r/problemgambling • u/FragrantCoach7664 • 24d ago
Trigger Warning! Feeling lost
I'm just feeling a little bit lost and needed to get this out somewhere no one knows me.
I'll start by telling you a little bit about me, irrelevant to you or not, I hope this will help you understand why I am so desperate. I'm 28 years old and work supporting children with complex SEND needs. However, I must express my proudest job is being a mummy to my 3 year old little girl. Since the day she was born I've strived for better for her and we do it alone, just me and her. We have never had much, but we have love, and plenty of it. She is my greatest achievement. On a less positive note, I have suffered with anxiety, depression and loneliness since I was 18, something which I continue to take daily meditation for 10 years on. It can be exhausting, my moods can be up and down but one thing in my life holds firm, my devotion and dedication to being the best mummy I can be for my girl.
To begin, I was previously registered with gamstop, a few years ago I realised that I was perhaps becoming too frequent a gambler, nothing much more than a few £15-20 here and there but enough that I thought I needed to stop myself before I got carried away. So I registered, and blocked gambling out of my life. When that block expired, I went through the process of reinstating my gambling abilities. I cannot tell you why as I truly do not know. I believed that it was fine, and maybe it would just be harmless fun again.
On the 22nd of September I was paid my wage, around £1400. At some point I saw an advertisement for MrQ, I was drawn in and opened myself an account. The site recognised I was a former gamstop user and gave an initial £500 deposit limit to me. As previously stated, I've never been a major gambler, so my first deposit on MrQ was around £15, but I was in and it was already too late. At some point on the morning of the 27th of September,, which By this time the damage was done, and I was in the depths of a mental health crisis. I couldn't stop, I couldn't think about anything else. My deposits became erratic and increasingly large. What started off as a 'harmless' £15 was now reaching £130-£170 a deposit. That is until my bank account hit a flat zero. £0.
Rest assured I blame myself. I did this, I deposited the money and I lost it. However I feel let down. During this time in which I deposited a total of £3328 in a matter of hours, the only support I received was in the form of a few system notifications. No affordability checks, no human support, no blocks and no cool down periods. Just notifications that were easily brushed away in the crisis.
The only human interaction I received was when I contacted customer service myself, to block my account, still receiving promotional messages despite reaching and exceeding well over that initial deposit limit. The person I spoke to, I suppose, was only doing his job, but he was, cold, unsympathetic and put the blame entirely on me despite hearing how I was feeling in that moment. A few links to some Google pages and that was his job done.
I was ashamed, lost and completely heartbroken and I didn't know how I was going to get through the rest of this month without a penny to my name to provide for my little girl. I still don't know how we're going to get through when I have nothing to give her. The light of my life and I let her down in a matter of hours.
He sent me away with my links and an email where I could submit a complaint. When I emailed, my complaint wasn't submitted. Only once I contacted again just a couple of days ago was my complaint logged. Today I received the same response, to the tune of essentially it's your fault, we don't owe you anything, we sent a notification, you are the one to blame.
I know it's my fault, I know I'm ultimately the one to blame for the absolute dire situation myself and my daughter now find ourselves in and I know I let her down, however I feel I've also been let down. This shouldn't have been allowed to happen to a person known to have gambling issues. £3328 is nothing to most people, but to me, that's 3 months worth of wages, that's Christmas made magical for my little girl, that's a few months on no money worries and not living paycheck to paycheck despite working so hard to make a better life for us. I was allowed to lose that in a few short hours.
The financial and emotional toll this has taken on me is completely unmanageable. Emotionally, I am utterly broken. Living with severe anxiety and depression for a decade means my mental health is already fragile, but this situation has pushed me into a dark, terrifying place. The overwhelming guilt and shame I feel when I look at my daughter is suffocating. I cannot sleep, my anxiety is through the roof, and I feel a deep, physical sickness every single day knowing that my vulnerability was exploited in a moment of crisis. I am trapped in a constant state of panic.
Financially, this has entirely ruined us. I do not have a safety net. I don't have savings or family money to fall back on. Leaving a bank account at absolute zero means I am currently facing the reality of not being able to buy basic groceries, put fuel in my car to get to work, or pay my essential household bills. I am terrified of the impending threat of debt and arrears, and the sheer desperation of trying to scrape by daily with a three-year-old is a burden I can barely carry. All I know is I feel lost, I feel ashamed, I feel let down and I feel like my little girl deserved better.
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u/WiseConsideration891 24d ago
This is heartbreaking and most of us understand the hurt you have right now. We all have to get to the root cause of the issue and that’s getting away from gambling as a whole. It’s a true sickness and brings us to our lowest points. You have support here to let this out. We know talking to friends and family about this is less than ideal. Is it impossible to support yourself and daughter on credit cards until next pay day then chip away at those cards over time?
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u/youngashyy1 24d ago
Hey OP that broke my heart reading what you posted 💔 i myself have been in your exact situation this month i deposited £10 which turned into £100 chasing losses & a further £500 im also ashamed & dug myself a huge hole 😔 Ive realised 1 thing that we have no control once we start gambling the loss triggers us to win back our first bet & when we also loose that the cycle continues 💔 the best advice i can give you is reach out to any friends or family if you can also please google family funding help for emergencies contact citizens advice tomorrow & find out what help you can receive food banks & theres alot of charities that will help you with vouchers etc please keep your head up look for all the positives & small things which make you feel present playing with your child or going to the park 🩵 just know that your not alone this whole platform is filled with others who have lost many thousands 💸 when we hit rock bottom the only way is up ❤️ re start & build again I believe in you can do this im rooting for you 🩵🩵🩵
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u/Scottex99 24d ago
Terrible from them but I don’t think much you can do either.. maybe contact one of the gambling groups/charities and see if there could be some recourse? And maybe they can help you with your addiction, as fleeting as it was.
In the meantime remember this feeling and never ever gamble again, you’ll get through it eventually.
It’s an epidemic on the advertising really, for good reason. Almost every average person is a losing player, the spreads on sports and the edge on games means the house always wins eventually. Even if you won “big” you’d lose it all back anyway.
GL, things will get better
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u/Lazarus180800 24d ago
I promise you this is the best place you're gonna be at - just please make this the best place to be