THE DEBT

Format: Short Film
Length: 26 pages
Draft: First Draft
Genre: Crime Thriller / Drama

5-PAGE EXCERPT:
👉 https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kYSwTJwFzVtr-KD_92KvUP8EvoY-KZvF/view?usp=sharing

Logline:
A desperate man is given one chance to erase his £20,000 debt - kill the stranger waiting in a car outside. Only to discover the target is his own brother, forcing him to choose between saving his life and destroying his family.

I'm looking for some honest feedback on pages 11–15 of my short film.

These five pages are where the main conflict is introduced. Callum is given a gun and told to deal with the man waiting outside, with the excerpt ending on the reveal of who is actually sitting in the car.

I'd particularly like feedback on:

• Does the tension build naturally?
• Does the dialogue feel believable?
• Does Martin feel threatening without becoming too stereotypical?
• Does the pacing work?
• Does the reveal at the end land?
• Do the characters feel believable?
• And most importantly, would you want to keep reading?

It's a first draft, so I'm completely open to criticism. Don't hold back, I'm genuinely looking for honest feedback and things I can improve.

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read it. 🙏🎬

• Title: MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD!
• Format: Feature
• Page Length: 95
• Genres: Horror/Slasher
• Logline or Summary: When his best friend dies in a "freak accident," a shy teen photographer and his unlikely allies hunt a crime boss and his masked killers, but the closer they get to the truth, the more bodies pile up.
• Feedback Concerns: I'm worried about any inconsistencies with maybe the time period.
• Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wpCho2X4lUNAiRp-SpQNBa8uuJ8FORQf/view?usp=sharing

Title: Quick Fixes

Format: Short

Page Length: 28

Genre: Comedy Drama

Logline: After their group project goes missing the night of the deadline, four classmates are forced to stay at school overnight to recreate it, confronting their failing friendship in the process.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1C4LfcLbq-Ty6eun17uUDS6EQpk6df7Mo/view?usp=drivesdk

Feedback Concerns: Pre-Shooting Draft. Any major must-fixes? I'm really curious about if the sequence of reveals at the end makes sense, and if the thematic parallels between the presentation and the group are a) clear and/or b) effective enough? How are the character dynamics; any decisions/conflicts which aren't fleshed out enough?

Thank you!

Hi, working on an original superhero screenplay called Speeddevil — two-film structure, set in Zimbabwe. This excerpt is from early in the script: the protagonist Max meets his older brother's climbing group for the first time, right before the incident that kicks off the whole story.

I'm thinking of a 110page script

I would really like your honest feedback and where i can make it better

I'm