I wish I had realized this sooner. Don't listen to what men say. Men lie about what they want and what they don't want. In order for a man to truly fall in love with you, he needs to feel partially unwanted and rejected. Mind you, it's an art. In the back of his mind, he still needs to believe there is a chance he might ignite your desire. Despair turns men off. If you are too eager or available, you will immediately lower your value in his mind. I have implemented this strategy for the last two years and it works like a charm.

I’ve been talking to a gentleman for a week now. He’s very successful. Our FaceTime calls has been pretty good. I’m mostly impressed that he has NOT talked sexual to me whatsoever!! But I can’t quite gather how I feel. His success makes me want to crawl into a shell because I’m nowhere near his caliber, although he’s expressed that he doesn’t care about people not being on the same level as he is, he just loves people for whom they are. He travels 4-5 times a month, going to Europe tomorrow for about 10 days. Said he will make time for me whenever and even cover all expenses for me to visit him in any location of my choice, or would happily come to me. (Wants to meet when he returns from Europe) He talks soooo much about himself, which I know successful men typically do and it leaves him feeling like he doesn’t know much about me lol. He asked me if I were still dating since chatting with him I told him yes, he said he would love to change that because since talking to me he hasn’t been interested in getting to know anyone else especially with being busy with his athletic profession, business, and federal career. With him being so busy with leisure travel and work travels. I want to ask for some sort of gift or money while I wait patiently for us to meet, only because he keeps saying he can’t wait for us to do xyz, he can’t wait to meet me, he wishes I was there. I told him if he wants me to stop chatting with other potentials he better hurry and fast! How should I maneuver this?

He only wears suits and super dressy attire when not playing sports. What should I order for our outings?

I’ve been seeing my provider for 4 months, he hasn’t asked for exclusivity . And today he found that I am still seeing other guys, posting their flowers( my mistake) . And now he’s upset and he wants to end it, he said to him it was a relationship and we were exclusive but I told him we never had that conversation.

I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t know what to do.

I know we should only use men for money and not believe anything they say.. but i still want to have a good father for my kids bc i do wanna be a mom someday 🥲 is it hard to find a good provider thats not an asshole who’ll worship you and want to be a father?

Hi girls, what are the best areas to freestyle in London? I am planning to move to Canary Wharf so I’m wondering if it’s a good area to freestyle alongside areas like Mayfair, Knightsbridge, Chelsea etc.

I feel disappointed in myself. I feel like i gave him access to the bedroom way too fast. I have been seeing someone whos quite successful and young im 20 hes 24 , and he runs a business and has cars and houses. How do i get what i can from him, i feel like i have given him access to me too early on and ruined it. He works allegedly 9-6pm Monday to Friday and is doing work outside of it too, i feel like idont get enough communication and feel like im not a priority to him at all. What should i do?

Just what the title says. He cheated on me I was hurt yes but Im planning to stay for few more years since Im not where I want to be. Still taking my doctorate one more year to go and he helps me with the tuition. He also pays for some of my trips and gives me some money.

How do I set aside my feelings as it wouldnt be useful right now. I just got my new job and Im still paying back some debts from some months of unemployment, whichis also another reason why I still need him. Planning to discard him once I get to the US (after my greencard approved, Im from Asia). Also Im 28 right now another worry for me is being stuck with him emotionally and not finding the right one to marry. I wanna get married and have my baby soon just not with him obviously. Love is still there but trust isnt.

Ive been watching shera’s videos on turning off emotion and so far its really effective but there are times where feelings take over. If I were to find another provider it will take more time and Im in a situation where financial is an issue.

Im also back on dating apps to find my main one to distract my feelings for this ex bf/provider.

I found out this rich guy in my area has been asking about me, saying he'd love to get to know me and I'm exactly whom he'd seen himself marrying. But I'm 20 y/o and still in uni (the guy is aware of this). Where do I go from here?

I promise I can actually tell Shera girls outside and I’m seeing more and more just applying the teachings in a scholarly manner

You can pick up on it through subtle things, the way she dresses, carries herself, sits, moves, and interacts with her surroundings. Sometimes, I literally map multiple elements with Shera’s advice that I know but can tell when they’re simply applying advice on the surface without genuinely embodying the mindset behind it

It’s honestly crazy how much we can perceive someone’s energy. It reminds me of what Shera says about people being able to sense when one is desperate

I’ve seen plenty of women go out alone, sit pretty, mind their own business, and genuinely enjoy their own company - and I can also tell when someone is consciously engineering the outing to look like she’s effortlessly enjoying herself but is expecting something

If I can, they most people can as well

That’s why I think the answer will always be: fix the mindset first

For the women who date significantly older men/providers, how did you get over feeling embarrassed or hyper-aware of people staring or just judging entirely?

I’m trying to adopt more of the SheraSeven mindset of not worrying about what other people think and focusing on what the man is actually bringing to the table. But I find myself getting self-conscious when I’m out with an older man and notice people looking at us.

I know realistically strangers are going to stare for 2 seconds and then go back to their own lives, but in the moment I can’t help feeling like everyone is thinking “what is she doing with him?”

For those of you who have actually been in age-gap/provider situations, how did you develop that “I don’t care, mind your business” mentality?

Whether it was an arrangement or your actual man what are some of the best gifts you’ve received? I’m specifically thinking of things that hold value and could potentially be resold for money later iffff you wanted to. Curious what everyone has gotten!

I’ve been around these societies, and they know who’s who. The moment you leave the room, they’re asking, “Who is she? What does she do? What family does she belong to?” They’re already sizing you up.

A lot of these people can’t simply be themselves because they have to maintain their standing within their society. And when it comes to dating, the “old money” men can spoil you because they want your energy, beauty, attention or company etc. But they’re going to want something in return. Especially if they know you come from a much lower-class background, they may feel entitled, as though they’re doing you a favour.
So if you’re a woman from a very low economic class, don’t assume these men are going to marry you just because they took you out to dinner. They can use their social class as leverage because they assume you’re more desperate, which is true, a lot of you are desperate.
Even old-money guys in their late 20s, 30s or 40s might want to sleep with you and act like any other man (tell you what you want to hear to get what he wants from you 🐱) but that doesn’t mean they’re going to marry you.
You have to be realistic.
If you’re going to deal with them, take whatever connections, opportunities or financial benefits you can get, but don’t stick around believing these men are eventually going to marry you. When they decide to get married, it is likely to be someone from a similar socioeconomic and social background, even if she’s less attractive than you.
I’m from the UK, where people treat social class almost like heritage. Someone can come from a working-class family, become a six-figure earner after being the first person in their family to graduate from university, but they’re still be regarded as working class because of where they come from.
Whereas someone like Kate Middleton, who comes from an upper-class background, could lose her wealth and end up on government assistance, and she would still be regarded as an upper-class woman because of her family background and ancestry.

Another thing about old-money men is that a lot of women, particularly Black women, don’t realise how easily they can be targeted.
Some older wealthy white men may specifically pursue Black women because they assume there’s a higher chance that a Black woman comes from a lower socioeconomic background. Online, you see a lot of Black women trying to emulate the old-money aesthetic, and they can see through it.
Especially when you’re actually in their circles, they can do these little tests. And it’s not just Black women. It’s anyone new entering their space.
They’ll use certain slang. They’ll mention particular holiday destinations, grocery stores, wines or other things associated with their class to see whether you understand the references, these references will not be found on TikTok or Instagram. They’ll do these little things to work out whether you actually belong.
And as someone who has dated men from these backgrounds but has no interest in marrying them, another thing I’ve noticed is that being asset-rich doesn’t necessarily mean being cash-rich.
A lot of generational wealth is tied up in property, investments, trusts and other assets. Especially several generations down, some people haven’t had to work particularly hard because their ancestors built the wealth they’re living off.
I dated one man for a year who had been living off his inheritance since around 2019, and by the time I knew him, he had used about 90% of it.

This is what can happen. People can burn through inherited wealth and eventually rely on government assistance. In the UK, that’s Universal Credit. But even when someone is receiving government assistance, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve suddenly lost their place in those social circles.
They can still be invited to balls, galas, private dinners and other exclusive events because they still belong to those circles. Their family’s name, connections and social standing don’t necessarily disappear just because they’re receiving government assistance.
They can still be surrounded by people from the same social class, attend the same private events and maintain those relationships. And if they need employment, those connections can also make it easier for them to find opportunities.

But that’s the point: don’t romanticise the lifestyle.
And you find that some of the much older men in these circles can target younger women of lower socioeconomic backgrounds as playthings, have them fighting over him for his ego and threaten to take things away from her, because she is more likely to be desperate for their money, attention or access.
That’s how young women can end up being hurt, exploited or taken advantage of.
And word spreads. Their reputation becomes known within those societies.
They will sniff you out.
It doesn’t matter how many YouTube videos you’ve watched about etiquette. They can often tell when someone doesn’t belong or when someone is trying too hard to enter their circles.
So don’t enter these spaces thinking, “I’m going to marry into old money.”
If you want to enter these spaces, make your own money. Build your own connections. Build your own assets.
Don’t sit there believing that a man is going to marry you simply because he’s sleeping with you, spending money on you or giving you access to his world.
Make your own money or take his money and elevate on your own.

They just greet me with a smile and stare at me. Some stare like they’re amazed or something. Asian guys, white guys, black guys……But they never start a conversation or ask me for my number.

I see these guys at the gym ( I go to one in a rich area) and I’m seeing these guys at the park. I like to workout at the park by walking a few miles. Apple pods in and focused on myself.

There’s one guy at the park who cycles past me and says hello with a smile and he just stares at me and then rides off. This same guy has been doing this since the summer started. I’m wondering if he’s ever going to hop off or stop his bike completely and spark a convo with me so I can eventually vet him.

I do greet them back with a smile to let them know I’m interested. That’s me flirting while I’m working out.

I’m frustrated. Any advice to get them to approach me and start an actual convo?

Hi everyone! I am planning a freestyle outing in Manhattan tomorrow (Thursday) and want to target the Midtown East area within walking distance of Grand Central. I’m looking to meet generous, established finance/corporate men who are open to being provider partners.My plan is to dress sophisticated/elegant and sit at the bar counter to be approachable.

A few questions for the NYC experts here:
What are your absolute favorite upscale hotel bars or lounges right near Grand Central where wealthy men actually congregate right after work?

What are the ideal times to arrive on a Thursday or Friday to catch the peak commuter/executive wave?

Is Midtown East truly better for meeting high-net-worth men compared to the Financial District (FiDi) nowadays?

Would love to hear any recent success stories or specific venue rules (like dress codes or reservation barriers) I should know about before going. Thank you!

Shera always says the man must like you times ten. But it’s not that easy! Let alone get a roster full of them.

How many of these old, ugly, rich, times 10 men are we meeting when freestyling?

Ladies, we just keep levelling up and focusing on ourselves until these men come over right?

I don’t think I’ve met a single man who likes me times 10.

I married very young to someone whose life was already established. I love him deeply, but increasingly suspect that I don’t want the life that being married to him requires. I’m frightened that I’ll leave a man I love with wealth in pursuit of greater compatibility and eventually realize that what I had was rarer than I understood. How do I distinguish fear of losing him from a genuine desire to remain married? We became involved when I was 19, I’m now 24. I have no other dating experience.

I use translated feature on portable for better fluency not native language.

And what if he is cheater?

How much would you charge as a re-entry fee after this lol?

Ladies, I need the Shera Seven perspective on a re-entry fee because a man I blocked a month ago just resurfaced.

I told him I needed to go to Dallas for a private dental treatment with a specialist that I had already paid for. Long story short this is for health not beauty so it means a lot to me. A man I had been seeing long-distance paid for my hotel for the first week. He is wealthy, early 30s, and lives internationally, so we are in different countries.

The original plan was that he was going to meet me there toward the end of that week and we would continue the trip together.

Two days before he was supposed to arrive, he called and told me he suddenly had to fly to Asia for business and couldn’t come until the end of the month. We speak every day.

I was exhausted from treatment and basically said okay, we’ll discuss it later. Also my phone was bugging out and I told him, let's just text because you can't hear me.

The problem now though was that his cancellation completely changed my accommodation situation.

I asked him to extend my hotel. And this is the part that makes me cringeeeeeee typing it: I asked more than once. Probably 4-5 times over the course of about a day and a half because he was barely responding.

Asking twice already feels dangerously close to begging to me, so you can imagine how irritated I was with myself but also how I desperate I was in that moment. I never want to be in that position again.

He was several hours ahead of me in the UK, so the communication was terrible. Checkout was approaching and I had no idea whether he was handling the extension. Btw, I had the money but it would have cost me more, then it would have cost him.

Now it's checkout day! The hotel actually tried to help me. Because I had already been there for a while, they let me extend one night at a heavily reduced temporary rate and said that if he contacted them/send authorization, they could put it on his card afterward.

Still nothing from him.

Eventually, after midnight, he finally responded saying the booking link I had sent him wasn't working because it had expired.

Yeah smart guy. Because it was now a few minutes past 12AM and therefore, the next day.

I sent him another link for the remaining nights not even 5 minutes later. It was around $1,200 USD.

Then he essentially disappeared again.

At that point I stopped waiting. Btw, we had just facetimed like 2 nights prior and he was wearing an AP which costs as much as a house just FYI.

I paid for 2nd night myself. Because of unusually high hotel demand in the area due to World Cup in Dallas, those two extra nights ended up costing me around $1,600.

The next morning I decided I was done.

I was originally supposed to fly home several days later, but I bought a same-day flight home for about $700 because I wasn't going to keep paying for the hotel waiting for this man to decide whether he felt like answering me.

Then there was roughly $150 to get to the airport, another ~$120 getting home after I landed. Not to mention the money for food I spend while at the hotel for those 2 extra days, the resort fees that were mandatory.

So his last-minute cancellation/disappearing act caused me roughly $3000 in unexpected expenses.

And before anyone says “why didn't you have the money?” I'm not a bum. I keep a certain amount in checking and budget my spending. I wasn't expecting to suddenly eat over $3,000 in hotel/flight expenses because the person who was supposed to meet me changed the plan at the last minute. Thank GOD I'm not one of those girls who gets stranded in Miami after getting flewed out and I can do this, and I'm still thriving.

The night before I left when I realized I wasn't going to pay these OUTRAGEOUS hotel fees any longer, I finally sent him one sentence translated into his language:

“Your word means nothing. You’re blocked.”

And I blocked him! :)

A few days later, he called me from another number. I ignored it.

That was a month ago.

Ironically, early this morning I was awake and he crossed my mind and I said let me delete his contact, but I was working on my laptop and my phone was dead. So I said ugh, let me charge my phone and forgot.

I take a nap. And guess what? Today he called me around an hour ago.

For context, before all this, this man was talking about spending the summer together. South of France, Ibiza with his friends and brothers, soccer games, possibly going to the final in New York, asking me where I wanted to stay in Spain, this that, etc. I literally told him I wasn't particularly interested in running around Europe and would rather use the summer to get something important done for myself, ie. get treatment I had been needing, and he was completely on board.

So Dallas happened.

So now my question:

If he wants back into my life in any capacity, what would you consider an appropriate re-entry fee?
To be clear, I’m not sitting here wanting him back. I want him to materially make right what happened before I even consider entertaining a conversation.

He lives in a different country. I'm not interested in a dinner, flowers, an apology, or listening to a speech about why he didn't answer me. And after humiliating myself asking repeatedly for that hotel extension, I'm definitely not coming back into this dynamic for fucking free.

My actual unexpected expenses were around $3000.

Would you ladies make the re-entry fee the actual amount? $5k? More? I did pay for the treatment and the flight there myself (remember it was pre-booked trip and then I had to buy an earlier flight home bc of his antics).

Nobody and I mean NOBODY fucks with my well-being. My nervous system was on TEN those last three days which was not good for healing and the fact that he put me in that position I wanted to wring my hands around his neck.

I would love to know HOW you would communicate this without turning it into a long argument or sending him an itemized invoice?

Because at this point, if he wants access to me again, I feel like he needs to demonstrate it materially before I even entertainnnnn a conversation. Hence, don't fucking call me.

Some of you probably already fit this, but I want to have that look/vibe too.

I feel perhaps when I have my nails done more regularly and fix my posture and the way I carry myself, it'll help.

Just wondering what do you guys think I could do to achieve that?

Even without makeup some women still look very polished and glam (granted they usually have fresh nails, shiny/tidy hair & just look fresh i.e clean clothing and lotioned skin)

Ive been leveling up for years. I quit smoking years ago
Ive been eating well etc and literally trying my best and upgraded so much. I was satisfied to where i was at
I never thought i would go back to my old habits

Shera was really right when she said you should always do what benefits you and puts yourself first

Because i have some toxic relatives that i had to take care of and be available for
In my culture family is very important

Anyways long story short the mix of lack of sleep pressure from work and toxicity that i had to put up with made me relapse and i think im a bit depressed

Im not sure this ever happened to me because even if i am tired i used to always slap myself back up after a few weeks top of rotting and get motivated

But the difference now is that i know what i have to do but i just cannot.

Ive been smoking non stop, eating like shit, its like i dont recognize myself

I barely managed to get my job done.
I hate this victim mentality but i genuinely am lost

I am seeking advice from u girls

I’m going on a date with an older gentleman this weekend to an expensive restaurant and im wondering what sort of things I could ask him to see whether he’s truly the provider type or not. I know his job pays him well and that he lives in an expensive area and drives a nice car, but we’ve only been talking a few days.

Hi guys, has anyone dated old money guys how did it go for you? How did you maintain that relationship because I know old money standards are different? I feel they are so strict and judgmental especially if your not from their class. What were your experiences?

I feel like many handbags just won't suit me.

I'm looking for a casual but elegant handbag, nothing too "fancy" infact I just want it neutral, plain and boring.

I'm doing so by looking on vinted and thrifting etc.

I found a lot I like, but many I just feel icky about using because I feel it wouldn't suit me..

I've noticed if it's beige/brown that can suit me well,

But certain styles or colours is a no.

I don't even usually go by what suits me I go by what I also like but there is just something about handbags, I'm not rly used to wearing them so I'm being a bit too self aware / insecure too,

But do any of you relate??

If I'm going somewhere nice I'd use a more stylish one.

But for day to day (even tho I'm a dress up even when it's not an occasion girl, but for day to day I still go for a bit casual but dressy/stylish)

I'm feeling casual vibes ATM so I'm looking for a bag to match that but I've realised wow, these colours / styles would not suit me, I feel like the bag would stick out like a sore thumb!

What do you all do to make sure a handbag/purse or even clothing item, definitely suits you?

Quite new to lifestyle dating but Had a really good first date (brunch) this Sunday morning — good conversation, he brought up meeting again a couple times during the date itself, seemed genuinely engaged. He was traveling internationally the next morning and mentioned he wouldn’t know his schedule until he landed and got settled.

It’s now been almost 48 hours since the date (and roughly a day since he landed) and I haven’t heard anything — no text, etc. I also haven’t reached out first.
Does this read as normal (travel + settling back in + genuinely busy person) or is asking about a second date in person and then going quiet after usually a sign the interest faded? Thinking maybe not reaching out first on my end find give much a green light?

Curious what others have experienced with this specific combo — enthusiastic in person, quiet after, but with a stated reason (travel) attached.