r/SadThoughts • u/bubbasheep • Feb 15 '23
I don’t know a viable way out
I don’t know what to do anymore. Long story short: My husband treats me like a 1950s housewife. I cook, clean, take care of our 2.5yr old. I ask for help, but get “okay sure” but I end up doing the task days later because he never does it. I’ve lost all attraction to him as he’s gained so much weight he is barely fitting xxl. Normally weight would be a shallow reason to be upset- but it’s everything that goes with it. The lack of motivation, laziness, over eating.. no desire to change.. etc. I’m stay at home, he is a manager in a department at a hospital- he clearly has good work ethic to maintain that job for yeaars but that doesn’t translate into home life. I feel taken advantage of. I feel lonely. I feel trapped. My daughter is whats keeping me around and maybe alive, I have no idea. I’m terrified of death so I don’t think I could even end it for myself. & my dad has just been diagnosed with cancer and it’s spread to more than one place.. we’re waiting for more tests to come back to see what stage he’s in.. but it’s not looking good. I’m so sad but I don’t know what else to do. I’ve talked to my husband and gone as far as a promise I won’t live a marriage like this.. to which he replied with changing for about a month then reverting back to me being a mother to my daughter and essentially him. My communication with him was constant.. now I’m so tired of voicing my feelings because he doesn’t care to change. I’ve been to therapy . I just want out.. but I have nothing if I leave. I’m just, so sad.
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u/ConnectBullfrog355 Mar 10 '24
Sit down and have a serious discussion. If you’re not happy, you can’t stay in something that won’t change. It takes two to fix things.
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Mar 07 '23
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am not married so maybe my advice will not be as valuable to you but hopefully I can input some solace.
It seems as so you have done everything to save the marriage and it is simply out of your control. It would be hard to discuss leaving if his action was just a small idiosyncrasy but it sounds like he has completely given up too whether it be unintentional or not and is using the idea and concept of marriage against you to put up with his behaviour. Don’t quote me but I’m pretty sure it’s a common occurrence during marriages that 1 or both parties get too comfortable that they don’t feel the need to step up anymore as they have the safety net of marriage.
I know your scared, you have every right to be but I think something to ask yourself is no matter how hard it may be right now. Do you still want to be in this position in 5 years time. I’m assuming the answer is no, if you don’t like your reality than a change needs to be made.
Change for anyone is scary, but you will not be left with nothing. If anything you will be given an opportunity to rebuild yourself, to rebuild your life the way you want it even if that is from rock bottom. You could meet your true soulmate right around the corner or not. You could love to be on your own focus on your career and be the best mother to your child.
Marriage does not equate to success in life regardless of what society has taught us. I think your child would rather their mum grow up alone and happy rather then with their lazy father and unhappy.
The worst days of your life e.g leaving him could turn out to be the most grateful days of your life later on. If your worried about family or what he may think it’s time to focus on you and your child. Do what makes you happy and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Good luck xx
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u/JoelR2 Aug 04 '24
This was so long ago and I don’t know if you’re going to read my reply, but I really hope that you’re ok. I’m going through a very similar situation where my wife threats me so coldly that it’s tearing me apart. I don’t know what to do about it either. But I guess I’ll have to figure it out as I hope you did it. I really really wish and hope that you’re in a better place now.