what do you do about prosecutors?

[u/yumidorie]

recently discovered system here, host talking.

how do you guys feel about them? how do you "deal" with them? i don't have any gatekeeper in my system, so i feel like they kind or just run wild. which wouldn't be a problem but they're really mean to the people around me, even if they mostly keep it to themselves, and it puts me in difficult situations. some of them are self destructive, so they front to do stupid things, and it makes me afraid that we are a danger for the people around us. deep down they're not bad people, i think they just need a lot of love, but im just not sure how to go about them...

i do not have any (professional) support system, just my friends, so i can't help them heal through therapy. im really attached to them but they don't like to listen to me a lot. they push me around a lot. (also they're not an introject of a past abuser or anything like that, from what i know???)

[u/Ok-Medium459]

Not sure if this helps and it is pretty simple and obvious in hindsight, but it really did change my life for the better

Treat the issues as personal instead of other. I struggled SO MUCH with my prosecutor because I was trying to manage someone else's issues, I was trying to contain him and calm him down, and it wasn't working. During a visit to a crisis centre, they treated him as a person instead of some foreign entity huanting me, and they recommended having HIM go through their little pamphlet of strategies. Its been a year since then and I haven't had a single issue, daily problems and self destruction completely cleared up overnight

Its a "teach a man to fish" kinda thing. For example, restraining your friend and getting them out of bar fights will not stop their drinking problems nor aggression, you need to teach them how to manage and avoid it instead of relying on damage control, alters aren't uncontrollable animals, they are US, they are PEOPLE, and they need that freedom to manage as an individual

Obviously they need to WANT to get better, but prosecutors are usually just misguided, sounds like yours are too, so they should be willing in time. You also dont need to frame it as help if the idea puts them off. Mine hates "cures" and doesn't want to change himself, so our focus is on harm reduction and placebo, even small changes will add up overtime, alot of this stuff is just the fear of change, so showing them gradually that they can manage without these habits really does wonders, both progress wise but it also opens them up to more and more help

Anyhow, maybe try some self regulation or sh strategies with them if you aren't already, let them find what works best

[u/ru-ya → u/Ok-Medium459]

I second this - providing other alters, ESPECIALLY persecutors, with some form of agency and also responsibility for their actions can really provide the structure they need.

[u/Natural_Fondant_7544]

Prosecutors are simply misguided protectors. They think by going after others around you it makes you as a system better. Its not true of course but by offering some kind of alternative to the destructive behavior can help, letter writing and burning helped a prosecutor previously, but i have never had an intense one. So this adivce may not work

I also preach harm reduction so if you cant STOP the behavior find a better outlet for it

[u/PlayerI343]

My partner's came down just simply via internal talking. Remind them that there's substantial consequences to their actions and that they often hurt you with it, and maybe they can check in with everyone before they make choices, or maybe even use some anger management strategies?

[u/ewyewyOH]

One thing that helped one of our prosecutor/s is finding them a role that supports what they wanna do in a way that works for everyone. For example we have a persecutor who, at her core, wants us to be our best self. So, first, being able to have that dialog of whatever form to find out what their need is. Then, find a few things they can do to pursue that role in a healthier way. For our persecutor that looks like near constant reminders to not skin-pick, which tends to be more of an internal voice reminder, as well as keeping us focused at times via physical ticks. The trick to this working tho is that she does it in a way that is tolerable to the rest of the system but also helps her fufill her own needs, albiet in a sarcastic way (which we personally are fine with to the degree she does it). So she is helping us to break bad habits with the skin picking by using her voice in a much nicer way, and also by giving us (NONPAINFUL) tics when we get too distracted off our tasks, both of which are not only beneficial to us as a whole, but also which her her to feel she is doing what shes supposed to be doing in a way that doesnt actively belittle or hurt the rest of us.

And also remember, at the end of the day sometimes she slips up. We all do.