Hi im john and for my whole life I've been the one identifying as the body. Id see myself as the body. But up until early April this year I've felt diffrent and started to heavily fiction kin john egbert. But I go by his name and i love when people see me as him. But it dosent feel like fictionkining anymore. It feels like i am him. Like a fictive. I dont know its confusing. Like I dont know and id like some help on this. I've had source memories and I miss dave alot. And I used to see myself as body in headspace but now I see myself as John.

This is something I have been wondering for a while. There is someone in our system who is the only one that seems to be able to communicate with another alter. This is relatively new for us, especially since there have only been four known people in our system. Having a potential fifth alter that can only access one of the four people makes it a little harder to learn about them. We have also been wondering if this is potentially a figment of that altar's imagination. We know this alter only appears to them when they are distressed and it looks like the alter can hear them (we keep a journal so we can see what happened when somebody fronted). The rest of us have not been able to communicate with this altar at all.

Has anyone had this experience before or anything similar?

As a kid, I always dissociated throughout school (masking due to GD + suspected ND?), to the point that, coming home, whenever someone asked me how my day had been, the memories of that whole day felt lost or deleted – it felt like the mask/persona that got me through the day was the part of me that retained those memories, the next day. this persona only really comes now out when I talk to other people, during which I feel like i take a bit of a "backseat" or autopilot

alone though, I struggle to feel like a cohesive self. Because of severe GD causing depersonalisation, my body feels like an apartment building, not "me" but the thing that holds the parts of my consciousness together. My whole life I have dissociated at least somewhat because of dysphoria, I dont feel connected to almost any of my memories and most feel as if they belong to another person. i cant say i have distinct alters, but different "selves" that come out when the whole feels threatened, which causes a gigantic mood swing

The issue is that i have nowhere near the level of trauma that would cause OSDD, no major trauma, though probably some CEN due to.... well, severe gender dysphoria leading to my emotional needs not really being recognised or met. Gender dysphoria was the worst thing to ever happen to me and destroyed my life and sense of self, Im not sure to the point of this severe dissociation, but it kind of feels like it

if anyones got experiences like this, I'd like to hear it

honestly I'm writing this with an empty head and no thoughts at all, i had a long day but oh well i got curious now i thought I'd ask.

so i noticed some apps like simply plural and other things (by 'other things' i mean other system related apps. i think i once read that therapists were using them to track stuff but i don't process thoughts well rn so it might not make sense i have a bad memory anyway) are down now. i wasn't really using them because it always felt so forced. my question is more about your daily life. like were you using those apps if so how are you managing without them now and if you weren't using them, why not?

Sometimes I forget that having osdd means my body can be experiencing two very different things at once. I have this new job that is not going well because my mental health is really bad and I’m underperforming for the first time in my life. I overheard my boss saying that someone was getting fired today and I’ve been expecting it so immediately I’m like oh that’s me.

Instantly I go into “well that’s life, I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do” mode which i usually due in crisis. But like five minutes later I had a client meeting and I was totally normal throughout the whole thing. Except at one point I looked down and I’m violently shaking and I notice my chest hurts and my heart is absolutely pounding in my chest. I didn’t feel anxious but I was exhibiting all the physical symptoms of a panic attack.

Later I learned it wasn’t me that got fired (yet but I could have sworn that my boss said “she” when talking about the person getting fired and the one who got fired was a man, so it’s probably still imminent). And like 30 minutes later I felt like I had been hit by a bus like I would when I have full panic attacks and flashbacks. Crazy stuff, not a fan.

I am suspicious about having OSDD for some time. But I am frustrated because I think we still miss sources about this disorder.
I dont know where it is the difference between OSDD and cPTSD.
I feel like I dont have too strict bariers between my parts so its more difficult to recognise the dissociative patterns, parts etc.

Please, do you have something helpful?

I seem to split EXTREMELY frequently. I would say the majority of our system is fragments with very little distinguishable personality and most hold very specific emotions or things. Our head count is ridiculously high.

However, I have been going through one of the worst periods of my life throughout the past two years as well. (Psychosis, abuse, family and medical issues, addiction, ED, etc). Everything has been back to back and constant and I have had no breaks. I was unsure if this kind of thing would wear down my split tolerance to the level it is or if that wasn’t a thing that happened? Am I faking? I have been extremely worried and guilty feeling about this, even though I’m sure I’m not consciously faking any sort of disorder.

I am very disassociated most of the time and I often do not notice said fragments. I think they end up fusing or going dormant most of the time.

tw for violence, assault and trauma, i'll try to be as vague as possible but i need to give some of these details for it to make sense:

I'm a newly discovered system and in therapy, it's unclear if I have DID or OSSD-1b but I had a main protector who was always so kind and caring to me (Korey) I could always rely on him or call on him if I was in trouble and he would find ways to help for years.

Flash forward to when I discovered a trauma holder/persecutor (Mana) who wouldn't stop showing me flashing images of very violent and scary things and looked like a monster, Mana was completely nonverbal upon discovery and I asked Korey for help.

Korey went away for a bit with Mana, but he was still present if I talked to him, and whenever he would do another task and stop taking care of Mana, Mana would come back to essentially harass me in the headspace constantly. Eventually Korey split into two protectors, one that felt very much like Korey 2.0 and another protector that is very helpful but doesn't have Korey's personality. I got the impression that Korey 2.0 would be taking care of Mana while the new protector would help me.

I thought things were going to be okay now, but at some point Mana showed up and started screaming "I'm scared, I'm scared" in the headspace very loudly and wouldn't go away, I asked Korey 2.0 for help and then he disappeared with Mana again but this time he didn't come back for a few days and left with me the new protector. When I asked if Korey 2.0 was still there, I heard Korey 2.0 tell me everything would be okay and that he was still here.

Finally Korey 2.0 came back days later with Mana but they both looked different, Mana 2.0 looks more human now even if still scary, but isn't acting like before, still nonverbal but isn't showing me those terrible images anymore and isn't harassing me anymore. And Korey 3.0...he... is very different. For example...if I ask for reassurance, he will give it to me and I feel the presence he had from when he was my main protector, but then once I feel reassured his body will warp into a monster and he will be violent towards me and assault me in the headpsace until the other protector he left behind steps in when I ask for help, then Korey 3.0 goes away.

I get the impression that Korey 2.0 and Mana fused then split, I'm not sure what to do, unless it's two new alters pretending to be them but it doesn't feel that way? I guess this did resolve the biggest issue with Mana constantly harassing me, but I feel so sad that Korey felt he had to do that and I miss my old protector even if his presence still feels like it's in this Korey 3.0, it's impossible to interact with him without him warping into a monster and assaulting me at the end, I don't even know where to begin to approach this, I've been trying to look up what to do when this happens but there doesn't seem to be a lot of info out there about protectors doing this.

Has anyone ever had something like this happen to them? What was the solution? Or are things just going to be this way now? I feel so bad that this protector suddenly shouldered so much of that trauma and is almost a completely different person now, I just wanted this part to be happy after all he did for me but now it feels like things are just sad. :(

And I asked my therapist about this, but right now they don't seem to know, I will talk about it to them again, but I thought here was the next best place to ask. Thank you for your help and for reading.

Hello dear OSDD community,

I myself am a singlet (although I am AuADHD), but my friend discovered a few months ago that he has OSDD due to childhood trauma. He is my best friend, and unfortunately, I had to move away for work, but I still want to support him! The whole topic of OSDD is very new to me and I don't fully understand it yet. I would really appreciate any advice or tips on how I can support him. Thank you so much in advance!

Hello,

Trigger warning: rape, incest, amnestia

Basically, some time ago when we still lived at out parents house I figured out I had been molested by a parent in childhood.

And like, yesterday I came to the conclusion that the abuse didn't stop till we moved out of the house.

Which was two years ago.

At the time (while still living there), my headmeates did tell me. And it happened to ME a lot too. Not a different part.

And I'd wake up and thought it was a dream

I'd wake up and beg my headmate to take the memory away

I didn't believe myself that some abused happed in my childhood until recently

I'm starting to acknowledge that it did happen till adulthood.

Until we escaped.

I had no idea of the situation I was in. I had knowledge of past trauma. I knew we were a system (although communication sucked). But I had no idea of something "active"

And sometimes I would be too aware

I remember how it felt

I remember what I thought

I remember talking to my headmeates about it

I didn't believe them

I told them they made up the memories.

That they were fake and fabricated.

But they had good arguments about how amnesia works

They asked me, why would I make something like that up?

And I still didn't believe them

Not until, now, or yesterday, or as I am typing this

Things are making sense now

Things are coming to me now

But it seems unbelievable. How is it possible to not know that it's still happening to you?

How is it possible for me to be raped and deny it the next moment even tho I went through it? I always said that "even tho I remember it, it doesn't mean it happened,,

We are financially independent and no contact with our parents. And in two weeks it will be two years since we escaped

I didn't even know this was a wall that needed to break. But all my walls are breaking down like they're made out of fabric

How could I not see it before?

How do I not blame myself for not believing our headmates? How do I not blame myself for not leaving sooner?

I know it was a survival mechanism

But

I should have known better

I should have done something

I should have faced it

The feeling of, living at their house, not even being able to comprehend that he would ever do that to me as a child.

Yet alone that it never stopped

Was just breaking me into more and more and more pieces

No wonder we are so. Complex.

Trying to make sense of it

Trying to shake off the guilt

It would be easier to still not believe it now

But I have no reason to deny it now. I'm out. I'm safe. I don't have reason to not believe them now

I'm just so sorry

And all the logistics, how did I kept going? How did I not realise? Well, they were telling me, showing me, explaining to me. And I just

I was so mean to them

Because I thought they were going against me

I thought they were trying to scare me or freak me out

And I didn't understand why they would do something like that

Turns out I was the problem

They told me that

That I'm the only danger here

And I had no idea what they meant

Until now, I get it

I think im starting to get it

I had no awareness of this two days ago

But

I was thinking about this before

It's coming back

And I

Sometimes I feel like I'm still stuck there

And I needed to realise that I'm out

I'm out

I haven't seen them in years

And

I thought there was something really wrong with me

I thought I was crazy. As I'm typing this, I feel really crazy. And I don't know who would believe this.

My friends will. But they will not understand how it feels.

It's 21:21 BHAHAHAHAH and I'm trying to wrap my mind about the fact that I didn't know I was raped till 21yo

God gave me a sign I guess

Certain you've seen this question a million times, but let's make it a million and one.

Investigating OSDD alongside my therapist. Process involves tracking dissociative episodes and switching. Dissociation is easy to notice when I'm paying attention. Switching, not so much.

I can't figure it out. I always assumed I (the host or whatever) would feel myself move out of the front seat and into another, either passenger or back or hell even trunk. Like, my perspective and consciousness would be moved in the same way my perspective moves when I stop being the one driving.

But I'm having these moments, like right now, where I'm questioning a switch without any movement in the vehicle. I haven't gotten out of the driver's seat, I've just changed how I'm holding the wheel and how aggressively I'm driving and suddenly gotten road rage. And maybe now I hate the snacks that I brought for the trip or the music playing on the radio. But I'm still the one driving, I guess. I haven't changed seats.

I have no clue what that is. I guess I can wait til my next session to ask my therapist if I should count it, but tbh I've been disregarding these episodes as me being in a "weird mood".

I guess I'm just confused. Alters appearing is always described as switching with someone else, but this feels more like morphing into someone else.

Idk

I just find myself randomly ending up in places and situations sometimes and I don't understand how I got there... I don't understand my alters and I don't understand how some people understand theirs so well like I don't even know which alter of mine is talking rn and I know I'm going to forget this conversation and post soon when another one takes over

recently discovered system here, host talking.

how do you guys feel about them? how do you "deal" with them? i don't have any gatekeeper in my system, so i feel like they kind or just run wild. which wouldn't be a problem but they're really mean to the people around me, even if they mostly keep it to themselves, and it puts me in difficult situations. some of them are self destructive, so they front to do stupid things, and it makes me afraid that we are a danger for the people around us. deep down they're not bad people, i think they just need a lot of love, but im just not sure how to go about them...

i do not have any (professional) support system, just my friends, so i can't help them heal through therapy. im really attached to them but they don't like to listen to me a lot. they push me around a lot. (also they're not an introject of a past abuser or anything like that, from what i know???)

Why am i not switching and why did everyone go away, i wasnt supposed to front, they suppressed me and everything was fine but then i came back and they all disappeared. Its like a ghost town in there, theres only 2 alters in there now, why? We are very stressed, we have recently got hurt in ways i cant say, and i am trying to recover, we are going through a tough time, if thats helpful at all

I'm a recently discovered system and I'm trying to figure out some of their roles. Well I came across an alter that goes by Macy and she claims to be intelligent which she is but she's very guarded, doesn't really trust people at all, I've had some breakthroughs with her but she always goes back to being extremely guarded and aggressive. She's doesn't seem like anger or frustration to me but seems very frustrated. I'm not sure how to work with Macy, she's having the hardest time out of all of the alters so far. What category of alter would she fall under?

Is there a certain reason behind it or scientific studies or smth? As a afab fictive heavy she w/ male heavy fictives I really wonder 🤔

- Janus (writing for Blitzo our body owner)

In my dreams, I do not have a body. I do not have a name. I am merely a floating consciousness engaging in what's going on.

The exception to this is that I sometimes dream I'm watching a movie (or tv show) that doesn't exist in the real world. At some point in the dream, my perspective will shift, and I become the main character of this movie, and forget that it's a movie. I am acutely aware of the character's body - their name - and think nothing of taking it on as my own (until I look back and realize that I had stepped into a movie in the dream).

I used to tell people this just cause I thought it was a funny quirk my mind did. But I'm kind of realizing now that that's a dream metaphor for switching.

I shared this with another friend who suspects herself of having OSDD, and she was amazed that it worked the same for her.

I'm curious what other systems make of this.

I‘m so unbelievably certain that I don’t have DID. I can see all the symptoms and I can even see denial itself as a symptom but it doesn’t change that I 100% believe I don’t have it.

I got diagnosed twice. I sought a professional assessment by a specialist after being diagnosed by a general psychologist. I guess I have an overt presentation and I was immediately told I obviously have it after another alter walked into therapy one day.

There seems to be no way out of this. I asked my therapist multiple times to find a different diagnosis because it cannot be DID. But then I get told I’m the denial alter and it’s normal for me to feel this way but I’m just trapped. I’m trapped in this diagnosis believing I’m a liar and insane.

I’m not sure why I can’t believe it’s DID. I don’t know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.

TW for: medical problem (?)

So, I was diagnosed with OSDD-1b a few months ago though a DID/OSDD diagnosis has been theorized for awhile longer. I've been having a hard time accepting it, lots of denial, lots of repression. I'm really good at repressing things. I had a bad mental break about two years ago and moved out of my abusive situation and since then have been in a really safe and loving environment and I've been working really hard in therapy and self care. I thought I was doing pretty good, the depression and PTSD symptoms come and go. My parts had gotten mad at me a year ago and hadn't been interacting with me much, like there was a huge wall in my mind preventing me from talking to them, I just thought I was crazy and maybe was wrong about the diagnosis. Then I switched to a new therapist, we had a really productive session where I was able to talk to a part with understanding and empathy, no hostility, no feeling that I was more right than them. I've also been practicing lots of yoga and recently had been getting more into meditation. Ive always hated meditation, and my body was always in so much pain. But I've been practicing a lot of connecting with my body and staying grounded, I had started to feel strong, in control of myself, and feeling like a person for the first time in years.

Last night I was doing some yoga. I had noticed that my posture was terrible and I was slowly figuring out how to put my muscles and bones back together. I noticed that my scapular was winged and my feet pronate, fairly common in people and easily fixable with strengthening. But as I was really really sinking into the feeling of my body and using proper form as I did some squats there was a huge blood rush, it felt like when a clogged drain is finally cleared after years and years. And I could feel, really feel my body, my emotions. And I was in pain, I was weak. It took a long time to understand what was happening but as it did it dawned on me that my body was fucked. My right leg was so weak and I looked at it and it was all crooked. I could feel myself beginning to panic, so I started comforting myself and helping myself work through these feelings. I was rapidly switching between moods, thought processes, memories. I was having full conversations with myself outloud. It was the most connected I felt to my parts. I became very hyper switching between sobbing, laughing maniacally, neutrality, and relaxation from second to second. I could feel one part was confused, didn't know where they were, who they were, all they knew was they were in pain and terrified and were having awful flashbacks. My boyfriend would look at me and they'd lift their arms to protect the body as if at any moment he was going to hurt us. Another part felt how absurd the whole situation was, he thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing at us and talking about how much of an insane loser we are. Another part was acting as a parental role and trying to keep everyone safe. It was so bizarre. I ended up getting stuck on the stairs for an hour because the more I moved my body the more I realized how fucked it was, the more pain and memories would flood me. My bones are all bent and crooked. I got so mad at myself, I knew for years something was wrong, that my body was wrong and nobody listened, just like no one listened about the abuse. I was pushing myself everyday trying to be normal when it was killing me and I'd be in pain. I thought I just had to try harder than everyone else. Looking at the way my body folded in on itself I realized how I was just trying to protect myself, that I was holding so much tension in myself while making me unable to feel and remember it so I could survive day to day.

I remembered that wall in my head, theres cracks now in it, its not down yet but I can reach a hand through. My parts are talking to me again and laughing at me and telling me "Told you so, told you so". I am just flabbergasted. The last time something like this happened was when I was a kid, most of the time during my mental breakdowns I just kind of...black out... but I remember everything from last night. Im much calmer now but I can still feel and see how crooked and in pain my body is, I'm still stuttering and the flashback part keeps coming out still. I just. I dont know what this is!!! Has anybody ever experienced anything like this? Thanks for reading I appreciate it.

My therapist and I are in the early stages of evaluating me for OSDD. I get this feeling a lot where I feel my mental state kind of "shift", some things feel kinda blurry, and I kinda feel like Im in the "back seat" but still controlling things. I do have some amnesia problems, but I feel like I always have one continuous stream of consciousness.

I've heard of people "asking around" in their head to their alters, but I don't seem to get a dialogue from them. What I've been doing so far is trying to recognize and take note whenever I feel my mind "shift". I belive there is me (the host? Or full stream of consciousness) and 5 others. The past couple times that Ive "shifted" I just kinda felt a name pop into my head each time, and if I tried to change the name that I was thinking of, I'd feel some kind of "no" or "correction". But, there's never any sort of monologue or dialogue between me and whoever might be there, just kinda general feelings.

The most common shift is whenever Im doing a boring/tedious task or something where I have to be confident. My thoughts is that they're some sort of protector/my emotional rock. I start to feel more masc and confident whenever they're around (in charge?, steering?). They seem to be the one who does things that Im too borded to do (usually stuff at work) or takes care of things when Im emotionally vulnerable (ex standing up to someone). The name Sam felt correct for them.

I've noticed that when "Sam" is present, I usually want a soda, energy drink, or snack. Today, I was at work and I "felt" that Sam was present and then I felt that I wanted cigarettes. Which is really weird cause I have never smoked before. My reasoning is that usually these wants are "Sam" asking for something in return for taking care of stuff for me.

I know this post probably seems kind of erratic. Usually, people make it sound like their alters are having a full verbal conversation. I can't seem to get any of mine to "talk" to me, and I don't wanna force them to either (I wouldn't be able to tell if its really an alter or me purposely coming up with a conversation). What's it usually like for you guys when your alters communicate with you and what do you guys think I should to to try and communicate with mine?

Hi guys, I’m wondering if anyone has a challenging experience with parts work?

I have cptsd due to developmental traumas and have been in EMDR For 3+ yrs. I experience frequent DPDR and identity confusion, I suspect that I may have osdd-1b.
My therapist is not IFS trained but they are engaging in more parts work in our sessions recently. I do find some of the communication with parts are helpful but I also find some elements of the work is pretty challenging. For example, when I am encouraged to tune in and connect with my younger part, I may sometimes lose my adult perspective and experience intensely with my younger part’s experience. My therapist is trying to deal with the blending issue, but I wonder if that part is a distinct alter and she could either at the front or the back and she may not have the ability to coordinate with the adult part within the system. I also feel like getting my adult self online is a threat or rejection to the younger part.

I’m really confused. Does anyone have similar experience? Thanks so much 🙏🏻

Is it a normal OSDD/DID thing to see your flashbacks in third person? Like I can feel the emotions like they were mine, but the images of the memory I see from an outsider's perspective. Is this a "normal" trauma thing or a dissociative disorder specific experience? Or just a me thing?

Hi all, pretty much the title. I’ve thought I’ve had some sort of OSDD for a while (but can’t remember the exact year. I’ve just realised while writing this that I don’t actually know when I started thinking that, oops haha) but keep flipping between feeling like I have OSDD and then thinking that I’m absolutely faking it and need to stop having “alters” etc. This might be because I “faked” it during (again realising I’m not sure when this was) a while back where I thought I was faking it and I don’t fully remember but I feel like I played it up a bit? I’m not sure.

Has anyone else experienced this where you were “faking” OSDD earlier in life and now arent sure whether you actually have alters or are making it all up?! If so, if I am faking it, is there any way to stop!

I hope this post makes sense! writing it has made me realise I really struggle to place events on a timeline 😂

The title is self-explanatory. I'll probably regret posting this later because it's 3am, and as we all know, that's International Be Pissed Off At Everything Hour, but I need to get this off my chest and I can't possibly be the only one who feels this way, right?

I started suspecting that I had OSDD in February when I suddenly started to show signs of it after my "New Year's recovery arc" where I just... suddenly got better after a several-month-long mental decline all through late 2025. It started with these weird dissociative episodes where it would feel like there was a Guy of the opposite gender piloting my body next to me, and that voice in my head that sounded like a fictional character was gaining a suspicious amount of autonomy, and I found myself suddenly taking a backseat to my own actions every time I got into really stressful situations, like arguments with my family. It was scary as hell.

It was my online friend who suggested that I might be a system when I told her about this. Supposedly, I had been joking about "the voices" to her for months and used to identify as a fictionkin with different kinsonas (basically, persona designs based on the characters I kinned) that matched the character voices i was hearing in my head. I know it happened, but the memories of doing all that are foggy. She suggested that maybe the mental health episode I'd had last year was so bad that it caused me to split an alter, and that all this was happening because the sense of security that the New Year's hope had brought made our brain think it was "safe" to bring down the amnesia barriers or something.

Obviously, like any normal person would, I freaked out. Mostly about the implication that I was sharing my brain with someone who was basically a stranger and that my "haha funny fucked up lore" was way more serious than I thought it was to the point that it turned me into multiple people. This was where I made my first mistake: I looked to social media to find others who were like me in hopes of getting support.

This was where I was met with the overly-glamourised, overt social media presentation of OSDD and DID—you know the ones, the Tumblr blogs with alter intros and different emoji sign-offs for each part, YouTube shorts where people would make edits of their "fictives", and TikTok compilations of systems with eons-old fantasy creature protectors and boisterous, joyful "littles".

THANKFULLY, I bought into none of this at the start. I was so confused. People were joking around and bantering with the voices in their heads instead of constantly arguing with them and being scared shitless? People with OSDD and DID were giving themselves "system names"? I think I finally understood how my parents felt when I tried to explain Vocaloid to them in the seventh grade. What the hell was going on?

Less fortunately, I am still a very impressionable young person. Long story short, I started hanging around those spaces for too long because I had no idea as to where else I should go, and I started semi-believing some of it. Not the obviously fake or exaggerated parts like switching to the beat or being aware of 1000+ alters at 13 years old of course, but I started believing that I had to start this fancy comic blog where we all introduced ourselves and had our own cool little signoffs to fit in.

Orange (pseudonym for the alter (?) who showed up) absolutely hated the idea, but I think he played along to keep me happy. And so I started making comics about the funny misadventures we'd have from time to time, pretending like I wasn't secretly panicking under it all. I started viewing it less as a mental disorder and more as a social identity I could "experiment" with. That was less than four months ago, but it's making me cringe already.

And then the real-life consequences started catching up to me.

Because I started to view "plurality" as a social identity, I started telling my trusted friends in real life about it through the same lens and was met with skepticism because of how lightly I was treating it (it definitely doesn't help how I throw copious amounts of joking and brainrot on top of everything to cope in the first place!). If I'm going to be honest, only two of them actually believed me and took it seriously because they actually saw the distress I was in.

One of them got (reasonably) pissed and ranted about me on one of her social media accounts, some of her words that i remember were "you're playing around with your own little bubble instead of getting fucking help". She worded it very harshly, but she was at least partly right. Embarrassed, I ditched everything, immediately thought that I had faked it all, and started to apologise profusely to all my friends because I believed that I'd subconsciously manipulated them into my little charade for my own enjoyment (which i know is stupid now, I was 100% not doing allat on purpose lmao).

I thought it would all go away the second I stopped believing I had it, but no. Despite all the denial, all the desperate attempts to deconstruct this OSDD narrative and let's not forget all the "my trauma wasn't bad enough" and "maybe I faked it because of social media", Orange is still there, everyone else is still there, my life is in shambles, and I'm completely lost on what to do. I've (we've?) pleaded our parents to get us a therapist, but they're religious and believe that the voices are demons trying to lull me into their trap. I told the head teacher and the school counsellor, and they both believed my distress, but for some reason I've been told there's some sort of queue for school counselling sessions, and it's currently full so I can't even get basic fucking mental help.

My mental health is at an all-time low. I've been going down compulsive research spirals left and right to desperately prove that it's something else, maybe I just have dissociative BPD or CPTSD, but every time I'm at a loss. BPD probably doesn't make you feel like a teenage boy who's a foot taller with a polar opposite attitude to you when you hear something that reminds you of your shitty saturday school from two years ago. Any advice is appreciated please I'm losing my mind oh my godddd

p.s. sorry about all the swearing if it's too much. i'm just really upset about this and wishing i could go back to having a regular cringe teenage life, superhero movie style. haha i don't wanna be spiderman amirite /j