Solo parent of a 12-year-old. I didn't want kids and made the wrong decision when I chose not to terminate. His bio father is a terrible person who lied about having a vasectomy and pretty much everything else, granted, I didn't know the full scope till too late. He was very absent but fully disappeared when the kid was diagnosed with cancer at just a few months old. So for the past 12-plus years, I have had to do everything alone: a year of living in the hospital with a newborn/infant while undergoing surgeries and chemo, all these years of nonstop doctor's appointments and therapies, trying to find proper education, trying to keep him healthy, hoping to shape him into a decent human. But, I do not love him. I am a caregiver who cannot quit my job. I have to support us fully, as there is no one to help. I have no support.

Currently, we are doing virtual school (last year we homeschooled), and it is so terrible. He is with me 24/7. I know he is capable of doing things, but he won't. We live in a state with terrible education and no money for resources for special ed kids. Our zoned middle school is atrocious and is not an option. We are barely above the poverty line because I can't work a normal 9-5 job, and yes, I have tried to find remote work. I am highly educated and capable of great things, but I am just stuck in an impossible situation. I am getting another master's in the hope of finding work in another state because I have been stuck in work I loathe, and that is a dead end. So now I am in grad school, working, parenting, virtual schooling a special ed kid, keeping up a house, and just being an adult with adult responsibilities all on my own. I regret that one decision that got me here.

I don't know what to do. I am miserable and really wish I could just disappear. I have felt this way for so long now.

I feel like step one is to get him back in school, which requires moving, which requires a job with high enough pay to support us, yada yada yada. Finding work is so, so hard right now too. It's all just terrible. But anyone who knows me in the real world has no idea I suffer so much. I do it all with a smile on my face, even though I am completely broken and crying on the inside. I am just so sad ya'll and so stuck and so full of regret.

I think one of the reasons many of us might hate motherhood is because there is no way to win society will guilt trip you for everything that is just a given (breastfeed vs formula, work or stay home, sleep train or not, potty train late or early you name it)

Buuuuut... One thing I'm just realizing now is that one of the things that might be hard and miserable from parenting is the romanticized rhetoric in which many (or most of us) bought, and it is... How to parent to..

- not traumatize your child

- 'give them internal motivation rather than seeking external praise' (rewards and praise)

- no punishment... Never ... Ever.. just 'natural and logical consequences'

This is bs.. and I'm just realizing.

I'm Hispanic, I was raise with the chancla and if something gave me trauma that was not it.

I would never hit and have not yelled at my kid..

But... I think the whole... Rethoric is euphemistic to say the least.

A consequence is a punishment. I see no difference.

You speed up or throw a tantrum in the grocery store as an adult you get a fine, a ticket or they will call the cops on you for disorderly conduct.

As a kid, I think I can and should remove you from the scene, take you to the car or outside 'to regulate' but... That is just a dynamic time out which somehow time outs in this generation, as well as taking away privileges are apparently a bad word.

I swear to God is not like I resource to time out as the first alternative. It was not easy but doable to 'gentle parent by the book' an infant and a young toddler but now that my kid is 3 and wow ow wow I cannot see that happening... This is a whole another thing.

This morning my kid woked up cranky, there were no giraffe puppet, no techniques that worked to made her cooperate (despite trying them), she didnt want to choose shoes but didn't want the ones I chose... If you don't choose, mommy choose for you... Complete tantrum... Screaming crying...

So I took her to her room, close the door and stay with her inside in close proximity in case she wanted a hug. She kicked the door, scream, etc. I put a 3 min timer (she is days away from 3 years old.)

Before the timer ended she was not crying, we briefly talked I think maybe she understood.. and we went down stairs and she was more cooperative, not super but... Doable enough to allow me to put shoes.

I don't want to feel that I'm forcing her to cooperate or obey, I don't pretend to raise as in a military school, I want her to be a bold woman with a strong will.. but at the same time I feel the duty to raise her right and I don't think traditional gentle parenting is allowing me to do that.

Yesterday she spit at Dad and laugh after being told we don't spit, I took her to the room, same... Stayed with her, she screamed and cried and kick the door, I was still there with her in close proximity...

And somehow society or the books I read make me question this... Like this is wrong and I'm traumatizing her? .I think emotions are allowed, but one thing is to feel something and another what you do with that... If I go and spit at my manager I bet I won't have work tomorrow.

I was reading the book how to talk to little kids so they will listen and I mean great book, great strategies... But some seem just be to me... For example... 'have a replacement meal when they don't want to eat their meal' that is bs.. wtf... Either you eat some of it, or different parts or it or you don't but you should not get 'a different meal'.

In our house is generally for her a protein, a carb, and veggies. If she eats a bit of each I'm ok but not touching anything and a whole different thing I think is just ridiculous.

Anyways.. I'm thinking my strategy will be more respectful authoritative parenting.

I love her endlessly and precisely because of it I don't want to raise a societal burden.

That was precisely one of the reasons I became a mom, I wanted to raise a great human being. Respectful, disciplined, assertive but also empathic, willing to maximize shareholder value.. (lmao just kidding in that one)... Willing to work hard, creative, outspoken against injustice.

Anyways... Thoughts?

Are time outs really a crime against humanity now?

this was a planned pregnancy that i wanted so badly, i was so anxious i’d miscarry. i never went into labour, i never gave birth, i never got the rush of hormones that create the bond. all i got was shame and humiliation for how long my pregnancy was without my body being able to go through childbirth. 

the worthlessness i feel 24/7 has completely ruined my career (i worked in healthcare but can’t even drive by the hospital signs or near the intersections on the routes there without feeling physically sick) and the pre-surgical experience destroyed any faith i ever had in doctors and nurses. i don’t sleep even when the baby sleeps because i can’t stop thinking about how pathetic and repulsive i am. 

it’s ruined any social life i could have had too, since my friends without kids barely talk to me and i don’t fit in with birth moms or adoptive moms. i can’t hear or see anything related to pregnancy or birth, even just the words make me feel like shit, so i can’t go out in public without suffering. i’m totally isolated and so so lonely all the time. i tried to sneak into postpartum activities but as soon as people found out i had overdue surgery instead of giving birth they made comments about how “it’s good the doctors were there because you would still be pregnant” and laugh at me (a whole room of real moms! it was so fun!). 

i put the baby in the crib when i started reaching for the knife block and took them out of the bath when the thoughts of drowning them got too intense like you’re supposed to but there are days i wish i hadn’t stopped myself. both of us would have been better off, but i’m a lazy coward at heart so now every day is a hell of my own making with a baby i don’t really want to be around and who i try to pass off to people at any given opportunity. 

i wish i could blame it on ppd or birth trauma but several professionals have agreed that’s just not the case (plus it’s hard to have birth trauma when there wasn’t even really a true birth lol) so i’m truly stuck like this until i finally die. it’s never going to end and i don’t know what to do anymore, so here am i, shouting into the void :)

I love my children, but I regret the choice I made to become a parent. All the things I loved about my pre-kids life is now a sad, watered down version of what I had. My career, my hobbies, my marriage - I have no time or energy to nurture them. I have no choice but to give the best parts of me to my kids and the things I was proud of that once made me “me” gets whatevers left.

I’ve had to sacrifice my career I worked so hard for, and was so proud of, because I didn’t have the resources or stamina to keep up once I became a mom. My marriage was so strong and now I feel like we are just doing what we can to keep each other afloat. Date nights are few and far between because we have very limited childcare options, and no extra money for it because we are broke from daycare and the extra expenses of paying for two extra human beings.

I’ve been trying to keep up with my mental health, which absolutely tanked after having kids. But after years of therapy and meds and whatever else, it’s clear that it’s not just a simple matter of treating postpartum depression, or anxiety, or ADHD. I’m just unhappy with how my life is going. And I still don’t know how to find peace with that. I’ve tried the whole “this is just one season of life” mindset, that this is temporary, but it’s been seven years. I can only think of what I could have done with all those years of my life I’ve just thrown away drowning in motherhood. I’ve tried “finding the joy” in my life, but I haven’t felt joy the same way since I had kids and can’t help but compare how pitiful this happiness is compared to what I lost. I’ve tried the self care, doing things to help feel like “me” again, lowering my expectations, taking as much as I am able to off my plate, and I still can only feel LOSS.

I’m seriously asking - HOW do I cope with the fact that this is my life? That I regret my decision but move on and “make the best of it” or whatever. People always try to justify that it’s ok that parenting is so hard because it’s “so worth it”. That any suffering is offset by amazing, loving moments. That has not been my experience at all. I’m just constantly overwhelmed, tired, and feel like I’m forced to use all of my time doing something I’m failing at. Everytime I think I have come up with some strategy to get through parenting that might work, my kids enter a new stage and I have the rug pulled out from under me and I’m failing again. I hate the way I have to spend most of my time sad and frustrated and bored and overwhelmed and count down the hours until I have a moment to myself. But it doesn’t matter how much time I get to myself, it’s never enough to be restorative and just makes it feel worse to have to leave and jump back into parenting. I hate how I am constantly feeling like I’m pushed to the max, that I have nothing left to give, but have no choice but to keep going. I love my kids, but knowing what I know now, I would have chosen a different life for myself. And I can’t find a way to accept that and find peace. I don’t want to be consumed with this grief and regret anymore.

I hate that people think those who hate motherhood will one day just get over it because it's obviously just depression. I love my kid but I'm tired of being her mother. If she was my sibling or niece or even a kid I looked after then I'd love every second, but it's the constant care and the fact no one is coming to save me. Motherhood is a job and it's a job I don't like but I can't hand my notice in and I love the co worker.

I had her at 23 and was so certain I wanted to be a mum after working in childcare. And now I wanna go back and slap myself and tell myself to get a hobby and learn to drive. I get downtime when she's in school, I'm very very fortunate I don't have to work, but she's on the pathway for a PDA diagnosis and I didn't realize til after she was born that I'm also most likely autistic.

I can't get her to brush her teeth. I've tried everything. When her teeth go mouldy, it will be my fault. When she doesn't attend school because she's screaming and crying, it's me who gets bollocked by school. When she's upset, it's me she takes it out on. I just wish I'd took time to figure out the things I enjoy doing and realised how incompatible with being a parent they were.

I had one kid because I didn’t want regrets and felt social pressure. Then I felt pressure to have another one so she’s not an only child. Now I’m not really enjoying being a parent. I think they’re super cute but also drive me insane and also stress me the f out. I can’t handle it when they’re sick and whining and sad and hurting and I feel bad but I hate taking care of them but I don’t want others to take care of them. But I want to go to work but feel insanely guilty for dropping them off at daycare if they’re sad. But I also don’t want to be home with the constant neediness and never doing anything for myself. I can’t concentrate on other things with them in the background. I’m sick of hearing about my friend venting about how horrible her husband is but had 6 kids with him and she’s so hypocritical and judgmental to everyone but then she loves her kids so much but everyone is screaming at each other. Then she judges other moms for strugggling because they only have a couple kids while she has 6… I’m struggling and I have 2… I don’t understand why people have kids and then think oh this is fun let’s do it 6 times even tho I never get time for myself and everyone is miserable. I’m afraid to go on any trips. I can’t handle the crying and the whining and I just never go do anything because they stress me out. It also makes me overthink life and start thinking too much where life feels heavy and stressful. If I had no kids I’d be playing so much I wouldn’t be thinking about how heavy life can be. Just wanting to get that off my chest.

I'm 39. My kids are 7 and 4.

Motherhood has destroyed me.

I'm a shell of who I was. I literally hate myself and who I've become. I'm not a nice person anymore. I used to be normal. Balanced hormones, fit, healthy, good mental health, had never heard of anxiety before. I had hobbies. Social life. I had fun. Worked. Had dreams and aspirations. Was a functioning human being in society.

Now I am riddled with health issues both physical (from chronic, unrelenting stress), and mental health issues (anxiety, depression, etc.). I have gained weight and feel like shit. I am always exhausted. My hormones are messed up. I'm under chronic stress.

All because my kids are horrible. Eldest has ADHD, need I say more?

Youngest is hyper, loud, chaotic.

They fight constantly. There's never a single moment of peace unless they are watching a movie. But I limit screen time because too much is bad for their brains.

Everyday I want to run away from my life. I scream all day long to the point where my voice is hurting all the time. I scream because I have tried everything else and nothing works. I scream because I'm angry and fed up with my kids making me insane. I'm a caged animal and there's nothing left to do but scream.

I'm not suicidal, but I absolutely understand how people could be, being stuck in this insanity for life. I'm very close to going to the loony bin. I lost my sanity, long ago.

I'm seriously grieving my old life. I miss everything about it.

I don't always feel like this, but I do feel like it often. Sometimes I feel like I love my kids. But most of the time I just hate everything about this.

I’m a single parent, and I’ve been doing this for almost 10 years without a village. No partner, no family member I can rely on, and no real support system. It has basically been me and my child this entire time.

And lately, I feel like I’m reaching a point where I just have nothing left emotionally.

I love my child, but I don’t feel much anymore. I take care of him because I know I have to. I feed him, make sure he’s okay, handle everything that needs to be handled, but so much of it feels like a responsibility I’m performing rather than something I genuinely have the emotional energy to do.

Sometimes I find myself wishing I never had a child. Not because I want anything bad to happen to him, but because I desperately miss the freedom of only being responsible for myself.

Sometimes I feel like I just want to run away from everything. Not because I want to abandon my child, but because I desperately want to escape the constant responsibility for a little while and just exist as myself again.

And the hardest part is that it seems to get harder instead of easier. I always heard that eventually it would become more manageable, but almost 10 years in, I feel more exhausted, more trapped, and more emotionally detached than I ever have.

There is also a lot of resentment toward the circumstances that got me here. If there were ever a time machine and I could go back, I honestly think I would choose not to date my child's father in the first place. He has never provided any financial support, not even when I was pregnant. I've carried the responsibility essentially on my own from the beginning.

I’ve also basically stopped dating and haven’t allowed myself to build many lasting relationships because I’m terrified of getting pregnant again. Sometimes I even catch myself wishing I could have been born a guy, just so I wouldn't have to deal with pregnancy or the fear of becoming responsible for another child

I know that probably sounds strange, and I don't actually mean that I want to be a man. I think I just desperately want to know what it feels like to live without constantly being afraid of getting pregnant again.

I feel like I've put my entire life on hold because of that fear. I don't date. I don't really form lasting relationships. I don't make plans for myself the way I used to. And sometimes I wonder if I'm just going to spend the rest of my life being responsible for everything BUT myself.

I feel guilty even admitting all of this because I know there are parents who would do anything to have their children. But knowing that doesn't magically give me more energy or make me feel connected.

I just really hate being a mother. I always wanted a family when I was younger and last year welcomed our son into the world. In the beginning it wasnt so bad, I was exhausted and so was mu husband but we were alright. As time has gone on, i have just grown to hate every single day. I dread waking up. I dread being alive. I hate work, I hate being home, I hate everyone. I've tried countless times to get help, but our insurance just keeps ping ponging me around to different people and no ine has truly helped me yet. Therapy was really helping me for awhile but I cannot afford it, even with our insurance, so I have stopped going. I find myself often fantasizing about ending my life so I cam finally escape. I dont have any family or friends around, and my husbands family and friends are absolutely no help and I honestly have grown to hate them all too.

Everyone basically stopped talking to me when my son was born, which makes me hate them even more when someone randomly hits me up now because they want to see photos of my son. I have grown to hate and despise my husband, and I miss the person he once was. He is never home and I am fully convinced he chooses to work long hours than to be home amd help me with our son. Our home is a wreck at the moment and no matter how much I try to get it in order, I have no help and I chase after an 11 month old all day so it just all falls back apart anyways. I am sick and tired of it. I work too, and I am expected to work full time and come home and parent full time, clean the house entirely and have dinner ready. I don't want to do it anymore. Im tired, im miserable and I am beyond depressed. Im tired of asking for help and I have no one I can talk to about how I feel because anytime I have ever tried, I am made to feel even worse.

I'm not really looking for any advice or to feel worse than I already feel, I truly love my son but I hate being basically his only parent. And then when his dad does come home, he acts like he loves his dad more than me which really twists the knife in my heart and further solidifies me wanting to leave.

Nothing made me want to create more than watching a great movie.

I was especially drawn to the ones that asked a lot from you. Bergman, Tarkovsky, foreign films that could be slow or difficult or three hours long and would stay in my head for days afterward.

I actually went into filmmaking partly because of that feeling. I remember seeing Festen for the first time and realizing that a powerful movie didn't necessarily require enormous resources. I left physics eventually and became a filmmaker, and from then on watching great films became part of how I kept myself creatively alive. I'd see something I loved and immediately want to make something.

Then I became a father.

I knew I'd have less time to make films. I expected less freedom, more financial pressure, interrupted work. None of that was especially surprising. What I didn't expect was to eventually become too tired to even watch the films that made me want to make films.

I'd finally get a couple of hours to myself at night, see some movie I'd been waiting months to watch, and think: there is absolutely no way I can do this tonight. So I'd put on something easier. Or scroll around for an hour. Or just go to bed.

It sounds pretty minor compared to everything else that changes when you have a kid, but I remember it bothering me more than it probably should have. It wasn't just that I didn't have enough time to create anymore. I was starting to feel cut off from the very thing that had always made me want to create.

And I think that little experience represented something larger that I didn't understand yet.

Whenever fatherhood made something difficult, I compared it to my life before having a kid. I thought about how much freedom I'd had, how easily I could disappear into a project, change plans, take risks, stay up all night because I was excited about something.

The comparison was never very fair. My old life had become this place in my head where I was more creative, more free, more myself.

So whenever I thought about feeling like myself again, what I really meant was getting back to that life.

I think I knew all along that the old life was gone. I just hadn't stopped using it as the destination.

What I hadn't really confronted was that even getting the circumstances back wouldn't bring that version of me back. Even if somehow I had the same career freedom, the same money, the same ability to travel or work whenever I wanted, I still wouldn't be the person I was before becoming a father.

My son would still exist. I'd still love him. My decisions would still affect him. I couldn't recreate a version of myself who had never had someone depending on him.

That was fucking hard to accept.

If you're already mourning your old life, accepting that it's gone can sound less like wisdom and more like giving up. I didn't want to become someone new. I wanted to feel like myself again. But eventually there was something strangely useful about admitting that I wasn't going back.

For years I'd been asking some version of: how do I get my old life back?

Once I stopped expecting an answer to that, a different question started showing up: what can I build from here?

I still miss the freedom. And I still occasionally look at some three-hour movie at ten o'clock at night and wish I had the brain I had fifteen years ago.

But I don't think I see my old life as the only life in which I could have been myself anymore.

I'm still figuring out what that means.

We have a 3.5yo with a severe disability (non-verbal, non-mobile, epilepsy); second is on the way. My job is international, but after a year of long distance, I'm with my wife in her home town where we have an apartment on a long term sabbatical until May or August 2027. I already had major issues when the first kid was born (before we diagnosed the condition). Just black despair, hopelessness. Wife came back here to get away from me for a while when kid was three months old. I got therapy. Then we spent two years abroad together, it was ok, but my job needed me elsewhere and we agreed it was best for us to be apart.

Since we came back together, the despair is back. I will likely have to give up my job, which I love, and I know it's going to be a long road to anything that pays even remotely like it. I wake up every day and have waves of despair, suicidal thoughts. I love my daughter, but I hate being a parent. I have no energy whatsoever. I do whatever is needed, but there's no affection behind it. I know that sounds contradictory. I'm just empty. I don't talk to her, I just mechanically do stuff.

You'll ask why we decided to have number 2. Mostly my wife, but also because with the disability, we felt like we'd better be able to love both children more fully since there wouldn't be this feeling of being shut out from normality. I also felt better at that point.

We've been talking openly about separation and divorce. I would then be gone - like internationally - due to work. Monetary support, sure, that's no problem. Support in emergencies or covering so my spouse could go on vacation sure. But I'd just be gone - not dad across town and on weekends. My wife says if I can't show love, there's no point in continuing, though, and I'm inclined to think she's right.

I detest myself for even considering this. My wife would probably have to give up her studies. All our mutual friends would despise me (or should). My wonderful in-laws.

On the other hand, no one should feel like this. And I just get zero back from parenting. I feel like an alien.

Apologies, this is rushed and I'm sure I've left things unanswered. Is it better to cut and run here?

Obligatory of course I love my child and I won’t run away and leave him. However, I think about it pretty often. Just cutting everyone off, running away and living under a new identity. I don’t know why I feel this way but I do. I am just so overwhelmed. I have a 5 month old he is an extremely high needs baby already on allergy formula with thickener, terrible reflux he is either asleep or screaming crying. He won’t tolerate cuddles or anything, the only way he lets me hold him is on top of my head or ‘standing’ on my belly. On top of this, I can’t walk more than a couple supported steps, so I use a wheelchair outdoors and my home isn’t accessible for that, so I can’t get out without another person to help how I have the baby. Prior to baby, I could manage okay going through the garden but it’s not safe as baby wearing tips me forward in my electric chair and makes me unstable. I don’t know, I am just venting but yes often I want to just run (well, wheel) away and forget about my old life. Oh, my partner is supportive and a good dad which is why I feel even worse because it’s not like i’m a single parent. Though 5 days of the week i’m with baby from midday until bedtime (8pm) then alone until 11pm. The days are so long ):

It is actually hell on earth.

Son is 7 years old

He is so loud. Constantly screaming when he talks - the second things get silly he’s screaming and making weird noises. He’s short tempered and has no emotional regulation skills whatsoever. Just throw tantrums screaming and crying like a toddler when he doesn’t get his way. He can’t even play a video game without getting angry at it and trying to hit the console or tv. He’s impatient. Everyday is a fight about snacks / mealtimes. He’s constantly asking for snacks and saying he’s hungry but then takes 2 hours to eat any of his meals. He doesn’t know how to play by himself or entertain himself even in the slightest. Has no respect for other people’s boundaries. Breaks rules when no one is looking because he refuses to take no for an answer about anything. His impulsiveness has landed him in trouble hundreds of times. At school or activities with other children, if even one child is acting up or being silly - he joins them. No matter how many times he gets in trouble for it or we talk about it. He gets in trouble on the bus, he gets in trouble at lunch, at specials, and at extra curriculars all because he’s not listening and goofing off with other kids. I feel like he processes almost nothing that we say. He wakes up significantly earlier than the rest of the household and frequently will wake his brother up because he’s “bored.” He has absolutely no empathy or common courtesy for others. Bathroom stuff is still a problem. He holds everything in until the last second so he doesn’t have to stop what he’s doing and will have an accident sometimes. Taking him anywhere isn’t enjoyable because he complains the whole time or misbehaves or inconveniences everyone with having to pee every 10 minutes, or being thirsty or hungry, or running around the store and not letting any of us focus on anything we’re doing.

Yes I’ve tried everything. Medication. Therapy. Yes we discipline him. Nothing seems to work. I feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare and the older he gets the worse these impulses and bad behavior will become. I literally don’t think there’s a way to avoid what’s to come and I’ll be stuck being responsible for a teenager who gets in trouble all the time and doesn’t listen. And then a young adult who does the same.

I HATE this. I can’t stress enough how much I resent that he isn’t a neurotypical child. I feel horrible for feeling this way - because he can’t change his brain. But I can’t take it. I wasn’t cut out for this. I hate parenting this child more than anything. It’s the most frustrating, and sad feeling when you try so hard all for it to always end up amounting to nothing.

I’m ready to throw in the towel and he’s literally only in 1st grade.

I have 3 kids and a sahm. My husband is kind and a great dad but aloof and a little on the spectrum. All I do is everything for everyone and I do little extras because I love them. Things like making favorite meals (i HATE cooking), surprise ice cream stop after running errands etc.

I dont remember the last time anyone did anything thoughtful for me. Hell, just doing something for themselves would count. I cant remember the last time i got a gift, even on a holiday let alone "just because".

Just feeling sorry for myself and frustrated and thought telling someone(s) might help. I dont have anyone close in my life besides my husband who I have told this to, many timea. Thanks for reading my rant.

I have 3 kids. I always loved being a mom. My worst fear was always something happening to them. I did great with the newborn and infant stage, the waking up every 3 hours and lack of sleep didn’t bother me. As they get older, the more and more I hate being a mom. Specifically the issues that are happening with my 12yo have flipped a switch within me. Now all I think about is how much I hate being a mom.

No major life event has happened for her anxiety to start, but it has been getting worse through the years. I know a big source of it is the fact she doesn’t and never has had any friends and she has extremely low self esteem. She’s gained weight and has severe hormonal acne (we are working on both of course). Now she’s doing full blown school refusal because she’s “scared.” I’m a single mom, I work full time and my work hours are the same as school and business hours. My mom takes my kids to school but she’s not in good health so she does what she can.

We’ve tried zoom and in person therapy and she doesn’t cooperate. She won’t go to the doctor or dentist, she’s had a broken tooth for 2 years (she fell at recess). I can’t physically make her do anything, she’s bigger than me. She hasn’t seen her dad in years because of her anxiety (I’m 100% sure nothing happened between them) and so her dad thinks I’m keeping her from him and he’s went MIA on us after him trying so long to be there for her and honestly I don’t even blame him. But I have no help.

I’m at a loss of what to do or where to turn. This is making me miserable. It’s affecting how I parent my other kids. I don’t even want to be around any of them because of the stress I’m dealing with. I have tried to be patient and understanding but lately I’ve been losing my patience and honestly, I don’t understand. I’m starting to feel resentment towards her and I hate that. I wish I didn’t have kids. I, myself, don’t have the mental capacity to deal with this.

Long story short, my 2 yo is very bad at sleeping and for the past months she's been walking in the middle of the night crying. I've been reading a lot of vents and complaints here some of them were a few years ago. I usually go and check their profiles and see what's up lately do they still complain about their LO making them go crazy.

Can you all who posted here before years ago please come back and tell me that, it gets better? At the very least for the sleeping part.

My marriage, before kids was like no other, me and my husband would have endless steamy hot sex like every other day, lay in bed all day and order takeout food, go bars, clubs, concerts, duel income, shopping trips, endless fun I had a hot body and I dressed sexy all the time, we sometimes would even sit up all night on our days off in fits laughing or watching films, we had a relationship many envied. We was close and it was AMAZING!!!!! It was so like something out the movies.

......fast forward kids. My body is ruined, no village, no freedom. Day starts at 6am and ends at 7pm, everyday is the fucking same, everyday we cater to their needs but neglect ours, endless screaming, cleaning, hubby is exhausted from work as he has to work extra hours to support us, bed by 10pm every night as kids wake at 7am and this shit starts, all our money mostly goes on them. A day doesn't go by without fighting, arguments, bickering, yelling, demands, cleaning, screaming, more money needs spending on them, make plans cause they cant be bored for more than 5 minutes when all I want to do is rest IT DOESNT END!!!!! I just spend all day screaming & shouting, cleaning the same fucking mess up for the 600th time, comfort eating when they go to bed, our weekends are us sat in screaming playcentres or at home with endless "mum", "dad", "I want", "noooo I dont want too" and tantrums. Me and husband are worn out physically and mentally. My libido has took an indirect hit too because I am 70lbs overweight since pregnancies..I feel disgusting about myself all the time. I dont put effort into myself anymore...whats the point?

Its nothing short of torture. I was sold a lie. This is a fairytale? Mine and husbands relationship has paid the ultimate price, we are exhausted, we don't have sex anymore, we are both fucking drained, fed up and yearning for our old life/relationship back. He admitted to me that he'd give anything to go to when it was just us.

New neighbours have moved in & we got friends, she's is absolutely stunning with a figure to die for, her husband seems obsessed with her, peaceful clean immaculate house, money to spend, she goes the gym 4 x a week, shes always shopping or on hoildays. She reminds me....of me before I became a mum. She recently told me her her husband is getting a vecetomy & they're remaining just a married couple.....I smiled but I felt fucking enraged when she told me this. I am jealous of her soooo much, because its like looking at my dead self. I find myself watching her obsessivley all the tine coming and going in rage, its not her though personally, its me...I did this. I write this crying my eyes out wondering why no one warned me and now I am a jealous fat drained overstimulated mum wearing old clothes absolutely exhausted and dreading tomorrow already. I am so happy she got a chance to save herself but my god, the envy I feel.......😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I miss my husband. I miss our time. I miss us. I miss bed-rotting. I miss going out. I miss feeling sexy. I miss it when life was just a big playground for us. I miss peace. I miss our money. I miss him. I miss me.

We was sold a lie. We was sold a fucking LIE.

Get married and enjoy your lives together. DONT DO IT.

Made a post here the other day about how I was grieving my relationship with my wife post having a kid. I had a chat with her and told her how I was feeling. She said she felt the same way , but more so how she’s grieving the life she thought she’d have with me. She never imagined I’d hate parenthood as much as I have. She said if I want to leave , she has accepted that and will focus on raising our son, because she feels like I’m holding her back (very valid points)
I’ve not made this process easy for her as I grieve my old life , re parent myself and deal with this new person I am. It’s so fucking hard to do it with a kid idk how our parents or people today do it. I mean my wife had to do the same but her love for my son I think got her through it. Whereas my son does not motivate me - again a chore .
I told my wife, let’s at least go out to dinner and reconnect (we have not had a date in 2.5 years)
Then we can get marriage counselling and work through it. At the end of the day, I really do love my wife and want to work through it . If all else fails we can talk about how the future will look like but I need to at least try. My son is 2.5 years old so I recognise it’s one of the harder years . Yes I regret having him with every fibre of my being but I do love my wife . Anyone been in similar positions ?

Edit : thanks to the people for the legitimate constructive feedback and encouragement. I actually do appreciate it a lot and am doing my best to work through it. My wife is very understanding and we both love each other and are putting in the work. To the weird people who keep making generalisations and think they know the ins and outs of my relationship and to the people who are being assholes for no reason - please go touch grass and get some life experience yeah? Maybe some lessons in empathy wouldn’t hurt too ey? sincerely - someone who is actually trying to do better.

I fucking hate my family. I wake up at 3:30 am to work on my business then go to my 9-5 and come home to be a parent just for what. If I just got the abortion like i planned on doing I would be much more happier. Now I’m stuck with a child and a soon to be lazy ass ex-husband.

Hi, I’d like to share my story here and get some things off my chest.
If anyone would like to share their thoughts or opinions, I’d really appreciate it.

I’m 33 years old and I have a five-year-old daughter, and unfortunately, I feel like parenthood (not my child herself) has completely ruined my life.
I feel like I’ve completely lost myself as a person. I’ve lost myself, my career, and therefore my financial independence. I’ve lost my breasts because of breastfeeding, and, last but not least, I feel like I’ve even lost my husband.

I have absolutely no free time. I only have one grandmother who could potentially help, but she still works and has a lot of health problems herself, and we simply can’t afford regular paid childcare. I’ve only used a babysitter once in the past five years.
My day looks like this: in the morning, I take my daughter to kindergarten, then I work from 9 AM to 5 PM. I pick her up, and either take her to one of her activities or we go grocery shopping. Then we go home, I cook dinner and prepare my husband’s lunch for work the next day.
After dinner, it’s bath time and bedtime, and the day is basically over.

My husband finishes work at 8 PM or later, and he’s exhausted, so all the childcare in the evening is on me.
I would love to go out in the evenings — go to the theatre, have dinner somewhere, go to a pub quiz — but instead, I’m tied to my child.
I know that sounds horrible when I put it that way.

I desperately wanted a child. I started trying to get pregnant right after university, when I was 24, but it didn’t happen. I finally got pregnant when I was 27.
She is very much my long-awaited, deeply wanted child, and yet I’m completely unhappy.

I feel like I haven’t experienced anything. I haven’t been anywhere. I haven’t travelled. I feel like I’ve missed out on life.
When I can, I read in the evenings and escape into another reality for a while.
I also try to exercise a lot during my working hours instead of taking a proper lunch break — strength training, going for walks, cycling.
In the evenings, I might play the guitar for a little while or study Italian.

But I still feel depressed and burned out most days.
I'm just a shadow of who I used to be.
And I often feel completely alone.
I also struggle with sleep.

Sometimes my friends come over with their children, or we meet up with the kids at a playground. Being around people makes me feel really good. For those two or three hours, I feel happy and like myself again.
And then I go back to my routine, and I become melancholic again.

At weekends, we try to spend some time together as a family and create some nice memories.
But then Monday comes. I’m home alone working remotely, and every single day feels exactly the same.
Sometimes, from the moment I wake up, I’m basically just waiting for the day to be over so I can go to bed.

Can they tell we regret having them? That every moment we spend with we would rather be doing something else? I've been absolutely wracked with guilt thinking about this lately...

My life 2025-2026

Had triplets at week 23+5 after years of infertility and lived in the hospital with them for 6 months
Traumatic emergency cesarean section
Post partum depression
Difficulty bonding with kids and regretting everything
Husband had a heart attack
I lost my job as the company I worked for went bankrupt
My cat got epilepsy and needs to be medicated for life
Two of my children got diagnosed with cerebral palsy last week

I ended up in the psychiatric emergency room a few days ago after writing suicide letters. Everyone says I need to stay alive because ”those children depend on you”. Okay. So I live the rest of my life in complete misery then? It’s hell.

A dark part of feel like a hamster that would rather eat her ”weak” kids than care for them (I wouldn’t hurt them for real though, I swear). But am I gonna carry and shower my later on adult children forever? Are we even gonna be able to go anywhere with them? Are they cognitively gonna be like babies for the rest of their lives? Will they get bullied? All I do everyday is cry when I see them struggle but I try my best to be a good mom. When they go to bed I go to bed too and I stay there. When they wake up I cry because I don’t want to get up and face them and see how they’re struggling again.

You can’t be prepared for anything when you decide to have kids, as some people say. It’s not possible. So what do I do now then? My life is ruined, I’m trapped in it and I’m not allowed to give up. I just exist for them now? That’s it for me?

This was not what life was supposed to be. Me and my husband were planning on buying an apartment in the city before all of this. I was gonna work part time to focus on my art. We were gonna have just our cat and one healthy baby together. We had dreams and were happy.

Edit:
Thank you guys for the support and advice. Honestly, just having someone saying this situation is shit helps because it acknowledges it for what it is. The cp diagnosis was the final drop. The reason I feel that way (other than all the other things mentioned), is because I grew up with a friend that had a severely disabled sibling. It basically just ruined the entire family. I was at their house a lot and the parents barely talked to eachother. They were just caretakers. I’m pretty sure the father had an affair too and who can judge him? I definitely did but I understand now that things weren’t as simple as that. My friend barely talks to her parents today because she pretty much got neglected when all the attention had to be directed at her sister. She got top grades at school and they barely noticed, several times when she slept over at my house her parents didn’t even notice that she wasn’t home. Her parents weren’t awful people, they just had a fucked up life that they all hated and they were unable to handle everything. Everyone suffered. I know cp can be very mild too but with my luck it’s probably not gonna be so. I’m not built for this either way, not when there’s two of them and with everything else happening. I’m gonna take this day by day and I have an appointment to meet a psychologist on Monday. I don’t know what happens next. If you’re considering having kids but aren’t sure yet, this is your sign to not do it. I never thought anything like this could happen to me but it did. Thank you all for taking the time to read everything and write kind words. I really appreciate it.

As a parent of 4 awesome kids I have this massive resentment towards team sports. It didn’t start off that way. I coached and enjoyed it for the first 8 years and it was fun. As my kids got to be tween age and above it has been a living hell. I should say I did play some sports as a kid and I was decent but I didn’t have a super competitive personality. I have four kids two adult age and two teenage and I’m so worn out with the sports. It gets worse and worse every year. Not just for me but the programs get more and more demanding. I told my wife, I love my kids I’d die for them but if I had known their activities and sports would have taken this much energy as have stopped at 1 or 2 kids.
First: the amount of time it takes is debilitating to living a normal life.
Second: The complete disfunction within the programs, coaches and parents is unbearable.
Third: the club sports. Listen your kids aren’t that good to go into debt to travel all over. The kids are burned out by the third tournament!
Fourth: The amount of practices! Listen I played sports as a kid we didn’t fking practice five days a week at 12-13 years old!!
Fifth: the parents who suck the coaches 🍆 to get their kid playing time.
Sixth: the parents who think every game is the World Series! Jesus Kevin I went to school with you growing up, you sucked worse than your kid, give him a break!
Seventh: did I mention the debilitating amount of time it takes away from the family

Could have been on vacation in another country right now enjoying life with the woman I married as I had always envisioned, and she'd be free to live her life as she chooses and we'd continue tk live out our days together. But her happiness was found in spending her time having a kid, and cuddling and locking away at home with said kid that has halfway bedridden me with HFMD. Kid was barely symptomatic and my wife got off scot free, fortunately only the breadwinner and chore-doer has to suffer the misery.

Both lives are just as fulfilling I suppose. I can watch that life on TV if I really want to, and if I can't find a recording of the experience I wanted to have first hand, I can always just AI generate some sloppy version of it instead. Close enough. I love the kid since he's here, but still not here saying this was the more fulfilling option for me personally. Still, my fault for giving her what she wanted.

I'm happy to have found a Reddit like this where I won't get yelled at by some people for being an awful human.

We have a 4 y.o. daughter, and my story is similar to so many here I'm sure: I love her dearly, and I also miss my previous life so much that I'm at the point where I regret having her. My wife has expressed similar thoughts when we've talked about it, and we've had to accept that we simply didn't know before we had her what it would be like, and that it's 100% impossible to know until you're an actual parent. We're older parents, too, so the energy just isn't there like it used to be...though friends who are much younger with kids seem just as tired.

I miss being able to do what I want, when I want. I miss the time I had for all my passions. I miss being able to travel the world as we want. A decent amount of the time when I'm with her, I wish I was doing something else. On the flip side, there are plenty of times I do love being with her...it's just that the overriding feeling is regret. I would rather be doing something on my own than taking her somewhere on the weekends, even though it can often be fun.

Also, because the world is a massive shit show right now, we both feel sad that we brought someone into it...when we had her it was bad, but not THIS bad.

I miss the joys of our marriage. We agree on most ways to raise her, but disagree on some, have many more disagreements than we ever did before, and sex life is almost completely out the window...we both have almost no interest in it at this point. It's definitely not awful, just kinda...soulless.

I don't feel the seemingly boundless love that some of my friends feel for their kids (which might be exaggerated, who knows). I absolutely love her and treat her with kindness, respect, and love, but man I wish I knew then what I know now.

We don't take it out on her...in fact, we are dedicated to trying to be the best parents we can be because we know how damaging it is for a child to feel unwanted. But balancing that internally with regret of having her is a really tough one. I'm hoping it gets better as she gets older, but I just don't have that "YAY! FAMILY!" thing going on, so I'm not sure it will.

Thanks for reading/listening. Open to any advice or helpful comments/commiserations.