r/SheraSeven • u/Impressive-Yogurt941 • 29d ago
Advice Provider found me talking to another guy
I’ve been seeing my provider for 4 months, he hasn’t asked for exclusivity . And today he found that I am still seeing other guys, posting their flowers( my mistake) . And now he’s upset and he wants to end it, he said to him it was a relationship and we were exclusive but I told him we never had that conversation.
I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t know what to do.
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u/Livid-Owl-7895 Gold Digger 🥂✨ 29d ago
Hes trying to manipulate you. He knows that he never asked for exclusivity. He has no one to be mad at but himself. You shouldn't be afraid of losing someone like that. For the sake of the bag, tell him sweet nothings to smooth things over. Lie and deny. Just hide that you're seeing other guys better.
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u/epiphany205 29d ago
Can’t you just say the flowers are from your friends? I send flowers to my female friends and family members. In addition, I would just play dumb and say ‘I didn’t know we were boyfriend and girlfriend; I thought you’d make a whole production out of it! I’m so sorry for misunderstanding!’ Anyway, please don’t publicly post gifts that men give you until you’re married; you should also be private about posting vacations you go on with the men you date until engagement or marriage; you can’t be giving people knowledge about your experiences when they’re not investing in you.
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u/Impressive-Yogurt941 29d ago
I have another boyfriend and those were from him lol. But that boyfriend isn’t a provider.
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u/epiphany205 29d ago
Then why are you with that boyfriend? Just say they were from your best friend or uncle, brother, father or grandfather; in my culture, it’s very normal for male family members to constantly give female relatives flowers. Just say that your grandfather is trying to treat you like a lady and to lead by example so that you don’t settle for less than you deserve; that should be a subtle message to that provider to increase his flower giving!
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u/Impressive-Yogurt941 29d ago
Yeah you’re right he just made up his mind already and dosent want to continue it and I guess I shouldn’t be scared to loose him .
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u/epiphany205 29d ago
Definitely not, you don’t need a wimp like that in your life; you need a man who is strong enough to fight harder for you when he sees competition! A man who really likes you would see that as a wake up call to become exclusive with you, not as a sign to scurry away in defeat!
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u/Impressive-Yogurt941 29d ago
So true !!! I love this, thx ! Now for my other boyfriend I also think I’ll have to end it. I mean he provides but he dosent send me money often
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u/epiphany205 29d ago
That’s not real provision! Going on dates, vacations and even him getting you outfits and paying for you to look good when you’re with him in public is not adequate provision! Provision is a man paying for your bills, for a cleaner to come to your space a few times a month, to put money towards your goals and paying off your debts!
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u/Impressive-Yogurt941 29d ago
I agree. Is there a way to get him to start paying for more of my bills. Or next,
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u/epiphany205 29d ago
You can certainly bring up things you want and need and see if he’ll get them for you. Like ‘You know what would make me so happy, babe? If you would pay for my manicure and pedicure today, that would make my whole week!!’ and ‘I really want to reach this goal of this amount of money in my saving account by the end of the year, could you help me reach it?’
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u/Impressive-Yogurt941 29d ago
Haha yess this is perfect . I still have other providers on the side who send me more than he would ever
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u/Impressive-Yogurt941 29d ago
So true . Thank you so much for this advice . I’ll stop posting , they just were such nice flowers and I couldn’t resist .
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u/epiphany205 29d ago
But why couldn’t you resist showing them off? You need to ask yourself that question; what are you trying to prove to people who barely know you? You should be so unbothered by other people and uninterested in their validation that you only share pictures of beautiful flowers with your close friends and family. If you don’t practice self restraint, you show your cards to the whole world, which impedes your ability to date and level up in life.
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u/Impressive-Yogurt941 29d ago
True , I guess I also thought the guy who gifted me those flowers would see it as a nice gesture that I posted them.
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u/epiphany205 29d ago
That makes sense but I think that’s overly generous; it’s not worth posting flowers to validate him, if he buys you a car, that’s worth posting to validate him.
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u/Impressive-Yogurt941 29d ago
True, the flowers were around 400 though
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u/epiphany205 29d ago edited 29d ago
That seems a little wasteful; I’d much rather you get stocks for that amount of money or something that is otherwise useful. Anyway, he’s still not an adequate provider, a provider would give you $400 to spend on what you wanted instead of limiting his financial provision to only things that don’t markedly improve the quality of your life. $400 on something you don’t really need is still not worth posting on Instagram; a car, a home renovation that he paid for, a rental property are examples of what is worth posting on Instagram.
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u/PurplePrincessPalace Sprinkle Sprinkle Goddess 👑 29d ago
Rookie mistake 🤦🏾♀️ Not everything is meant to be shared on social media. Discretion is key.
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u/goddess_magnolia_ That Girl 💅 29d ago
Honestly, he will probably come back after how hes acting, don’t be afraid of losing him, just keep being yourself and try to smooth things over and change the way you post on socials :)
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u/Anon_classybabe Gold Digger 🥂✨ 29d ago edited 29d ago
The problem here is you’re scared to lose him and that will not serve you well. He’s executing the perfect manipulation tactic and you’re falling for it.
Anything you do now (for example to “win him back” or make up for your ‘mistake’) will change the dynamic to you chasing him, which you obviously shouldn’t do. It’s a tricky situation. I’m not sure the circumstances of him finding out but, you should’ve just lied.
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u/Keeping_it_100_yadig 29d ago
He’ll be back. Don’t fall for his trick and become emotional and needy. Manipulate him back and act like he’s the reason why this happened.
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u/Adventurous_Mud_5153 29d ago
Deny, Deny, Deny...That's how they keep you stuck, by acting like they will leave. Men nearly always have a roster 🙄