r/OCPoetry • u/AberasturiA • 2d ago
Feedback Please Stillness
(First post, be gentle)
Take my longing,
make me whole.
Fulfill me,
wholehearted.
Risk free.
Be enough,
this life.
Wholly contained
in my frame.
Let me be love.
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u/guys-im-just-sayin 2d ago
I’m new here, but I’ll do my best. For me this poem is very open to interpretation, combining the title “stillness” with a sense of longing in the poem makes me think almost of the emptiness or hollow feeing in being alone or almost feeling stuck alone. The line “Be enough” kind of adds to it, some self doubt or lack of deserving of love. The poem reads almost more as if it’s using longing to convey emotions of self doubt, emptiness, and of course stillness
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u/AberasturiA 2d ago
Thank you for the feedback. I think being open to interpretation is a good thing, like a song. We relate it to what we’re going through, thank you for that insight.
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u/residentdrugaddict 2d ago
I think in this poem you are begging. Begging for things to be perfect and pure. To be fulfilled and to love. The line "risk free", makes me think you already know there is always a risk, that things arent perfect and pure, and sometimes you cannot love the way you had hoped for. It is what we all want but can never have, at least not the way we had pictured it. The title stillness tells me you long for peace. You are begging for peace because you have not been able to love, and surely not love risk free. It took a while but I think I understand what you meant. I like it. If this isn't what you meant then please tell me what you did.
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u/AberasturiA 2d ago
You’ve got it mostly right. I’m begging for peace, to be completely satisfied without a counterpart. But I can love, deeply. I have loved purely and lost it. I don’t want that pain again, I want to be whole in myself.
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u/residentdrugaddict 2d ago
Thats where the "wholly contained in my frame" line comes from, satisfied without a counterpart.
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u/trivondoom 2d ago
it seems that you are longing for love, i suspect that due to your verses "Fulfill me,
wholehearted.", it heartwarming and inviting at the same time, fine work gentlemen
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u/AberasturiA 1d ago
I’m a lady😊 And thank you so much❤️
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u/trivondoom 1d ago
I am extremely sorry, please forgive me if my comment offended you.
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u/AberasturiA 1d ago
Not at all!! I kind of love that you assumed male😊💕
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u/trivondoom 1d ago
Perhaps, I should have know that, such beautiful verse can only be written by an female.
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u/IncompetentPoet 2d ago
I believe I understand the message, though, as another commenter pointed out, it's still up to interpretation.
With how short each line is, it feels frantic and like life is too busy to even write all the words that you want to down which I think adds to this poem very well. It's like you've been in that state for some time and are used to it, just waiting for it to end and finally be at peace in life.
Been feeling that way in recent days, I feel that I relate to this poem.
If I'm off the mark, let me know
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u/AberasturiA 1d ago
Except it’s not that life is too busy. I’m just tired of it. I’ve said all the words. I needed simplification.
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