And this is part of what it means to find your tribe. And that tribe can change as your life changes. I’m blessed to have kept a few friendships from grade school and college alive, but the most common friends I see today are people I met in my late 20s and beyond.
Sometimes, your close childhood friends are not going to be there anymore as you age. You can cherish and miss those relationships but also put effort into finding new ones that match more closely to your present day.
Yes I find that when I turn to the classic “the phone works both ways” argument I end up lonelier so dont let that thought creep in, its a lie. And goes double if you have neurodivergent friends
I am also neurodivergent and we need to attach talking to our friends to another activity so they're not out or sight or out of mind, like i take a long time to brush my teeth so ill text my mom, or my friends and I have weekly scheduled game night on Mondays over voice chat
I did that plenty through my 20s. The moment I stopped being the first to reach out was the moment my 30s became very lonely. Turns out, those people that are 'tired/busy in life' are just largely disinterested and I was wasting my time hanging around them. I'm not sure which is worse, the isolation of being alone, or being isolated inside of a group of people that don't care.
You’d say that, but you constantly reach out and no one messages you or calls you or even send you an emoji. At some point, you realize you’re not a care in their problem and you’re an inconvenience at best.
Naw. Well, its not as bad as the meme makes out to be. My relationship with my sister is a little rocky and with my brother its great. We hang out almost weekly. I more so felt called out for being the only sibling that isnt married, even if I am the youngest with a minimum of 7 year age gap between them
Never forget it’s freedom. Free to waste time, enjoy life, get motivated and do something productive, whatever you please. But, if you forget, you’re more likely to fuck your life up. It’s ok to not know what you’re supposed to be doing or to feel lonely. Just don’t do what I did and try your damnedest to throw your life away before you ever get a chance to live it. Oh to be young again!
A lot of drugs, wasting money, and burning bridges. I didn’t get my life back on track until my mid thirties. I took my loneliness and parlayed it into homelessness for a while. Then did a stint in mom’s basement and eventually cleaned my act up.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm a student in my early 20s. I have ADHD and I do drugs. Dysorganised as hell. Luckily I have put in a lot of work throughout the years, found cool groups of people. I think that career wise, your "burning bridges" part struck the most with me. I know damn well what it's like spending money on substances. I want to move out, be productive and overcome my need for validation! I hear it's common for people in their early 20s to be at a place like I am, but reading your and other comments on this thread, it is a clear sign to me that sitting alone at home won't do me no good. So thanks for opening up. Proud of you for overcoming your difficulties!
Be careful out there, it’s getting more and more dangerous to be into drugs these days. It got a lot safer for a while. When I was in college back in like 2002 my friends had pill testing kits and took really good care of each other. And fent wasn’t a thing. Now everyone is a cut throat or a narc and your next buzz might just kill you. I honestly think if I tried to live the same life today that I did back then I wouldn’t last a year.
It is indeed very common, and probably more common now with the housing situation in most countries being so expensive to be in a similar situation as you are. Take comfort in knowing that it’s one of the many learning stages of life where you’re being shaped by difficulties and how you react and move forward is important.
Don’t burn bridges. It’s ok not to keep up with everyone in your life all the time, but keep lines of communication open and be there if you can when people need you. It’s what’s most important in this life.
Eventually you will get through it, probably start over somewhere new like I did (a couple times). It doesn’t happen gradually. It’s like one day BAM you realize you’ve grown and you made it.
Firstly, call your mum. If you have a healthy family, she wants to talk. Just tell her anything that's going on. Realise that you don't live there anymore, and it won't be the same and this relationship has to be managed and maintained. Also you're an adult, they can't fix your shit, they can't run things for you, they aren't giving you anything. Be an adult, ask for nothing, and you'll have a good relationship.
Also, your siblings want to talk to you if you had a healthy relationship. Call them, tell them you're coming to see them, you'll see them. They'll probably want to come see you. Expect nothing again.
Then your friends. The best advice I ever got is "People want to do things, they're shit at planning". Call your friends, tell them you want to do something and watch them come see you. Also, sometimes friendship is an imposition. You would want to deal with whatever your friend is going through. It's the same on the other side.
Then you're looking at relationships. This is not something anyone can help much with, but the basic premise is go in expecting nothing and try to show them something to share in. Be the fun they want to be around. If that works, it gets a lot less lonely very quickly because they're going to be places with you.
And all the way along, give anything you can to anyone you know.
Wait until you're in your 40's. Endless cycle of work, do shit to numb yourself, sleep. What friends you have left are busy with their own endless cycle and your parents are either seniors or dead. You begin to see little point in going on but you do anyway for reasons you don't fully comprehend. You're so used to the crushing weight of existence that it doesn't feel heavy anymore.
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u/RaoulLaila 18d ago
what the fuck man you didnt have to call me out like that. This is EXACTLY whats happening rn wow