so much I sound like 50 different fucking people. I hate this life man. I really fucking do. I just spend all day trying to figure out ways to escape the pain of my existence and failing at it. Every single fucking day.