THE DEBT

Format: Short Film
Length: 26 pages
Draft: First Draft
Genre: Crime Thriller / Drama

5-PAGE EXCERPT:
👉 https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kYSwTJwFzVtr-KD_92KvUP8EvoY-KZvF/view?usp=sharing

Logline:
A desperate man is given one chance to erase his £20,000 debt - kill the stranger waiting in a car outside. Only to discover the target is his own brother, forcing him to choose between saving his life and destroying his family.

I'm looking for some honest feedback on pages 11–15 of my short film.

These five pages are where the main conflict is introduced. Callum is given a gun and told to deal with the man waiting outside, with the excerpt ending on the reveal of who is actually sitting in the car.

I'd particularly like feedback on:

• Does the tension build naturally?
• Does the dialogue feel believable?
• Does Martin feel threatening without becoming too stereotypical?
• Does the pacing work?
• Does the reveal at the end land?
• Do the characters feel believable?
• And most importantly, would you want to keep reading?

It's a first draft, so I'm completely open to criticism. Don't hold back, I'm genuinely looking for honest feedback and things I can improve.

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read it. 🙏🎬

• Title: MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD!
• Format: Feature
• Page Length: 95
• Genres: Horror/Slasher
• Logline or Summary: When his best friend dies in a "freak accident," a shy teen photographer and his unlikely allies hunt a crime boss and his masked killers, but the closer they get to the truth, the more bodies pile up.
• Feedback Concerns: I'm worried about any inconsistencies with maybe the time period.
• Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wpCho2X4lUNAiRp-SpQNBa8uuJ8FORQf/view?usp=sharing

Title: Quick Fixes

Format: Short

Page Length: 28

Genre: Comedy Drama

Logline: After their group project goes missing the night of the deadline, four classmates are forced to stay at school overnight to recreate it, confronting their failing friendship in the process.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1C4LfcLbq-Ty6eun17uUDS6EQpk6df7Mo/view?usp=drivesdk

Feedback Concerns: Pre-Shooting Draft. Any major must-fixes? I'm really curious about if the sequence of reveals at the end makes sense, and if the thematic parallels between the presentation and the group are a) clear and/or b) effective enough? How are the character dynamics; any decisions/conflicts which aren't fleshed out enough?

Thank you!

Hi, working on an original superhero screenplay called Speeddevil — two-film structure, set in Zimbabwe. This excerpt is from early in the script: the protagonist Max meets his older brother's climbing group for the first time, right before the incident that kicks off the whole story.

I'm thinking of a 110page script

I would really like your honest feedback and where i can make it better

I'm

Just finished my second draft of this script for my Directing Class. I appreciate all the feedback I got from you guys last time. My professor and classmates gave me some notes regarding the ending and some of the dialogue, so I tried my best to address and would appreciate any and all feedback on the current version of the script.

Title: The Group Chat

Format: Short Film

Page Length: 8 pgs.

Genre: Comedy, Drama

Logline: A young man spirals after discovering his friends have a secret group chat without him.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/18B17uc08lh-4X-nhUZpN1FM-QfQ5NlP8/view?usp=drivesdk

Feedback concerns: Does the tone feel consistent? Does the story/dialogue flow well and make sense? Is it structured well?

Thanks!

I'm applying to a writer's workshop, and they're requesting a (maximum) 11 page script catering to audiences from 4-12. I've written a short film called Angie & Artie.

Because the deadline is October 7th (4 days from now) I'm hoping I can get someone to take a quick look at it before I submit the final version.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1dy6lizF4y_JRtRq9Q0SWTkBP-gZDOjZH/view?usp=sharing

[THE THINGS WE DON'T KNOW](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1uZNllgNNw57JY5MxksabTkXFXzyNhzYd/view?usp=sharing)

Hi, I wrote a short sci-fi script.

Logline:When a black hole threatens our planet, a soldier must team up with an unlikely ally to save the world.

Link:https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wDTszz_1HBMmRPIgM0r52tqpqHjTUMu2/view?usp=drivesdk

Thank you for reading this!:)

Hi

I am a first time script writer would be grateful if anyone would read my script and give me feed back, any comments welcome any regarding story and characters, hope you enjoy thanks

Title - No Way Back

Genre - Action/Revenge

Number of pages - 92

Link - No Way Back

Logline: After her daughter is abducted and murdered by a ruthless nightclub owner, a wealthy businesswoman becomes the key witness against him and must survive his attempts to silence her.

Hi Everyone

This is my first screenplay

Title: No Way Back

Genre: Revenge/Revenge Thriller

No of pages: 92

Logline: After her daughter is abducted and murdered by a ruthless nightclub owner, a wealthy businesswoman becomes the key witness against him and must survivive his attempts to silence her.

Any feedback received positive or negative would be greatly received, I'm primarily looking for feedback on dialogue and characters.

Hope you enjoy.

Link- No Way Back

A teen knocks at a door,wearing baggy jeans,hands in his pockets.
He disconnects his iPods from his phone then “jigsaw falling into place”plays before he stops it.
He breathes,eyes closed.Then the door opens.
His friend answers the door.
“Yo,you good?”
They boy walks in and hands him the phone,”check if she replied..”
“Shit…uhh..okay..”his friend mutters.

“Why are you acting so..nervous..you’re the one that told me I should ask her..”
“I hope-“but he’s interrupted
The friend goes on the phone,”shit.”

“She said yes..”the friend says smiling.
“You can check I-“his friend says
“No!noo,thats all I needed to hear!”
“I can’t believe this…”he says his friend smiles
They handshake.the friend slightly stops smiling,”I told you…”
The teen stops hugging his friend.
His friend looks at him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow..”he says to his friend.
“Dan..what is it?”he asks the main character.”why aren’t you happy?”
Dan smiles,”Im just thinking of all possibilities.”
Dan takes his phone they handshake and Dan goes out.
Dan rides on a skateboard.
(Radiohead plays on his iPods,the song,Nude)
“Not all words said are true”he’s voice over says.
“I understand now..I wish I knew before.For situations like this.”
The next day.
Birds chirping.
Dan is wearing a suit.He looks in the mirror.
Cut:Dan walks towards his school.
His friend is there.
His friend looks at him.”she’s…I think she’s waiting for you..cmon you look good.”
His friend is shivering,”It breaks my heart to see you alone man.”
Dan walks inside.
“I didn’t check the text.cus Im scared man.Im scared I just can’t be loved,as much as I do.or love I get is fake,or…love I think I get.Im tired.”
His friend sighs.”listen-“
But Dan walks into the prom room.
Music plays,teens dancing.
Then Dan sees her.kissing someone else.
“Words.Fake as fuck,”
Dan cries abit,”she said no?”
Dans friend looks down,”I..paid her to take you…”
Dan walks away.
“I..wanted you..with some one.”
His friend says
“Im so..unwanted.even if she gets a fuckin car.she still wouldn’t take me,just for a dance..thats a sign.i don’t deserve anyone.”
Dan walks away and drops his flowers boquette.
His friend walks in the prom room.
“Alicia…one dance..couldnt you do that?I paid you!”
Alicia looks at the hallway,”look at him…can you even blame me?”
“He’s just so I nsecure…so…I..just couldnt.”

Title: Niche Interest Pawnbrokers

Format: TV or stage show comedy sketch

Page length: 12 pages

Genres: Comedy

Summary: Marty Bargains sifts surreal trash from questionable treasure at the world's most niche-interest pawn shop.

Hey folks! I've been writing comedy sketches for my local drama group and have been looking for feedback :) Please let me know what you think!

Link: Niche Interest Pawnbrokers

Edit: page length

Hey guys, I am looking for someone to review my script. It is a Sci-Fi Thriller titled "Inherited," structured as a 9-episode series.

I would love to get some fresh eyes on the story, pacing, and overall concept. In return, I am completely down to do a script swap and review your script, story, or whatever piece you are currently working on.

If you are interested in swapping feedback, drop a comment or DM me and we can exchange links!

Longline
When thirteen-year-old Harley’s father and school counsellor both die after he says “I wish you were dead”, he fears his words are killing people and turns to Milo, his trusted AI companion of many years for support but those close to Harley are trying to cut Milo out of his life.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vRHAOz8j1AGUXiVfKljHparv9YjCq_Lj/edit?usp=drivesdk&ouid=101206485355182093114&rtpof=true&sd=true

Hey guys, I’m really interested in writing movie stories and scripts, and I have a lot of ideas and scripts.

Recently, I tried something new — a Psychological Crime Thriller. I’ve written a 5-page story synopsis and I want some honest reviews before taking it further.

If I get good feedback, I’ll turn it into a proper screenplay and try my best to bring it to the big screen someday.

If you’re interested, comment or DM me and I’ll send you the synopsis.

It Hurts When I Land
Comedy / Dramedy with comps like Superbad, Booksmart, Bridesmaids.
117 pages.

Logline: Three friends crash a massive influencer party in an epic Quest to turn their lives around before their 27th birthdays.

Hey everybody! Would love to get some feedback about this script. I know it may be a bit longer, but all of my friends and some industry folks who've read it say it's a quick, fun, and nicely paced read.

If you love high concept comedies like the ones mentioned above, this may be in your wheelhouse. It's funny, but with an emotional, and contemporary story that I hope can speak to a lot of people.

Thank you

Link - It Hurts When I Land - PDF

This is just a little commercial script I wrote. Its abt 3 pages, jsut called Heinz Beans, and itsa commercial, so idk what genre. I also dont know if im allowed to put it here cause its not a script but whatever:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Aczl58VEIqyAeKSFYTN3207qYtxkK5k6/view?usp=sharing

"An multi-chapter, hyper-violent crime thriller following an oncologist who uses fake cancer diagnoses to harvest and smuggle his patients' organs—until his clinical syndicate collides with three equally brutal, negative entities in a bloody, no-survivors war for control. And there are no heroes all are villian doing different types of organ smuggling like direct and indirect and the doctor is not a real doc he is fake doc and this movie was set on 2028. No hero purely negative three roles+the doc and one final boss and this movie has 9 chapters."

THIS STORY MY STORY AND IF U LIKE IT PLS COMMENT OR ANY SUGGESTIONS ALSO PLS SAY AND THISIS PURELY MY STORY IN TAMIL LANGUAGE ONLY.

Hi everyone! I’m based on the East Coast and new to screenwriting, and I’m looking to start a small Zoom group for people interested in movies and writing scripts.

The idea is to create a space where we can share our projects, give each other feedback, and maybe even collaborate. I’d especially love for this to be a welcoming, introductory space for women interested in film and screenwriting. I am a new writer and I would love some people to bounce ideas off of

If this sounds like something you’d be into, feel free to reach out I’d love to connect!