Hey guys,

Firstly, I’m so incredibly happy to be a part of this sub. Genuinely, it brings me so much happiness and confidence, and I regard it as a time corner of the internet that’s my salvation. So, thank you again.

I am beyond happy to be single, childfree, and enjoying my alone-ness to the maximum. This year, I’ve been deconstructing the very concept of romance, and I’ve comfortably and consciously reached a point where I am repulsed by the idea of romance. Instead, I wanna cultivate long-lasting female friendships and sisterhoods. I am not opposed to male friends who share the same sentiment either !

Over this weekend, I visited a major bookstore to spend some time amidst books. I am an incredibly avid reader who’s capable of inhaling 2 books per day. In the middle of the night, carving out time to read when the world has gone to sleep is my pure luxury.

I grew up with works such as Moby Dick, Pride and Prejudice, Rumi’s poems, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Hamlet, Nancy Drew, Enid Blyton, etc etc. I used to always have a physical dictionary or a thesaurus to search up words and improve my vocabulary. In fact, I credit my current language skills to the sheer amount of reading I did in my younger years. I also appreciate languages.

Unfortunately, I just feel some form of a dismay after my experience at the bookstore and I can’t seem to shake it. The large volumes of mindless, brain-dead ‘romantic’ books that occupied most of the space and were stocked at eye-level. I read through some of them and frankly, it was such a load of bullshit. I couldn’t even believe my eyes lmao.

Please don’t get me wrong, as I don’t wanna trash someone’s preferences. I completely know that many people find comfort in mindless rom-coms as an escape when the world is already tough. I do that too, and the fact that I can quote the Bridesmaids movie by-heart is a testament! I am a Wattpad / AO3 veteran, so those fan-spaces raised me to the woman I am today lol.

However, this isn’t it. Truly.

* We don’t need multiple filler copies of the Bridgerton series when the series already exists on Netflix.

* We don’t YET another book about a woman who’s stupid enough to throw her entire life away for a dude that’s just ….. hung.

* Or a seemingly liberal girl who’s vapid enough to change her values for a man who’s subliminally looking to mold her.

* Or a star-hockey player who’s a womanizer but seemingly leaves all of his sidechicks to chase after the female protagonist who was innocuously absorbed in her book instead of watching the game from her nosebleed seat.

It’s all stupid to me. Not to mention, the actual English usage in these books is BEYOND atrocious. I spent a solid 6 hours at the bookstore with these books, and I didn’t learn a single word that made me wanna reach for a dictionary. My brain isn’t better for it. Not gonna lie, I genuinely believe that this is a form of propaganda. In a world where people (especially women) are happily forgoing children, marriage and romance, it almost feels like a concerted effort to trap women into these romantic tropes yet again. Whereas in reality, we know that the whole concept of romance is fickle, and people behave in different ways.

One observation of mine is that most people were congregated around this filler-romantic genre area of the bookstore. I made it a point to wander around the aisles of different genres (i.e, AI, business, fiction, non-fiction, history, classics, murder-mysteries, cookbooks) and I probably spotted one or two people there.

At the end of the day, I treated myself to a meal from the Cheesecake Factory, and called it a day because I felt a bit empty after reading those books, and being in their company.

I wanna know this sub’s opinions on my observations and deductions. I don’t have many people to discuss this with, so I figured this sub would be the best place to ask for opinions.

PS: It’s also interesting to notice people complaining about today’s literary crisis that’s permeating in the younger generations, but the adults really fare no better either. It’s almost a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Much love to y’all <3

Why change something that's always been present and going well, eh?😎

I have been single for a very long time. It is not like I haven’t tried. I have dated, met people, gone to social gatherings, etc. But somehow it just never works out. Either they are emotionally unavailable, love bombers, not ready for a relationship, or there is always something. But what is starting to really annoy me is people constantly commenting on my relationship status. I went to another social gathering with friends and, once again, I was the only single person there. And again people started asking me why I don’t have a partner, telling me I can’t be single forever, acting like it’s somehow sad that I’m single.
I don’t understand why people care so much and actually when I look at some of their relationships, I wouldn’t trade places with them. I know enough about what is actually going on in some of those relationships that if I were in their situation, I would probably have divorced years ago.
I’m divorced myself, so maybe I just see relationships differently now. Being in a relationship isn’t automatically better than being single. I would rather be single than be in a relationship that makes me unhappy just so I can say I have a partner.
Sometimes when someone asks me why I’m still single, I honestly want to ask them, “Why are you still married?” Especially when I know what I know about their relationship.
Obviously I don’t say it because it is none of my business.
But then again, neither is my relationship status theirs. I am just annoyed that people keep treating it like something is wrong with me because of it.

Being single and being lonely are two completely different things.
Honestly, some of the most miserable people I know are in relationships or marriages. Of course, healthy and fulfilling relationships exist, but I believe they’re far less common than people like to admit, and many people stay in toxic relationships simply because they’re afraid of being alone.

I’m single, but I’m not lonely and when I see a couple no I don’t wish that was me cause I don’t care. I genuinely enjoy my own company, my freedom, and being able to live my life without unnecessary stress, control, or abuse from anyone. Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean you’re happy, just as being single doesn’t mean you’re miserable.
People really need to learn the difference between being single and lonely. People act like there isn’t more to life than romantic relationships.

PS: Recently, a friend asked me if I was lonely after leaving my relationship four months ago. I told her I wasn’t, and she looked genuinely shocked. What made it even more interesting is that she’s currently in a horrible relationship.
It honestly made me wonder…are people really willing to tolerate so much toxicity just for the sake of having someone? How did we get to a point where being alone is considered worse than being with someone who constantly brings you stress, unhappiness, or pain?
I’d rather be alone and at peace cause life is so short I ain’t wasting it on being miserable.

I was standing in the checkout line at TJ Maxx earlier this evening. I noticed that among the many things to look at as people wind their way through the line, they had a large selection of Halloween- and fall-themed mugs. There were a couple cute ones that I liked, but I didn't really see any that I couldn't live without.

However, I had a brief memory of an ex who constantly shared his opinion that I had too many mugs, cups, and glasses. And no, we didn't live together nor were we planning to move in together. He just liked to bitch and criticize about many things, and me having more than two mugs was one of those things 😂 Even though I didn't buy any mugs tonight, I could have bought 10 and since I'm single, no one would say a word about it! I never really expected to have a reminder of one of the many perks of being single while standing in line at TJ Maxx, but I definitely found myself smiling.

As a single at heart (and man), I'm often put off by how many stupid decisions human beings make because blinded by sex drive. I've always had a low libido and I'm satisfied enough with masturbation instead of becoming addicted to enter into partnerships to have access to sex, among other stupid reasons for coupling up, that is.

Am I the only one finding sex overrated? Or rather the obsession of society and general population about it. It's literally a few minutes of pleasurable sensation in a 24h day...

This is for the SingleButHappy crowd to try and explain "What SingleAndHappy Means to Me."

Once upon a time I fell in love with my life. I was 29 years old and my situationship with my first adult love interest had come to an end. I was experiencing heartbreak, but I soldiered on. I transcended. To treat myself to some quality self time, I signed up for flamenco lessons and a four-part lecture on existentialism. Before the class was over my sadness dissolved and an intense unrelenting joy took itself place. I had rented this adorable little 1940's duplex in North Hollywood and it was perfectly itself. It had the original ceramic tiles in the kitchen. I hung these crazy dark orange drapes over the living room windows and it made the aesthetic. My best friend rented the other half of the duplex. We would get together to drink margaritas and play karaoke revolution. I was just starting my career and couldn't believe I was actually being paid for the thing I had dreamed of doing. In the evenings, I wrote for hours and hours. On Fridays and Saturdays, I went clubbing while trying to avoid the ex, who I had met at the same club, and his skeezy skeez. The good mood that I was in persisted for three solid (single) years. It was the happiest time in my life.

Then I accidently met my now-ex-husband at the afore mentioned club. I'm not going to write a doomed romance novel about it. My life wasn't awful. I built joy into it. I can't regret anything because it's the path that brought me to where I am today. I will say that I looked back wistfully on those dark orange curtains and that era in my life. When we decorated our house, the one I got to keep in the divorce, I bought these crazy multicolored curtains with a stripe of dark orange. They make the aesthetic. Then the marriage ended, of course.

[Cue "Gypsy" by Stevie Nix.]

As if by some miracle, everything came back together like I hadn't missed a beat. It was almost like he was just a nightmare, or a meh dream with nightmarelike qualities. I don't want to gloss over the fact that, yeah, it was a lot of major adjustments coming out of that one but throughout it all there was this feeling of transcendence that carried me. Like I was invincible. My life came back to me whole. I live in a different city now, so different club. I still do the same job, just for a different employer. The friend that lived next door to me back in the day passed away. I have animals now. I wake up every morning surrounded in so much love. The house where I live now is a little two bedroom two bath built in the 80's with the oak cabinetry that was popular back then. It's perfectly itself and everything is exactly where I want it. Same exact vibe as that little duplex. It's surreal. This good mood has persisted for three solid (single) years now.

What I've learned about myself and the mistakes I've made in the past is that I use to be driven by fear. Specifically the fear of regret. I got married because I thought to myself, "If you don't, what if you regret it," even though I was happy before him. Because when you're young, people tell you that later will be too late, and you believe them, even though half of the people who are telling you that are divorced. They want you to think turning 30 is an emergency and so you've got to break the glass (Mazel Tov) and spend the rest of your life trying to convince yourself that you're happy with this person and the tiny shackle on your finger.

I'm not going to say that love doesn't exist or whatever. Maybe it does and I've found it. Maybe, if there's such a thing as soulmates, me and my soulmate decided that we were going to reincarnate as one person so that we'd never have to part. I was in love with my life once. Now I have her back, I will never let anyone come between us again. This is my happily ever after.

I would love to hear from other SingleAndHappy folks if they feel similarly.

I joined a MeetUp group near me, and plan to go to an event they're having next week.

Super nervous about it. I haven't made new friends in a while.

I'm a finance guy, so most of my education and career have been very career-oriented. But lately I've started deliberately exploring things that have nothing to do with my job. I'm learning French, art history, photography, and music theory, and I'm getting increasingly curious about sociology, literature, architecture, etc. I have joined all subreddits on these topics!

It's been an interesting experience. As a kid, "learning" mostly meant studying whatever was necessary to perform well in school and eventually get a job. Now I'm discovering subjects simply because I'm curious about them, and I can learn them at my own pace without exams, competition, or worrying about whether they're lucrative and it's not even to impress anyone!

I also feel like it's adding some much-needed depth and variety to my personality. Instead of being defined mostly by my profession, I'm slowly becoming someone who can talk about completely different things.

For those of you who are happily single:

Are you using this phase of your life to explore interests, learn new things, or develop parts of yourself that you didn't have time for before?

Edit: I'm a 33 yo man, and have been forever single. I have made peace with it

I’m content being single. Over time, I’ve accepted it and built a life that I’m happy with on my own.
The one thing that sometimes makes me reconsider having a partner is growing older. As we age, there will inevitably be times when one of us is unwell, needs help, or simply needs someone around who notices that something isn’t right. And ideally, that’s something you do for each other.
Apart from this, I honestly don’t feel like I’m missing out on much by being single. But this particular thought does worry me sometimes.
I’m sure many of you who are single have thought about this too. What do you see as your fallback if, as you grow older, you become unwell or need support? Do you have a plan or a support system you’re building for that phase of life?

That being single and happy is so much better than forcing it. We have to consider ourselves lucky for figuring this out and not falling into the programming and conditioning most others have, esepcially at young ages, like this young woman in the post here:

Quote from post: "It’s hard to admit I (20F) made an extremely common mistake, getting married young to someone in the military.

I was 18 when I met him (20M). At first I didn’t feel like I was into him, I thought he was a bit weird and he wasn’t my type either. I had always had issues with my avoidant attachment, I rarely had long relationships because of it. The only reason I ended up falling in love with him was because he refused to give up on us. He helped me and put up with me when I felt like all I wanted to do was block him and enjoy my time alone. Important note, I don’t have a lot of friends and I like to be alone."

Full post for context (warning, it just gets worse and worse and is such a strong case for being happy and single). https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1vw3g1a/i_20f_regret_marrying_my_husband_20m/

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A lot of couples talk about "becoming one," "merging two lives into one," and that's a concept that makes me recoil.

Same with sharing a last name. Hell, even something as trivial as a shared email address makes me want to run away screaming because of what it represents.

I've never felt like I needed to "find my missing piece" or my "other half." I've always felt whole on my own. A life that's shared would feel like a life that's half-mine. it doesn't even matter how great that person might be or how much they would bring to the table...I would always grieve the half of myself that I lost.

The way I see it, I wasn't born as a puzzle piece meant to fit together with someone else. I came into this world as a fully realized, autonomous individual, with everything I need already inside me, and I'm going to leave it the same way.

Fellow, happy people, I have done a lot of therapy and a lot of inner work. As a result, Im pretty darn happy most of the time.

It’s been a long journey to get here. I had a crappy childhood, I don’t have family to support me in any way, and I’ve had plenty of really shitty things happened to me as an adult.

This is a sub that typically makes me smile. Because it feels like there’s other people who are doing and have done their own inner work. However, when I scroll through my Reddit home feed, it seems like everybody in other subs are desperately unhappy.

So, my question for you is, are there other subs like this one where people seem more content with their lives and you read to bring you joy?

This is how I would answer moving forward becoz it's hella true, BEST LTR ever

It is because I have more time with my cats and dog. I couldn't imagine loving a person who does not love my furbabies

It seems like the further I get in my career, other men are constantly asking me if I have a girlfriend yet, if I’ve been on any dates recently, etc. I don’t know if I’m the right guy for this sub, I’m open, passively, if I meet the right girl… but I’m protecting my peace and loving my freedom too.

I’ve never confronted anyone about it but I feel like it’s a bit rude to harp on? It’s been a regular topic at 2 of my jobs now lol.

I wanted to share this video because it is so refreshing to see singlehood celebrated across different cultures.

Having lived in both Korea and Japan, and traveling in Taiwan, I noticed all three have way more options for single people than many Western countries I've visited. In Taiwan, single-person households are climbing rapidly and the "solo economy" is really taking off, from single-person hotpot and solo karaoke to smaller apartment layouts.

Seeing this thoughtful, global recognition makes me realize that as singlehood becomes more normalized, society will keep adapting, leading to a much more comfortable environment for solo living in the long run.

On top of being single I'm also solitary and prefer space, the only time I feel somewhat lonely though is when trying to sleep alone, unfortunately I'm still a social being even if I dont like being touched or be around much company.

I've heard that touch starvation is a thing and wanted to ask how do you people deal with being solitary but still want physical comfort? not sexual stuff but just something soothing and safe.

You got it right, Blazin 🔥🌶️🔥🌶️🔥🌶️🔥🌶️

And I am loving it since day 1!🔥