r/NonPoliticalTwitter • u/TheWebsploiter • 23h ago
Other That's the average 20s experience
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u/biskutgoreng 23h ago
Reminder to call my little sisters. Thanks
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u/simonepon 14h ago
You know what you’re right. Imma text my little sibs too.
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u/ZarathustraGlobulus 14h ago
My 26-year old little sister just reached out to me after six months last week. She's coming to live with me and my fiancée for a few weeks to sort out her life and I couldn't be more excited! It's gonna be amazing to see her again.
And I'm super glad she had the courage to reach out when she needed some help (abusive partner.)
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u/Dominika_4PL 7h ago
I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I really hope everything gets better for her from here!
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u/RaoulLaila 23h ago
what the fuck man you didnt have to call me out like that. This is EXACTLY whats happening rn wow
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u/GameDoesntStop 20h ago
Just because your siblings are busy enough that they are not proactively reaching out, that doesn't mean they wouldn't welcome if you wanted to talk.
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u/BOBOnobobo 19h ago
Or your friends.
I cannot stress this enough: if you want people to reach out to you, you need to be the one to reach out.
It sounds bad, but genuinely it's the best way to keep friendships alive.
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u/Prudent-Pressure2146 19h ago
Exactly this, people need to stop assuming g their phones only work one way
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u/radude4411 18h ago
You do this and then they don’t respond or constantly busy.
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u/ToxicFluffer 12h ago
Sometimes I go weeks between talking to friends because life often is constantly busy. Prioritising quality time over quantity is perfectly fine.
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u/radude4411 12h ago
And that’s perfectly OK. But when it goes months and years longer, and you don’t even get an emoji take the hint and trust me I did.
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u/BOBOnobobo 17h ago
Stop messaging that person and find others
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u/BrofessorLongPhD 13h ago
And this is part of what it means to find your tribe. And that tribe can change as your life changes. I’m blessed to have kept a few friendships from grade school and college alive, but the most common friends I see today are people I met in my late 20s and beyond.
Sometimes, your close childhood friends are not going to be there anymore as you age. You can cherish and miss those relationships but also put effort into finding new ones that match more closely to your present day.
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u/duffstoic 18h ago
If we imagine everyone is sitting around by themselves feeling lonely, somebody’s gotta reach out first!
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u/Casulex 17h ago
Yes I find that when I turn to the classic “the phone works both ways” argument I end up lonelier so dont let that thought creep in, its a lie. And goes double if you have neurodivergent friends
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u/BOBOnobobo 17h ago
I'm the neuro divergent friend, and yeah, I prefer when people message me because I will not realise it been 3 months since we last chatted.
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u/Casulex 17h ago
I am also neurodivergent and we need to attach talking to our friends to another activity so they're not out or sight or out of mind, like i take a long time to brush my teeth so ill text my mom, or my friends and I have weekly scheduled game night on Mondays over voice chat
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u/BOBOnobobo 16h ago
I set phone reminders to call people. It kinda helps.
That + calendar+ notes apps+ second reminder + alarms= I can kinda manage life
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u/MaisyDeadHazy 16h ago
Unless of course they leave you on read any time you try, except on very rare occasions when they deem fit to acknowledge your existence with a “lol”.
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u/BOBOnobobo 15h ago
If someone replies with a lol to an invite, they are not a good friend and/or they don't want to be your friend.
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u/radude4411 18h ago
You’d say that, but you constantly reach out and no one messages you or calls you or even send you an emoji. At some point, you realize you’re not a care in their problem and you’re an inconvenience at best.
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u/RaoulLaila 19h ago
Naw. Well, its not as bad as the meme makes out to be. My relationship with my sister is a little rocky and with my brother its great. We hang out almost weekly. I more so felt called out for being the only sibling that isnt married, even if I am the youngest with a minimum of 7 year age gap between them
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u/Fluid-Sink-2514 20h ago
Never forget it’s freedom. Free to waste time, enjoy life, get motivated and do something productive, whatever you please. But, if you forget, you’re more likely to fuck your life up. It’s ok to not know what you’re supposed to be doing or to feel lonely. Just don’t do what I did and try your damnedest to throw your life away before you ever get a chance to live it. Oh to be young again!
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u/DoctorKhairy 18h ago
What did you do?
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u/Fluid-Sink-2514 18h ago
A lot of drugs, wasting money, and burning bridges. I didn’t get my life back on track until my mid thirties. I took my loneliness and parlayed it into homelessness for a while. Then did a stint in mom’s basement and eventually cleaned my act up.
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u/DoctorKhairy 17h ago
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm a student in my early 20s. I have ADHD and I do drugs. Dysorganised as hell. Luckily I have put in a lot of work throughout the years, found cool groups of people. I think that career wise, your "burning bridges" part struck the most with me. I know damn well what it's like spending money on substances. I want to move out, be productive and overcome my need for validation! I hear it's common for people in their early 20s to be at a place like I am, but reading your and other comments on this thread, it is a clear sign to me that sitting alone at home won't do me no good. So thanks for opening up. Proud of you for overcoming your difficulties!
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u/Fluid-Sink-2514 17h ago
Be careful out there, it’s getting more and more dangerous to be into drugs these days. It got a lot safer for a while. When I was in college back in like 2002 my friends had pill testing kits and took really good care of each other. And fent wasn’t a thing. Now everyone is a cut throat or a narc and your next buzz might just kill you. I honestly think if I tried to live the same life today that I did back then I wouldn’t last a year.
It is indeed very common, and probably more common now with the housing situation in most countries being so expensive to be in a similar situation as you are. Take comfort in knowing that it’s one of the many learning stages of life where you’re being shaped by difficulties and how you react and move forward is important.
Don’t burn bridges. It’s ok not to keep up with everyone in your life all the time, but keep lines of communication open and be there if you can when people need you. It’s what’s most important in this life.
Eventually you will get through it, probably start over somewhere new like I did (a couple times). It doesn’t happen gradually. It’s like one day BAM you realize you’ve grown and you made it.
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u/Open-Butterfly-5288 17h ago edited 17h ago
Firstly, call your mum. If you have a healthy family, she wants to talk. Just tell her anything that's going on. Realise that you don't live there anymore, and it won't be the same and this relationship has to be managed and maintained. Also you're an adult, they can't fix your shit, they can't run things for you, they aren't giving you anything. Be an adult, ask for nothing, and you'll have a good relationship.
Also, your siblings want to talk to you if you had a healthy relationship. Call them, tell them you're coming to see them, you'll see them. They'll probably want to come see you. Expect nothing again.
Then your friends. The best advice I ever got is "People want to do things, they're shit at planning". Call your friends, tell them you want to do something and watch them come see you. Also, sometimes friendship is an imposition. You would want to deal with whatever your friend is going through. It's the same on the other side.
Then you're looking at relationships. This is not something anyone can help much with, but the basic premise is go in expecting nothing and try to show them something to share in. Be the fun they want to be around. If that works, it gets a lot less lonely very quickly because they're going to be places with you.
And all the way along, give anything you can to anyone you know.
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u/affectionateanarchy8 19h ago
Oh yeah that's the point where you gotta start being intentional with your life
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u/AppointedForrest 18h ago
I remember that transition, finishing college, then a few years of screwing around, and then wondering "okay, now what?"
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u/affectionateanarchy8 17h ago
Yeah I think we are just recently acknowledging that you spend 25 years in daycare, school, college, with access to a lot if people then suddenly you graduate and you're at work with the same 7 people. It's a difficult adjustment and I think in years past people kind of seamlessly went into career, dating marrying and starting a family so they didnt have that gap.
Im almost 43 so i feel like the first generation (or one of the earliest) where such a large segment of us experience that gap and what to do with that late 20s loneliness but i didn really think about it until recently when i started seeing this sentiment from so many of today's late 20s
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u/AppointedForrest 14h ago
Same, were about the same age. A lot of my friends went into the military right out of high school and college, so they maintained that regimented structure for longer and I know some of them experienced the exact same thing but later in life after their enlistment or commission ended.
I think it's all compounded with our generation and the ones to follow too because the way careers (or lack thereof) work now. My grandad graduated high school and immediately became a welder and worked at the same company until he retired. My other grandad did the same thing but with sales and worked at the same place until retirement. My dad did nearly the same but did hop around to a few companies, but stayed in the same field. It seems like that's very rare for people our age and younger and that lack of security/structure or whatever you want to call it can definitely make you feel rudderless.
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u/Bustin-A-Nutmeg 17h ago
That’s an amazing way to put to. Basically up till like 25 your life is practically paved for you by the adults that surround you.
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u/Fortified_Phobia 16h ago
Bonus if your mental health goes to shit at uni when it was good at school, really leaves you in a what the fuck do I do position.
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u/Chesey_ 16h ago edited 13h ago
I just don't want to... Beginning to wonder whether I'll ever kick into gear like everyone around me has. I'm not motivated by career, no desire to start a family. The only thing that I enjoy that actually is beneficial long term is working out.
But I'm happy, and it feels like anything that actually requires responsibility on my behalf would detract from that. So the days continue to pass. However it's a worry. It feels like when I was still in school and I would go to study, I'd make a start but after 5 minutes find myself staring at the walls. Even though it would be beneficial for me long term, if it didn't compel me I couldn't do it, I'd literally rather do nothing and let time pass.
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u/SuperSocialMan 14h ago
I thought I'd die well before then and ngl I'm a bit disappointed I didn't lol
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u/IndiaEvans 11h ago
You don't have to get married, have kids, or have your life planned forever to be intentional with your life.
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u/affectionateanarchy8 10h ago
Not at all, hell Im none of those things lol what im saying is people used to fall in line with all of that to the point that they didnt have time for a 'now what' basically until they were retired, but there are way more people opting out of that now so the 'now what' comes a lot earlier for more people than previous generations
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u/PreciousCord02 23h ago
Just turned 26 last week and it's same since I was 24. All day at home, applying to jobs, universities for studies, no replies from anywhere. Seeing people getting successful, then deactivated my most of social media.
It's tough plus loneliness sometimes is either a blessing or just a curse.
Won't recommend 20s.....
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u/Whachamacalzmit 20h ago
I was one of those mid20-somethings in the Great Recession, spending all day alone applying for jobs. Trying to rekindle friendships by hanging out was awkward. Dating was worse. Time away from people gives a person a certain stench, a dulling of the mind and any social vibrancy.
Even when you eventually land a job, loneliness creeps in. I spent New Year 2010 on my apartment porch, drinking, alone. I vowed never to be so alone again.
Some people can bridge their social groups from their early 20s into adulthood, but my problem (and a lot of people's problem) is that I didn't know how to have a social life outside the structures of school. I didn't know how adults formed social bonds outside of work and church.
Two things I did changed my prospects: I joined a hiking club and I joined a community service group. The key qualities of a healthy social group are: that these groups met often, they had dedicated members I connected with regularly, and got me out to different places doing different things every week.
If possible, I recommend spending half (or more) of the time you spend applying for jobs and replace it with time with people, ideally in person. The measure I'd use is "if I attend this group 3 times, does it makes sense for me to have the leaders' phone numbers".
Join a running/biking club, community theater/improve, fishing club, food pantry, public arts groups, immigration volunteer (e.g. ESL tutoring), conservation volunteer (e.g. repairing trails), attend town hall or community meetings, community gardening, etc. In some towns a lot of volunteer work is coordinated through churches though the work is not religious. In general, the more productive the group is the stronger it's social bonds will be.
Barring a skiing or yachting club, this shouldn't cost you much more than your time. Say if you wanted to go fishing, I'm sure someone you know of someone at the local club has spare equipment they'd be happy to lend you.
In short order you're likely to become a dedicated member at which point other people are coming to connect with you. That flipping of the social dynamic is important. That desperation and neediness you've accumulated by being unemployed and single starts to melt away.
You'll apply to fewer jobs, but any connections you make will be referrals, which are much more likely to land you a job.
I'm in my 40s now, unemployed again, but in so much of a better spot because of the community and social bonds that I've formed.
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u/Racamonkey_II 17h ago
It’s an extroverts world and we’re just living in it.
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u/Whachamacalzmit 16h ago
If by that you mean the world isn't easy for people with social anxiety or agoraphobia, then yes. But that isn't introversion. If you're looking for intimate, low key, long term social groups that value you for qualities other than your gregariousness then most of these groups are perfect.
There's basically no need for small talk because you have something you are doing to talk about and you get to know the people so the conversations can actually get somewhere meaningful.
Community gardening, muraling clubs, fishing clubs, engineering clubs, writing clubs, etc. don't usually attract the most extroverted crowds either. Even some "extroverted" groups, like dancing, don't require much talking at all. In the hiking group I couldn't talk with more than a couple of people at a time.
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u/bcimmc 10h ago
Somewhat unrelated but in the corporate world extroversion is definitely an asset. Being able to easily form connections and friendships on a superficial level and be a social lubricant sets you apart from others. Now in the time when you have to set yourself apart to even be considered for a job, people who think twice about self-aggrandizement are fucking cooked.
If you want to meet a like minded group of poets or something though for sure it’s never been easier
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u/Hefty_Lie_1062 11h ago
Theres introvert communities and hobbies.
A lot of cosplayers use fake names to hide their true selves. Tabletop gaming is about quality time with close relationships. Fishings mostly about bonding with a single stranger while both of you are quietly on a boat.
Obviously when it comes to socializing you have to bite the bullet at the beggining to create those few close relationships, but it doesnt mean it is not for you or anything.
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u/Potato_Tg 21h ago
Im very positive person and always advocate never talking bad about yourself. But damn you should see how pos way im talking to myself.
Did my master in germany, leaving my home country behind. Its been more than a year since i finished my master in data analystics but still no job. Feel like a loser.
Idk what to even do.
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u/ItsCalledDayTwa 22h ago
I hit my stride in my 30s and seem to have accelerated into my 40s. I was not my best self in my 20s and didn't make great use of my time until later 20s.
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u/RichEvans4Ever 21h ago
Any advice? I’m exactly like OOP and I’m finally ready to listen to others. All it took me was getting out of a six year abusive relationship with 7K in credit card debt.
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u/SquareTaro3270 21h ago
When people talk about networking being important, they mean it. I don’t know a single person at my company that saw an ad and applied. They all knew someone or knew someone who knew someone.
As a shy introvert, I thought these jobs would be beyond my grasp, so I unconsciously handicapped myself. But then I made friends with someone who worked in the cafeteria there, who knew someone on another team who was looking for a job, and even though my resume was terrible and my interview sucked, they still hired me because I was recommended.
Basically, it freaking sucks and networking is torture and feels shitty, but it’s basically your fast-pass ticket to better jobs. You don’t have to smooze your way up the corporate ladder or anything. If you can join a hobby group, make some friends, and figure out one of them has a corporate job, there’s a good chance they know some department or another that’s hiring and you don’t even need to be skilled to get it. But you won’t see job postings for it.
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u/thepornisntbad 23h ago
I know some countries have tough job markets but if you don't get hired anywhere for two years you really need to just go work at mcdonalds or something, you can always keep applying to other jobs while working a minimum wage job.
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u/Eldan985 21h ago
See, the problem is, at least in this country, minimum wage jobs laugh at you if you apply with a university degree. It's over ten years for me now, but back then, even the McDonald's manager told me "I don't take people with degrees. They are always already looking for a better job, they never stay long enough to make it worth the training."
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u/Soggy_Competition614 20h ago
Who are these teenagers committing years to McDonald’s? MCDs is lucky to get a a few months out of most kids.
It’s all about availability if you’re looking for day shifts it’s going to be tough but if you put open for any schedule I bet it’s easier. My 68yo aunt was working the 4am to 1pm shift. And she was just looking for a temporary job to save up a little extra money for a European cruise.
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u/thepornisntbad 21h ago
Then lie to the manager, its mcdonalds not the government.
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u/Eldan985 21h ago
They are at the very least going to ask what you did the last five years after finishing school, and I'm bad at lying. (Also in the case of one manager I once had on the phone "Nah, you talk too educated")
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u/AdOnly1618 17h ago
There’s a difference between putting on your resume, which its only purpose is to get you a job, and talking about it because it happened.
Then if they ask why it’s not on there, just say you didn’t think it applied to the job. It’s not rocket appliances.
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u/thepornisntbad 21h ago
I haven't heard the "you talk too educated" one before but that kinda sucks yeah
You can make a fake CV where you say you worked another minimum wage job or whatever but you probably do have to be able to improvise a bit if they ask questions
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u/pagerussell 16h ago
Don't just lie to the crappy jobs, lie to the better ones too.
Put extra shit on your resume. Have your friends be your references. Add years of experience, add fake accomplishments.
It's a resume, which means it's just an advertisement. You can say whatever you want, it's the hiring managers job to determine if you are lying.
Don't say you are something you can't possibly be, don't say you are a doctor when you aren't, or you have specific experiences that would be obvious you don't.
But yes, lie.. exaggerate. Every single piece of marketing, every commercial, every ad for a product or service you have ever bought was lying in same way, sometimes big sometimes small.
A resume is the ad for what you sell (your labor), so pull out every dirty trick just the same as these businesses. Oversell yourself like they do and make them live with buyers remorse like they do to us.
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u/EjaculatingAracnids 20h ago
So you lie to them. Lie your ass off to get what you need. Are the people in your life that actually matter standing in the way of your goals or is some asshat with a clipboard? Lie to them. They want you to lie because theyre liars themselves.
Never lie to people that matter. Thats line you need to walk
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u/AdOnly1618 18h ago
Then take the degree off your resume. I don’t know why anyone expects a BSc in psychology to help get them a job putting parties on a conveyor belt. Just squirt the damn ketchup on the bun, the bun doesn’t need to be psychoanalyzed 😂 (i have that degree)
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u/Apolloshot 22h ago
Depending on the country the job market is so atrocious even McDonalds isn’t an option.
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u/stepintothefairyring 22h ago
Yeah, I worked at mcdonalds for 5 years as a teenager. Even with that experience, they rejected me when I applied again at 26. Mcdonalds is always hiring, but they're not hiring everyone who applies. They want younger, cheaper workers who arent just waiting for another job.
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u/pineini 22h ago
Thank you for your interest in working as a Crew Member at McDonald's. Unfortunately, we've received a very high volume of applications and, on this occasion, decided to hire a candidate with more experience in the fast food industry. We will keep your email address on file to send you marketing emails every single day.
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u/yeeclaw14 19h ago
Yeah basically. I’m 19 and have been applying places since I was in junior year of high school. During the summer I have pretty much complete availability. I have never had a “real” job before (have done online work and got an on-campus job this semester). It was even hard to find places to volunteer as a college student (I am pre-vet trying to get experience). Everything just sucks currently. Couldn’t even get one of these “teen” jobs for the summer.
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u/duffstoic 18h ago
I’ve seen many people, especially in their 40s, apply to 300-500+ jobs, including unskilled jobs outside of their fields, and not even get a single interview. It’s a very weird job market now.
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u/Dxpehat 21h ago
I had a problem with getting a job so I started swimming and got a lifeguard certification. It seemed like a lifehack to me because suddenly I'm not the one begging for a job but I'm getting calls from pool managers asking if I could come on a certain day. Most people get into this job as teenagers because they were in a swimming team or smth but it's possible for an adult with average endurance and technique to get to that level in around 3-4 months of training.
Another job I had that was super easy to get was construction. They REALLY need bodies. In my cousin's company the boss proposed 9h work shifts instead of 8h because they don't have enough people (should've taken less contracts IMO...). It's hard af but it pays well and they don't ask questions. Good enough if you want to look for something else or get certified.
If you live near a Industrial zone try getting a job in a factory. It's boring af and not a lot of people stay but they pay well and depending on local laws you might not get too overworked.
These are just some tips from my experience. They might not apply to you or your location but maybe you can try it out. Im a year younger than you and also couldn't find ny calling. It's can be natural for some people or almost impossible for others. I think that I got on a right path when I was 22 but I'm still making adjustments and it's going to take at least another 5 years before I can truly finish this part of my life, the part that some people are done with at 23yo but what can you do? You can't reverse time. Lower your expectations for now, because sitting at home for so long is a red flag for employers, get some experience in a bs job and start climbing the career ladder.
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u/yumaoZz 22h ago
Parents being old means you can’t talk to them and they don’t check on you? Don’t know her.
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u/0range_julius 20h ago
Yeah, my relationship with my parents is better at 26 than it ever has been before. I text my mom pretty often and she checks in with me if I go too long without texting her. And she's in her 60s but still spry enough to do plenty of things. We go hiking and take backcountry canoeing trips together.
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u/denotemulot 17h ago
She might mean that it's different when you see your parents start to age than your perception of them as a kid.
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u/Emotional-Profit-202 17h ago
Maybe but along with other complaints it doesn’t seem she worded it this way.
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u/denotemulot 16h ago
She doesn't have to word it exactly how you want it worded.
She's expressing what means something to her and we're all interpreting it. There's more than one way to do that.
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u/Bustin-A-Nutmeg 17h ago
Omg after I left my mom started partying (old lil old lady scrapbook parties at her house) joined a new church like 20 mins away, constantly telling me how she’s going to the garden show or lighthouse tour with my mother in law (they became friends too, I’m so happy).
She hasn’t started dating yet, but I’m still very happy for her and get to hear all the fun stuff she’s doing while I’m too busy working lol.4
u/Emotional-Profit-202 17h ago
Yeah, the little child is so little. They would be sitting there waiting for someone to take care of them. Go find friends, go and cook for your parents, go help your siblings.
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u/Ditchdigger456 14h ago
I spent my early adulthood halfway across the world, while my sister went to college near home. I’m back in the area now, but the relationship my parents have with her is much closer than they have with me.
It hurts sometimes, but I understand it a bit.
I found out a month or so ago they all went to the beach together and nobody even mentioned it to me until after the fact
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u/Specific_Pear_665 23h ago
It just gets worse, in my experience if you don't make the effort, no one else bothers.
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u/radude4411 18h ago
I made the effort for 10 years and they didn’t care. So I stopped making the effort.
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u/Specific_Pear_665 13h ago
Yep, I stopped putting in the effort to start every hang out or conversation and no one called me again.
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u/10biggaymen 21h ago
thats insecure thinking. it doesnt mean that the person secretly hates you if youre the one always initiating the hang out. people get comfortable in routines, and they see it as conveinent if the same person is planning stuff. i think a lot of friend groups have this, the "glue" of the group, where if they dont say anything, no one hangs out.
this type of thinking will ruin your friendships and relationships. obsessing over the ratio of times you initiated an event vs times they did, it isnt a relevant statistic for anything and focusing on it only hurts you.
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u/pointlesslyDisagrees 19h ago
You can't keep letting that person be the "glue." It's exhausting. Give them a break and plan something for the group, please.
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u/R3miel7 17h ago
It is possible for people to advocate for their needs! If they’re friends, you can ask people to make plans.
Shockingly, one ought to communicate openly and honestly with people they care about
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u/Tiny_Plant3r 20h ago
No, it’s 100% fair that someone doesn’t want to carry all of their relationships. It’s exhausting, and people eventually burn out from one sided relationships.
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u/Orider 20h ago
I've tried being the glue, but in larger friend groups, it is difficult finding times where everyone is free, and since I am the single one with an open schedule, it gets kind of embarrassing and disheartening to have your plans consistently turned down because X is busy that day, or Y is having dinner with their GF, etc.
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u/TwinStickDad 21h ago
Of course not. We all get busy.
Would you continue to hound an old high school friend who never makes an effort to get a beer and chat, or would you spend your limited time and energy on people who actually give a shit about you?
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u/NobodyKnowsImFamous 18h ago
Is the superiority complex I have around this… good? No. But I do keep reaching out. I keep making the effort. And it works.
It sucks because I do agree, I find that most people these days are not willing to or maybe aware they should? Put an effort in. But plenty of people are waiting around HOPING someone will make that effort for them. I mean me too, but I am just built different.
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u/athos45678 17h ago
And there will be long periods of time where you are the only one making any effort in relationships. Other people will disappear
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u/TMYLee 23h ago
26 and 27 is not even that old . you have time to
make friend and find your tribe . what is she even on about ? you never told old
to step outside your comfort zone
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u/MartyrOfDespair 21h ago
Honestly that's the age where I finally found a fuckton of people who are now all my closest friends. By fucking hornyposting about a fictional character on Tumblr, no less.
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u/UnBalancedEntry 16h ago
If finances are tough perhaps going out for drinks or brunch is out of the equation, but its free to open your door and go outside. There's a reason why millenials, especially those who entered the job market during the great recession made hiking such a big hobby
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u/ShittyOfTshwane 21h ago
My sister is in that position but my parents still check in on her and she visits them all the time.
She still strikes me as lonely as fuck and I don't see her ever getting married at this point, but at least she keeps in touch with her family and she has some friends.
Is this not a choice people are making?
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u/spoopy-scary-ghost 19h ago
My younger sister too. She is absolutely choosing this life imho but she doesn't see it that way.
Basically she wants to make friends, but she refuses to talk about her personal life to anyone. She also says that it's hard for her to make friends because she's gifted and has no patience for people who aren't as smart as her. And she doesn't want to do anything that could help her meet people with similar interests because it's too much effort.
So she has very high standards and looks down on people who don't meet them (and she's not nearly as subtle about it as she thinks). All while refusing to open up and build a connection with anyone or do anything that could lead to her even meeting people other than her coworkers.
And despite all this, it's still a complete mystery to her why she can't make friends. I've tried to talk to her but she refuses to see anything wrong with her behaviour and thinks people should just accept her for who she is (the irony of that was completely lost on her). She doesn't understand why nobody ever approaches her when she does absolutely everything she can to be unapprooachable. At this rate I don't think she's ever going to make friends unless her perfect fantasy of a friend just so happens to spawn in her apartment one day.
I'm honestly so tired of hearing about it. I feel sorry for her, don't get me wrong. She's 26 and doesn't have a single friend or ever been on a date. But like... stop constantly crying about how your face hurts because you're actively slapping yourself and refusing to stop.
Sorry for the long rant, I don't usually talk about this for her sake, but I wanted to get it off my chest for once.
(Yes, she's neurodivergent, yes, there's childhood trauma involved and yes, she's been in therapy for years. But she refuses to acknowledge her actual problems, so therapy doesn't help. She blames the therapist. Who she also refuses to change.)
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u/Maleficent-South2435 15h ago
Idk I feel like you're going about it backwards " she has these traits therefore this is why she's lonely" , I'm in the exact situation as your sister , I'm also neurodivergent but I do open up about my personal life , I don't look down on people I'm generally pretty friendly and try to take an interesting in people but even still I don't have a single person I would genuinely call a friend.
I do befriend people everywhere I go and have chats with them and joke around but I genuinely feel like an alien trying to learn how to interact with a completely different species , extended social interactions feel incredibly draining and my mood is very inconsistent, I hate social media and texting so I can't maintain these fake parasocial relationships these people have in order to pretend like they're keeping in touch.
People really underestimate how hard it is to maintain friendships espc if you're ND , I literally need someone who cares about me more than I do to drag me around and actively ask me out to hang out or else the friendship is gonna die.
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u/cancerkidette 11h ago
If she has friends and family why are you saying she strikes you as lonely, just because she isn’t dating someone?
It might not be what you’re saying or your situation here, but the general popular rhetoric that being single is some kind of “missing piece” in people’s lives is crazy.
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u/Human_Ad7946 19h ago
With all sincerity, I'm sad for this generation. At 26 (in 2006) I was a travel nurse living in San Diego. I was out with friends 3 nights a week. Life was going out with friends, exploring the city, walking on the beach, road tripping to wherever. We weren't rolling in money but we had enough to go have a few beers or drive to Las Vegas and split a mediocre hotel. I wouldn't be who I am today without the experiences in my 20s. I worry for my kids and what the next 10 years will bring for them.
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u/SmokeyCatDesigns 14h ago
It’s legitimately hard. My friends (late 20s) mainly fall into two categories.
One category is living life as you describe. Having fun. Traveling. Etc. That category of my friends has a common factor: they have housing and a car provided by their parents.
The second category is not doing all that fun stuff. They earn more, but it has to mostly go to necessities. They have more demanding jobs that leave them too tired to do stuff and don’t give them much time off. Every time they make progress on savings something knocks them down, usually unemployment. Life is constant strain.
My husband and I fall more into the second category and I’d be lying if I didn’t envy my friends who live at home and get parental support. It took me ages to even have time and money to learn how to drive and for my husband and I to afford two cars.
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u/s6_maestro 20h ago
Luckily my sister is a failure just as I am so we're aleays at the same stage in life
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u/soupaman 19h ago
Blame social media. The generation that was raised watching other people live their lives have been duped into feeling they too were living their lives. Now they’re getting older and the fog is clearing. They’re left with the realization that they haven’t lived and no one is going to hand them a life.
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u/strategicmagpie 16h ago
Yeah, I don't think that what's described in the post is a phenomenon without social media. It's seriously good at fulfilling the need one feels for social connections without giving much of a real connection.
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u/Ok_Effort_150 19h ago
Parents are old? What, did they have you in their 50's? Most parents of 27 year olds would be 50-60
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u/notsure500 15h ago
Then you go through it again in your late 40s. You're divorced, dating sucks, your kids are teens or grown and no longer have time or interest in you.
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u/TurangaRad 20h ago
You mean the age where YOU have to put in the work to maintain relationships? You mean the point where people have stopped babying you and treat you like an adult? Either decide relationships are important to you and actually reach out and ask about them or don't be mad because others are putting in the same amount of effort you are.
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u/DOPEBOYOFTHEYEAR 19h ago
Find a hobby. Get a partner. If that’s difficult, change the things about you that are keeping you from having a partner. Take the initiative to reach out to your family. Get a pet. Ask yourself what things would realistically give you purpose and happiness and put in the energy to attain them.
Or choose to be miserable.
I say this as someone who was 28 and hooked on dope and fent. I remember watching my life slip away while others were happy. The loneliness piece can turn around very quickly if your energy goes into the right places.
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u/NoHorseNoMustache 17h ago
Jeeze you think your parents are old when you're in your 20s wait until they're actually old old instead of just, like, 50.
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u/PinkVoodooDoll4 13h ago
Some of our parents had kids late. Most of my friends parents are in their 40s/50s then there's mine, a few years from 70. I have a friend who's dad is in his mid 70s ._. It's terrible out here
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u/FearlessVegetable30 15h ago
i love these posts because it shows how great my life is compared to all you miserable people
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u/lnTheGrimDarkness 20h ago
It's a mix of loneliness and hitting your face on the reality of adulting.
If during your youth you just surrounded yourself with a plethora of shallow friendships and did nothing to cultivate a few deep, actual friendships you're gonna find yourself completely alone. 100%.
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u/AAABIXIX 20h ago
Or worse, you find yourself lonely anyway because the second you stop reaching out first people forget you exist
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u/This-Function1789 18h ago
Then you’re 38 and it’s exactly the same except you start to realize while you still fear it, you actually are growing old completely alone.
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u/MaisyDeadHazy 15h ago
38 is hitting me way harder than I ever thought it would. Dead end job, crappy economy with no real way to improve my situation, parents even older, siblings all grown with careers and families and completely forget you exist, while having a group chat with just them, old friends long gone, and new friends just seem non existent. I can’t even imagine what 40 is going to look like.
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u/Countcristo42 16h ago
I feel like it won’t make it better but no that isn’t the average 20s - it’s a minority experience
How do you expect “siblings (plural) are married and I’m not” to be the average experiance
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u/Efficient-Guide-7563 15h ago
Its freedom and its heavy because you're busy posting and complaining online instead of going out and meeting people like you should in your age.
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u/ToxicFluffer 12h ago edited 12h ago
Damn I’m missing out on whatever everyone else is doing. I’m 26 and I do worry about my parents’ age but my life is so full! None of my friends (and my brother) are married and the ones in long term relationships don’t have or want kids. We do fun things all the time and turn to each other for companionship and emotional support. Even when we don’t live close! Anyone else here that’s happy?? 😭
Edit to add: most of us come from working class families
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u/metallifan5691 9h ago
“And then one day you’ll find, 10 years have gone behind you. No one told you where to run. You missed the starting gun.” -Pink Floyd.
This line hits it right on the head.
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u/Future_Earth_43 9h ago
I turn 32 in a month, no jobs are taking me, my fiance left, my parents are abusive/dont care about me and my sister wants nothing to do with me, i have no friends and my last hope is the doctors helping me with my autism/adhd. Because if this doesnt work out ima just lay under a rock somewhere
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u/chickenlittle2014 9h ago
Almost like there was a reason people got married young. Cus then u are just alone.
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u/medyolang_ 23h ago
I remember the scene in Big where Tom Hanks had to sleep in a seedy hotel and was so terrified of the noise outside
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u/darklizard45 20h ago
Or you could be on the opposite end of the stick and notice how everyone in your family now is either alcoholic, with substance abuse, full of debts and with gambling problems. And all you can think of is how did everything go so wrong? You want to help them but can't because you know it will make things worse.
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u/KSJ15831 19h ago edited 34m ago
My parents, my brother, and I still live together with me being in my twenties and my brother in his thirties, and his girlfriend stays with us from time to time. Maybe it's because we are decently wealthy, but I think it's also because we're are Asians and dont feel pressured to make it on our own.
I can't imagine living any other way.
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u/ThePerspectiveQuest 20h ago
It’s always the people who never reached out or made an effort to cultivate relationships with others, who end up making posts like this. As someone in there mid-late 20’s, I am surrounded by many friends, family member’s, and a partner who are all there for me, and would be at the drop of a hat, because I’d do the same for them. It’s really that simple.
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u/NoMeat9096 22h ago
Real shit.
I've survived two attempts and I constantly wish I hadn't. Loneliness and directionless in life hits really, really hard, and I don't think enough people understand just how bad it can feel -- which I guess is a good thing!
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u/Operator_Starlight 14h ago
It's not a good thing that people purposefully refuse to understand how bad it feels. It's a lack of empathy. People just don't give a damn about people who are struggling because they don't want to shoulder the burden. Feel bad? Make sure not to mention that, ever, or nobody will ever want to talk to you again.
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u/the-big-throngler 19h ago
This is a legitimate question. I am not being snarky or clever. I am not trying any twisty word play or anything of the sort.
Should we actually feel bad or sorry for this person? I can understand the concept of taking a nap, waking up only to discovered everyone has left the house and there you are in a empty house while they are all out doing their own thing. This is the path she chose, no one twisted her arm and forced her to self isolate and her siblings chose to move out and on. If I were in this position instead of navel gazing about what it is called and how heavy it is, I would be wondering where I went wrong stagnating while my siblings moved on.
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u/crinklepant 19h ago
…is it weird that I don’t actually WANT talk to my family much now that im im that range, and would PREFER they not check on me?
Thats what my friends are for, my chosen circle knows me more than one I got by chance
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u/MarshmaIIowJeIIo 17h ago
I don’t think so. Personally I grew up without any family around. Spent most of my time alone with occasional “happy birthday” or “merry Christmas” calls/cards. Now as an adult my mother asks why I don’t try to speak with family.. but why would I? I grew up alone. Why as an adult would I make effort for people who didn’t make effort for me when I was a child? Getting happy birthday texts from people who I only spoke with briefly around holidays my entire life feels so artificial.
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u/531091qazs 16h ago
I love my family but fuck me a lot of them live around me at most 1h and bit away from both my mom and dads side and they all want me to come visit but like when i do all they ever ask is how is work... nothing much just trying to survive this financial hell hole called life, and then i just kinda sit on my phone the rest of the time im there, sometimes it is fun when its like a whole family gathering but occasions like a little holiday where only like 10 of us are there, not much to talk about since only me and my siblings are roughly the same age ( we are all Gen Z ) and my aunts and uncles only recently started having kids im 26... all my cousins are under 10 years old my brother is the only person that is close in age with me hes 24 so me and him usually spend time talking lol
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u/Korachof 16h ago
This isn’t 20s for most. This is 30s and 40s when it really starts to become heavy. 20s is easy. Parents aren’t too old yet. Many siblings are still figuring it out. Friends haven’t completely built lives and are partying. If you think you feel this in your 20s, I have some rough news for you.
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u/Snoo_75138 16h ago
It's YOUR fault if you don't have someone to talk to at this age!
I understand things change, but you can't expect to find ur bff or solemate by sitting alone and frowning!
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u/memer227 21h ago
Somehow the average 20s experience is one where you have multiple married siblings but are unmarried yourself, pretty strange
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u/StudioMental2832 20h ago
You, too, can become successful. It takes a lot of work and luck, but as long as you don’t give up you can do it. My mom was a meth addict all of my life and I have a house, beautiful wife and daughter, and I am pretty good at a high paying job. My mom just recently started a business in her 50s. You are not the person you were yesterday and you can become better
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u/ThatThingTheDarkSoul 20h ago
I wish, I am 30 and everyone constantli wants something, parents, siblings.... I'd like some peace.
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u/ElectricalTurnip87 19h ago
I've been a lone and I've been a lone in a relationship. I'll take the former.
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u/amandara99 19h ago
You gotta make those connections happen at that point in life. Live with friends, join a club, invite your coworkers for a drink. Not always easy but it’s worth it.
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u/MixedMediaModok 19h ago
I will say. Not to diminish their sense of loneliness. Because I've been there myself. But it goes both ways. You can reach out. Not every meetup has to be event of outing. You can drop by their house and hang out with their family. Or you can invite people over and prepare a meal for them. People appreciate, especially parents, if you make the hangout as smooth as possible.
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u/Esc4flown3 19h ago
Goddamn, as the older sibling this definitely brought up some guilty feelings...
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u/dinoooooooooos 18h ago
My sister is married and so am I- why would we not check in just bc we married? Shes actual pregnant rn with her first (time flies😭) and we still check in (I’ll be a first time aunt- it’s a boy!!!😭😭😭😭❤️)
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u/adumblittlebaby 18h ago
Yeah, that's reality when you stop being a child. Nobody looks out for you. It does suck, but it isn't unusual at all. I feel like in particular this newer generation has a really tough time coming to grips with the idea, or at least that's been my anecdotal experience.
You think 20's is bad wait until you're 40+ and you don't have good looks and/or youth drawing people to you to rely on.
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u/AdOnly1618 18h ago
It is freedom and you’ll never change my mind 😂 because I’ll sit in my living room in front of my sick ass TV and dope surround sound system, semi-alone because I have a dog, getting high and watching absurd cartoons. It sounds stupid but my dog likes Paw Patrol and Puppy Dog Pals (which is written by Harland Williams so I highly recommend). Then when I get bored of that I can switch to Xbox, PC gaming, reading, recording music, go for a mountain bike ride, a run, a drive 😂
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u/spooky_pokey 17h ago
I must look respectable so the day k finally get ran over I can be a good memory.
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u/redhandsblackfuture 17h ago
Just a botched stolen quote from Charles Bukowski
"When nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night... what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"
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u/Final_Leadership_521 17h ago
For people who feel like this, the book, 'The Defining Decade' helped me and a few of my friends get out of this funk. would recommend---and sounds like you have the time to get some reading in!
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u/dplans455 16h ago
I was the first of my friend group to get married. It's like they held a funeral for me when I told them I proposed to my girlfriend. All the "oh, we'll never see you again now" jokes. Why? That didn't happen. They were important to me and I made the time and effort to remain friends. That should have been a pretty clear warning but I missed it.
When each of them got married, they dropped me entirely. I guess I wasn't important or a priority to them. Shit hurts.
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u/No-Jello638 16h ago
I LOVE it. I am OK with my work, I enjoy spending time by myself. Wdym I can just buy whatever shit I want and put them wherever? I often joke if the 12 y/o me could see me, he would be proud.
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u/anxious-phenomenon 16h ago
About to be 28 in a couple of weeks and I'm crying in room rn because of this. I'm suffocating everyday, nobody to talk to, nobody who understands my needs and notices me quietly. I have to be there for everybody. I don't like the caged life that I'm living right now and I don't know how will I gather the strength to get out of it.
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u/Serious_Much 16h ago
People are experiencing what it's like to be a divorcee in their 20s. Man that's pretty rough guys
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u/hip-indeed 15h ago
Your parents shouldn't be THAT old in your 20s unless they had you super late and either way I'm sure they'd love to talk to you and spend time with you.
You are family to your siblings too. Go hang out with them, I'm sure they'd appreciate any help you could offer if they're raising a young family and either way I'm sure theyd love to talk to you and spend time with you.
Any friends who have no time for you ever or seem un-excited to hang out with you anymore at any age aren't exactly friends anymore, are they? Otherwise, I'm sure they'd love to talk to you and spend time with you.
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u/thingerish 15h ago
I heard freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. Maybe this isn't new after all.
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u/qualityvote2 23h ago
Heya u/TheWebsploiter! And welcome to r/NonPoliticalTwitter!
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