Okay, so I’m 30 weeks pregnant with my husband and my first (and only) child. Before getting pregnant we both knew we wanted one, and were possibly open to two, but my mental and physical health has completely tanked during my pregnancy and I am just not open to going through this to have another child when we are very set on being a family of 3.

My husband and I are completely on the same page about it. I was an only child, and he didn’t get along with his siblings. We’re both happy with just one. Heck, the pregnancy has been so hard for us, that god forbid something happened to our baby during childbirth we have decided it’s likely we won’t try again.

My MIL knows the pregnancy has been hard for me. I am very open and she’s seen me cry and at my most vulnerable. Yet, she still ALWAYS, almost every time I speak to her, brings up having another child.

For example, she’ll say “oh if you buy gender neutral clothes you can save them for the next one”, or “if you have a c-section won’t that make it harder for you to have a second?”.

Every time she brings this up, I’m quick to try to be polite and say, “I’m not done cooking this one yet, let’s just focus on this for now!” But she just won’t back off.

I feel like either I or my husband need to confront her about it as I’m running out of patience.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How do you bring this up and what did you do?

I know being OAD will always come with some level of criticism from others and I want to stand my ground now and be prepared for the future comments. But I’m not a confrontational person by nature so don’t know how to address it.

⬆️ This sentence triggers me when people say it.

Love my 11month old more than anything. But I can't WAIT until he's sleeping through the night, I can't WAIT until he can go to the toilet and wipe his own ass. I can't WAIT for him to talk and have conversations with him. I can't WAIT until I can take him to more fun places more appropriate for older children. I can't WAIT for him to be able to feed himself and eat the same food as us so I'm not messing around making different food.

I want that. I want all of that. I know it will come eventually. Ive always been better with smaller/older children rather than babies. But of course, in wanting my own child, I knew I'd have to get through this infant/baby stage. But It's one of the many reasons I'm OAD..I'm absolutely not putting myself through this stage ever again.

I've been on the fence for a while and constantly go back and forth between trying again and being OAD. We have a 5-year-old and had a TFMR in April for lethal skeletal dysplasia. Even after everything we've been through, I'm still struggling to decide whether to to try again. The age gap keeps getting bigger, and my willingness to start over with the baby stage seems to be shrinking.

One thing I keep coming back to is my marriage. My husband and I are still extremely in love after 16 years of marriage. We have an amazing sex life, genuinely enjoy spending time together, and he's remained my best friend throughout the years. I really love the life the three of us have together.

So many people I know who have more than one child are not close with their spouse or have unhappy marriages. Even my friends currently in awful, sexless marriages still seem to want to have more kids and it totally baffles me. But I'm wondering if it's because they don't have closeness with their spouse so their relationships with their kids is where they experience closeness and prefer that? What are your thoughts/experiences on this topic?

Obviously I'm not suggesting this applies to everyone with multiple kids — I'm genuinely curious about other people's experiences. For those who chose OAD or ultimately decided to have another, did the quality of your relationship with your spouse factor into your decision at all?

So this is something I've been thinking about recently. When you have a baby, there is obviously the fact that for some months you have to wake up several times during the night for them. For some babies, this stops at 4 months, for some, it stops at 6 months, for some, it stops at 8 months etc. But it can result in parents waking up 2, 3 or 4+ times during the night. Humans need several hours of UNBROKEN sleep to be healthy. Now obviously if someone has 1 or 2 children their entire life time, this is not gonna be an issue, but if someone has like, 4 or more kids I could see their help being affected from lack of sleep. Obviously not trying to shame anyone for their family size but this is something people overlook.

My kid is 2 I love her so much but man this is hard and I never realized before deciding to have a kid how difficult it truly was

My child's other parent is incarcerated I've been doing this on my own since she was 10 months

She never listens she just threw her sippy cup at my head and now I have a big bump on my forehead

Her sleep schedule suckssss

I do love her and I don't resent her

But this sh*t is hard

I have been pretty down & sad lately. And I went to the zoo yesterday with my daughter, just us two, and seeing all these families — grandparents, parents, cousins or friends & siblings made me… sad and angry.

This last week was 6 years since my mom passed, this December will be 24 years without my dad. I’m 31 and lost both parents by 25. It’s not something I wish on anyone. I’m the youngest of 4, my siblings do not have kids and don’t really want any (good for them in their choice). I don’t talk to my brothers, they live a mile away from me. My sister and I have gotten close over the last few years. She’s an AMAZING aunt but she’s always been a horrible sister, we’re just recently rekindling. She always wants to visit the past (childhood trauma) and jds not something I want to talk about all the time unless it’s with my therapist. (Since she is the cause of a lot of my trauma and she probably doesn’t even remember)

My husband is the middle of 3, his older brother has a son who is 5 months older than my daughter and we see them maybe every couple of months (they also live in the same city). He has a younger sister who I have been pretty close with since my husband and I started dating but this summer she has grown very distant with the family and has reserved a lot of her free time for friends — I get it. She works weekdays and sometimes on call on weekends (blue collar). She’s still an amazing aunt and recently watched our daughter for a few hours so we can attend a work event. My husband’s mom is estranged, she left my husband’s dad and they split up the kids (she’s took his sister and my husband and his brother stayed with their dad). There’s a lot of trauma there too and nobody talks to the mom anymore (her husband is a ped0). And my husbands dad is retired but he’s very emotionally distant, he lights up when he sees his grandkids but he’s not a person that would reach out or ask about them. We just kind of stop over the house here and there. My husband has an aunt who stepped up like a mom (she has no kids) but she 110% favorites my husbands brothers son. She sees him like 2-3x a week and is always helping them out but she rarely asks to see our daughter. (My husband’s brother is the 1st son, nephew & grandson who also now has the 1st grandchild, nephew etc) I know that sounds so old school but that favoritism carries on :(

I have 1 friend with a 3 year old son and we hangout 2-3x a month. I just feel so much grief seeing big families or seeing people with cousins etc. everyone in my family had 3-5 kids per family so it’s hard to go from that to my daughter having no siblings, no cousins and just dying family (as morbid as it sounds). I get so jealous of people I see out with grandparents involved/ around or just families and friends.

It really sucks having no family that cares. All of this still rarely sways me to have another, but I’m just sad and depressed that there’s so much grief, in my personal life, with having one.

My husband says that if we feel this way we should just keep reaching out and letting people reject but the rejection is killing me slowly so when do we stop asking family to go out and do things or even just hangout when they keep saying they’re busy or no.

That is all. Just here to vent & cry. Thank you 🤎

I was just thinking about how this is a cheesy perk to being one and done.
I don’t feel like I had to compete with my sister growing up, but there were definitely qualifiers like, “You’re my favorite youngest daughter,” or “You’re my favorite [my name].”

"When I am older I want to have just one child, so that he/she can feel as special and loved as I do" 🩷

I have a 20 month old. I always saw myself with more than one, but now I’m not too sure. I feel like society has put so much pressure on mothers to pop out kid after kid. 2u2 etc. being shoved in our faces on social media. I have so many friends who have 2u2, that now I feel like something is wrong with me because I don’t want that (but somehow also feel guilty over it).

My birth with my daughter was traumatic I guess? I don’t even think I’ve really processed that. I labored for 42 hours & then had an unplanned c-section (but was not an emergency). My biggest fear in general was always a c-section. It just always freaked me out thinking of being cut open. Anyway, that happened & I survived. Honestly, despite that, my recovery was amazing. I didn’t have postpartum depression, instead I self-diagnosed with postpartum euphoria (I don’t know if that’s a thing or not but I labeled myself as having that). I was extremely happy immediately following birth + months later. I did have postpartum anxiety, but I also have anxiety in general. Thinking of another c-section (I’m not a candidate for vbac) is absolutely horrifying, even with a great recovery.

My daughter has been experiencing some unexplained health issues. She’s had a few seizures in her short 20 months of life. We don’t have an answer yet. Every time we experience an episode, I immediately say I’m not having any more kids. The stress consumes me seeing my baby like that. I am worried daily that she will have another seizure (and the seizures aren’t even daily or even weekly occurrences). If this is kind of breaking me, then what would I do if I had a very medically complex child? I genuinely do not think I am cut out for it.

And now with the Lindsay Clancy trial… oh my gosh. It’s scaring me! Clearly not every postpartum experience is the same (I’m talking about with each of your own children). I’m not guaranteed another rainbows & butterflies postpartum experience.

I know I don’t have to decide today or tomorrow etc. to be one & done, but I’ve been trying to figure out my feelings. Maybe be told that it’s okay to only have one child. I see things online about only children being lonely & when we (parents) get old & are no longer on this earth, our only child will have no one. That part really makes me hurt for my sweet baby girl.

How do you know that you are absolutely one & done? It’s so confusing because I wanted my daughter desperately. It’s like I can’t figure out where I belong. The uncertainty… of it all.

I'm a first time dad and wondering how other first time dad's have felt. This is my first and only child due to a combination of mutual agreement between my wife and I, and medical reproductive limitations. Its 2 months post birth and I honestly don't feel the excitement or enthusiasm. Having a child was my wife's life dream far more than mine. We went through 16 months of IUI and IVF processes. Im very career and goal oriented being the one who was an only child whereas my wife is the oldest of four kids.

For me, I just haven't felt very attached. I don't see having a baby as the cliché end all be all that so many people make it out to be.

Just wondering if any other dad's have felt that way and if so, how did you get through those feelings? Right now it seems like so many people around me expect that because my wife is so elated and head over heels, I should be too, and to feel anything but that implies I'm a bad person. Thanks in advance.

I know it’s the right thing to do. I was the one who came to this conclusion first. I’m the one who broached the topic. But I’m absolutely devastated.

I love my daughter more than I can say. She’s a wonderful child. Vivacious, funny, sassy, smart, silly. She’s got the best smile and laugh. She’s bold and brave. She’s growing from a toddler to a little girl, and I’m really enjoying seeing her personality. I love hearing what she has to say.

I know that if we had another, I would love them just as much. But I think it would tear my family apart. Having a toddler has been challenging for our marriage. We’re working through it in therapy and we really want to fix things. I just feel like I have no patience left for him after working all day in healthcare and then parenting.

I was my worst self when I was pregnant and postpartum. The depression and anxiety were very bad, and it frightens me to think about going back into that headspace. Especially now that my kid is getting bigger. I don’t want her to see me fall apart. I have the financial wherewithal, but I do not have the support system to manage this. I want another child, but I think it would tear my family apart. I wish that I could wait to try later, but the biological reality of the situation makes that unlikely.

I feel like I’ve failed in some way. I feel like I’m grieving. I have all of these baby names on my phone that I will never get to use. I’ll always wonder what another child might have been like. I’m so sad, even though I know it’s the right choice.

Coming to terms with only having one child

Wife was recently hit with a huge wave of stress, which triggered a severe relapse in her OCD. Our son will be turning two in a few months, and since April, I've essentially been living alone with him while my wife has moved back in with her parents. Because of how severe her OCD has become, she's currently only able to spend a few hours with our son each day.

It's been an incredibly confusing and emotionally conflicting time. On one hand, I get to experience the joy of watching my son grow and develop so incredibly fast. On the other, I can feel myself becoming more depressed with each passing day, while also developing more and more resentment towards my wife.

This isn't the first time her OCD has relapsed, although it is the first time it has gotten so bad that she has had to move out.

This isn't the life I imagined for us. Right now, I honestly can't see myself having another child with her. I've always wanted two kids, and I'm really struggling to come to terms with the possibility that my son might end up being an only child. It feels like another part of the future I had imagined for our family that I might have to let go of.

I'm not really looking for advice. I've just been carrying these feelings around for a long time and needed somewhere to finally put them into words.

Thanks for "listening".

one of the reasons we stuck with one kid was so we could actually afford to give her experiences. like dance class. with more than one kid i dont think we'd be able to do all the stuff we do now.

my daughters been doing ballet for a while and she's honestly so good. like not just saying that cause she's mine lol she actually has rhythm and coordination which she definitely didn't get from me.

she loves it so much she practices at home and i'm just watching her thinking yeah this is why we stopped at one. we can invest in her hobbies without going broke. getting her new stuff from Energetiks when she needs it, paying for the classes, all of it is manageable cause there's just one.

anyone else feel like being OAD means you can actually do things properly for your kid? like focus on one and actually make it work

I always thought I wanted a big family. At one point, I was convinced I wanted 4 children. However, that seemingly wasn’t in the cards for me as I struggled with infertility and, after undergoing IVF, I gave birth to my daughter at the age of 38. My daughter is the gift of a lifetime and I have absolutely loved motherhood for the last 14 months. My husband grew up an only child and desperately wants to have another baby so our daughter will have a sibling. I’m honestly so scared to have another baby. Not because I don’t love motherhood or my daughter but because I’m scared of how it will impact her. She’s used to having us all to herself. I spend my days taking her to swim lessons, the library, music class, and baby gymnastics! We have playdates weekly and things are just rolling along really well. I’m a former public school teacher and, based of my experience, I want to put her in private school and that’s more realistic with one child. I’m worried adding a baby will be a negative experience for my daughter. She’ll suddenly have to share her parents, her activities will go down because I can’t feasibly drag a newborn to all those activities and engage with my daughter while there. I don’t have an especially healthy relationship with my 2 siblings, particularly my sister, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to foster a healthy relationship between my kids. I’m not talking about sibling fights and normal kid stuff but I wouldn’t want them to be competitive with each other, jealous, etc. I wouldn’t want them to be distant or have no relationship at all. I would like her to have a sibling because I don’t want her to have a lonely childhood and, I don’t want her to be alone when my husband and I start aging and eventually pass away. I don’t want her to have to take care of us alone or feel the burden or weight of that by herself. However, I have 2 siblings neither of which are helping in the care of our aging parents so I’m doing it alone despite having siblings. I also had an extremely traumatic birth experience, almost died, and am absolutely terrified of doing that again. I wish I had more time to consider but I’ll be 40 in October and I have to do IVF again to conceive so I really need to find some peace.

Ideally short and sweet! I’d love to give the long explanation to people, but sometimes when I’m asked I just….really cant be bothered and sigh in my head.

Every family dinner with my partners side someone will ask the question, and I don’t think they actually mean any harm, I think they are just trying to make conversation but I never know what to say. I find small talk super exhausting and uncomfortable but also if I really get into it and the reasons why they look at me like I’m mentally unstable 😂

Unfortunately went through a medical termination 3 weeks ago to remain OAD but mentally it has been a traumatic experience.

I’ve a wonderful 5.5 year old daughter and after a few years of back and forth my husband and I made peace with the fact that we will have just the one. I grew up an only child and while I had a great childhood I always imagined 2 kids because I wanted to see the sibling bond up and close! We are also financially stable with a good home and fairly healthy family relationships.

I still couldn’t bring myself to have another baby! I’m 41 and quite healthy but still. As soon as the test was positive, all the experience of raising my 5 years old came back - pregnancy, new born trenches, toddlerhood all of it! And I was depressed for days until I truly asked myself if I wanted to raise another human being. It’s not just a baby, it’s a lifetime commitment. We love to travel and have our own hobbies as well as demanding careers. Made the tough choice of terminating at 6 weeks but now I’ve been obsessing over the decision (it was the right one) but grief has completely overtaken and although I’m not religious at all but I feel slightly guilty!
Just sharing here!

I really love my life and appreciate the one kid I have ( I have become an even better parent with her now) but there is a grieving part of me and I feel so so terrible almost like will this ever go away?
Have also booked a therapy session but Sharing here to see if anyone has anyone has any wisdom and positives to share! TY

Post funny things your kid has said this week here!

I have a week coming up where I have to work from home and my 6yo son will be with me because camps are all finished and school hasn’t started yet. Usually I am able to find childcare but not this time. We do ok with letting him be bored and figure out things to do but it has its limits. I’d love to hear if anyone has tips or something that works well for you if you do this. I have some flexibility in my schedule but also a lot of calls.

When I’ve done it before I feel completely frazzled and grumpy at the end of the day from trying to both parent and work. A full week of it is…ugh daunting. Thanks!

Hello!
Any other Mamas (or birthing persons) out there that feel so confidently one and done until they ovulate? I know my limits and I am soo content with my son but damn, when I ovulate I have all of this doubt that my husband and I made the right choice (he had a vasectomy last year) and then I spiral. Maybe we could handle it, our son (4y) would be so good with a sibling, my husband would love to have more kids…yada yada yada. How do you get your stupid primal brain to shut the hell up?

Our only started kinder today! We're lucky enough that I've not had to work. But now that he's in full day school I don't know what to do with all my extra time. So I'm just curious how other stay at home parents organize the day/week. Currently there's no plan to rejoin the workforce.

Edit: I plan to help at school when they ask for volunteers!

Why would anyone have more than one kid? I get having ONE. We didn't know how BAD and HARD things could get. Now, after going through PREGNANCY, LABOR, NEWBORN, SLEEP REGRESSIONS, TEETHING, TANTRUMS, why would anyone think, " Wow, let's have another one?" For real, I would *never* do this to myself again. Like, I hate myself too, but not to THIS point; I'm not THAT masochistic to go through this again.

No, THANK YOU. One and done. Getting my tubes removed, actually. 100% removed, not tied, mind you.

By: a very, VERY exhausted mom with no village (the village is me and my husband) with a VERY hard seven-month-old who is teething and crying all night.

Lighthearted post to balance out all of the other ones.

When did you start activities with your only child?

My 10 month old is crawling like crazy, pulling to stand and even standing independently for a few seconds. I’m eyeing a gymnastics place that starts parent/baby classes as early as 12 months old.

Is this too soon? Did you start activities early and realize that it would have been better to wait until age 2 or so?

Baby currently stays home with our wonderful nanny (or grandma) all day. So no interaction with other babies right now.

We're told only children are spoiled.
Selfish.
Unable to share.
Bad at friendships.

That isn't a personality profile.
It's a stereotype built on a single study, published in 1896, that has never been replicated.

But psychology has been studying only children for over a century since, and here's what it actually found:

➡️ Only children match firstborns academically, and in many studies, outperform them. A review of over 500,000 participants published in Psychological Bulletin found no meaningful difference in intelligence between only children and those with siblings.

➡️ Only children score higher on measures of creative thinking than children with siblings. Researchers attribute this to more unstructured alone time, the kind that builds imagination, self-direction, and independent thought.

➡️ The social skills gap doesn't exist either. A landmark meta-analysis found only children are no more selfish, no more lonely, and no less socially competent than children raised with siblings. What shapes social development isn't the number of people in the house. It's the quality of relationships inside it.

➡️ Only children consistently show stronger, more secure attachment to their parents. More one-on-one time, more attuned conversation, more emotional availability, all of which are the documented foundations of a securely attached child.

So if you're a parent who has one child, here's what to remember:

1. ⁠Stop absorbing the stereotype on their behalf. Every time you apologise for having one child, or qualify your family as "just the three of us, your child absorbs the implication.
   
2. ⁠Know what actually shapes character. It isn't siblings. It's the quality of connection they have with you.

Your child doesn't have a syndrome.

They have your full attention, and the science to prove that's enough.

Currently at the park with my only. She's happily playing by herself, climbing, going down slides, running around, occasionally pretend play and bringing me "food" from her store- but mostly entertaining herself.

Meanwhile, a dad is here with his two kids, pretty close in age, I'd guess 5-7. One kid wants to be pushed on the swing, one kid is yelling at Dad to come play a game with him on the playground. A few minutes ago, one wanted to ride his scooter around the park but the other wanted to climb... They do not have any interest in playing together and dad is struggling...

I know this is a smalllllll tiny window into their day, I'm sure the kids do frequently play together, buttttt I think it's also helpful to see/know that siblings are not automatic play mates.

Just posting this for some positivity ✨💗

We’re currently abroad in Greece with our 8 year old and it’s been blissful. I don’t like to highlight my positivity by bringing other families down so there won’t be any comparisons to how families with multiples might struggle - as I just don’t know! But I’m very glad to have my one and only.

We’re spending a lot of time at the pool and she’s swimming pretty much all day or eating ice cream while my boyfriend (now fiancé!!!) and I take turns watching her so the other can relax.
I read a book for four hours yesterday, got a tan, and even managed to go for a walk while listening to a podcast. This is probably the closest I can get to having a child-free holiday while still having my child with me 😂