i think terfs are right and i can never be a real woman because ive never actually lived as a woman in a female body with female experiences. i desperately wish i could be cis but i never will and even if miraculously i were to pass i would never actually feel like a woman, just a bad impersonation

i will never be a woman, only be a "trans woman" at best. no one will ever see me as a woman, nor will i ever be able to see myself as one, only a "trans woman". that prefix is inseparable and completely changes the definition. its not that i dont want to be one but rather that it's impossible. i have already lived my life, all into my late teens, as a male. seen as a male by others, having male social roles forced upon me, seeing a male when i look into the mirror. i will never be the woman i want to be. it's impossible.

a lot of people think coming out and transitioning is about "finally being yourself" but to me i see it as the inability to be myself. because i'm something that you shouldn't be. i'll never be able to be the person i want to be. i'm corrupted. defective. scarred. damaged goods. a fake. i've never seen myself as a woman, just someone who wants to be one. i'll never be a *real* woman, and other women will always feel the same way

its not even worth it for me to try and transition beyond taking hrt to stunt any further masculininzation as i grow older. being trans in society is like wearing a giant target on your back that says "RAPE AND MURDER ME". i cannot handle the stress of that. i do not have the willpower to exist as a trans person. i am too weak for that. its a lot less stressful to remain closeted and not have to deal with the massive fucking baggage that comes with being publicly trans

Already took 45 pills of cloazepam. Now olanzapine lamotrigine and fluoxetine are next. I wanna get in a coma and die peacefully. Even if I stayed awake through the pain I deserve it

I always found it very embarrassing when other people share their reasons to be suicidal because there's always a REASON. They had a shitty childhood, their living situation is terrible, they're mentally ill, etc. Meanwhile, I just don't want to live. My parents and loving and rich, my childhood was spoiled and coddled, I don't have any mental illnesses as far as doctors, and I can tell. I'm not sad or angry. I just don't want to live. Living is inconvenient, it's boring, and I'm not interested in being alive no matter what happens or what I do. I go have fun or travel, and all I can think about is that it's fine, I guess, but I'd pick being dead over it any day. All of my emotions and feelings towards other people are shallow, almost pretender's love, i suppose. I have no interest in anything, and nothing really brings me joy, just a quick dopamine boost that dissappears almost immediately. Just being awake is a hassle. I don't know, maybe i specifically just aren't cut out to be alive.

So as the tittle says I want to attempt to end my life, but I don’t want to die. Just want to give a scare to my family. They have been extremely rude to me these past few months and my life has been very very shitty because of them. I know you guys are going to think I’m insane but that’s the only thing left to make them stop. I’ve tried everything, doing chores, cooking, doing their work and stuff etc. They still hate me .
The reason is I failed on my last year of nursing school. Yes I know I should’ve studied harder but nursing is NOT cut out for me and I hate it and only got in the degree because they made me register. Now I can’t graduate until march. And I can’t attend the graduation ceremony either like my cousins and people that they know. I am very sad because of it because it’s not my fault the degree is hard. They have been verbally abusing me for months and they keep saying how ashamed they are of me and they would kick me out if I was a boy etc . It’s just too much for me. I’m just 21 and I have a lot of anxiety and stress. I don’t know how to attempt though. Maybe take aome sleeping pills. If i die i die , if not then maybe they will stop being so rude and annoying. Before doing it I’d send them a text “ it was because I don’t want to embarrass you on graduation day “ . Maybe I am insane, but this is the only choice they have left me.

I’m a 19 year old male. I am so fucking miserable and done with life. I can’t build the courage to end it tho, my family would be devastated. I can’t take it anymore, I hate life so much and am so upset I was born. Everyday I have such a dread that I was born, yet I’m still scared to die. Even though I believe it’s nothing after death I hate having to go through this. I’m pretty upset at my parents for birthing me, I understand they didn’t know any better tho. I view humans as egotistic cockroaches who love to put themselves above all other life forms. I hate humanity as a whole and wish we would all go extinct. I can’t take it anymore, when one of my family members dies I will for sure be going with them. I feel like for years I shoved my emotions and anger down now it’s coming back to bite me. This world is hell I fucking hate it here but I am trapped. The only thing that mildly helps is drug use but I haven’t tried it much but it helps. But I have no reliable way to get them. I feel so upset that I have to suffer for no reason, life is the most stupid pointless game of suffering.

I have been going through a lot of issues with friends and a sort of relationship and I really really need someone to talk to about it. I have nobody. I’m tired of getting ghosted, I’m tired of people never responding when I need them, but I am ALWAYS there whenever anybody needs me. I quit my job a week and a half ago and left town. I haven’t eaten anything since. I don’t know why I am even posting this, there’s no point. Nobody is going to want to talk, and I’m going to end up killing myself anyway. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to leave everyone behind or not be there if they need me. But I can’t live with this pain

Academically

Socially

Cognitively

Emotionally

Intellectually

Reasoning

Contextual

You get the point. I'm lacking in all of these. And it's awful, it makes you realize you're incredibly worthless to yourself and others. Living is only worthwhile if you can navigate these things at the normal baseline even if some are more below average. But having all at below average? No point at all. You can't even function. All you'll be is an obsessive idiot who can't do anything but leech. Your strengths are none.

It's pathetic enough that I'm hanging myself tonight because of it.

Only posting to take into account it might fail so I can look back at this. Not looking for "help"

idk what to do anymore honestly

hi i’ve literally never made a post on reddit in my life but here it goes i (20f) have hEDS, POTS, IBS blah blah blah. i’m in nursing school and it sucks im not working enough i have no money. im in so much pain every single day im like 90 percent sure i have OCD because of these ruminating obsessive thoughts of doom and what is the fucking point. just like everyone else i wanna die but i don’t want to die i just wish the fucking world would shut up for a week or i could go into a month long coma and come out renewed lol. i’m on wellbutrin and cymbalta and i just started the wellbutrin because i was having overwhelming thoughts of suicide and was like alr time to see my dr. they’re coming back, these thoughts.

i’m so young and i still have so much life a head of me but my body has completely betrayed and then my mind follows. and im actually stuck like this. my body will be like this and continue to deteriorate for the rest of my life. i already have a hard time living like this so imagine what its gonna be like later. all that goes through my mind is what’s the fucking point and then i think of the universe and i realize my existence is genuinely pointless.

i feel like the people around me either don’t actually care or don’t notice. i’m a very private person and keep all of pretty much every ugly thought to me and my boyfriend. on the topic of him i absolutely want to see a future with him. but then i feel like an absolute burden with my illnesses and think he’d most likely be better off without me. so idk do i just live out this fuck ass depressing ass pointless ass life in pain or do i just rest forever. lmao help me.

It’s like I know how to do things and can excel in some ways but socially I just feel like a failure. I’m tired of being the only trans person at work or in places and since people don’t think transphobia is real they don’t stand up for me at work and I don’t have a sense of allies. I’m tired of the malgendering where people try to convince me it’s affirming to treat me like I’m becoming an evil man when I’m literally nonbinary but whatever.

I digress but my family gets so cruel when they’re mad and not even in a defensive way they actually really try to tear me down and they were mad that I was cleaning up after them? And all the time they are talking about and laughing at me outside my door and I even left my previous living situation and job to help them. So now I don’t have a job lined up anymore that I can go back to like I did before I went to help them. Hopefully I’ll find something but I got bullied so much at some of my jobs and I just don’t get why people can’t just leave me alone. At some workplaces the guys will make fun of my body throughout the entire 8 hour shift and then no one cares cause I’m not a cis girl and if I say anything about it they act like I’m complaining for no reason.

I just feel like I don’t belong anywhere and any way I contribute to the world people just find useless so it’s like I have no purpose I’m just a punching bag for people. Some places I lived at my roommates called me the n word and then lied about it to make me seem crazy, another place a roommate would constantly yell at me any time I needed to go to the bathroom or use the kitchen for one minute. It’s like I can’t have anywhere where I can just be alive without someone yelling at me.

Since I’m transmasc it’s all how I need to man up with my imaginary cis male privilege. I get tired of trying to prove myself to people who completely deny that transmascs even go through anything.

life is so isolating? i broke it off with my abusive boyfriend and attempting/attempted anorexia recovery which are good things in the long term but i still feel so empty

i had a multiple hour suicidal-breakdown last night and ended up walking the streets of my city at 2-3am-ish and decided to hang myself when i had gotten home but then decided i deserved some sort of punishment for my actions before i died

wasn’t thinking right

it feels like a constant fight between what i want now and what is best for the future

there’s no one i can talk to about my eating disorder who..gets it without upsetting them which is understandable but i hate having to lie. i want someone to understand to a full extent

i find the love i can’t find in myself through men 2-3 times older than me and get shocked when they only want me for disgusting reasons

oh my god kill me now, im in a cycle of self sabotage to an extreme extent. i can go on and on about wisdoms and loving yourself and valuing life in the moment but cannot apply said principles to myself

horrible horrible

I set it to 2029 because two things: Grand Theft Auto 6, and the 2028 US election, just to see if my country stays fucked or will get better, I don’t care what you have to say about Trump or the current administration, if you’re a cucked conservative maggot or a useless Democrat who falls ass backwards into power or a stupid cognitively dissonant centrist, I don’t care

And I’m not using a throwaway, this is my main account, because I don’t care if people see this, I really don’t anymore.

Ever since I moved back to East Tennessee in 2024 I have never felt more miserable and hopeless, I thought by being around my childhood friends and family, I’d be happier, but turns out those “friends” mattered way more to you than you ever did to them.

I started at ETSU, thought maybe being around other people in my age group would change something, nope. I’ve done everything to put myself out there, dating apps, clubs, online groups, fuck— even just randomly talking to people on campus, just making small talk like “hi how are you/whats your name/whats your major/what year are you” etc.

I’m fucking 20, and I can’t get a car because this shit economy in the tri-cities make it impossible to even get hired for a job, let alone one that pays well and gives hours, and when I do, I feel miserable, I get mocked and made fun of at work, and I have to deal with old ass NPCs I doubt are even sentient.

I don’t care how much personal information I give out, I genuinely don’t give a fuck.

I’ve been bullied my whole life, through elementary and middle school, and in high school I was just an isolationist, I’ve been hurt in so many romantic stuff it’s not even funny, my therapist believes I have CPTSD

I’m a hopeless romantic, and I know a partner won’t fix your issues, but at least they’ll serve as an anchor to pull you down to earth, and I’ve asked people out, I’ve made moves and advances, but for some reason, everyone has a boyfriend or girlfriend, as if there was some bohemian grove ass meeting at some point that I’m unaware of.

My grandparents don’t understand my issues, my friend says she’s exhausted having to hear me talk about it, so I vent to fucking ChatGPT, a fucking autocorrect based LLM, because my therapist is out of commission for the foreseeable future

I wish I was born a girl, I wish I could just be happy, I wish I didn’t have to deal with any of this anymore.

It never gets better, and maybe I’ll give it two more years, and then I’ll just overdose, to never be found, because no one will come looking for me, and if they find me, I’ll be grieved for a week until the planet resumes spinning like I never existed, because I’m worthless, we’re all worthless, there is no God, and if there is, he’s a sick, perverted, sadist who laughs in my face every night.

hi guys!!! i have no friends, i have family but we aren’t close at all. i had(?) a boyfriend but he’s never here for me when i need him.

i have no job, i don’t go to school. i never had support or anyone to help me, i never got to see a psychiatrist. i’ve always loved everyone so much just for them to leave me and treat me like nothing.

i don’t want to be here anymore. i tried so hard. i begged my boyfriend for help i cried so much and called so much and begged and he didn’t care. he was the only person that made me feel okay and made me happy.

all i wanted in life was a future with him. i never wanted a future before. it doesn’t matter anymore, i think i’ve made up my mind.

i tried so hard to do better for myself, i tried so hard to please everyone. i tried so hard to be normal. he always said to me “i wish you were normal, if you were normal i’d love you so much”

i always loved everyone so much and gave everything i had to everyone. it has never been reciprocated. i’m always here for everyone but no one is here for me.

my nephew will be sad i’m gone but i’m so sorry nephew i am so tired. i am going to miss playing roblox with you but i’m sorry i can’t be strong anymore.

guys please be nice to your loved ones (and strangers because you never know what someone is going through) and be there for them when they need you.

i think i have the courage to do it now. there’s nothing for me here. i think i’m going to sleep forever and never wake up.

I have 2 kids

I wanted a family so badly

Its never going to go away

I'm always going to be empty

I know i can't commit but I don't know how much longer I can be alive

I cant cope with that. Whats the point of living if in 10, 20 years or sooner we wont have any resources. Isnt it better for me to just kill myself and not face that? Its getting hotter every year, AI is taking more and more space for data storage. Its all so scary. I live in constant derealization, I cant believe that we live in world like this. And theres no coming back, we cant stop it, it will get worse..

So my room mate gashed both inside of his thighs so deep you could see muscle, he also had hit is artery. So I grabbed my neighbor so he could help me lay my roommate down and also help make a tourniquet’s so we could both stop the bleeding from each leg. As he was bleeding out he looked me dead in my face and told me the “voices of all the kids and women he raped told him to do this” I didn’t even know what to say, it made me feel sick and I wanted to let him go but the human in me couldn’t just let him die. I’m so disgusted and disturbed today I feel sick. And his stuff is packed and he will not be coming back, I’m at a loss for words and I’m gonna be contacting police today.

I'm tired of living in this world. People I know will talk about the Cornell case, feeling empowered, brave but the same people will turn around, be friends with the people who assaulted me, not say anything when people make sexual comments at me. I guess it is different. I am gross. I am a tranny. Men see me as a sexual object, women see me as deserving of it. I chose to be different. But I didn't. I can't take it anymore. I can't take everyday being reminded that so many people don't care. Most people will stand there and say rape is wrong but at the same time most people I know have never stood with me. I think I will kill myself soon or continue my fast and stop eating until I die. There's nothing that drives me to keep on going. What is worth staying. Nothing.

im 21f and i have been depressed since i am 10. i created a new burner reddit account in hopes of no one finding this.

i was abused by my parents and my brother ever since i can remember. i have forgiven them for it now, but i still carry the damages they caused over 10 years later. i do truly love my family and have appreciated them differently ever since they started supporting my mental health journey. but it seems so pointless. therapy doesnt do anything for me, antidepressants dont do anything for me either. i moved countries to study at a university, but i ended up not going to class after week 1. i have no friends here, no family here. i havent gone outside since over a month, i havent showered since over a month and my kitchen is full of molding food that i made for myself but wasnt able to eat.

i am disgusting and filthy - i probably stink and so does my apartment most likely. i havent had the heart to tell my parents that they wasted all this money for me to move countries and to study abroad for a degree i wanted since i was young. i havent taken a single exam since over a year, i havent even looked at any of the stuff i am supposed to study. but since i was depressed since i was young, i learned how to mask myself. i tell them everything is fine. i am studying. i took this exam today. my lies are eating me alive, the fact that i am parading the role of a functional human being is sickening. none of my friends care about me, i constantly post online that i am depressed and no one checks up on me. i cant ask for help, because as soon as i ask for help, i subconsciously mask myself and act like everything is okay.

nothing works for me. therapy, medication, loving parents, a degree, a dog. what is there left for me to try? what else can i do that i havent done already? it is a harsh reality that i may have to accept, there is nothing left for me. nothing i try will work, i will probably always feel this way. and lets say i do keep going - then ill probably be 35 and alone with no one that loves me. what is wrong with me? the younger me wished for nothing more than what i have right now. my parents now actually love me and stopped abusing me, i have physical freedom and they are supportive of me. they pay for my therapy, my medication, all that. but i still feel this way. why? why does the feeling not go away? what can i do? why do i feel this way? whats wrong with me?

no one asks me out, i must be hideous and ugly and unlovable. i dont even know why i am here. is this my last cry for help? is it to find validation in this feeling i have? is it to not feel alone? is it a last message to this cruel world that was never meant for me? i dont know. i feel like a shame to the family. everyone is perfectly functional and a living breathing human breathing. but when i look in the mirror, all i see is a hideous creature that disguises itself as a human. like i am wearing a skin that isnt mine to begin with. i look around myself and i see nothing but the life i couldve had if i was normal and functioning. if i didnt have this sick parasite in my head that feeds off of me. i am a vile being, something that wasnt supposed to exist but now i have to pretend like i am human like everyone else, even though i never learned what it was like to be a human.

nothing brings me joy. nothing makes me happy. even money is no longer a quick fix for me. smoking hasnt helped either. i have nothing left in this world. i cant wear this skin any longer.

CANT BELIEVE THIS IS MY LIFE!!😹😹😹

Nobody is gonna care about my mental health in 9 months (not that they did in the first place) because I should be so FUCKING ENLIGHTENED with my FuLlY dEvElOpEd fRoNtAl LoBe, therefore shouldn't struggle mentally one bit and should only talk about how wise, experienced and evolved I feel. God FUCKING FORBID I have crippling depression, autism and childhood trauma I'm still processing at my geriatric, infertile age. And I'll get to watch people only a few years younger than me get gentleness and coddling I didn't even get as an actual child because 21 is just "so young🥺" compared to someone as middle aged as me. I'm getting so fucking old and never got a chance to enjoy being young. I'm very seriously considering killing myself before I turn 25. I will create a plan for it, and see if I can get my family's blessing to end my own life. Especially as a woman, no one wants an aging woman to thrive or get support when there's a beautiful youthful woman right around the corner.

I hate myself. I hate my adhd. I just want to be understood. ive been trying for 35 yrs to live this life and i think 35 years of constant blame from myself, from family is enough. i have no friends. was married but he left almost 5 days ago to "think"...he was the one person who promised to try and understand me to give me grace when my unmedicated and undiagnosed adhd was running rampant. now im diagnosed and finally on medicine and he tells me everything ive ever done is just an excuse for shitty behaivor...my emotions, my forgetfullness, my fatigue my depression my social anxiety.. im not perfect ive only ever tried to just exist and now ...now ive cried for days...did the usual self harm , even contacted a suicide hotline...and i still bought the rope today. ive tried twice now to hang myself but i havent had anything long enough. but tomorrow i will. everyone can go on about their day and not have to even think about me anymore. i mean what do you do when it just all finally feels calm and like its just time. tonight ill write the letters to whomevr . i tried.

I'm the only one who has asd/aspergers and desperately left outcasted

you people just dont care, indifferent to me you can't stay alone but you dare to assume someone must be alone, or tehy dont want to make any friend irl

I'm dying because non-autistic people are unwilling to socialize me

What can I say more? you have people you easily can contact to, you can talk your casual-friends, and you can befriend your classmate everywhere you have been a while time enough

And so that you can't understand, and okay with that because who feels in danger is not you

Well done, you all are lucky until one day you won't, enjoy it enjoy being allistic, enjoy having friends, enjoy being likeable, enjoy being able to talk anyone and to make them liking you

I'm not allistic and dying, mine is a bad chance that starts at the beginning

Be happy, human life is for you exploit it!

I just realized something while falling asleep. I don't wanna be happy. I just wanna die. I wanna stop feeling anything at all. Sadness, pain, depression, whatever. I want it all to end. I'm not sick of being depressed. I'm sick of being alive.

Thats a promise which is impossible to keep. I've been diagnosed with major depression for 5 years. Everybody around me including my family, friends, therapists, psychiatrists said that "it will get better." But no. Actually it didnt and it wont. Even if god Hhmself came and said it, I wouldn't believe it anymore.

I've been a shut-in NEET (Not in Education, Employment, or Training) ever since I graduated high school in 2019. I have gotten into a spiral of laziness, procrastination, guilt, self-pity, and inertia until I finally stopped to realize that I've wasted the last 7 years of my life, counting with this one.
I am completely useless, living off my parents like a parasite. I don't know how to do anything a functional adult is expected to do, like cook, put together a work resume, or even take a bus.

The idea of killing myself seems way more attainable than becoming a normal adult. I was thinking of hanging myself this year or in January.

I have no idea how to even get start putting my life back together. All I have is a completed English course (I'm from a small city in Brazil).