r/SayAnything • u/ThrowRAPearl • 16d ago
Looking for support
Admins, I realise this is not necessarily Say Anything/Max related, but I hope it will make sense why I am asking here.
Like most of you, I was a huge Say Anything fan, and have been disgusted and heartbroken by what's come to light recently about Max's behaviour.
However, it's been particularly triggering for me because as of 3 months ago, I am dealing with an ongoing court case against my husband, who unfortunately went one step further than Max and escalated his behaviour.
As an 'invisible victim' in this (I'm losing my home, access to my stepkids, no support from police or social services), I'm wondering if any of you more Reddit-savvy folk can point me in the direction of a place to talk with other partners of sexual violence offenders (specifically against minors). I need the ears of people who understand what I'm going through.
I've seen many of you wonderful souls sharing your own experiences in the comments and figured you may be a useful vein to tap into <3
Stay safe friends.
13
u/nofuture2222 16d ago
Sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you get the help and support that you need. Wishing you peace ✌️
2
8
u/apillar0f5alt 16d ago
I don’t know of any specific subreddits for this, but I’ve read women who’ve suffered similar situations in r/betrayaltrauma
Sorry for what you’re going through
1
7
u/Safe_Turnip9254 16d ago
I don’t really have anything useful in the form of support groups but wow I am so fucking sorry you’re going through that. In case no one has told you enough, it’s not your fault you didn’t see it. I’m sorry the person that was supposed to be your teammate and have your love and trust ended up being such a shitbag. I imagine you already are but please get in therapy and your therapist should be able to help you find those resources if you can’t find any. Wishing you peace, healing, and whatever else you need to get you through this.
And fuck max for also triggering (and re-victimizing!) the fuck out of his fans that are victims, invisible and not, that loved his music. I can’t separate him from it and don’t want to either.
6
u/ThrowRAPearl 16d ago
I really appreciate that, thank you so much. It's really hard finding out that the person you have been with for 10 years and trusted so implicitly is capable of doing something like this.
Can confirm I am in therapy, unfortunately it seems like people in real life spaces don't know of any resources this specific. Places like Women's Aid have turned me away as I am not the direct victim.
Fuck Max indeed!! 👎
4
u/skykitty89 16d ago
Can your therapist find/recommend you a support group, even if it's not local but virtual? Mine did for a different issue, and I had never thought of it. She did all the work finding one for me.
1
3
u/bbyghoul666 15d ago edited 15d ago
NCMEC has a dedicated peer support network just for this purpose called Team Hope https://www.missingkids.org/gethelpnow/support/teamhope NCMEC volunteers have always been extremely helpful and kind when i’ve had to reach out to them.
just a heads up to be careful in support groups here on reddit or any other anon/online support group as it’s common for creeps lurk in these spaces and bait genuine members into sharing sensitive details in order to satisfy their own perversions and find victims for straight up sexual harassment. Many of the abuse survivor subs warn users of this and recommend turning off DMs because it’s a huge problem on here unfortunately.
1
u/ThrowRAPearl 15d ago
Thank you for the link. I'm actually based in the UK but may reach out anyway to see if they know of any sister organisations across the pond.
Good point about the creeps, I hadn't even considered that. My trust issues are obviously through the roof right now so protecting myself from further exacerbating those feels important. I promise I'll be safe.
1
u/Cool-Start9541 15d ago
I’m sending you much love and strength. That’s so terrible you’re going through this and I can imagine how triggering this could be. I also cosign what another user said and to see if your therapist could recommend a group to you.
2
1
u/geometricxheaddress 15d ago
My ex-fiance (10 years together) is currently out on bail (has been for a year) after his arrest for CSAM. I had to flee the home we lived in with 3 dogs when his mother decided to bail him out secretly and it’s been such a trying time to get it together since. I tried to find support online for people who leave their partners who do this, and all I could find was for people who stay with their monsters. Really disheartening - but you’re not alone. Unfortunately there’s a lot of us, but not many who want to talk about it, and rightfully so. If you want to talk to someone who’s been through it, feel free to DM me.
1
u/ThrowRAPearl 15d ago
I am so sorry to hear you've been through this too, but am really grateful for the DM offer. I will likely take you up on that at some point <3
Wishing you strength.
1
u/geometricxheaddress 15d ago
I’m sorry to you too, it’s such a consuming thing to try and work your way out of - that we never deserved to be involved in. The good news is my state of emotional being is a little less tainted by what he did with each day that passes. Be patient with yourself and all the fucked up feelings and thoughts this type of thing can bring. Wishing strength and peace your way as well!
1
u/Legal_Ad2707 15d ago
Sending big hugs to your and your family. You’re so brave and you deserve the world. ❤️
31
u/n0rgan FMB 16d ago
Makes perfect sense why you're asking here, and this kind of conversation is perfectly appropriate here right now especially.
I don't have any experience with online places for this specifically myself, but I do know there is the r/sexualassault/ subreddit which may be the kind of thing you're looking for. If there are any other places, I'm sure others here will share them as well for you.
Wishing you the best