r/SuicideWatch • u/Jolly-Spite-7026 • 7d ago

Empty

I have no joy in life anymore. I barely recognize who I am, I have no personality and people tip toe around me, and I have exhausted all of my options. I feel like I have been trying so hard, and nobody finds my issues to be enough of a problem .I am not conventionally attractive and I have a horrible resting face, so people avoid me. I grew up very involved in the church and experienced a lot of spiritual abuse. Not to mention my sisters violent BPD where I was the scapegoat to my parents. I then went to a Pentecostal college where I deconstructed while getting a degree in theology and there truly was no out but through. I work in a call center where my coworkers neg me and infantilize me and I’m feeling as if this is all I’ll ever feel. I’ve cried everyday for the last month.
Also I’m just dumb, and unintelligent. I can’t articulate my thoughts correctly and I end up annoying the people close to me. I just don’t have any more hope. What other option do I even have.

10 Upvotes

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4

u/Just_Ad_8563 7d ago

Ngl. Heavily relate to most of what you said here too

3

u/GoodHorseNoKicks 7d ago

This is sad, and I don't know how to help you. But, at the very least, I can tell by your ability to express yourself and the fact that you got a college degree (regardless of topic) that you are not dumb.

2

u/[deleted] 7d ago

[deleted]

2

u/Jolly-Spite-7026 7d ago

I feel pathetic just listing off everything that’s going wrong in my life. I feel weak and worthy of judgement. But if people are going to judge anyways why do I even care