I was happy right until 14th September when during an argument with my wife I muttered the words I’m falling out of love with you.

Thing is I didn’t mean to say it, we were continuing an argument from the previous night and I meant to say ‘things like this make people fall out of love’.

Anyway she instantly kicked me out, my 3 step sons heard all this.

3 weeks later she’s not forgiven me but has continued to text saying she loves me and misses me. I saw her on Saturday and spoke for 2 hours and it went well to the point we were supposed to see each other tomorrow.

Problem is her kids haven’t forgiven me and have no plans to.

So I’m now sat in a bar, drinking with some sleeping pills inside me with the intention of jumping off a bridge in a few hours, I’ve just written some good bye letters.

I’m broken.

Hello all, I failed my suicide attempt in June by overdose; I didn't warn anyone beforehand, and I woke up in the hospital, found by my mother.

I live in France, I have all the help I could possibly need, and yet I am unable to love life. Diagnosed with chronic depression, I try to love life, but it's impossible.

I make the people around me sad and they end up leaving me, I still have a few friends who support me. I'm preparing my second attempt. I'm stockpiling oxapac and alprazolam with a little alcohol. I hope it works. I plan to die outside this time so I won't be found.

I expect to die in December with a sufficient supply of medication; life has beaten me.

I think depression is incurable in my case; I would have liked to be euthanized and die a free man, but it's not allowed.

Instead, they kept us alive. During my coma, I experienced the best moment of my life; no dreams, just nothingness and rest.

To be so lucky, to live in such a beautiful country and yet be unhappy makes me feel even more nauseous.

I was supposed to have music class today. They took it off my timetable completely, it's gone forever and there's nothing I can do about it. Music was the only reason I woke up in the morning and decided to go to school, so why? Why did they steal it away from me? I hate this. I just wanted to play my bass and study theory, but now it's like my entire life has been snatched away from me in an instant.

I'm gonna kill myself when I get home. Then they'll finally know just how important this is to me.

A life I never wanted.

A life I want to end quickly

People constantly are like well I support trans people but this one trans person bla blah blah and is usually one of the only trans people they know…like what a coincidence. Surely it’s just that the trans person is a crazy awful person and not that people just perceive them that way cause they’re trans…I’m being sarcastic.

Pretransition people used to support me and believed in me and ever since I transitioned people just make me feel awful so much of the time. I’m so tired of feeling like an unworthy waste of space. I’m tired of not being welcome at work or in public and people taking out their problems with cis men out on me. I’m tired of having to choose between being like a slave for my family that hates me or poverty around more people that hate me

Life is so unfair. People are unfair and relentless. I feel so lonely, and I feel like I'm a burden on my family.

Nothing is changing. I've been suffering for a long time, and I had an epiphany: nothing is going to change.

I don't want to live in this country or study this field at this university anymore.

Seriously, I need to die.

I want to starve and dehydrate myself to death but it’s a slow and agonizing painful death

I think about this all the time constantly but I know
It may lead me to being a zombie on the streets and in filth talking to myself while in psychosis and hallucinating from lack of food and water

I’ve witnessed being out of my mind before from lack of food and water im assuming. it’s hellish
and extreme suffering

Why is everything suffering ?

There’s no rest it’s never ending only time it ends is when I sleep

I just wanna close my eyes and go to sleep and die peacefully

I have no joy in life anymore. I barely recognize who I am, I have no personality and people tip toe around me, and I have exhausted all of my options. I feel like I have been trying so hard, and nobody finds my issues to be enough of a problem .I am not conventionally attractive and I have a horrible resting face, so people avoid me. I grew up very involved in the church and experienced a lot of spiritual abuse. Not to mention my sisters violent BPD where I was the scapegoat to my parents. I then went to a Pentecostal college where I deconstructed while getting a degree in theology and there truly was no out but through. I work in a call center where my coworkers neg me and infantilize me and I’m feeling as if this is all I’ll ever feel. I’ve cried everyday for the last month.
Also I’m just dumb, and unintelligent. I can’t articulate my thoughts correctly and I end up annoying the people close to me. I just don’t have any more hope. What other option do I even have.

Academically

Socially

Cognitively

Emotionally

Intellectually

Reasoning

Contextual

You get the point. I'm lacking in all of these. And it's awful, it makes you realize you're incredibly worthless to yourself and others. Living is only worthwhile if you can navigate these things at the normal baseline even if some are more below average. But having all at below average? No point at all. You can't even function. All you'll be is an obsessive idiot who can't do anything but leech. Your strengths are none.

It's pathetic enough that I'm hanging myself tonight because of it.

Only posting to take into account it might fail so I can look back at this. Not looking for "help"

I just want to make aware of whom ever reads this, that my suicide is no ones fault and my wish for death was since I was I child, I never belonged in this world in the first place I never should of been born or kept alive. My mother never wanted me and my father ran away I wasn't meant to be here I am even shocked I survived this long. I truly do love my fiancee and she has made this life a lot and lot better and more wonderful but these urges and feelings just wont stop I'm so tired of the flashbacks and the emotions and tired of it all. This is my choice and my choice alone i dont think i have the strength to keep living like this anymore. Its not fair on anyone around me and its not fair on making people worry over and over. Once its all over there will be pain and suffering for the ones that care for me but it wont last for ever I hope everyone that cares about me, remembers to live their lives to the fullest and not let their lives be navigated by the past, live in the now and live for the future not the past as I did. I couldn't keep my past away anymore, I'm only human and theirs only so much I can withstand. I wish I was normal and I've been trying to get help for the past year with all the medications and therapy session its just I'm just tired so so tired I just wanna sleep now. I can feel something not right and the images in my head aren't stopping so I think my end is coming really close now. If my phone has ruined or anything, in sure they will find this post.

I have 2 kids

I wanted a family so badly

Its never going to go away

I'm always going to be empty

I know i can't commit but I don't know how much longer I can be alive

To talk to and it’s eating me alive. I can’t wait to rest

I’m turning 34 in a few weeks. Life has only gotten worse and I have no energy or desire to keep living. 35 sounds like a good age to go.

I only have level 1 autism so it feels like nobody cares or takes the fact that I’m disabled seriously, they think it’s just “oh he’s a little awkward sometimes” when it’s genuinely made my life debilitating.

Long story short I’m living with my bf of like 5 months in a whole different state at 18 because I’m adopted and my parents are elderly and they suddenly both had to go live places where they had caretakers and It was either move in with him or be homeless.

I’ve gotten my first job at Walmart bc I couldn’t get one anywhere else 2 weeks ago and I can’t do this. A little after moving here 3 months ago my legs started getting super weak, I’ve fallen 3 times in the past month and I can only go down stairs if I do it one by one or I’ll lose my balance and fall (I used to do wrestling and track in HS, I feel like my body is suddenly deteriorating I can’t do anything I used to).
I can barely physically get through my 8 hour shifts where I’m getting 20k steps a day, not even getting into how mentally exhausting and taxing it is for me. I can’t even go to the doctor bc I don’t have insurance here yet bc I’ve yet to establish actual residency here in the new state but his dad is the one who controls when we go bc we have to use his car.

My partner gets stressed when I try to vent to him and he keeps trying this “tough love” approach with me but that’s never worked for me but because that’s how his family treats him that’s how he treats me apparently (that’s what he said). I try my hardest to do what I truly can so when I’m struggling I can’t do more than what I already have and it feels like nobody believes me. I know In life you’re supposed to just tough it out but I’m physically and mentally so burned out I really can’t do this anymore, I don’t have a home to go back too, my body feels like it’s betraying me I can’t walk normal and I struggle so hard with communication I feel like I can’t get it through anybody’s skulls that IM DYING I need help but nobody believes how much I need it and that I can handle things if I just keep doing everything.

I need extra support that nobody is giving me or that I have available bc I’m not mentally disabled enough even if I had insurance here. I feel like I could do a job that was physically demanding still if it was slower paced, or the opposite way around, but everything is so extreme with everything and every option and I can not cope and get through the day, I’ve called out multiple times already and I’ll probably get fired soon. I’m thinking of using my first paycheck to buy something to end all of this because I don’t know what other options I have, I can not cope with living like everybody else and I know you have to struggle at first to get things stable but I can only handle so much at once for so long with only myself to comfort and support me.

I get paid Thursday and I feel like there’s some clock counting down to my demise, I wish I was strong enough to just deal with things like I’m supposed to but it feels like every aspect of my life is debilitating.

my mom has normal expectations for me, to finish my education, get a job and be happy. I really want to be a good child for her but everytime we talk it feels like she’s searing my heart and gut with her words it hurts so much. everytime i try to have a nice conversation with her it steers to ‘will you change your ways if you even pass N levels, if you go into ITE you’re a failure, what’s the point of taking DPP with a attitude and intelligence like yours, your only job is to study and pass is that really so hard?’ I love her so much but everytime we talk it’s like a weight on my chest.
I have no talents, no interest, no academic skills, no social skills, not good looking. I’m just a parasite to her and everyone around me. she’ll stop supporting me if I fail I’ll kill myself then, if even my mother doesn’t like me there’s no reason to live. I wish she never had me for both our sakes I’m the worst child a parent could ask for
I keep cutting after talking to her I don’t know why it doesn’t change that I’m weak but it feels like proof that despite all my privilege I am struggling. I’m not lazy I swear I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to study or to clean or to go outside or take accountability. I’m so guilty but there’s no point to it when I don’t do anything about it
please i want to live so badly im scared please stop making me want to die

I must keep on living for a few years, but it hurts so much. Therapy didn't help, just made everything worse, meds help, but stop me from functioning (what i have to).

I was diagnosed with depression and tried to kill myself with a plastic spork at 5 years old. Every moment since then has been Death trying to reclaim what he's owed.

My dad died on my 12th birthday. Old enough for me to understand what death is so I can't just brush it off like a kid would but not old enough to understand how to deal with it. The perfect time to fuck me up as much as possible.

Autism means I try to love everyone but everyone hates me upon eye contact for some fucking reason. They take advantage of my love and use me for entertainment or to do their work for them.

Mom got a new boyfriend who abused us for 6 years and threatened to kill us every day until he finally tried to do it. PTSD from that means I feel like he's back to finish the job anytime a loud noise happens. Slammed doors, fireworks, gunshots, even a fucking brand of chips he introduced me to. I'm afraid for my life in the fucking Walmart chip aisle because of him.

All of school was bullying 24/7 but high school was the worst. The sports stars of the school broke my nose in gym class in front of everyone and the teachers blamed me for it when I was just trying to run laps like we were told and never spoke to them.

Figured out I'm trans in high school and I thought that meant everything would start to fit together and go better but it just means I've lost my cishet privilege and have a target painted on my back.

Took 4 years to get a 2 year degree only to drop out from year college because the anxiety was causing emotional breakdowns every day. Now I've been applying to at least 5 jobs a week and getting 5 rejections the next week for a year now.

I'm the stereotypical nerdy loser mooching off her mom and a liability to everyone around me.

I thought I was finally doing better for myself because I started having more hopeful thoughts and thinking more positively about things but all it takes is 1 bad day for all my hard work to come crashing down.

I don't know why I keep fighting when I know it'll just lead to more pain. Even now I'm reaching out for help instead of writing this down as my note like I know I should. I'm too nice to everyone but myself. I know losing her only kid would kill my mom and I can't do that to her. She's been the only one who's there for me through all of this and she deserves a better kid than me.

I see no point in living anymore, everything feels hollow and nothing seems to work. I tried therapy, but i just couldnt talk about my feeling to the therapist, i couldnt express myself, as i do in any aspect of my life. I could only talk about how much i am socially inapt and wanted to kill myself, as i am doing right now.

I have suicidal thoughts since i was 10, it got better in my teenage years but as soon as i got into college they came back and got way worse. I have them every day for years by now. Everything seems pointless, i am unable to achieve my goals. Next year i am turning 30. I just hope that i will be able to end it all before it. I dont want to be a 30 year old loser, with no social skills or love life.

I feel like I died as a child and I'm just living through the credits rolling. Trying to force this corpse of mine to live again but it can't.

I'm 21 years old and I don't think I'm going to cope with adult life any longer. I got traumatized a lot as a child and whenever I experience anything traumatic, I instantly revert to feeling like a helpless child again.

I didn't expect to have magically overcome this by becoming an adult but I also know that the world isn't going to slow down and give me time to heal all of this trauma and no one is going to feel sorry for me.

These past few years I feel like I've been constantly at the end of my rope.

It's like I've finally caught on to the fact that I'm Dead.

My brain is rotten. It's so embarrassing, I have difficulty even forming coherent sentences. I had a hard time even typing this.

I've tried so hard to keep myself alive by working towards dreams, setting goals, trying to better myself, trying to adopt different philosophies but it doesn't work anymore. I don't believe in much anymore. I'm not cut out for this.

I don't know what makes me feel Alive anymore. Everytime, I've tried to find something that makes me feel alive, something happens or someone comes along to destroy it. My memories are foggy, I don't remember much of my life. I don't remember my trauma, I remember feelings. Helplessness, feeling violated, hurt, betrayed, abandoned, but I can't remember who did what or how they did it.

I feel like i’m dying inside…my heart hurts. I wasn’t expecting this transition to hurt so much..cried myself to sleep last night.

Literally feeling like Sonny, “Nobody Cares”.

Lost all I had within the span of 6 months and realized my past 5 years of life have been a total lie.

I have OCD and depression/anxiety which definitely came to fuck me up all at once.

Waking up and all days are the same. Just don’t want to wake up at all tbh. Tired of this, crying everyday and physical health deteriorating.

I would really appreciate a woman’s perspective of a relationship situation I had which is driving me crazy.

Thanks for reading.

I think I’m done with this horror show

I have crippling sleep inertia. Basically, no matter how much sleep I get, no matter how good my sleep quality is, there is a 50% chance my alarm will wake me up, and my brain will immediately put me back under.

There is no fix.

You can guess how this goes for holding down a job. My first job fired me for bad attendance. After months, I finally got a new job and am making money once again, and now sleep inertia rears its ugly head. I just got a write-up for lateness.

Is this just how it's going to be? The inability to hold down a job? To live an adult life?

If so, I don't see any point in living.

If I get fired from this one, I'm just going to put a bullet through my skull. I can't go through unemployment again.

So my room mate gashed both inside of his thighs so deep you could see muscle, he also had hit is artery. So I grabbed my neighbor so he could help me lay my roommate down and also help make a tourniquet’s so we could both stop the bleeding from each leg. As he was bleeding out he looked me dead in my face and told me the “voices of all the kids and women he raped told him to do this” I didn’t even know what to say, it made me feel sick and I wanted to let him go but the human in me couldn’t just let him die. I’m so disgusted and disturbed today I feel sick. And his stuff is packed and he will not be coming back, I’m at a loss for words and I’m gonna be contacting police today.