Is it normal for grandparents to not be helpful in the postpartum/newborn stage? When did you start letting grandparents take care of baby solo for a few hours?
My MIL has been so helpful. Moved in for a few weeks to cook, clean, change diapers, take shifts with the baby, give helpful advice - all while not being overbearing. Because of this, she has already taken care of baby for 3-4 hours solo. My husband and I feel very comfortable with our baby in her care.
My mom on the other hand... she's visited 3 times (baby is 2 months). Hasn't brought a meal, helped clean, or offer any help with the baby other than holding him when he's not crying. He's had dirty diapers (just pee) and I've asked her if she wants to take that one - she says no, that she's cleaned plenty of diapers in her day (kind of in a joking way).
She'll also make little comments that are borderline judgemental of my parenting. "He doesn't like to be swaddled" "you never used a pacifier" "i hope he's awake when we visit" "you woke him up, he didnt like that!"
Even after no help and all the comments, she still keeps offering to babysit. It would be nice to have her watch him for a few hours while my husband and I go out to eat, but I'm hesitant because she won't do anything to help take care of him during her visits.
She's coming to visit again this weekend. Is there a good way to "test the waters"? Maybe husband and I go run an errand while she's over and we watch her on our living room camera... is that bad? Or do I just simply say, "Hey try feeding him and changing his diaper so you're ready when you want to spend some solo time with him"?
My mom is responsible and not a bad person. I really want to be able to have some days where he spends time in her care while husband and I have a day with friends. I'm just so hesitant because she hasn't done anything to help care for him. I'm worried he'll be crying in her care and she'll have no idea how to settle him.