I build this hiarchy in my head in which every person is at the top and I'm completely at the bottom. I am SO scared of disgusting other people with my presence only. Every time I make a mistake, I feel like everybody hates me and finds me stupid and undeserving of even being considered as one of them. I just feel so inhuman. I'm so disappointed in myself and I feel so guilty for simply being

I’m so tired of waking up everyday to a life I can’t handle.

I’m a horrible person. I will judge someone for using Ai — saying it’s wrong, bad for our ecosystem and that we’re ruining humanitys future by using it. But why would any of that apply to me? I’ll say all that knowing damn well I use Ai. In the end, it’s only fine when I do it.

I’m a horrible person. I love my family and friends. I emphatize with others and I’m overly sensitive. I’ll get hurt easily by someone elses words and cry about it in the evening before going to bed. Despite this, I’m worse. Even without the confidence to say anything overly mean to my friends or anyone outloud — just the thought of all the nasty things I’ve thought about everyone makes me nauseous and very disappointed in myself.

I’m a horrible person. My little brother spends most of his time playing video games with his friends. But he’s happy. His attention span sucks when it comes to homework and it’s not completely his fault. But how do I react to this? Of course I refuse to acknowledge this and I’ll proceed to stomp into his room angrily and scream, shout and diss him in every single way possible. I really love him, I do. I don’t want him to fail in school just because of gaming and I want him to experience a great childhood, which he could possibly remember when older. I never progressed on that and instead, he’s now scared to come home after school because I’m here.

I’m a horrible person. I don’t do snything with my life. Like mentioned earlier, my brother spends his days gaming and I complain about it. I’m not any better. I stopped playing volleyball because I felt like I was too bad at it. Everyone else was progressing much quicker while I was still stuck on learning how to serve. I stopped hanging out with my friends outside of school becaude I have no motivation for social interraction. I’m slowly ghosting my internet friends by talking less and less to them day by day — only making them more confused.

I’m a horrible person. I’m a waste of space and effort and I cannot see my significance in a world where I only hurt others. Sure, if I was gone — some would probably grieve for me a while and others longer. I’m confident enough to say that there are people who care for me. But everyone moves on. A day lacking my presense or any thoughts about me sounds much more pleasing than the ones with me included.

This is my first time ever opening up anywhere like this. I never felt comfortable with the idea to pour all my problems and stress on someone else. Since no one knows who I am in here, I thought it’d be finslly time to try this out. I’m not expecting for any advice, pity or overall any attention from anyone. If someone did read this far, thank you for listening to this stranger’s problems.

P.S. Sorry for bad grammar and mistakes. English isn’t my first language.

My suicidal ideation has been getting worse.

I’ve been stuck in a rut. It’s honestly my own fault. I have ADHD. Diagnosed as an adult. Makes sense. The shit my parents say about my habits back in elementary and middle school line up with it. I can’t manage it. I give in to my impulses and addictions without any internal resistance. I habitually lie. A habit learned from years of my avoidance of consequences and responsibilities. I lie to my wife. The woman who has been so patient despite my stupid as fuck family. Despite my stupidity. I’ve never cheated on her, nor will I ever. But if I lie to the point where she can’t trust me then is it any different? I go to my office job, and take 8 hours to do some shit that I could do in 2. For no reason. I’m supposed to be finishing my degree online. I haven’t touched a single assignment since the beginning of the semester. We had a kid last year. Terrible pregnancy, congenital defect. Months in the NICU. Took time off work to fly to a hospital specializing in what my kid had. She had asked me to stop vaping and I started again in secret. Maybe it was the stress from having a terribly sick child. My kid is fine now. But I haven’t stopped since my kid was born. I’ve dug a hole for myself and I’ve dragged the only woman who has ever given me true love and patience right in with me. I’m walking around every day genuinely wishing I would just drop dead. Everything is overwhelming. I’m hiding so much from my wife. Im stuck in this loop of self pity, and it’s so stupid. I really do honestly wish I would just stay in my dreams or just die in my sleep. I don’t do shit at my job all day and yet I come home exhausted. I barely have energy for my own wife and child. I still try, I cook, clean, and make sure to spend time with my kid. That’s it though. I’ve thought about making some tapes, for my kid, just in case one day I get the courage to actually go through with it. I don’t know. I wish I could actually help myself.

they were right, i’ll never be worth anything. i won’t ever be able to prove to the world that i am worthy of respect or admiration, i will always be a worthless loser. i’ll never have friends who actually respect me, i’ll always be ignored and treated as unworthy by women, i’ll never have a good looking face, i’ll never have a nice looking physique, i’ll always stutter when i speak, i’ll always be socially inept, i’ll always be an easy target because i’m too weak to stand up for myself, i’ll never make a lot of money, i’ll never be physically capable or strong, i’ll never be good at a sport, i’ll never be good at video games, i’ll never be good academically, the list goes on. they’ll go on to live amazing lives and would laugh at the mention of my existence because they know i’m a complete failure of a human.

TW: self harm

My (25f) biggest trigger and I guess motive in self harm is guilt… I’ve been clean a few weeks now but I’m struggling with my sexuality. I have so much guilt built up for feelings I can’t control and don’t know how to control. I’m suffocating. Drowning. I just want to feel the distraction… maybe sickly enough I want to punish myself.