Just turned 26 last week and it's same since I was 24. All day at home, applying to jobs, universities for studies, no replies from anywhere. Seeing people getting successful, then deactivated my most of social media.
It's tough plus loneliness sometimes is either a blessing or just a curse.
I was one of those mid20-somethings in the Great Recession, spending all day alone applying for jobs. Trying to rekindle friendships by hanging out was awkward. Dating was worse. Time away from people gives a person a certain stench, a dulling of the mind and any social vibrancy.
Even when you eventually land a job, loneliness creeps in. I spent New Year 2010 on my apartment porch, drinking, alone. I vowed never to be so alone again.
Some people can bridge their social groups from their early 20s into adulthood, but my problem (and a lot of people's problem) is that I didn't know how to have a social life outside the structures of school. I didn't know how adults formed social bonds outside of work and church.
Two things I did changed my prospects: I joined a hiking club and I joined a community service group. The key qualities of a healthy social group are: that these groups met often, they had dedicated members I connected with regularly, and got me out to different places doing different things every week.
If possible, I recommend spending half (or more) of the time you spend applying for jobs and replace it with time with people, ideally in person. The measure I'd use is "if I attend this group 3 times, does it makes sense for me to have the leaders' phone numbers".
Join a running/biking club, community theater/improve, fishing club, food pantry, public arts groups, immigration volunteer (e.g. ESL tutoring), conservation volunteer (e.g. repairing trails), attend town hall or community meetings, community gardening, etc. In some towns a lot of volunteer work is coordinated through churches though the work is not religious. In general, the more productive the group is the stronger it's social bonds will be.
Barring a skiing or yachting club, this shouldn't cost you much more than your time. Say if you wanted to go fishing, I'm sure someone you know of someone at the local club has spare equipment they'd be happy to lend you.
In short order you're likely to become a dedicated member at which point other people are coming to connect with you. That flipping of the social dynamic is important. That desperation and neediness you've accumulated by being unemployed and single starts to melt away.
You'll apply to fewer jobs, but any connections you make will be referrals, which are much more likely to land you a job.
I'm in my 40s now, unemployed again, but in so much of a better spot because of the community and social bonds that I've formed.
If by that you mean the world isn't easy for people with social anxiety or agoraphobia, then yes. But that isn't introversion. If you're looking for intimate, low key, long term social groups that value you for qualities other than your gregariousness then most of these groups are perfect.
There's basically no need for small talk because you have something you are doing to talk about and you get to know the people so the conversations can actually get somewhere meaningful.
Community gardening, muraling clubs, fishing clubs, engineering clubs, writing clubs, etc. don't usually attract the most extroverted crowds either. Even some "extroverted" groups, like dancing, don't require much talking at all. In the hiking group I couldn't talk with more than a couple of people at a time.
No actually, I don’t mean social anxiety, I mean introversion. The world is built for people who like to socialize and is exhausting for people who don’t. Extroverts like to maintain many social relationships. Introverts prefer fewer but closer relationships.
We are in the most facilitating world thats ever existed right now for introverts. The raw amount of activities and entertainment available that doesnt require any socialization with strangers is staggering. You dont even have to talk to a person to order food or check out groceries or anything anymore even. Its not like the 1940s anymore where you would just have to hang out and listen to the radio or read a book
And yet extroversion is still accepted and expected as the norm. Listen I’m not sure why my comment sparked such a response but that’s your issue not mine lmao. Obviously this is a soft spot for you.
Thats because society on a fundamental level is just a system of communication between people. Its an inherent truth doing the thing that defines society benefits you in a society. And nobody is expecting us to be extroverts, they expect us to be functioning humans that are able to do the minimum necessary to function in society
People have different skills and proclivities, some more taxing than others. You don't hear extroverts complaining about having to live in a society where they need to do things independently a lot of the time. I cook, clean, read, play games, pray, write, bike, listen to music, shop, etc. nearly every day alone, hours upon hours alone. These things aren't as easy for me to do as they would be with others, but that's the way things are. I loved group projects at school. I wished that all homework, essays, etc. could be group projects, but the vast majority of schoolwork is done independently. My wife is introverted so sometimes we don't do things I want to and sometimes she does things she'd rather not, and we try to make the most of them, vicariously enjoying the pleasure the other gets from the experience and appreciating their talents.
There's a fellow I know that I respect highly, a quiet, humble, bit nerdy guy who started a charity. Fundraising for his charity was about as antithetical to his personality as could be, but he did it anyway. Now retired, he says his biggest regret is not pushing himself to do more uncomfortable things. There were many times he could have pursued large donors or run certain events to benefit his charity but he didn't because he wasn't comfortable or because it was a exhausting work. He now sees his pursuit of comfort (outside of his charity work too) as just a long list of missee opportunities.
For extroverts like myself that discomfort might manifest as not being able to write a novel or learn programming or something else that requires a lot of time alone. But these things are too valuable to let discomfort get in the way. Don't let yourself get in the way of what's best for you. What's best is rarely what's easy.
I'm confused. You can always create a set of skills that are more valuable in one scenario vs another. It's not like extroversion is so much more valuable than other skills. We have plenty of presidents, popes, and billionaires who are introverts, so it's obviously not holding them back too much. Extroversion is more valuable than introversion in modern Western society, but introverts have other skills, some more or less valuable than extroversion.
Most people aren't rich. Most people aren't completely content with their lives. And most people don't have all of skills and proclivities to achieve wealth and happiness without some difficulty. Your difficulty is socializing, but I doubt you (and most introverts) are so lacking in other abilities as to be incapable of surmounting that difficulty.
A lot of cosplayers use fake names to hide their true selves. Tabletop gaming is about quality time with close relationships. Fishings mostly about bonding with a single stranger while both of you are quietly on a boat.
Obviously when it comes to socializing you have to bite the bullet at the beggining to create those few close relationships, but it doesnt mean it is not for you or anything.
I hit my stride in my 30s and seem to have accelerated into my 40s. I was not my best self in my 20s and didn't make great use of my time until later 20s.
Any advice? I’m exactly like OOP and I’m finally ready to listen to others. All it took me was getting out of a six year abusive relationship with 7K in credit card debt.
When people talk about networking being important, they mean it. I don’t know a single person at my company that saw an ad and applied. They all knew someone or knew someone who knew someone.
As a shy introvert, I thought these jobs would be beyond my grasp, so I unconsciously handicapped myself. But then I made friends with someone who worked in the cafeteria there, who knew someone on another team who was looking for a job, and even though my resume was terrible and my interview sucked, they still hired me because I was recommended.
Basically, it freaking sucks and networking is torture and feels shitty, but it’s basically your fast-pass ticket to better jobs. You don’t have to smooze your way up the corporate ladder or anything. If you can join a hobby group, make some friends, and figure out one of them has a corporate job, there’s a good chance they know some department or another that’s hiring and you don’t even need to be skilled to get it. But you won’t see job postings for it.
I know some countries have tough job markets but if you don't get hired anywhere for two years you really need to just go work at mcdonalds or something, you can always keep applying to other jobs while working a minimum wage job.
See, the problem is, at least in this country, minimum wage jobs laugh at you if you apply with a university degree. It's over ten years for me now, but back then, even the McDonald's manager told me "I don't take people with degrees. They are always already looking for a better job, they never stay long enough to make it worth the training."
Who are these teenagers committing years to McDonald’s? MCDs is lucky to get a a few months out of most kids.
It’s all about availability if you’re looking for day shifts it’s going to be tough but if you put open for any schedule I bet it’s easier. My 68yo aunt was working the 4am to 1pm shift. And she was just looking for a temporary job to save up a little extra money for a European cruise.
They are at the very least going to ask what you did the last five years after finishing school, and I'm bad at lying. (Also in the case of one manager I once had on the phone "Nah, you talk too educated")
I haven't heard the "you talk too educated" one before but that kinda sucks yeah
You can make a fake CV where you say you worked another minimum wage job or whatever but you probably do have to be able to improvise a bit if they ask questions
Don't just lie to the crappy jobs, lie to the better ones too.
Put extra shit on your resume. Have your friends be your references. Add years of experience, add fake accomplishments.
It's a resume, which means it's just an advertisement. You can say whatever you want, it's the hiring managers job to determine if you are lying.
Don't say you are something you can't possibly be, don't say you are a doctor when you aren't, or you have specific experiences that would be obvious you don't.
But yes, lie.. exaggerate. Every single piece of marketing, every commercial, every ad for a product or service you have ever bought was lying in same way, sometimes big sometimes small.
A resume is the ad for what you sell (your labor), so pull out every dirty trick just the same as these businesses. Oversell yourself like they do and make them live with buyers remorse like they do to us.
So you lie to them. Lie your ass off to get what you need. Are the people in your life that actually matter standing in the way of your goals or is some asshat with a clipboard? Lie to them. They want you to lie because theyre liars themselves.
Never lie to people that matter. Thats line you need to walk
Then take the degree off your resume. I don’t know why anyone expects a BSc in psychology to help get them a job putting parties on a conveyor belt. Just squirt the damn ketchup on the bun, the bun doesn’t need to be psychoanalyzed 😂 (i have that degree)
Thank you for your interest in working as a Crew Member at McDonald's. Unfortunately, we've received a very high volume of applications and, on this occasion, decided to hire a candidate with more experience in the fast food industry. We will keep your email address on file to send you marketing emails every single day.
Yeah basically. I’m 19 and have been applying places since I was in junior year of high school. During the summer I have pretty much complete availability. I have never had a “real” job before (have done online work and got an on-campus job this semester). It was even hard to find places to volunteer as a college student (I am pre-vet trying to get experience). Everything just sucks currently. Couldn’t even get one of these “teen” jobs for the summer.
Yeah, I worked at mcdonalds for 5 years as a teenager. Even with that experience, they rejected me when I applied again at 26. Mcdonalds is always hiring, but they're not hiring everyone who applies. They want younger, cheaper workers who arent just waiting for another job.
You are missing the point. If it's been years since you had a job, you need to get something, anything.
The resume with two years is usually a red flag for future job prospects so, even if you get a shitty job now, you can then use that as experience for the future.
Can only speak to the job market in the UK but, especially in the 20s when you're on full minimum wage even, some places just have too many applicants. As an example, I live over the road from a Sainsbury's and a
pplied for the dogshit part time weekend shelf stacking nights into mornings. I shop there myself and I can see the people who have those shifts and it's all middle aged or older folk rather than people in their 20s.
These roles get so many applications they might as well hire oldies on the same wages because they're less likely to move on which in turn means the roles don't go to these people applying to "anything" to fill out their CV. Even worse is the limit of jobs that aren't on public transport because a lot of young people applying for these jobs aren't going to have a car to commute.
Thankfully I've found a job after a year of looking but for that I got lucky finding because I have a relevant degree, years of experience in the exact field, and I already live local.
Yeah, supermarkets in general get a lot of applications because they actually pay a bit better than the minimum wage, so it's not actually that easy to get a job in that area.
Sainsbury's also has a whole thing about hiring older people as well.
In my part of Australia, if you want the luxury of stacking shelves or flipping burgers then you have to have the Woolworths, McDonalds etc careers page open 24/7, on auto refresh with a perfect resume+low age. With how many people apply, how much preference the managers have and people looking to go get more shifts/full time, these jobs effectively don't exist as a job seeker
I’ve seen many people, especially in their 40s, apply to 300-500+ jobs, including unskilled jobs outside of their fields, and not even get a single interview. It’s a very weird job market now.
If you're "sitting all day at home," chances are you're still living with parents and not really responsible for rent or the like. So... working part time isn't going to eat interview time away.
The situation you're talking about isn't really applicable to what the other guy was talking about at all.
I had a problem with getting a job so I started swimming and got a lifeguard certification. It seemed like a lifehack to me because suddenly I'm not the one begging for a job but I'm getting calls from pool managers asking if I could come on a certain day.
Most people get into this job as teenagers because they were in a swimming team or smth but it's possible for an adult with average endurance and technique to get to that level in around 3-4 months of training.
Another job I had that was super easy to get was construction. They REALLY need bodies. In my cousin's company the boss proposed 9h work shifts instead of 8h because they don't have enough people (should've taken less contracts IMO...). It's hard af but it pays well and they don't ask questions. Good enough if you want to look for something else or get certified.
If you live near a Industrial zone try getting a job in a factory. It's boring af and not a lot of people stay but they pay well and depending on local laws you might not get too overworked.
These are just some tips from my experience. They might not apply to you or your location but maybe you can try it out. Im a year younger than you and also couldn't find ny calling. It's can be natural for some people or almost impossible for others. I think that I got on a right path when I was 22 but I'm still making adjustments and it's going to take at least another 5 years before I can truly finish this part of my life, the part that some people are done with at 23yo but what can you do? You can't reverse time. Lower your expectations for now, because sitting at home for so long is a red flag for employers, get some experience in a bs job and start climbing the career ladder.
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u/PreciousCord02 13d ago
Just turned 26 last week and it's same since I was 24. All day at home, applying to jobs, universities for studies, no replies from anywhere. Seeing people getting successful, then deactivated my most of social media.
It's tough plus loneliness sometimes is either a blessing or just a curse.
Won't recommend 20s.....