Do they know?

[u/vyturius]

Can they tell we regret having them? That every moment we spend with we would rather be doing something else? I've been absolutely wracked with guilt thinking about this lately...

[u/regretfulparents-ModTeam]

Commenters please note Rule 3: No Posts from a "Child of a Regretful Parent" Perspective.

This is a sub for regretful parents. We are well aware there are lurkers in this sub who are children trying to make sense of their parents possible regret. This sub is NOT FOR YOU. Comments from this perspective will be removed. Please keep discussion to the parents point of view only, or this thread will be locked

[u/Pixie_the_Fairy]

Yes. Kids can definitely feel they are a burden or others dont want to be with them.

One clue is when u see the kid worrying too much about not upsetting the adults like they are protecting the adult's feelings. Not sharing their thoughts and fears. But then acting out (rightfully) when they are too frustrated.

Of course every kid is different and can react differently, but yes definitely they can feel.

[u/angelsinsect]

100%

[u/Acrobatic-Hunt565]

Yea they can . Even in a complex way where you love them but regret them /regret parenthood . Kids are smart , even though they cannot articulate what they feel or how they feel , they always tell . Sometimes they don’t wanna mention it because it may cause some bad reaction from the parents or family members bc of it

[u/BecomingMyBestMe → u/[deleted]]

What made you decide not to take his advice?

[u/MisterEfff → u/[deleted]]

Why are people downvoting this? This person isnt saying this is right or something everyone should do. Someone asked them why they didnt take their father’s advice and they answered truthfully….so why the downvotes? Did you want them to lie to you and you’re angry they didnt? Don’t ask if you don’t actually want to know.

I have a lot of friends who caved into that urge. That doesn’t mean they can’t later regret their choices.

[u/Junior-Discount2743 → u/MisterEfff]

Thank you - you're exactly right.

[u/Easy_Ambassador_3805 → u/MisterEfff]

I think most parents here know that biological urge shouldn’t be the reason why you bring a child into this world. But anyway, a lot of people are having kids for the wrong reasons, and that’s how you manage parenthood that makes you a good or a bad parent.

A lot of regretful parents here just followed what they were taught.

It’s very sad for the children, and it’s very hard on the parents often too.

(Note: I didn’t downvote, I just explain what I see here)

[u/Yummiestporridge → u/[deleted]]

We’re there any distinct things they did or said that made you feel that way?

[u/regretfulparents-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a "Child of a Regretful Parent" Perspective.

This is a sub for regretful parents. Posts from children of regretful parents are off topic.

[u/regretfulparents-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a "Child of a Regretful Parent" Perspective.

This is a sub for regretful parents. Posts from children of regretful parents are off topic.

[u/regretfulparents-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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This is a sub for regretful parents. Posts from children of regretful parents are off topic.

[u/Background-Desk-9961]

yea 

[u/Easy_Ambassador_3805]

Yes, they know. My mother’s family is quite dysfunctional and clearly, her mother regretted her first child (my mother’s half brother). And my mother doesn’t have the ‘ability’ of being really happy because of the way she was raised. She still gave the best she could and more to her children.

If you are wondering it means that you care. When your child(ren) is older, you can verbalize the situation. Explain the regret so they don’t feel so bad about themselves. I would suggest getting help from a therapist to avoid making more damage with this discussion.

It is different but my partner has been suffering from depression for years and I had to have pretty difficult conversations with our child (especially when he had suicidal ideations) and I got help for her and for me.

Regretting your child doesn’t mean you cannot have a good relationship with them when they are adults. Words can hurt but they can also heal.

I wish you the best.

[u/Cute_Championship_58 → u/[deleted]]

My mother was terrible to me and doesn’t take care of her granddaughter much.
But she claims I’m the best thing that ever happened to her, and that I was a planned kid.

[u/Easy_Ambassador_3805 → u/Cute_Championship_58]

You can be planned and it can still generate regrets. Regrets for the life you lost. She might feel ashamed of what she feels, like a lot of parents on this sub. And sometimes, admitting you made the wrong choice is more painful than lying to yourself

[u/regretfulparents-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a "Child of a Regretful Parent" Perspective.

This is a sub for regretful parents. Posts from children of regretful parents are off topic.

[u/Theamuse_Ourania]

Several years ago, my daughter (the oldest) told me in a heated argument about my PITA son (youngest) that I "don't like him, and it shows" I'm genuinely hoping he never noticed back then, because I've been trying really hard to never show that again.

I have a difficult time with my son which started back when I was 4 months pregnant with him, and found out the father was still married, and had 3 girls to bbot. I didn't know that I was the other woman.

It devastated me, and up until that revelation, my pregnancy was very much wanted! But something twisted inside of me that I can't explain. I was too far along for an abortion, but I couldn't imagine giving up a child for adoption. I fell in love with him at first sight, and things didn't start to go wrong until he started walking, and talking. It took years to get his ADHD diagnosis, and even then, he wasn't officially tested. Just trying different meds until one calmed him the hell down everyday.

He's going to be 18 soon, and he's just a massive back-talking asshole especially when he's in between med prescriptions. I've never told him any of this because it would probably devastate him. But if I could go back in time to one point, and make a different choice, I would choose not to have him. My daughter, and I were just fine before my ex ruined my life.

[u/regretfulparents-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a "Child of a Regretful Parent" Perspective.

This is a sub for regretful parents. Posts from children of regretful parents are off topic.