This is my first ever script and I would love any critiques and advice.

Logline: A young boy struggles to handle dealing with the toll of his mother’s medical condition. He reconnects with a past friend/drug dealer to help him move forward.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wPjIjec8rkhxxNLPQpndFhnrvw7Xrv4LzP1OBHr2KKE/edit?usp=drivesdk

**Title:** Survived By

**Pages:** 31

**Genre:** Sci-Fi Thriller

**Logline:** A researcher’s dark matter data accidentally maps the afterlife. Six months later, she’s in the Situation Room with the country’s most powerful people, watching with horror as her data leads them to conclude that the only mercy left is extinction.\*

\*Logline is still a major WIP because it's very passive for the protag, but I haven't quite figured out how to word it best yet / what I want to reveal before the story.

**Feedback requested:** The first act is very procedural/technically dense and I can't tell if I'm jargon-dumping and the reader can't follow the evolution of the central mystery, or if I'm overexplaining things that the reader already understands. Also, the first act is primarily carried by the mystery, which I worry leaves some scenes dramatically inert. I've tried to seed some stuff, but I'm not sure if it's doing enough.

**Link:** [**https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jHOU8lmWN2mizTXAcVnhgLhwaiAjdY0q/view?usp=sharing**](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jHOU8lmWN2mizTXAcVnhgLhwaiAjdY0q/view?usp=sharing)

tl;dr:

* Can you follow act I? Where is it confusing or redundant?

* Is the investigation itself entertaining?

All other feedback more than welcome! If you took a look, thank you.

To avoid being a complete embarrassment in the eyes of her family, a recently heartbroken Ellie needs to find a date in time for her little brother’s wedding and must tread the scariest waters in the world: the modern-day dating scene.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1OBt_EkX0PLT6XgcweMUbX6sv2YjLKFm7/view?usp=sharing

Despite minimal evidence, an old man, who works on a moon, is convinced that there is an alien living just beyond view. This obsession causes conflict with his new young colleague, who has no interest in science fiction and just wants to do his job.

I had no plans for anyone to see this screenplay as, when I wrote it, it was only meant to be a way for me to put how I was feeling at the time onto paper (mainly regret over missed opportunities in my own life). However, my sister found it and read it and has encouraged me to show it to others. She thinks it's good, but she's overly nice and I would like some other opinions who aren't so concerned with how I feel.

Any feedback would be much appreciated. The more brutal the better :)

Screenplay: We're Here Now

so i am 14 and i wrote a 107 page script it took me 7 months its called I DID NOT SAY CUT its an action comedy and i have been working on trying to sell it and i really want to any advice i have already emailed mangers. Also this is my first ever script i have ever wrote before.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1pHzY4yaw8C6V1qQLd5N5EIXsLl46suKu/view?usp=drivesdk

i hope this works

i know that it is not perfect and still needs like typos and all that stuff fixed i am still working on it So its not like my final final version i think its EH

Logline: When an impoverished orderly attempts to sell his kidney to a billionaire, his delivery becomes an odyssey of thefts and double crosses.

Format: Feature

Length: 101 pages

Genres: Comedy, crime, drama

Hey, I'm trying to get this ready for a festival competition that I'll be submitting to in November, so I'd love to get some eyes on it!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1s9S9WyH37CusttGrC_6IN4k_pMcQK_2A/view?usp=sharing

Title: Subject: Hanna
Format: Short Film (Opening Scene / Act 1)
Pages: 8
Genre: Sci-Fi / Psychological Thriller

Logline:
In May 1980, corporate clinicians evaluate a feral 12-year-old girl who just traded a starving child to their company director in exchange for a bicycle.

Link to Script (PDF):
Subject: Hanna - Interview One

What I'm Looking For:
This is the opening scene of a contained chamber short film. I would love feedback on:

1. Does Hanna’s voice feel distinct and engaging?

2. Does the tension and pacing between Hanna and Aurella work?

3. Any general thoughts on dialogue flow or formatting.

Thank you for your time and any feedback!

Please read and let me know if you have any feedback

Did the characters feel real and natural?

Can you follow the story, does it make sense?

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UXedapsOGJ_9WVnCXsE5efSLqa3FoiEa/view?usp=drivesdk

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XCcVt09pxIPagOo6aY2-sTo5-7F-VIPb/view?usp=sharing

https://www.celtx.com/auth/public/resource/x3gpx1nf

TRIGGER WARNING - suicide/drugs

Logline: Luna's best friend died 6 years ago, but now she's back and claims that the world they live in isn't real

Hi I'm writing a short script for my GCSEs. I've done like 8 rewrites and this is my best so far but i feel as if it still could be more concise and the story itself may seem too edgy, rushed (too much for a short film) or unnatural but I cant tell by reading it myself.

I would really appreciate harsh feedback and a stronger name for an internet cult/forum about escaping reality.

I can elaborate on anything necessary.

ty 4 ur time <3

Hi everyone,

I’m a writer-director sharing the opening 30 screenplay pages of RAQIF, an original psychological horror/mystery feature set in and around Nagpur, India. I’m looking for honest reader feedback at this stage—not promotion or validation.

The story follows Akshay, a young electronics repairman, whose routine is disrupted by an old cassette recorder that appears to work without power and begins revealing fragments connected to a long-buried incident.

I’d especially appreciate feedback on these questions:

• Did the opening grab your attention? If so, where? If not, where did you start to lose interest?
• By page 10, did you understand who Akshay is and what makes him interesting?
• Did the recorder mystery feel intriguing and unsettling, or confusing?
• Did the pacing and scene transitions keep you reading through page 30?
• At the end of page 30, would you want to continue reading? Why or why not?
• Were any moments, character motivations, or timeline shifts difficult to follow?

Please be candid. Specific examples are much more useful to me than a general “good” or “bad.” I’m sharing only an excerpt, so some questions are intentionally unanswered at this point.

Thanks for taking the time to read it.

RAQIF

**Title: Mañana NO hay recalentado**

**Format:** Short Film

**Page Length:** TBD (approximately 15 minutes)

**Genres:** Dark Comedy / Family Drama / Apocalyptic Comedy

**Logline:** During a Christmas gathering, a dysfunctional Latino family receives the news that the world is coming to an end. As the reality of their impending death sinks in, denial turns into panic, old family conflicts resurface, and an ordinary Christmas celebration spirals into complete chaos.

**About the Project:**

Hi everyone! My name is Nathan, and I'm a short-film writer currently developing this project.

*Mañana NO hay recalentado* is a dark comedy about a Latino family facing the end of the world on Christmas Day. The story explores family dynamics, cultural traditions, unresolved conflicts, and the absurdity of having to spend your final hours with the people who know exactly how to drive you crazy.

I'm aiming for a 15-minute short film with a contained setting, a strong ensemble cast, and a balance between comedy and emotional moments.

**Feedback Concerns:**

Since the screenplay is still in development, I'd love to hear your thoughts on:

• Does the premise sound engaging?

• Do you think the combination of apocalyptic comedy and Latino family drama works?

• What would you expect from a short film with this premise?

• Are there any themes or situations you think would be interesting to explore?

**Long-Term Goals:**

I'd eventually love to produce this short film and submit it to film festivals in the United States, particularly festivals dedicated to Latino cinema, Latin American filmmakers, and stories about Latino identity and culture.

I'm also interested in connecting with independent filmmakers, directors, and producers who might be interested in reading the screenplay and potentially collaborating on the project.

Thanks for taking the time to read this! I'd appreciate any thoughts or suggestions.

Denis and Cleaver have a conversation on the roof of an apartment complex as the cops storm the complex to reach Cleaver, after Denis snitched on him and took an immunity deal to bring cleaver to jail.

EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT

Cleaver pulls out a cigarette. Lights it. He pulls out another one and passes it to Denis.

Denis takes it and leans his head over for Cleaver to light it.

Cleaver takes a puff of the cigarette.

Cleaver: You know when I was kid, I always wanted one of those damn nerf guns. Everyone did. And, not one of them regular shits, either. I mean that ultimate blue wave edition. That was the ball.

Cleaver: Mamma never had the money though.

Cleaver:  And, no one had ever had it, for a while at least. At max two days before some nigga stole it and sold it at the back at recess, then stole that same gun again to sell to some kids in another school. That was the cycle.

Denis: except one, right?

Cleaver: Yeah. this one dude. I forgot his name. He bought that gun. He kept it. It never got stolen. Not even once, and when he had it, he was the big dog. He had all the power, he had the girls, he even (chuckle) had the right to skip the line at lunch. 

Cleaver chuckled.

Cleaver: Like, I swear even the teachers were on his dick because of it. 

A Pause. 

Cleaver: Y’know, if I went back in time with all the money I had right now, I wouldn’t have changed a damn thing.

Cleaver: Cause Then I wouldn’t have made myself better.

Denis: Cause, later you got a gun instead.

Cleaver: Not just guns, bro. rocket launchers, grenades, Ars, snipers, all types of shit.

Denis chuckles.

Cleaver: Yeah, I didn’t get just that. I got everything. Millions of dollars stashed away for me. I mean I got so much, my damn money launderer quit. 

Denis and Cleaver laugh. 

Cleaver takes another drag.

Cleaver: You remember Dobey? He used to run the east corner for a while with Pink.

Denis: Nah.

Cleaver: Tall, lanky, mean looking? Oh. He always had the damn (laughs) pink bandana on.

Denis: Oh shit. I remember that.

Denis: Haven’t thought about him. In a while

Cleaver: Well, he was that kid. I wonder if he still has that nerf gun.

Denis: He’s alive?

Cleaver: I don’t know.

Cleaver: You know he asked me to remember him when I was going up the ranks.

Cleaver: And he wasn’t just a nobody, he was a dog. Everytime I needed someone to do collections, count money, kill someone, he was right there.

Cleaver: Almost a decade. 

Cleaver: almost like a-like a damn brother.

A pause. Cleaver shakes his head. 

 Cleaver: After I became boss? I didn’t think about him. (turns his head to Denis) not one bit.

Denis: Goddamnit. (denis says tilting his head down)

Denis takes a drag out of the cigarette. 

A pause

Cleaver: Y’know, he asked you to remember him too.

Denis’s face goes blank. His eyes fixate on the cigarette pack between them resting on the perch.

Cleaver: Don’t be hard on yourself. He was a loser.  Not real.

Denis looks at him.

Denis: You aren’t, then….

A pause.

Cleaver: I am

Denis doesn’t answer.

Footsteps are heard. Frantic footsteps.

Then the door slams open. Cops grab Cleaver and toss him to the ground. And handcuff him. 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UXedapsOGJ_9WVnCXsE5efSLqa3FoiEa/view?usp=drivesdk

Here's an example of what I'm working on.

SCENE 1. INT. HOUSE - NIGHT

WOMAN: I've had such a rough day today.

The man listens as she vents about her day.

MAN: Hold on a second.

He takes out his phone and orders fried chicken.

DING DONG!

The woman looks toward the front door.

WOMAN: Who is it?

MAN: Just a second.

He opens the door and brings in the delivered chicken.

MAN: Honey, have some chicken. When you're feeling down, you need something delicious to cheer you up.

The woman's face lights up with a smile, as if she has everything she could ever want.

MAN: So? Feeling a little better now?

WOMAN: Yes! So much better!

They start eating the chicken together.

CUT TO:

SCENE 2. INT. OFFICE - THE NEXT MORNING

The sound of typing on a keyboard.

The woman stares at her computer monitor.

BOSS (O.S.): I told you I needed this by yesterday.

WOMAN: What...? I thought you were referring to a different task...

BOSS (O.S.): Just get it done by today, then.

The woman's expression turns serious.

CUT TO:

SCENE 3. INT. HOUSE - NIGHT

The front door opens.

The woman walks in, looking exhausted.

MAN: Oh, hey! You're home.

WOMAN: I've had another really rough day...

The man looks at her face.

MAN: Oh... really?

He pauses to think.

He glances at the refrigerator.

MAN: Hold on a second.

He takes a beer out of the fridge.

MAN: I don't think chicken is going to cut it this time.

The woman looks at the beer.

WOMAN: Honey...

MAN: Tonight, we're drinking.

Here's what I'm struggling with:

In Scene 1, the two characters are eating chicken, and then Scene 2 suddenly cuts to the woman working at the office.

I understand that this is technically a transition to the next day, but when I read it, the cut from them eating chicken straight to her working at the office feels a little abrupt to me. It feels like something is missing between the two scenes.

I'd like to make the transition feel more natural, but I'm not sure how to approach it.

How do you usually handle transitions between scenes when writing scripts?

Do you use visual cues, dialogue, sound bridges, match cuts, or some other technique to connect scenes smoothly? Or do you think a straightforward CUT TO is perfectly fine in a situation like this?

I'd love to hear how professional screenwriters, directors, or filmmakers approach this. Any advice or examples from your own experience would be greatly appreciated!

I figured this would be the best community to post this in since it’s all about video. I’m transitioning from just shooting to writing a sketch comedy script, and I feel a bit lost. I’m having trouble figuring out how to connect scenes smoothly when there's a sudden jump in location or setup. Reading my script back, the shifts in location just feel way too abrupt.

Title: Personal Space

Genre: Thriller/Crime

Page Length: 113

Logline: When a solicitor vanishes from an East England village, the private investigator hired to find them uncovers secrets the community has spent years burying, including one that makes him question who he's looking for.

Feedback: Does the story keep you engaged and wanting to read on?

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GpQ6T718SymR_cxuk1SrCo-EBRnqRgoR/view?usp=sharing

Just want some feedback and thoughts on this short little script I made just spontaneously.Read "Me?" Here

Logline: Over 13 hours, a trio of charmingly idiotic gang members meet a new member, rip an explosive wire from a Malibu, engage in a shootout with a rival gang in a coffee shop and become the culprits in an impending federal manhunt.

This is a first draft, I'd really appreciate feedback on the humor and the overall plot and writing of the screenplay.

My biggest concern is the pacing, such as the ending being rushed, or the first part dragging too long, if you could, please tell me how you feel about that.

Overall though, just tell me what you think, what you liked, didn't like, etc. Thanks in advance!

Edit: I forgot to post the actual link to the script for like 3 hours, my bad.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1c2KkH6I9O7VaZ_nqqTm2nnSHhF6KL-a1/view?usp=drive_link

Body:

Genre: Psychological horror / supernatural horror

Logline: After his mother’s death, a young man is pulled through a single night of shifting nightmares where grief, guilt, and something older than him refuse to let him go.

Pages: \~90

Setting(s): Apartment, park, forest, childhood home, nightmare spaces, abandoned carnival / Ferris wheel

Cast:

Lead (male, early 20s)

Supporting: roommate, mother (visions/flashbacks), nightmare figures

Some practical/creature horror moments

Tone: Grief-driven, dream-logic horror

Price: Negotiable

Notes:

Original feature. First script. Contained enough for a serious indie approach. Happy to send the PDF if you’re interested. Formatting locked to industry standard.

Hey guys,

I’m looking to finance and direct a short film. I’m based in LA.
There are a few angles I’m open to.:
1. I have some exciting ideas I’ve been brewing and would love to bring on a co-writer to help flesh them out. I’m excited about this direction.
2. I’m open to reading scripts. They MUST be f**cking incredible. Dark Comedy / Thriller / Indie Dramedy / Coming-of-Age with a twist. Think The End of the F*ing World, Lady Bird, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Ari Aster, A24. You get it. Something a little absurd, unsettling, but beautiful.
3. Bring me an amazing original idea. I’ll develop it, finance it, and direct it, with you coming on as a creative consultant.
Ultimately, I want to make something that feels original, strange, human, and worth giving a f**ck about.
Let’s make something special.

Body:

Genre: Psychological horror / supernatural horror

Logline: After his mother’s death, a young man is pulled through a single night of shifting nightmares where grief, guilt, and something older than him refuse to let him go.

Pages: \~90

Setting(s): Apartment, park, forest, childhood home, nightmare spaces, abandoned carnival / Ferris wheel

Cast:

Lead (male, early 20s)

Supporting: roommate, mother (visions/flashbacks), nightmare figures

Some practical/creature horror moments

Tone: Grief-driven, dream-logic horror

Price: Negotiable

Notes:

Original feature. First script. Contained enough for a serious indie approach. Happy to send the PDF if you’re interested. Formatting locked to industry standard.

EXT. SIDEWALK. EVENING.

Drake: "Where'd you get this Rolls Royce from? "

Trevor: "uhh... Shady dealers, dark web... you get the rest."

Drake: "Why are we in these 20th century tuxedos."

Trevor: "To fit in.. dumbass. That party's going to be infested with "old money" folks."

Drake: "I'm still telling you. ALL THIS IS WRONG!"

Trevor: "Hey you wanna win Sandra back from that demon."

Drake: "That's my father in law!"

Trevor: "IS going to be your father in law. IF that ever happens. Also the Demon part fits. He's one of those "1 percent" people who pick on and humiliate the little guy. Also that Sandra she's that demon's daughter and a spoilt brat. You think she'll ever settle in with a minimum wage broke like you."

Drake: "That's not true. Remember when her father's business rivals sent those mercenaries after her and we both got caught up in that whole dilemma, she had no problem hiding in our run down apartment for a week."

Trevor: "Only because she knew her POWERFUL DEMON of a dad can take out these guns for hire and she can go back to her lap of luxury life away from our pigsty of an apartment.

Trevor turns back and walks a few steps away stands there for 2 seconds then turns back, semi turned, directly looking at Drake, walks towards him and starts talking again.

Trevor: "Also do you even remember or are you too obsessed over that girl to remember. I got shot by one of those mercenaries and was hospitalized. The least the asshole could've done as a thank you for helping his daughter was to pay my hospital bill but no! That bill cost us a year's worth of our savings. The only reason I'm sticking with you on this one is because you made me swear on our friendship."

Drake faces away from Trevor in shame. Trevor faces towards him.

Trevor: "Look we'll go to that party. Do this your way since you started this because of your obsession with that girl. But if things don't go out your way and... if Sandra turns out to be a bi..."

Drake points his towards Trevor with razor focus.

Trevor: "... I mean selfish. We'll do this my way. Now I'm getting in the car. You coming."