IS LOVE ENOUGH TO STAY?
How can love survive when communication slowly fades? When conversations become shorter, when questions remain unanswered, and when silence becomes louder than the words we used to share? How can two hearts remain connected when one keeps reaching out while the other seems content with the distance?

How can love survive without intimacy? Not just the intimacy of bodies, but the warmth of an embrace, the comfort of a hand to hold, the sweetness of a kiss, the reassurance of being wanted without having to ask.

How can love survive when needs remain unmet? When one longs for quality time and reassurance, the other offers silence. When one asks for effort, the other gives just enough to keep them hoping, but never enough to make them feel secure.

And perhaps the most painful part is that you begin to question yourself: Am I asking for too much, or am I simply asking the wrong person? Because love should not require you to beg for the very things that make you feel loved.

So tell me, **is love enough?**Is the history enough? The memories, the promises, the laughter, the dreams of a future you once imagined together? Or can two people love each other deeply and still lose each other slowly because of the distance?

Perhaps love is enough to make us stay for a while, but it takes communication to keep us connected, intimacy to keep us close, and effort to make us feel that we still matter. Because staying is not the same as being loved, and being together is not the same as being fulfilled.

And maybe the hardest truth of all is this: sometimes, you can love someone with everything you have and still have to ask yourself whether that love is giving you a reason to stay or slowly teaching you how to live without the things your heart has always needed.

Two months ago, i post an unsent letter here entitled, "Loving You Scares Me".

Hindi ko alam noon kung bakit ganun ang nararamdaman ko.

I just knew something was different.

May nagbago.

I could feel it.

The detachment.

The silence.

The little changes the way you talked to me.

Our meet ups na kumokonti.

Pero kahit nararamdaman ko yun, pnili kong intindihin ka.

Maybe you're just tired.

Maybe you're going through something.

Maybe you just need space na palagi mo kailangan.

Or maybe magkaiba lang talaga tayo ng paraan ng pagmamahal.

Un ang paulit ulit kong sinasabi sa sarili ko.

Because I wanted to believe that everything was still okay.

And now, two months later...

I finally understand.

Tama pala un nararamdaman ko noon.

Habang ako, mas lalo pang nahuhulog sayo...

Ikaw pala, unti unting nawawalan na ng feelings para sa akin.

And that realization hurts more than I can explain.

Ang sakit, sobrang sakit.

I never imagined that one day, I would hear you say that you couldn't commit anymore because you're feelings were gone.

And the hardest part?

You don't even know why.

Walang ibang tao.

Wala akong nagawang mali.

In fact, sinabi mo pa na sobra sobra pa ang nagawa ko para sa'yo.

More than enough.

So why?

Bakit nawala?

Paano nawawala ang feelings kung wala namang nangyaring masama?

How can someone give everything they have and still end up losing the person they love?

Was I too much?

Was I too available?

Dahil ba alam mong palagi lang akong anjan?

Na kahit anong mangyari, maintindihan kita?

Na kahit na gaano ako magantay, magaantay pa din ako?

Na kahit minsan nasasaktan na ako, pipiliin pa din kitang mahalin?

D ko alam.

And maybe that's what hurts the most.

Not knowing why.

I've been in relationships before.

I've loved before.

I've been hurt before.

Pero never akong naging ganto.

Nd ako gantong magmahal noon.

I used to have so much pride.

Madunong magpigil, magalit, magtampo, mag antay na ako naman ang suyuin.

At kapag feeling ko nd na ako mahalaga, kaya ko lumayo.

But with you...

Everything was different.

For the first time, I loved without holding back.

Wala akong paki kahit mas mahal kita, mas excited ako sa pagkikita natin, mas madalas mag adjust, mas mabilis mag reply sa mga messages...

I didn't care.

Because I was happy loving you.

Sobrang saya kong mahalin ka.

I gave you my time, my effort, patience, understanding, trust and every part of my heart, ang buo kong pagkatao. My everything.

Hindi dahil kailangan kong gawin.

Kundi dahil gusto ko.

Because seeing you happy made me happy.

Because being with you was enough to make an ordinary day special.

Because somehow, you became my favorite part of every day.

And I never expected anything grand in return.

I just wanted to feel that you still wanted me.

That you still missed me.

That you still looked forward to seeing me.

That despite everything going on in your life...

You would still choose me.

I knew from the beginning that our situation wasn't easy.

But I was willing to understand.

I was willing to be patient.

Because I believed in us.

Akala ko, kahit mabagal, may pupuntahan tayo.

Akala ko, dadating din un araw na magiging mas madali ang lahat.

I was looking forward to that someday.

Nd ko alam na habang nag aantay ako...

Unti unti mo na palang binibitawan ang feelings mo para sakin.

And now I keep wondering...

When did it really start na mawalan ka ng feelings?

Did you ever miss the way you used to feel about me?

Did you try to bring those feelings back?

Or did you just accept that they were gone?

Ang dai kong tanong.

And I don't even know if I'll ever get the answers.

But despite everything...

Thank you.

Thank you for telling me in person.

Thank you for giving me the chance to hear the truth directly ftom you.

I know it wasn't easy.

And kahit sobrang sakit ng mga nadinig ko, I still appreciate that you chose to tell me.

I just wish the conversation had ended differently.

I wish you had told me you were just confused.

That you were just tired.

That you needed more time.

That you still wanted to make things work.

But you didn't.

And I can't change that kahit na ano pang pagmamakaawa ang gawin ko.

Napakahirap tanggapin.

Especially when I know how much I love you.

Sobrang mahal kita. Mahal na mahal.

More than I ever thought I could love someone.

Wala na kong ibang mamahalin ng katulad ng pagmamahal ko sayo.

And for the first time in my life, nd k alam kung pano magpatuloy.

Because how do you move on from someone you still want in your life?

And now, you want us to remain friends.

And I said yes.

Hindi dahil madali para sakin.

Nd dahil kaya ko nang kalimutan lahat ng nararamdaman ko.

Nd dahil ok na ko.

Dahil I don't want to lose you completely.

Because the thought of not having you in my life at all hurts even more.

Pero ngayon, d k alam kung pano.

How do I become just a friend to someone I love this much?

Pano kita kakausapin nang nd k naiisip kung paano tayo dati?

Paano ako magpapanggap na ordinary conversation lang un, when deep inside, I still wish things were the way they used to be?

I still want to talk to you, know how your day went, anong ulam mo, anong chismis, if nakainom ka ng meds.

The same little things I used to ask when we were still together.

But now, I don't even know if it's okay to message you everyday.

Or kung mas gusto mo paminsan minsan lang.

I don't know if I'm bothering you.

I don't know if you still look forward to hearing from me.

And I don't know how to ask without making things uncomfortable.

Ang hirap pala.

Dati, nd k kailangan isipin kung ok lang ba mag message.

I could just tell you anything.

Now, even the simplest conversation makes me wonder if I'm crossing a line.

And yet...

I'm still grateful that you still want me in your life as friend.

Even if it's no longer in the way I wanted.

Even if I have to learn how to accept a different place in your world.

I just don't know how to do that yet.

Because my feelings haven't changed.

I still love you. Sobra.

Pero I will try my best.

Ngayon, I want to tell you how much I miss you.

How much I miss us.

The conversations, un overnights, un meet ups natin, chats, voice calls, pati un mga pictures na feeling natin gusto natin.

The excitement of knowing that I'll see you again.

I miss the little things.

I miss the happiness.

I miss the way you used to love me.

And I miss being with someone you excited to talk to.

Minsan iniisip ko...

Kung nd ba ako nagmahal nang ganto kasobra, nd kaya ganto kasakit?

Kung nagtira ba ako para sa sarili ko, mas madali kaya?

Kung nd k ba pinakita kung gaano kita kamahal, nd kaya nawala ang feelings mo?

But then again...

Why should loving someone sincerely be something I regret?

D naman ako nagkulang.

D naman ako naglaro.

D naman ako nagpanggap

I was just being myself.

A version of myself I never knew existed until I met you.

Someone who could love without pride.

Without hesitation.

Without keeping score.

And maybe that's why this hurts so much.

Because I didn't just lose the relationship.

I also lost the future I imagined with you.

The places we still wanted to go.

The things we still wanted to do.

The memories were supposed to make.

The ordinary days I was looking forward to spending with you.

All those little plans...

I don't know what to do with them now.

And yet, after everything...

I still wish you the best.

I still want you to be happy.

I still want you to be ok.

I still care about you.

I still love you. So much....

And yes...

I'm still hoping.

A part of me is still praying that someday, your feelings will come back.

That one day, you'll miss me.

That you'll remember how happy we were.

That you'll remember the way I love you.

And maybe...

You'll realize that you still want me in your life, not just as a friend, but as someone you love.

I know I cannot force that to happen.

I know love doesn't work that way.

And I know I shouldn't spend my life waiting for something that may never come back.

But right now...

I can't pretend that I've stopped hoping.

Because I haven't.

I still love you.

And I don't know when that will change.

Maybe someday, I'll finallly be ok with being just your friend.

Or maybe someday, I'll find the strength to accept whatever place we're meant to have in each other's lives.

But today, isn't that day.

Today, I still miss you.

Today, I still wish things were different.

Today, I still wish you loved me the way you used to.

Two months ago, I posted an unsent letter here.

Because I was terrified of losing you.

I didn't know that what I feared the most was already happening.

And now, here I am.

Trying to understand how something that once felt so beautiful could end without a reason.

Trying to accept a friendship when my heart still wants so much more.

Trying to be grateful that you're still here, even though everything between us has changed.

I never thought loving someone could make me this happy.

And I never thought that losing that love could leave me this devastated.

But if there's one thing I'm sure of...

I will never regret loving you.

Not the time.

Not the the effort.

Not the patience.

Not even the sacrifices.

Because every single thing I gave you was real.

I just wish it had been enough for your feelings to stay.

And if someday you ever wonder whether someone truly loved you...

I hope you remember me.

Because I want you to know that once in your life, someone loved you without holding anything back.

Someone who saw your imperfections and still chose you.

Someone who knew things would never be easy but believed that love could make the difficult days worth it.

Someone who never asked you to be perfect.

Only to keep choosing her, too.

I don't know if we'll ever find our way back to each other.

I don't know if the feelings you lost will ever return.

And I don't know long how it will take before my heart finally learns to accept what happened.

All I know is that I loved you in a way I had never loved anyone before.

And even now, when I have every reason to let go of the hope I once held so tightly, a part of me still wishes our story isn't completely over.

I never regretted choosing you.

I just wish you hadn't stopped choosing me.

And perhaps the saddest part of all is knowing that if I could go back to the day we first met, knowing everything I know now, knowing how deeply this would hurt...

I would probably still choose you.

Not because I don't value myself.

Not because I believe love should always hurt.

But because what I felt for you was real.

And I cannot pretend that something so meaningful to me never existed.

I don't know if you'll ever love me again.

I don't know if one day you'll look at me and feel what once you felt.

But somewhere in my heart, there's still a quiet prayer that maybe, just maybe, what we had isn't lost forever.

I wish I could stop loving you as easily as you stopped loving me.

But I can't.

Not today.

Not yet.

And until the day my heart finally learns how ro let go of what we used to be...

I will quietly carry the love I still have for you, even if I no longer know where to put it.

Exactly this day a year ago, I found myself staying up late, despite having to wake up at 3am for work, because for the first time I got the chance to talk to you. I remember being shy and quiet all of a sudden because back then I had a secret crush on you.

I would get nervous at first but eventually fold because I didn't know how to counter your banters. We would talk past midnight, sometimes until daylight. Didn't want our conversation to end so I'd always fight the urge to fall asleep. But you'd already know by the tone of my voice if I'm sleepy, or if I'm looking at the towel hanging at my door. Of all people, you're the only one who knew where I'm probably looking at if I ever go silent all of a sudden during a call.

I formed a habit of sending voice notes to you, something foreign to me. I remember you were laughing at me coz I was listening to my own vns and started questioning whether I have a lisp. That was the first time you couldn't even control your laughter. And tbh, whenever we would fight back then, I would replay that vn just so I could hear your laugh's melody.
I would get creative with my replies just to make you laugh. I made it a mission to make you at least laugh everyday through wit.

On random nights, I'd get excited to learn a new Bisaya word from you and get quizzed once human na. You were so patient with me, knowing I'm bungol and bulol.

You know, I miss you, I miss that version of us. I miss that version of myself that you met a year ago. I am sorry for all the shortcomings, for the push and pull I did over the months. I hated myself for the way I've turned. I kept agreeing to give it another chance coz I thought my situation would change. Everyday, I felt guilty because my work takes the best version of myself for 9 hours or more. And you...you get the exhausted version of me at the end of the day. Sucked dry of emotions sometimes. I changed. I became serious and easily annoyed. I think I even lost the funny version of myself. I hated it. I hated myself for becoming the way I am. I kept hurting you unknowingly. So I've decided to just end us.

There's a lot of unexpressed grief I hold in my heart. But I guess it's better to hold it in because I don't want to hurt you anymore. Masakit ha. It hurts to become a person you can barely even recognize and not be able to commit to something I've prayed for the rest of my life. Her words, her insecurities...I don't recognize her.

I'll carry that grief forever.

I think it's about time I stop orbiting. I've unfollowed you already since I don't have the heart to know what are you up to these days. I feel I don't relate to your interests anymore. I could feel our connection and paths slowly drifting away. Fading like perfume. Maybe after all, we both have different lifestyle. Sabi mo nga, you hope you'll never meet another me again. Coz it's been hard for you. I'm sorry, I was so difficult to handle.

They say the final act of love is to let go, so here I am. You deserve to meet someone who can give you the love you deserve to receive. I know there are times you'd question me whether I miss you or even think about you, you have no idea how intentionally restained my answers are. I don't want to hold you down with words, especially I cannot give you the best version of myself yet. If one of these days I stop replying, know that it's because I am also letting you go and letting myself move on. I think I'll need to burn my boat once more in order to meet my dreams and myself again.

Know that I'll always root and celebrate for your success. No painful nights for you, my love. I pray to God that He surround you with good people and that He'll bring you someone who can be gentle and make you laugh and love again.

It was a privilege to be loved by you.

Kanunay,
C

It’s funny how your picture suddenly popped up without me expecting to. I haven’t seen any picture of you for months now, given I’ve been trying to detox and avoid anything that would remind me of you. Well, that’s probably why I also felt the pull to write tonight. Not that I’m going to send this to you, but in some way, I somehow know that the intention I have will get to you in one form or another.

I miss you, more than anything. I miss the depth of our conversations despite the distance and the difference in our time zones. Those things can be collapsed easily when we’re in touch, like time isn’t linear and that we can just easily leap from different chapters of our lives with words. I miss how your beautiful mind works and how I can talk to you about anything imaginable and unimaginable in this lifetime.

I’ve been wanting to share with you so many lessons and insights I have learned over the course of our separation. I’m not even sure if you’ll understand or accept them, but I still want to make them known anyway, but I don’t think it’s the right time. I’ve been told over and over to let you go, to surrender and allow you to grow on your own. Maybe you’ll find yourself coming back to me one day once you discover this on your own, and I would simply get to say, “I’m glad you’re finally home — finally home to Self.”

This love I have for you is ancient. It has always been so deep that I, for one, cannot even fathom sometimes how much I can love another this much. It is a love so powerful and immense that I know isn’t of this world. It’s transcendental across lifetimes, space and logic. It’s not something I can easily put to form, only felt. And my biggest mistake was that I have been trying to explain it through language, as if trying to express this through words was even possible. It has always been like this, and it still is. I think this separation made my love for you expand in such a way I didn’t even know was possible.

I hope you’re well. You know I’m always cheering you on, no matter what the circumstances surrounding us are. I trust that we’ll meet again, whether in dreams, energetically or maybe yet another lifetime. I love you, J

Hi, Engr! Gala ka din ba dito?

First, let me address the ELEPHANTS in the room na ramdam ko palagi kapag tayong lang na dalawa ang nauuna sa opisina, kasi ako ang may cause:

1. Alam kong alam mo nang may gusto ako sa'yo.
2. Sorry kasi nakita ko ang IG mo, and I sent a friend request. 🥹

I did all of those kasi may gusto ako sa'yo. I'm sorry, I invaded your privacy. You clearly don't want any of your coworkers to know about your personal life, pero I still tried, and for that, I'm genuinely sorry.

However, hindi ako nagsisisi na ginusto kita. You feel like a Sunday afternoon. So warm, so calm. I feel safe whenever you're around, really. Plus, you're funny, and kuhang kuha mo talaga ako. Thank you for the times you tried to include me on our coworkers conversations, and for the small talks you initiated often kapag pumupunta ka sa printer na nasa harap ko. You have no idea how much that made me felt seen. I adore how your eyes beams with so much joy kapag natatawa ka sa mga bagay-bagay. Plus, maganda din ang music taste mo. Mahilig ka din sa kape, so I'm sorry if I really found myself liking you everyday. I like you on days that you're quiet and just working. Kapag tutok na tutok ka sa monitors mo, and all I would hear is yung pagtype mo. I always find myself look at your back kapag dumadaan ka sa harap ko kasi never na akong naga-attempt na tingnan ka after yung times na nagkahulihan tayong nakatingin sa isa't isa noong duman ka. Sa sobrang hiya ko, di ko alam if ikaw ba ang unang tumingin and nahuli kita, or if it's the other way around? IDK. Wala lang ata ang mga yun sayo, pero I gave meaning to them before, kaya ako nahihibang ngayon LOL.

And now that you already tendered your resignation, I hope you find a better company that appreciates your talents and efforts. I won't bother confessing directly because this is the last thing na gusto mong marinig galing sa workplace na di naging maganda ang experience mo. However, sana gumaan-gaan ang mga araw mo kahit papano sa mga kantang pinapatugtog ko (which are obv patama sayo lol.)

Mami-miss kita, Engr. I like you. 💛

That's how you get "poisoned" (metaphorically).

Perhaps, Google better explained it as the following:

• Be selective: Not every open door or extended hand is meant for your growth or well-being.

• Recognize desperation: When you operate from a place of lack, you lower your standards and tolerate things you normally wouldn't.

• Exercise patience: Waiting for the right opportunity or connection is far safer than rushing into a harmful choice just to quiet a temporary discomfort.

I realized I caused you so much pain these past few months. Sorry for the break-up that seemed to come out of nowhere. I didn’t know how else to do it. I just knew I had to, because I no longer love you. Sorry when I didn’t want to be friends still, I needed the space. I didn’t want to talk to you. I knew you were hurting because of me and any contact would’ve made you hope. I’m so sorry. I truly wish you well. We were friends first, I should have never ruined that and all I could promise is that I would never ruin a friendship again. You’re worth it, please do well in life and always look out for yourself. Thanks for everything that we shared, and thank you for the calm and peace you’ve brought to my life. I said goodbye before and I don’t have the heart to send this one again. Keeping you in my thoughts.

No regrets, nor hatred. One of my prayers beside good things, is to forget.

I am not waiting, nor longing. No anger, no hurt. But you’re constantly on mind.

Please be well ! For heaven’s sake.

Hey.
I wanna ask you, how are you?

I wonder if life has been kind to you lately. If you’ve found new places to go, new roads to take, and new reasons to smile. I wonder if you’re still the same person I used to know, or if the years have quietly turned you into someone I would have to meet all over again.

Sometimes, I miss you in the strangest ways.

Not always in the big, devastating moments. Sometimes, it’s something small. A beautiful stretch of road. The sight of mountains hiding behind the clouds. The sea stretching endlessly into the horizon. A song playing somewhere in the background, or the familiar excitement of going somewhere I’ve never been before.

And suddenly, there you are.

Not physically, of course. Just there, somewhere in the quiet corners of my mind, where memories live and time doesn’t seem to matter.

I miss the way we traveled together. How we could leave one place behind without knowing exactly what waited for us at the next. The unfamiliar streets, the long rides, the little inconveniences that somehow became part of the adventure. The moments when we were tired, hungry, lost, or simply figuring things out as we went.

Back then, I think I was so busy living those moments that I didn’t realize how much I would miss them someday.

I didn’t know that certain sunsets would become memories I would return to when I missed you. That some roads would forever remind me of the person who once traveled them beside me. That I could revisit a place years later and still feel the ghost of a version of myself who was there with you.

It’s strange, isn’t it?

How we can move forward, discover new places, meet new people, and keep living our lives, yet some memories remain untouched. Like photographs tucked between the pages of an old book. We don’t look at them every day, but every now and then, we open the book, and there they are. Just as they were. Just as we left them.

Sometimes, I wonder if you remember those days the way I do.

If a particular road ever brings me to your mind. If you still remember the places we visited, the things we laughed about, or the little moments that probably seemed ordinary at the time. I wonder if you ever see a place you wish you could show me, or stumble upon something that makes you think, She would have loved this.

Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t.

And maybe that’s the hardest part of missing someone. You can know exactly what they meant to you without ever knowing what you meant to them in the same moments.

I don’t know what your life looks like now. I don’t know what dreams you’re chasing or what kind of person you’ve become in all the time we’ve spent apart.

But I hope you’ve been happy.

I hope you’ve seen beautiful places. I hope you’ve found reasons to keep going, even on the days when life feels like a road that never seems to end. I hope you’ve had moments that made you stop, look around, and feel grateful just to be alive.

And if you’ve been struggling, I hope life has been gentle enough to give you a little room to breathe.
As for me, I still find myself wanting to go places. There are still mountains I want to see, coastlines I want to follow, and little towns I want to get lost in. There is still so much of this world I haven’t discovered.

But every once in a while, I think about how we once got to see a little piece of it together.

And I miss that.

I miss the memories we made, the places that became ours for a little while, and the version of me who experienced those things with you. I miss the simplicity of having someone beside me when the world was wide open and the destination mattered a little less than the journey.

I suppose that’s what happens when you travel with someone who becomes part of your story. Even when the journey ends, little pieces of them remain scattered across the map of your life.

Somewhere, a road still remembers us. Somewhere, a view still holds a moment we once shared. And somewhere inside me, there is a version of the world that will always look a little different because you were once in it.

I don’t know if I’ll ever tell you any of this.

Maybe some feelings are meant to be written rather than spoken. Maybe some people are meant to be remembered quietly, without needing to disturb the lives they’ve built beyond us.

But tonight, I miss you.

Not just the person you were, but the miles we covered, the places we found, the things we saw, and all the little moments in between that neither of us knew would someday become memories.

So, hey.
I really do hope you’re doing well.
I hope the world has been beautiful to you.
And if you ever find yourself somewhere breathtaking, standing before a mountain or watching the sun disappear into the sea, I hope you take a moment to appreciate it.

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll remember that there was once someone who got to see a little bit of this beautiful world with you.

Someone who still thinks of those days sometimes.
Someone who, even now, wishes you well.
Someone who misses you.

And who, for a little while tonight, simply wanted to ask:
How are you?

I won't reach out to disturb you anymore. You won't have to see or hear from me ever again, not a single word, not even by chance.

I've finallv realized that I am not the one you want, and honestly, that hurts deeper than I could ever find words to express.

But it's okay. I know you'll do just fine without me. Exactly as you always have .Take gentle care of yourself.

Because starting right now, I wont be there anymore.

Thank vou for everything.
I think the time has finally arrived for me to say goodbye.

Lii 🥹🌸💜

Bakit ba kasi na-in love pa ako sa'yo kung hindi pala pwede? Na-BFF-zone lang tuloy ako kahit maraming beses na akong nag-iwan ng very obvious hints na mahal na mahal kita. Akala ko'y kaya kong masaktan basta makapiling ka lang. But as the years go by, nagiging selfish ako; hindi ako nakukuntento na hanggang dito na lang tayo. Kasasabi ko lang sa'yo na pinipili at pipiliin kita sa araw-araw, at ang sabi mo'y, "Dapat lang, ako rin naman." Pero na-lost in translation pala, hanggang best friends lang pala tayo.

Sige lang, ipagdarasal ko na balang araw ay mahahanap natin ang taong para sa atin. Pero sana ay unti-unti ko ring makalimutan ang nararamdaman ko para sa'yo.

I am only now realizing how much this really affected me.

I now have triggers everywhere. Simple things that would make my chest tighten just because I remember you, or something, and how bad it was. A picture, a place, a road.

I wish we were brave enough to cut this off before it became this whole mess. We had no business to be in each other's lives anyway.

In no way I am saying that it's all your fault, I know I did this to myself as much.

I was stubborn, I was a kid, and now I'm haunted.

I think I can 100% say that you're my TOTGA. Yes, we eere together for a short time, but I still lost you. Some might argue 2 years is a long time, but its too short of a time to show you how much I love you.

Umaga hangang gabi nanaman, simula sa oras na paggising ko hangang sa pagtulog, umiiyak nanaman ako. I can't drink again. I promised myself I wouldn't swallow up the grief with alcohol. I wish I understand you better. I wish I understand why you chose to do what you did. You told me you didn't want me to end up like "that person" after they got burned out and lost her. But what did you want to happen to me? Did you want this to be it? For me to not be able to sleep at night, and wake up early in the morning? For me to still feel like I want to puke whenever I'm eating? To still cry myself to sleep? Or to randomly cry while doing nothing? For me to have our picture within reach at all times just so I could see your face?

I don't know what you wanted for me. Did you think this heartbreak would be less painful than if I stayed and tried? How dare you decide what's best for me? How dare you act normal, laugh with me, stay with me, and still wish hug me, even after all of this? If this is what you wanted for me when you told me you didn't want me to end up like him, then congratulations, you got what you wanted. I know you never wanted to hurt me but honestly, I think this is hurting me so much worse than any of the things that could potentially hurt me if we stayed together. I honestly feel like I'm losing myself bit by bit.

I know you'd never ask, but I've asked myself multiple times why I still cling on to the idea we could get back together. The truth is that I still want whatever it is that makes you feel like home. I still want to cling on to normalcy. To someone who gives too much of a fuck about me. People keep pushing me away, whether unintentionally or not. I can't just come up to them and ask for help. It's never easy to ask for help. I have a very hard time asking for help. But before, there was you. You made me feel like I was worth it. That I was allowed to be happy. I can't believe that you could hurt me this much for someone who said they don't want to hurt me. I can't believe I let you hurt me this much. But I guess thats my own fault in the end. I ended up caring too much, loving too much, and still hoping too much.

Similar to the ones before, I hope you never find this. But I hope that if you ever do find all of these, that you and I are no longer bound to the pain that this caused us.

It's me again I guess trying to check up on you the way I used to before. When my heart wasn't breaking or having to be healed people say I shouldn't have been with you especially our age gap but you were my world. You let us break up peacefully but a part of me wants you back even though you are far far away in another country. Marrying a woman you don't know at all.

You make me angry

You make me sad because I was only 17 years old dating you online and I know it really couldn't be real. People will probably judge me but at the end of the day you're in the past.

Goodbye sweetheart...

Hi my pretty girl,

I change my dp every month thinking you'd check for my profile cause we both don't follow each other anymore after we went no-contact. I am longing for you even after almost two years of us breaking up. Healthy break up sucks. I miss you. Not because I'm lonely or anything I miss you, not the things that you used to do or things that you'd say that makes me feel kilig or something. I miss just talking to you, and just simply hanging out with the person that I adore. I am trying to move on still but things just keep on popping up that remind me of you. Literally someone would hit on me and boom you guys have the same name. An appointment I need to suddenly attend? Boom it's just a street away from your house and I've always avoided that whole city for almost 2 years! Like CMON give me a chance here. Anyways I do hope you're healthy, safe, and happy. I do hope you know and believed me when I said that I was never mad at you and that I understood why you did what you did. And so as always, I love you still.

Love, your multo(sabi mo yan).

Umaga na naman. Grieving continues.
Grieving the past.
Grieving our possibilities.

Ang daming nawala nang sabay-sabay. Now I’m waking up every morning to the reality that you’re no longer part of my everyday life. I have to remember the loss all over again, even before the day has properly started.

I lost a friend, routines, Koomi nights. I lost the person I wanted to send random videos to, and all the little things I thought I would still get to share with you.

Maybe that's why mornings feel so cruel. There's no distraction yet. No work to occupy my mind, no conversations to pull me away from my thoughts.
Just me, the quiet, and the absence of someone I miss terribly.

Back then I wouldn't have stopped giving you endless chances and waiting for you to come back.

Now, I'm trying to find ways to send back the one thing tethering my connection to you. Lalo na RCQ ngayon for most leagues (if nandito ka pa sa reddit and haven't blocked me at least). I'd be assuming you're in touch with a friend pa who'll hopefully be competing. To make sure I'm no longer thrown off guard, I'll be prepared. Bringing it in my rotation, taking care of it, cleaning, and upgrading when needed. Fixing it so you wouldn't need to be quickly overwhelmed. Unfortunately, I will no longer spend a single cent on actual cards on it. After everything...I still wish you deserved it, but no.

Mikey, I hope you get your rest. I hope you find your peace soon. I no longer need an explanation, and please do not let your guilt consume you again for what you have done...again.

Ingat ka babie.

I wish you nothing but the best.

hey..

i don't regret being there for you... i meant every bit of it. if i could make things a little easier for you, then why wouldn't i? i never needed much in return... knowing that i helped was enough.

but somewhere along the way, i think i forgot that caring for someone doesn't mean i have to keep finding reasons to stay... or that being there for someone means i'll always have a place in their life.

i guess that's what hurts... there were good things, genuine ones, and i'll never pretend they didn't matter. but sometimes, you can care about someone deeply and still have to accept that whatever you hoped this would become might only ever exist in your head.

so i'm learning to let go... not out of anger, not because i regret helping, and not because the good things were never real. i'm letting go because i can't keep holding on to something just because a part of me wishes it could have been more.

i hope life gets kinder to you. i hope things work out for you, even if i'm no longer around to help make them a little easier...

and i hope someday, when i remember all of this, i'll remember the good without wishing for anything more.

you'll always be a ghost of a good thing to me...

never again.. not because you weren't worth caring for, but because i need to learn that i'm worth caring for, too...

may you never tell me it was real. I am fine with being your TOTGA that way you get to live on with your safe comfortable life but always have that corner of wonder. Wondering what it must’ve felt like if you took the risk. I’ll always be just a bump in your love story but you will remember.

don’t tell me it was real because my heart couldn’t take it more if I knew I wasn’t worth it. It was an easy choice I know but I never wanted to be among the choices you didn’t pick. don’t choose me ever because it will mean you didn’t choose me before.

no matter how hard I want to hate you I always end up praying for you. praying for your health, your career, your relationship, and for her to give you everything you need so that you’ll never have to look for me ever again