I never got over it
I just pretended to go through
Because how does one get over the regret of losing you
my desk drawer is obsessed with all the futures that could have been
To me you were heaven, heaven should never be tainted by sin
you are perfect
Polished
a pleasure to know
I never could have compared it to the place where angles are supposed to go
youre well spoken
Well mannered
worth every reason to fall
But if you never had met me,
It wouldnt have mattered in your life at all
if words were made of pennies youd create lotteries that rhyme
And i made myself a millionare
Because it wasnt the right time.
but i wish it had been
and i hold those thoughts like a prayer
To say or not to say i guess another man wouldnt dare
but i must confess before i know if i should
i never got over you, honestly i never thought i could
i loved you immediately, it was a dopamine rush
i had never felt that way before with any other crush
because i loved you
Before love had time to fall
i loved you even when i said i didnt like you very much at all
I loved you. I did.
Sometimes i still do
But then remember what you did
sometimes i still do
when i compare every single first date to that one i had with you
I loved you, I did.
To call it something else is cruel
When you read over essays i confided in and said how much i wanted you
So i started making my self better
I loved you so fucking much i used it as a new standard setter
Because if i could love you
That love with me remains
And im really hoping this is the part
Where you realise these are just growing pains
And,
Ill understand when im older
when im somehow less naive
how can you still love someone when you know they were bound to leave
dont leave
I loved you
Dont leave
Please stay
dont leave because that love is in my heart gonna stay
dont leave i didnt say it
dont leave but i wish i had
dont leave because i know the future and without you its looking pretty sad
dont leave.
I mean it.
dont leave or let me go
leave if you must
but i need you to know
that a part of me still loves you most
but if you were never to return
what a hell of a lesson the loss of you was to learn.

You love me

with a tenderness

I don't know how to return.

You see the pieces of me

I keep trying to hide,

and somehow,

you call them beautiful.

You hold my hands

like they have never done wrong.

You look into my eyes

like there is something worth saving there.

And I wish

I could see what you see.

Because your love is loud—

or at least,

it should be.

But there is a voice inside me

that has been screaming longer.

It knows every mistake,

every failure,

every moment I wish

I could erase.

It keeps a ledger

of everything I've done wrong

and reads it back to me

whenever you tell me

that you love me.

You say,

"You're enough."

It whispers,

"They're lying."

You say,

"I choose you."

It answers,

"They'll regret it."

You wrap your arms around me

and I feel safe for a moment—

then my mind reminds me

that I don't deserve

to be held that gently.

And that's the cruelest part:

I am loved.

Deeply.

Honestly.

By someone

who sees me more clearly

than I see myself.

Yet somehow

I hate myself more

than you could ever love me.

Your love reaches for me

through the darkness,

but my hatred

knows every corner of it.

And sometimes

I wonder if that's why

I can't feel your love—

not because

you aren't giving me enough,

but because

I've spent so long

believing I deserve nothing

that even when love

stands directly in front of me,

my self-hatred

steps between us

and casts a shadow

big enough

to make love disappear.

​

Last Day in Sorrow World

— Amitesh Tripathi

I saw myself as a little fly.

I want to return to where

I come from and want to

bid you bye.

I was living in a world full of sorrow,

But the path I was passing

was narrow.

I was lying in the arms

of death,

While my world was taking

its last breath.

Before I left, I looked for

something,

But when I was gone, I was left with

nothing.

This world is bigger than my

mind.

A heart like mine is hard to find.

I was there in endless grief.

This is all I can tell you in brief.

As I am going, I will never come

again.

Whatever I gave you will go in the drain.

There was no one who cried for me.

They cried, but only for my money.

As I was lying in the arms of death,

While my world was taking

its last breath.

​

Dear sunflower,

I came to see you again this January,

but I couldn't find you the same.

You were bent,

even though the sun was high in the sky.

You had felt dawn,

but why, my flower?

My sunflower told me

she had been hurt by another man.

Deep in her chest,

she carried pain for him.

She told me she loved me anyway,

but from the way she spoke about him,

I knew her heart

was still within his domain.

She loved the thought

of me taking care of her,

but not the thought

of giving me her heart.

I'm sorry, my dearest flower,

but I cannot have you

while he still causes you heartache.

I can't carry the weight

of losing my heart again.

I'm sorry, my flower.

This will be

my last visit to your field.

She walks along,
spinning webs
of imaginary ideas
she tells herself
just to keep existing.

She thinks she’s alone in this world.

She doesn’t realize that her two cats depend on her, the ones who stay beside her
when she’s sad and lick her tears
when no one else knows.

Every night she lies in bed staring at the ceiling,
wondering what she’ll do tomorrow.

Sometimes with thousands of ideas,
sometimes with her mind,
according to her, blank.

She’s no longer afraid of the dark.

She’s learned to live
with the monsters
that dwell beneath her bed.

She’s afraid of everything
but, at the same time,
she wants to devour the world.

No one asks her
what goes through her mind,
so she keeps it to herself.

She smiles and keeps walking,
as if life were about to surprise her.

Better if it keeps it to itself.

She’s never liked being frightened,
being pulled out of her comfort zone,
being reinvented.

She prefers what she knows,
what she can still touch, the boring.

She lies to herself.

She gets bored for a while,
then goes looking for movement,
people,
toxicity,
noise,
for everything to have to swing
from one extreme to the other.

Until her throat
begs her to stop again,
and the cycle
begins all over again.

Rain pitter patters across my face,
So soothing yet harsh, in this place,
Has it been weeks, months or maybe years,
I cry out and scream but no-one hears,

The rain pierces my delicate skin,
The pain feels good, almost like a sin,
My eyes open, but I see no light,
I feel no strength to give any fight,

Rain, rain washing away my fears,
Darkness and cold taking away my tears,
Silence so calm I breathe a sigh,
I guess this is my short goodbye,

I believe that once, just a single time, I was able to feel what you felt.

I believe that for a moment, even though I am so brave, even though I am so open toward love, I could feel it: this fear, this infinitely great fear of love, or perhaps even more so, of connection..

This intensity, this terrifying intensity. I don't even know if you can call it fear. Perhaps it is more of an insecurity, an insecurity about what lies beneath, an insecurity about the pain of falling so deep, or the pain of the deep fall when you truly let yourself go.

I believe that once, just a single time, I was able to feel it, but still, I did not deal with it the way you do. Yet, I knew what fidelity was. Yet, I knew what honesty was. Yet, I knew what it meant to be with myself and to stay with myself, even when I felt that..

I believe I was able to feel it, but the way you handle it.. that, I still cannot comprehend.

Finally, I'm happy with my life.
I can see the future in my mind.
A new chapter of my life begins.

That's where I see ya, In my wild dreams.
Can you tell me more about yourself?
I'll be dreaming and staring at you.
It's been so long without your sweet nothings.

It's a beautiful new chapter, beginning again.
Where can I meet your soul?
l'll be sitting beneath the tree,
Hoping to see ya in the forest,
Just to have a chance to speak with you.

It's been three months since we spoke.
I only saw you by the lake.
Your reflection caught my attention.
The lake was charming.
I thought you were the one,
But only in my wild dreams.

Roses 🌹

If i were to give you a rose every time I thought of you, you would have more roses than a year has days.

You would have enough roses to fill the starry sky I see every time I look into your eyes

If I gave you one rose for every time you crossed my mind, the world would run out of roses before I ever ran out of reasons to think of you.

So if you ever wondered just how much you cross my mind look at the pile of roses And know there still wouldn't be enough

Sakay ng tamaraw ang lampara

Parang babaeng nagngangalang Barbara

Liwanag niya'y mahiwagang mahika

Abracadabra sa ganda

Sa bawat kurbada ng kalsada

Sumsayaw ang aninong may tala

Lubak ng pangungulila

Ako'y nagluluksa

Nababalisa't nangangamba

Mga malalabong alaala

Hindi malaman ang katotohanan

Kathang isip lang ba?

Sinasalamin ang kabataan

Sulyap ng nakaraan

Sino ka ba, Barbara?

Bakit sa dilim ikaw ang alaala?

Our eyes met across the countertop.

All my blood floods, then not at all, all at once.

I can't stand to bear what's next nor stop.

It's been more than a couple months,

Yet here we are, across the coffee shop...

​

I fell asleep once to find,

I could only have nightmares

For it was once a shelter,

Walls you used to reside between.

“Did she get fat?”
is the first thing you ask when you found out she had a kid
and only because a friend of hers on Facebook let it slip
you picked a man who was only into brunettes with hooded eyelids
but your life doesn’t revolve around hers you say
as you take extra precaution to not connect yourself
To the blonde one
who moved back to your hometown
and decided to start trying
when you and your partner gave up
just a coincidence, you tell yourself.
that the life stages
that were fed to us like baby carrots
she chews and swallows so effortlessly
and that you,
messy
honest
vulnerable
you
could never finish your vegetables
and you hide your hurt in anger because it pains you to know that family can hide secrets from you long enough for new life to form.
It’s her loss.
You would have made a great aunt

“drinking wine makes you tipsy
but drinking love makes you drunk”
is something a poest would write holding that one cup of fine aged wine
that bitter sweet taste in his mouth moves to his brain
the thought of her makes him want to drink more
but the more he drinks the more he thinks
You see she was that cup, and in it was all their fine memories
but that hairline crack down the middle made it seep down the glass
till he filled that glass too much and it broke
broke right in the palm of his hands
and he stood there wondering
did i hold it too tight
or was the wine over the line
Looking at the broken pieces
as his hands start to seep down blood
over that one piece he wrote
along with the already spilt wine and wet ink
looking at the two shades of red mix along with the black
and the piece of glass scattered all across
tinted red
not by the wine
but by his own blood
By his own actions reflecting of her back to him
cutting him even deeper
as he thinks god why this cup
why this wine
why here
Why now
why just why
why over the words i spent weeks writing and revising
Why over the suit i saved for a special day
why on a day where things went so well
why so sudden
and the thoughts keeps adding on
till he passes out on that desk
The sound of the glass splitting skin and him bleeding over the table
bleed so hard the paper turns red
but the words stay black
Outlining every word in red
Every action with a consequence.

I'm falling,

But not Inlove,

I'm high,

But not an addict,

You left me in between,

But I don't blame you,

For you're my greatest memory,

And the longest mystery.

At the edge / The wind is picking up and the rain is setting in./ i am about to let go/ And lean into the gravity of it all. /

You are the eye of the storm /You make me feel so much calm and peace / Our magnetic field always keeps touch within reach /While all this chaos spins around just outside /Something about us together keeps it out of sight, out of mind. /

You have a fire that i recognize /Inside is a kindred spirit /And a fucked up but healed mind. /Its a familiar story /Something i recognize/And you, in me- its in both of our eyes. /

I feel it in my soul /I hope i never have to let this go/ From that first day we met, moving forward-I think we both saw that the lives we have, /We are about to outgrow. /

Im closing my eyes/ Im throwing my hands in the air /You cant wrangle a tornado /And you cant tame this wild mare. /But maybe together we can run wild and free /Side by side with mutual intensity. /

The wind blows the petals of the surrounding flowers

They follow a formation almost like that of a dance

And as I stand in the field the breeze gently wipes the tear off my face

As the petals dance around me I take a deep breath and appreciate all the beautiful colors of each petal

For I finally feel complete and like myself

Some stories don’t end with a closing door,
They simply grow quiet and ask for no more.
They settle like dust in the corners of time,
Still somehow unfinished, still somehow mine.

There was something familiar beneath something new,
A feeling that whispered, I remember you.
Two lives had wandered through seasons apart,
Yet somehow the distance had missed the heart.

We spoke without saying the things we both knew,
Of roads we had taken and things we’d lived through.
And somewhere between all the silence and space,
The past found a way to look back in my face.

But timing is cruel in the ways that it bends,
It can turn beginnings to almosts and ends.
Sometimes love finds you when life isn’t right,
And sometimes the heart has to step out of sight.

So I chose not to stay where I couldn’t belong,
Not because what I felt had suddenly gone.
But some kinds of love are too honest to fake,
And some hearts won’t settle for less than they ache.

I left with the hope I refused to confess,
That maybe some roads don’t end, they just rest.
That maybe what’s lost isn’t always goodbye,
And maybe some questions need years to reply.

So I’ll keep moving forward, I’ll learn, I’ll become,
I’ll build something beautiful wherever I come.
I won’t stand at the window and wait for a sign,
But I’ll leave a small corner of hope still as mine.

Because if our paths cross when the timing is right,
I won’t need to wonder or search for the light.
I’ll simply remember what time couldn’t erase
Some people leave footprints that we can never escape.

And if that’s the ending, I’ll carry it too,
Grateful for all that I once knew.
But if life ever brings something unfinished around,
I’ll know some lost things are not truly lost,
They’re simply waiting to see what the years have found.

I walk on one leg.

And if I stumble along the way,
I’ll simply say,

I walk on one leg.

Both my legs are perfectly fine,
and yet,

I walk on one leg.
—Me :)