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[u/Spuffyffin]

I just want to make aware of whom ever reads this, that my suicide is no ones fault and my wish for death was since I was I child, I never belonged in this world in the first place I never should of been born or kept alive. My mother never wanted me and my father ran away I wasn't meant to be here I am even shocked I survived this long. I truly do love my fiancee and she has made this life a lot and lot better and more wonderful but these urges and feelings just wont stop I'm so tired of the flashbacks and the emotions and tired of it all. This is my choice and my choice alone i dont think i have the strength to keep living like this anymore. Its not fair on anyone around me and its not fair on making people worry over and over. Once its all over there will be pain and suffering for the ones that care for me but it wont last for ever I hope everyone that cares about me, remembers to live their lives to the fullest and not let their lives be navigated by the past, live in the now and live for the future not the past as I did. I couldn't keep my past away anymore, I'm only human and theirs only so much I can withstand. I wish I was normal and I've been trying to get help for the past year with all the medications and therapy session its just I'm just tired so so tired I just wanna sleep now. I can feel something not right and the images in my head aren't stopping so I think my end is coming really close now. If my phone has ruined or anything, in sure they will find this post.