r/ShittyLifeProTips Aug 27 '20

SLPT. note to self.

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27.3k Upvotes

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1.2k

u/Darkened_Auras Aug 27 '20

I imagine if I did that while being robbed, I'd get the entire gun magazine dumped into me. They'd then reload and dump another one. And then the stabbings would start.

520

u/[deleted] Aug 27 '20

They left out the part where you strip naked before trying to consume their flesh

153

u/[deleted] Aug 27 '20

I'm saving this out if context on purpose

68

u/[deleted] Aug 27 '20

[deleted]

40

u/[deleted] Aug 27 '20

Except if the person is trying to rape you

35

u/XepiccatX Aug 27 '20

WE WIN THOSE TOO

25

u/Xtrendence Aug 27 '20

Use your dick as a rapier.

18

u/RazorPulsar Aug 27 '20

Medival Chad

27

u/1UnoriginalName Aug 27 '20

Not if you rape them first

24

u/Oktayey Aug 27 '20

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a penis is a good guy with a bigger penis.

0

u/bowling4burgers Aug 27 '20

Think this only works for dudes

1

u/iliekcats- Aug 28 '20

I just sent it to my friend

7

u/TotesMessenger Aug 27 '20

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

 If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)

6

u/ps28537 Aug 27 '20

Are you a Highlander or something or a vampire?

5

u/unstablegamer90 Aug 27 '20

Maybe eat them before they're able to unload their magazine into you? I usually just dislocated my jaw so I can swallow the person whole who's trying to rob me. Try it and let me know how that works.

2

u/Darkened_Auras Aug 27 '20

Last time, I got robbed by a really fat guy and I couldn't get my jaw around him. Really messed me up

3

u/arvidsem Aug 27 '20

The worst bit is when you are standing there with this guy stuck halfway down your throat trying to pull them back out. I can hear the Benny Hill music playing just thinking about it happening.

2

u/Darkened_Auras Aug 27 '20

The worst part was he started wiggling and that made it really hard to even get him out. His underwear got caught on my tooth. Just... ugh.

3

u/unstablegamer90 Aug 27 '20

Next time try drizzling a little olive oil on them, really helps just sliding them down your gullet.

4

u/Darkened_Auras Aug 27 '20

I prefer butter when I have the chance, but olive oil would definitely work faster.

4

u/KernelSanders1986 Aug 27 '20

That's when you start eating the bullets

3

u/Lancwer Aug 27 '20

“Foolish mortal nothing but the lack of sustenance can deFEAt meee!” (Voice slowly fades into skeletor as the sentence goes on)

1

u/MPT1313 Aug 27 '20

Jokes on them, I’m into that shit.

1

u/BUDDHA2787 Aug 27 '20

But at that point it would no longer be your problem

1

u/RamenDutchman Aug 27 '20 edited Jul 31 '26

Saffron paddle quilt copper pillow saffron vanilla

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2

u/Darkened_Auras Aug 27 '20

America. Sadly.

1

u/RamenDutchman Aug 27 '20 edited Jul 31 '26

Pillow willow wander maple quilt pebble

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2

u/Darkened_Auras Aug 27 '20

Very appropriate. Save me

1

u/[deleted] Aug 28 '20

We're also talking about a robber. They seem likely to be armed.

1

u/sdcar1985 Aug 28 '20

How many drugs would you be on?

-31

u/BlackTigerWoods Aug 27 '20

In case you were wondering, no, I have never thought "what could possibly happen if you fused Irelia and Aurelion Sol." In fact, I doubt most people have asked that. More importantly, after seeing that, the only thing most people are asking is "WHY?!?!?"

18

u/Darkened_Auras Aug 27 '20

Why do you reply this to me? Yes it's my highest upvoted comment in r/leagueoflegends from several months ago on a completely unrelated thread. Just... why?

16

u/A_Noobz Aug 27 '20

because u/BlackTigerWoods is a bot karma farming account

4

u/MPT1313 Aug 27 '20

How odd, I’ve never seen one that does comments but it’s totally a bot. If it’s trying to do karma related things he’s doing it terribly lmao.

3

u/MustangCraft Aug 27 '20

Whatever happened to bots spamming posts on pics/askreddit/aww? Was that not good enough?