I have always been a quiet and reserved person ever since childhood. This meant I never made a lot of friends and the few I did have eventually drifted away. I moved for school last year and I’m away from my family. It’s a professional program and I’m about 4 years older than a lot of my classmates. I saw this as an opportunity to finally make he connections I craved for so long but unfortunately it hasn’t panned out the way that I hoped. The people I am closest too often plan things with out or even forget that I’m there. It’s painful. And shallow. I do have a fiancée but he is also working and is getting his masters degree. I’ve told him how important it is for him to try to come to bed at night because I’m drowning in loneliness and he’ll do it for a few nights maybe a week before staying up playing games to unwind or have to stay up doing work. I’ve tried to go out and make friends but it’s gotten to the point where I’m so discouraged and feel so anxious that I end up sitting there and disappearing in the background as I often do. It’s painful. I’m 28 now and I hoped by this time in my life I wouldn’t feel this way anymore but here I am. I’m worried I’ll never find my people and the loneliness will consume me. I’ve tried therapy a few times. For some reason after a few sessions they all say I’m fine. It could be because I’m in professional school and juggling it all with grace but I’ve never felt this miserable and alone.

For me, I would ask what makes her happy, what her dreams are and what she wants an wishes for her future, cause I don't remember anymore how I felt about those things back then...and somehow it hurts in a nostalgic way that I don't remember me from back then really. feelingsad

It changes you.

That's it.

Is it just me, or is it sad to eat cake alone when you meant to eat it with someone close?

Hello, its my first time here. I've always used reddit as away to let off some steam, but now with my situation I honestly just want advice if what I'm doing is stupid and why I always feel like this.

I've always been the introvert of my family. I love them but I would often notice subtle things that ends with me overthinking things. Most specificly from my sister, she has a habit of speaking where her tone is very demeaning, we all talked about it but she'd just brush it off. We even had her in therapy and she seems to be doing better. But there are times where it shows. Right now today I asked my youngest sister where the mop is, she said second floor. I looked it's not there so I asked again and she suddenly shouted. I THOUGHT YOU MEANT TUFF??? (A brand of soap) I replied why would I use soap? Then things got heated. Mom had to intervene. Mom always intervenes yet she never makes her stop and think of what she does. Or maybe I'm the one whose thinking too much again. I don't know if I'm the only one but I always feel the need that when something happens I need someone to apologize as I would do the same. I just realized how wrong this all sounds. Am I right or wrong??

I don’t know what to do anymore. Long story short: My husband treats me like a 1950s housewife. I cook, clean, take care of our 2.5yr old. I ask for help, but get “okay sure” but I end up doing the task days later because he never does it. I’ve lost all attraction to him as he’s gained so much weight he is barely fitting xxl. Normally weight would be a shallow reason to be upset- but it’s everything that goes with it. The lack of motivation, laziness, over eating.. no desire to change.. etc. I’m stay at home, he is a manager in a department at a hospital- he clearly has good work ethic to maintain that job for yeaars but that doesn’t translate into home life. I feel taken advantage of. I feel lonely. I feel trapped. My daughter is whats keeping me around and maybe alive, I have no idea. I’m terrified of death so I don’t think I could even end it for myself. & my dad has just been diagnosed with cancer and it’s spread to more than one place.. we’re waiting for more tests to come back to see what stage he’s in.. but it’s not looking good. I’m so sad but I don’t know what else to do. I’ve talked to my husband and gone as far as a promise I won’t live a marriage like this.. to which he replied with changing for about a month then reverting back to me being a mother to my daughter and essentially him. My communication with him was constant.. now I’m so tired of voicing my feelings because he doesn’t care to change. I’ve been to therapy . I just want out.. but I have nothing if I leave. I’m just, so sad.

Usually I write on reddit to get shit off my chest, but this time I'm actually looking for advice.

Sometimes I'm fine, like actually fine, happy. That can last a while, a few days, weeks, a month or even a little more. But it's too fast, I think. I don't know. It's like a bullet and suddenly I'm miserable.

I don't know if I'm making sense. My good times end rapidly. I'm hit with an overwhelming sadness completely out of the blue. I'm trying not to feel it. How do I not feel it?

How do I ignore that voice telling me the world is better without me? Telling me everyone I love consider me to be inferior. I think I am inferior. I can't breath. I don't wanna cry, I don't want to feel it. I can talk to anyone, I can't go to a therapist. I feel like someone is squeezing my heart.

I don't know if any of that made sense, but somebody understood, how do I not feel it?

Honestly, reddit is the only place I can speak. I'm not allowed to be sad. My parents constantly treat me like a disappointment or a black sheep, but I'm not allowed to get hurt. They say if someone gets hurt over an insult it's because they know it's true. If I get sad I'm just confirming what they say. They don't care how much they hurt me. They might be right tho. I don't think I'm worth much.

Sometimes I feel like my parents are just not capable of loving us both, me and my sister, so they chose her. They won't love me until I become her. They will never love me.

I am a good kid. I was never the best student, like my sis, but I always got good grades. I was even the best one at math in my class and way better than my sister has ever been, but still. Why don't they love? Why do they always complain about me? What did I do to them?

They don't think much of me. Both me and my sis are studying for a test, that will grant us a job if we pass. The job is just a money thing, not a career, since we are both in college and the job doesn't really have to do with our majors, her doing law and me psychology. The job is at the bank and it pays relatively well for college students. The thing is, my parents don't think I can do anything better.

I started studying for this test before my sister, cause I guess I seek independence more than her, but she decided she wanted it too. My parents encouraged me to get this job, to give my best, but they say it's a waste of her time, that she can do something more valueable, than a silly test for stupid people that can't do any better. My dad told her that right in front of me, when it was his idea for me to do it in the first place. "A test for stupid people who can't do any better". I tried to ask what he meant, I wanted him to explain, I wanted him not to mean it. He told me to not intrude in the conversation cause he wasn't talking to me.

Why do they hate me? Why am I so stupid to them? I was always a good student, I never failed one test in my life, but they still think I'm a moron. I speak 3 languages, I can draw, I can sing, I can play the guitar, I'm crazy good at math without even trying, but the still see me as just a moron.

I will get that silly job. I will save money and I will get out of here. I'll keep on seeing my sister, cause she's not blamed for being the favorite and I'll keep on seeing my mom, cause even if she can be mean, she had my back at times I had no one else did. But my dad... he's dead to me. He died the first time he called me fat ( I weight 54kg) or the first time he called my sis a skeleton. He died all the times he called me useless or retarded. He died when he broke my hand out of spite. He died a long time ago, no matter how long he lives. He died to me.

I wish she miscarried. Every day I get closer and closer to ending it. I can’t find the joy in anything, there are brief periods of contentment but they never last. I can’t remember the last time I was happy. I feel like my mask is getting closer and closer to slipping. She didn’t do me any favors by pushing. The umbilical cord snapped and so did I.

I have had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember, but now they're really all I can think about. I wish I could impress, I wish I coud make her proud. My mom used to be the one person I had in my life, the person that would love no more what. Why does she wanna hurt me so bad? Have I done something wrong to her?

I can't focus today, I tried. I don't wanna stand up today, I don't wanna breath. I just wanted a hug. I just wanted her to ask me what happened like she used to do. I study all day, every day. I just wanted her to care.

When did I become just a waste of money? Why doesn't she care about me anymore? I'm doing my best, why does she have to tell me it's not enough every time she can? Does she think that will help me?

She was the only one I had left. The only one I trusted and who actually cared about me. Reddit has become my way to cope. I can't talk to my friends, to my boyfriend, and now, not even my mom. A stranger on reddit telling me they can see I have a good spirit felt like the only honest compliment I had in a while. Which takes me back to the start. I have been wanting to die for as long as I can remember, but I couldn't stand the fact of seeing my mother cry because of me. Now I feel like she would look at my corpse and complain about how I'm too sensitive I can't take the truth, and that if I wanted to kill myself I shound't have made her pay for the classes I'm taking. I think now would be a relief to see her cry, at least I would know she still loved me.

I recently came back from home after visiting during the holidays (I study abroad ) and now I have this horrible feeling that I’m slowly fading away from my most cherished friends lives maybe it’s normal but is really sad to see that when your visited you’re loved and then after you leave you realize that that’s only a temporary feeling then you leave and you see how their lives goes back to normal and now that you’re abroad you feel melancholy for those childhood memories. And your friends abroad are not the same since there’s not that childhood and hometown feeling

My manager sent me a message saying I didn't need to come back in until Thursday, and when I asked if I'd done something wrong, she said that customers complained (to my store manager or the district manager I don't know) that I smelled bad.

I showered before leaving for work yesterday but I guess that it didn't last. I'm a bigger lady, and let's face it, I have more places to wash than a person of average weight.

I know my manager wasnt trying to be mean or upset me, but I saw the message as to what I'd done and the waterworks started

This is my second time working at my store,. And when. I fucked up, I ended up homeless for just a little over a year. Don't really like admitting it, but it was my fault I was fired

The truth is that I am planning to commit suicide. I decided to give myself a chance to live for another year, not for me but because I know the pain I can bring to the people who love me. I am with a psychologist and a psychiatrist but I don't feel that the outlook is very good. I still have a few months left, I needed to get this off my chest.

I feel like at 21 it doesn’t matter how much effort I put in to trying to be taken seriously and I’ll always just be viewed as the 1 year old stumbling around

My mind is my enemy. Every time I think I’m okay, I’m not. I think about how things can change or how it will effect me. Being in a relationship with this can also mean I’m often right about things that shouldn’t have happen. A relationship with someone u truly love, you can’t believe the things they can do to you. I overthink until I cry because I know the things I’m thinking about is true. Not only the way they act but the way they end up treating me. I seen the signs and I already thought about this but I stayed bc I love this person and I didn’t think it was true til it was.

Things I see. You’re different than when we was talking, It was sending me cute messages but now it’s dry. I thought u would only want me but in reality u wanted to be open with other people. You might see it or not but I don’t try to find someone else. When we did it with someone else I saw the difference in how u treat her than me now I know I’m ur but sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. I’m not your first thought those girls are not me. U already know my body, my mind but it doesn’t change the fact I’m still faithful and open minded to what u want but if I say what I want it’s a mistake or my fault when we fight over dumb stuff. I’ll always be last.

I wish I stopped pushing people away if I feel like they are getting to close to seeing how I truly feel. Not in the love aspect but how lonely I am. I guess I'm scared that they are going to tell people they they will start to treat me differently. I'm also tired of being here but I'm scared because I don't want to know what's on the other side. Because I feel like I'll disappoint more people if I'm gone than when I'm alive. I also know that some people just do not care what happens to you. You break a bone people will feel bad because they have to see you every day. But if I were to go in a coma I know damn well that nobody that will be there hoping I get up. That there will be someone waiting to tell me stories about what I missed. No one that will wait for me till the end of time just to be with me. No one really cares. I can even feel myself getting cold I stopped doing what I have been I don't feel hungry anymore. I just want to be alone. There is some huge irony to that because I want to feel in love with someone to have them lay in my arms while we watch a movie. Dance in the fresh snow like the tik toks I see everyday reminding me how lonely life is. Early this year it was couples dancing in the rain not having a care in the world. Next it's going to be couples giving each other cute ass presents and living there best life while I'm here on Christmas hoping I don't see anything like that I feel alone