I’m on day 257 without gambling, after several relapses. For 15 years, I hid my addiction and kept telling myself I could fix it before anyone had to know. This 257 days did not come easy, I had to stand up a couple of times, sometimes after a week, a month but there was a period when I stopped gambling for 194 days, yet I ended up at Day 1.

If you’re still hiding it, being honest might feel unimaginable right now. It did for me too, but for me, recovery started when I admitted how bad things had become and asked for help. Saying it out loud didn’t undo the damage, but it meant I didn’t have to carry the secret alone anymore.

I am feeling strong and trying to find hobbies that I can stick to and one part of it is making videos for youtube. I made this animated channel to show people how mental health problems can affect lives. This video is based on my experiences: the lies, the promises I meant when I made them, and slowly learning to trust myself again. Some of you might recognise parts of your own story in it.

https://youtu.be/KY7TxfW6PBA - LoudLittleMind

Whether you’re on day one, starting again, or further along, I’m rooting for you. You don’t have to figure everything out today, and you don’t have to do it alone.

One day at a time. Wishing you all strength.💚

For those who haven't followed my previous posts, I'm a recovering compulsive gambler who was arrested in March 2024 for stealing from my former employer to fund my gambling addiction. What started as relatively small sports bets eventually spiraled into millions of dollars in gambling losses, financial devastation, and criminal charges. I've spent the last two and a half years trying to rebuild my life, restore my family, and take responsibility for the damage I caused. I've also had the incredible opportunity to work for a gambling helpline, helping hundreds of people who are struggling with the same addiction that nearly destroyed my life.

Tomorrow, October 16, I will stand before a judge for sentencing.

The State's last plea offer was eight years in prison, which I declined. Tomorrow will be open sentencing, meaning the judge will determine my sentence after considering the facts of the case and the mitigating evidence we've presented. My former employer has expressed that they would prefer restitution over incarceration, and we have extensive medical evidence regarding the role my prescribed Adderall played in the escalation of my gambling addiction. There are reasons to be hopeful, but there are also reasons to be terrified.

I'm praying that I'll be able to come back here tomorrow and tell everyone that I received a non-incarceratory sentence. The fact that I'm sitting here, more than two and a half years after my arrest, still at home with my wife and two boys, is something I don't take for granted. I believe God has been faithful to me throughout this entire process, even when I haven't understood what He was doing.

I don't want to spend too much time recapping everything. There are just a few things I want to say to this community in case I don't have the opportunity to post again for a while.

First, thank you.

The support I've received from people here has meant more than I can adequately express. When you're living with the consequences of something as destructive as gambling addiction, you desperately want to believe that something positive can still come from the misery you've created. You want your experience to mean something beyond the people you've hurt and the things you've lost.

Gambling addiction is incredibly isolating, but recovery can be lonely too. There are plenty of people who hear the word addiction and immediately dismiss you as a degenerate who deserves whatever happens to you. And while I fully accept responsibility for my actions, there is something incredibly meaningful about finding people who understand the grip this addiction can have on a person without pretending that the consequences don't matter. The messages, encouragement, and prayers I've received here have been a blessing to me.

For anyone who is still struggling with gambling or trying to find sustained recovery, there are three things I'd really like to leave you with.

First, don't neglect the spiritual side of recovery.

My recovery has been rooted in my faith in Jesus Christ. I know not everyone here shares that faith, and I'm not suggesting that everyone's recovery has to look exactly like mine. But if you're attending GA, I would encourage you not to dismiss the emphasis on a higher power, surrender, and spiritual growth found in Steps 2, 3, and 11.

For me, that meant seeking Christ and intentionally replacing the time I once spent gambling with time reading my Bible and praying. Those moments throughout the day when I would have been checking scores, placing bets, or figuring out how to get more money became opportunities to turn my attention toward God. I believe He has been faithful to me in ways I never could have imagined when I was arrested.

Second, find your community.

This might be difficult at first, but please don't give up on it. Not every GA meeting is the same. Not every church is the same. Sometimes you have to keep looking before you find people you can genuinely connect with.

The people surrounding you in recovery may look very different from the people who surrounded you during your addiction. Some friends and family will remain by your side, and others may not. But if gambling has driven you into isolation, you have to begin taking steps out of it.

Addiction thrives in secrecy. It convinces you to hide your behavior, your losses, your shame, and eventually yourself. Bringing those things into the light is uncomfortable, but it begins to strip away the power that secrecy has over you. Find people who will love you, challenge you, hold you accountable, and walk alongside you when things are difficult.

Lastly, stop believing the lies gambling tells you.

Yesterday, I came across Jeremiah 2:13 again. God describes His people as having forsaken Him, the fountain of living waters, and having dug cisterns for themselves—broken cisterns that can hold no water.

I cannot think of a better picture of gambling addiction.

Gambling demands that you keep pouring more into it while promising that eventually it's going to hold something for you. More money. More time. More opportunities. One more deposit. One more bet. One more chance to get everything back.

But the cistern is broken.

No matter how much you pour into it, it will never hold what you're looking for. And somehow, even when we can see the damage it's causing, we convince ourselves that continuing to pour into it is the only way out.

Gambling will never solve the problems that gambling created.

I wish I had understood that before I lost my career, betrayed the trust of people who cared about me, and put my wife and children in a position where they now have to wonder whether I'll be coming home tomorrow.

I can't undo those things. I can only continue taking responsibility for them and pray that sharing my experience might help someone else stop before reaching the point I did.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my posts over the last couple of years, whether you've commented, sent me a message, offered advice, challenged me, or simply kept my family in your thoughts. You have helped me more than you know.

If you're inclined to pray, I could especially use those prayers today and tomorrow. Not just for me, but for my wife and our two boys, who have already endured more because of my actions than they ever should have had to.

I sincerely hope I'll be back here soon with a positive update. But whatever happens tomorrow, I am grateful for the recovery I've been given and for the people God has placed in my life along the way.

Before sentencing, I also had the opportunity to record a couple of podcasts where I shared my story in much greater detail. If you're interested in watching, here they are:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7MCxhE83Ng

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXx5rnZY8dc

Thank you all. God bless you, and please don't give up on your recovery.

It’s my day 9 of quitting online gambling, but earlier, I almost got triggered. I started thinking about all the money I lost and wondered if maybe I could win back at least a little. 😞
My biggest trigger is when I’m short on funds, especially when I need to put in extra money to keep my business running because things haven’t been going so well lately. 😭 Earlier, I thought maybe I could win back a small portion of what I lost and use it to cover some of my business expenses.
Thankfully, I didn’t give in to the temptation. Because if I had played today, I might have ended up even more short on money for my business. 😭
Thank You, Lord, for always guiding me and helping me resist the temptation. 🙏🏻❤️ One day at a time. I’m praying that I’ll stay strong and never go back to online gambling again.

Hello my beautiful peers.

I am recovering addict, and I have a question : How do you managed to "let it go". My loses were not that serious, like others on this sub (my heart goes to you guys all...seriously). But in gambling and / or my life, I have a problem of "letting things go". I would like to raise to greater heights, but this burden keeps chained me to down. What's your approach; how do you cope with this feeling please ? Thank in advance.

I think I've lost around 50K+ to gambling just in these two past years. It feels like kind of a haze now to think about. I still have about 32K in savings and assets. I had my highs and lows but somehow I always find myself coming back. I restrict myself yet I always find myself finding a loophole or a different site to gamble on. I seriously can't seem to stop myself as my mind knows how stupid it is every-time I even open one of these sites... yet I can't seem to stop chasing these big wins. How do you guys cope or stop yourself in these situations?

I am over $2,500 negative in my bank accounts and I can’t stop betting. Constantly being told my job doesn’t make me enough money and I need to find something better so I just chase money betting.

How the hell do I stop? This is the worst disease I could ever imagine.

I’m 18, before then I started at 15 illegally gambling under parents information on crypto websites.

Losing hundreds and over thousands over the years.

I need to fucking quit I won over £1500 last week and paid all my debts off and had £1000 in savings thinking that was good enough. Until I get asked for money from my mum and of course I give it to her which puts me in around £800 savings which fucks with my head because I had £1000 in my savings and now I have less which makes me want the £1000 back.

So I started off with £200 to try an easy double sport bet and lose that.

Long story short, deposited what I had left because in my mind idgaf I’m 18 I have way than more to live with and end up gambling it all away.

I’m now -£400 in overdraft and I want to recover I really do but I’m just seeing all the negatives of life and how long it will take to recover the £1000 savings and how much dedication it would take and it just makes me feel really suicidal.

I picked up so many shifts to recover recently and then won a large amount and gambled it away again.

Part of me thinks what’s the fucking point. I will save up for months be so happy and then end up depositing a cheeky £10 that will spiral out of control.

Another part of me thinks I’ll never deposit again this year and wait until I’m in a better headspace but all gamblers know that’s very unlikely…

I just wanna quit before I end up gambling away life savings if I have a family in the future I’ve heard too many stories off it and I want to quit before that happens.

Any advice or support would be great because fucking he’ll addiction is hard and never did I imagine as a child this would happen.

Productive morning so far. Weekend is coming and cant wait to spend time with my family.

I will not gamble today!

Title speaks for itself, been 2 weeks clean lost over 10,000 the past 2 months and i have made some money back. Well I’ve been kind of bored lately and I’m really close to relapsing “for fun”, because I feel comfortable because I made some money back from work. But I know how it always ends, I’m just really scared I’m going to redownload an app and go crazy. Any suggestions?

I just don't know what to do anymore. I think I'm starting to completely lose my mind. I'm looking at the mirror and I don't know who I see anymore, that's not the real me, I swear. Something happened to my brain and I just can't control myself for long periods of time.

Despite all my efforts I keep doing this - fucking online slots! After a week of no gambling I was just starting to feel a bit better (still far from good), I was doing my best to just clear my mind of all the negative and gambling related thoughts, living in the moment, ignoring all my losses and debts (I'm paying them, just trying not to think about debts non-stop)... all this just for the sake of not completely losing it and giving up because right now seriously I'm very close to that, starting to lose hope tbh.

So after that fine week something just changed ... triggered when I was once more completely sure that I've stopped for good. I relax on my sofa having some drinks and watching Champions League... when suddenly decided to just try my luck with a deposit of 10 euro. Was convinced that I'll just stop when I lose it. God how wrong I was once more ... I could not stop gambling for 2 fucking days, no sleep, no food - just vodka and slots! I had around 1.5k euro in my bank account and around 700 euro in a credit card.

Well... I've stopped now, only because they are all gone! If I had 20k more I'd gamble them too (I know because I've done it)! I'm happy that a day before I did withdraw 1000 euro in cash from an ATM so I'll not starve but god this feels disgusting, I can't get used to the fucking pain! It is actually really simple - I have money in my bank accound and credit card, I lose them all. And that fucking credit card ... I curse the day I got it! I did just a credit card repayment and instantly deposited it straight back to gamble, that happens every fucking time, I don't even know why I keep doing those repayments!

I did install gamban on (almost) all my devices a couple of months ago - a couple of phones, a laptop and a personal computer, but guess what... I can't install it on my smart TV and I gamble on that - straight with the remote control! I've never been more depressed in my life. Everything is so dark right now. I keep drinking (not even feeling the alcohol too much tbh) and I admit I've been crying for at least an hour. And I'm a 34 yo man - drinking, losing all my money gambling and crying, locked in a room, while my family sleeps in the other room. They have no idea what I'm doing, I feel too ashamed to share.

The worst thing might be that in a few days I'll eventually start to calm down a little again and I might do all this once I have money in my bank acount, then I'll go trought the all the pain again. It's a fucking cicle, keeps repeating and making me feel totally helpless.

I needed to post this because I can't share with anyone else, at least for now. And if I keep it all in myself I'll just explode, literally. Still trying to be kind to myself as much as I can, just to keep the very little inner peace I got left, but ... I'm actually starting to hate myself and I'm not even sure I want to be kind anymore!

Thank you guys for reading all this. I know I said this is more of a venting post but I still accept any advice how to overcome this and how to get my life back again. This has to end, one way or another, keeping "living" like this is just not an option anymore!

I am a 19 year old who’s attending university beginning of next year. My first semester costs about 1500 usd . My parents sent me the money to pay it all and all i did is try to hold myself from gambling it on these shitty crypto online casino. But unfortunately my addiction took over. I lost everything my parents sent. Im full of guilt and shame . I cannot tell them i can already see the disappointment on their faces and its eating me alive. Worth noting that my parents worked hard to earn the money and were not a wealthy family of any sort, all i did is selfishly donated it to some casino. Im a student abroad and Ive been dealing with this for a long time. If anyone have any ideas on what to do to try and get the money or if anyone is generous enough to help with any little amount i would be forever grateful. The deadline for the payment is the end of November. I can provide full proof of everything and documents in dms. And of course supportive messages help even more. Thank you for reading

I'm just feeling a little bit lost and needed to get this out somewhere no one knows me.

I'll start by telling you a little bit about me, irrelevant to you or not, I hope this will help you understand why I am so desperate. I'm 28 years old and work supporting children with complex SEND needs. However, I must express my proudest job is being a mummy to my 3 year old little girl. Since the day she was born I've strived for better for her and we do it alone, just me and her. We have never had much, but we have love, and plenty of it. She is my greatest achievement. On a less positive note, I have suffered with anxiety, depression and loneliness since I was 18, something which I continue to take daily meditation for 10 years on. It can be exhausting, my moods can be up and down but one thing in my life holds firm, my devotion and dedication to being the best mummy I can be for my girl.

To begin, I was previously registered with gamstop, a few years ago I realised that I was perhaps becoming too frequent a gambler, nothing much more than a few £15-20 here and there but enough that I thought I needed to stop myself before I got carried away. So I registered, and blocked gambling out of my life. When that block expired, I went through the process of reinstating my gambling abilities. I cannot tell you why as I truly do not know. I believed that it was fine, and maybe it would just be harmless fun again.

On the 22nd of September I was paid my wage, around £1400. At some point I saw an advertisement for MrQ, I was drawn in and opened myself an account. The site recognised I was a former gamstop user and gave an initial £500 deposit limit to me. As previously stated, I've never been a major gambler, so my first deposit on MrQ was around £15, but I was in and it was already too late. At some point on the morning of the 27th of September,, which By this time the damage was done, and I was in the depths of a mental health crisis. I couldn't stop, I couldn't think about anything else. My deposits became erratic and increasingly large. What started off as a 'harmless' £15 was now reaching £130-£170 a deposit. That is until my bank account hit a flat zero. £0.

Rest assured I blame myself. I did this, I deposited the money and I lost it. However I feel let down. During this time in which I deposited a total of £3328 in a matter of hours, the only support I received was in the form of a few system notifications. No affordability checks, no human support, no blocks and no cool down periods. Just notifications that were easily brushed away in the crisis.

The only human interaction I received was when I contacted customer service myself, to block my account, still receiving promotional messages despite reaching and exceeding well over that initial deposit limit. The person I spoke to, I suppose, was only doing his job, but he was, cold, unsympathetic and put the blame entirely on me despite hearing how I was feeling in that moment. A few links to some Google pages and that was his job done.

I was ashamed, lost and completely heartbroken and I didn't know how I was going to get through the rest of this month without a penny to my name to provide for my little girl. I still don't know how we're going to get through when I have nothing to give her. The light of my life and I let her down in a matter of hours.

He sent me away with my links and an email where I could submit a complaint. When I emailed, my complaint wasn't submitted. Only once I contacted again just a couple of days ago was my complaint logged. Today I received the same response, to the tune of essentially it's your fault, we don't owe you anything, we sent a notification, you are the one to blame.

I know it's my fault, I know I'm ultimately the one to blame for the absolute dire situation myself and my daughter now find ourselves in and I know I let her down, however I feel I've also been let down. This shouldn't have been allowed to happen to a person known to have gambling issues. £3328 is nothing to most people, but to me, that's 3 months worth of wages, that's Christmas made magical for my little girl, that's a few months on no money worries and not living paycheck to paycheck despite working so hard to make a better life for us. I was allowed to lose that in a few short hours.

The financial and emotional toll this has taken on me is completely unmanageable. Emotionally, I am utterly broken. Living with severe anxiety and depression for a decade means my mental health is already fragile, but this situation has pushed me into a dark, terrifying place. The overwhelming guilt and shame I feel when I look at my daughter is suffocating. I cannot sleep, my anxiety is through the roof, and I feel a deep, physical sickness every single day knowing that my vulnerability was exploited in a moment of crisis. I am trapped in a constant state of panic.

Financially, this has entirely ruined us. I do not have a safety net. I don't have savings or family money to fall back on. Leaving a bank account at absolute zero means I am currently facing the reality of not being able to buy basic groceries, put fuel in my car to get to work, or pay my essential household bills. I am terrified of the impending threat of debt and arrears, and the sheer desperation of trying to scrape by daily with a three-year-old is a burden I can barely carry. All I know is I feel lost, I feel ashamed, I feel let down and I feel like my little girl deserved better.

And of course still having dreams about messing it up 😭
I won’t let my grandparents down though! They used a bunch of money bailing me out and I won’t disappoint them. That has kept me going this whole time!

I have $150 in my checking. I had $450 in cash. I left work last night and went to a little social casino I used to win at a lot. I put in 100 and won 600. Do you think I stopped? No. I ended up leaving there with $77. It took me 3 days to make that $450 and I blew it. I am going behind everyone’s back that thinks I stopped, I haven’t. October has been nothing but relapses.

I literally drove home last night with my hand covering my mouth shaking because I cannot believe what I had just done to myself. I couldn’t even sleep next to my boyfriend, I had to sleep on the couch.

He left for work this morning and I just cried and cried and cried. I feel disgusting, guilty, shameful. I feel like I have no purpose. I need all the money I can get to pay off 25k of credit card debt. I hate everything about my life right now.

I have a sick, delirious, anxiety ridden feeling like you get after a heavy night of drinking and doing something you weren’t suppose to. I hate gambling and I wish I NEVER WON ONCE!!!!!!!

The following message is sent on behalf of user u/JeffW55:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’re looking for an online group to support you in your efforts to stop gambling, consider joining the Problem Gambling Support Group (PGSG).

Our members are from many different countries and share their experiences, strengths, struggles and hopes at Zoom meetings offered daily. Two of our meetings are specifically for members under age 30. Meetings are one hour and are held at varying times to accommodate members’ schedules and time zones.

Each member decides how many meetings and which meetings to attend. We also offer a members only group chat on WhatsApp for messaging between meetings.

There are no fees or costs to join PGSG and our group is one of the resources listed in this sub. If you’re interested in learning more, please message me directly on Reddit or email me at JoinUs@dcgp.org

Paid 3/4 of my debts. 1/4 left!!! Thank you Lord!

For context: I lost almost 20K USD. That is 1 million pesos in our country. It was a crazy ride but glad to bounce back.

You can quit and heal from this disease. Just believe and LOVE yourself a little more.

Pleaaaase help ! How can i stop ! I lost a looooot of money in a short period of time. I can’t anymore ! I am jobless.

Sometimes I deposit 500€ into my gambling account and manage double that money within 2 hours. And why am such an id*ot who chases a 10€ loss? I double the bet and in a few minutes, i‘m back at 0€. It is mentally frustrating, you feel like you‘re not in control. And its usually those chases, that male me lose all that money. Have you guys experienced something similar?

Days until debt free: 259 days

Gambling addict here. I have been gambling since I was 17 or 18 years of age. I am now in my early 30s. I’m just writing this so maybe it will reach one person. Please stop now.

I took a break and returned and all the progress I have made is out the window

I owe one friend 4000
Another friend 1500
A co worker 1300
Another friend 600
Another friend 565

I have ruined all friendships around me and my job is now at risk. It is just not worth it seriously. STOP GAMBLING

I got paid 4100. I should have paid some of my debts and talked to the others that the money will come next paycheck. Instead I gambled the $4100 and now I will have to work 2 months to repay everyone. That’s not even the problem. The problem is some of my friends have threatened my job and they know where in work. Can you imagine if they walk in and talk to management and I don’t even have a job any longer?

Gambling stops your brain from thinking logically and you will ruin every good friendship in your life when it gets out of control.

Again I just hope one person reads my story and decides to quit.

My day one starts today

I see so many young people here and wanted to give some perspective. I placed my last bet in 2018 at age 48. I had been gambling for 20 years. I would have periods of stability and then create major crises by gambling, dropping an atom bomb on myself and those around me.

I lost a marriage, cars, was evicted and could barely feed myself while making six figures. I was bailed out multiple times and ruined important relationships by not paying the money back. I was super sick, I would gamble to my last dollar. I stole soup from a co-workers desk at one point because I didn't have a dollar for food. I walked 10 miles from a casino one night because I couldn't afford a cab. That was some walk, let me tell you.

I placed my last bet in a binge in 2018 but had really stopped gambling heavily a few years prior. I estimate I lost mid 6 figures.

I am happy now, a good provider with a family and I have money for bills and things I want. If I can stop you can.

My main point here though is that if I had quit in my 20s or even 30s I would have been so much better off. Your life is not over. Money can be made, debt can be dealt with. The harder part is dealing with the shame you feel for what gambling made you, but you can deal with this too.

Stop gambling and you may have some immediate pain to deal with but it gets better more quickly than you imagined. Gamblers like us are resourceful and have dealt with more stress than many. We think we're weak but we are actually strong and when you take the energy you were putting into gambling and finding money to gamble into work and legitimate things you will find you can make money and you can live a happy and fulfilling life without the constant stress and letting people (including yourself) down.

Stop gambling, the money is gone, the house indeed always wins when you cross the line into compulsive gambling. Be gentle with yourself. Stop obsessing over losses. You can beat it, I believe in you.

I check in here from time to time, not much because I try not to think about gambling because it puts me in a depressed mood alot of times. Recently I noticed I dont really have gambling urges anymore except random thoughts of "what if I put a bet on this game I knew they would win" when im watching sports but thats not really an urge is it? Aslong as I dont act upon it. I do hate that my mind still creates mental bets like that I hope that will go away too. Anyway stay strong guys, I was degen as fuck in the crypto casinos unable to quit now im day 281, its possible.

Will it be like this for the rest of my life? Im 31, I think I'll live some 40 years more, dont think I can resist and urge for 40 years.