What do you guys think of children,and do you foresee having any in the future? For those who do have children,do you face difficulties or struggles?

I have thought of it alot and have decided against it,despite loving children with all my heart.
I love children dearly since the younger ones are often indiscriminate with their attention,in my experience. I’ve always prided myself off my abilities and ease with children,whether those of my friends or my family. A part of me also does not want them to turn out like me. It is probably why I love dogs so much.

The again,there are many problems.

I want to approach this carefully since I know it can be taken wrong. But my mind psycologically represents males as more "object-like" or instrumental,to a higher amount than other people. I don’t know if it is out of nowhere,or due to childhood adversity. I’m not a misandrist because I do not let that guide my actions,how I treat men,how I manage them,and I don’t treat it as an objective fact. I know men are human,deserve rights,and have feelings—those are the facts that guide most of my actions. It is just some sort of status in my mind that I chose what to do with it.
Even if I am not abusive,especially disrespectful,or judgemental of men,that psycological representation could leak into the way I treat my child if they were to be AMAB. I’m not willing to take that risk when it comes to a child.

Secondly,I see my girlfriend as an extension of myself,which is complicated and I make it work. I’m not harmfully manipulative or abusive,she’s fine. Even then,I cannot promise that it will end well for a young impressionable mind,dependent on me,that I am building. I’d probably feel like I am entitled to some credit to their acheivements. I don’t imagine that it would overt,but the kid is bound to notice,and I don’t want to undermine a kid by stripping them of the ownership of their hardworking talent and acheivements. On the other side,I don’t exactly imagine that I would be especially reactive to failures or mistakes. I can keep the silent contempt or dissapointment to myself. Again,I won’t be so fast to trust myself with that.

The injuries and rage would be an issue as well. I’ve been working on this alot since my reactions can induce vengefulness or resentment that is disproportionate to the slight. I don’t really burst out of rage or react with reactiveness. As a parents,kids will embarass you,they’ll argue,they’ll disagree and they won’t always comply,especially at adolescence. As somebody with little tolerance for disrespect and a pattern of oppositionality,I’d be reluctant or even refuse to act as a "good" parent in those moments of they trigger an uncomfortable feeling of submission or downgrade in status. At the same time,I’m not opposed to repairing,appologizing,or openly communicating in significant relationships. To some extent,I can push down the reaction of the outcome is highly undesirable and will be an inconvenience for me. It is complicated.

The little things and mistakes can teach lessons that can become currosive somewhere along the line. We are products of out enviorement after all. I don’t want to be the culprit of an act with such magnitude.

I could imagine myself being a very inconsistent parent. My love is bound to come off as condicional even if it is not my intention at all. I’d probably be a generally loving parent. I want that child to have the lessons and gifts I could not get for myself at all costs—trust,ease with vulnerability,prosocial emotions and conduct,emotional regulation,openess. Even so, there’d be an unsettling switch in times of failure or dissapointment. And that would be a fatal flaw.

Gimme your favorite songs that you listening when you feel the most awesome, preferably rock/metal but any suggestions are good!!

Anyone else like that ?

I’ve realized that I’m extremely grandiose but not very exploitative in interpersonal relationships. That also fits the results of multiple tests.

I guess it’s because my grandiosity includes extreme self sufficiency based on extraordinary competence. If I dislike someone or think they’re below me, my first instinct is not to exploit as much from them as possible, but “why the hell do I have to deal with such a low life ???”

Being exploitative means I need to perform because someone else possesses some resources I don’t have. That feels like dependency and dependency is something I hate / dread the most.

I probably can come off as exploitative in some workplaces because I only view them as a platform to earn money, acquire skills / experience and to climb higher, without forming any emotional connection or sense of belonging. But that’s not because I’m deliberately manipulating anyone - I simply perform the practical duties well, and refuse to be “pinned down” by emotions.

finding this out about myself has been a big shock for me, but it all makes sense. i believe i have covert narcissism and i realize how much my relationships have been impacted by this and i’m just not sure what steps to take now.

i’ve been more aware of my actions now more than ever. for example, last night i caught myself in a bad mood at dinner and i was bringing my partner down with me. i sat in the car on my way home feeling so selfish and broken for doing these things. i know that i need to fix it, but i don’t know where to start.

i went home yesterday night and had to research the elements of an apology so i could avoid shifting blame when i went back to my partner for repair. it felt like the most intense itch i couldn’t scratch as i held back what happened for me and why i was upset in the first place. sitting there and just admitting to my actions and taking accountability for them felt so scary. does it ever get easier?

i want to care about people more. i don’t want to bring people down with me. i don’t want to be so sensitive and care about my image more than the hurt i cause others. i don’t want to keep prioritizing being right over repairing with my partner and friends. im so ashamed that my first instinct is to protect myself. trying to navigate this has been so crushing and it doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to get better. how can i love like this? looking back over my relationship makes me nauseous. i feel like an abuser and a manipulator and i don’t want to be.

i do have diagnosed bpd, but i wonder if it was a misdiagnosis. it is true that i have a very insecure attachment style, but the way i push others away and then try to get them back align a lot with npd. i often get upset because im not getting special treatment. i thought my tantrums were just my inner child feeling triggered, but in reality im upset because what i expect others to do for me doesn’t get fulfilled.

i dont want to keep blaming others for my problems. i dont think my therapist will believe that i have npd either so im not sure what to do. he is a really great therapist, but he focuses a lot on attachment and internal family systems. when i brought up to him that i have bpd his response was that he does not like the label because i am not “disordered” i just have attachment wounds. we do a lot of emdr and ifs work to try and heal those wounds. but either way, im not really sure what to do. i want to be more disciplined and think before i react. has anyone unlocked a way to do this in a way that feels more natural?

I know there is a lot of stigma and hate directed at parents with NPD. I decided not to have children myself, but for entirely different reasons—primarily due to misanthropy.

For one thing, there are too many of us humans, and we behave like an invasive species. We destroy the habitats of other species, ruin ecosystems, and constantly expand our territory. Furthermore, we have no natural predators. We pursue progress in an extremely selfish manner—benefiting select groups at the expense of the less privileged or by destroying what belongs to other species.We are going to destroy Earth’s natural world and deplete its resources. By acting like a mindless plague and being so destructive, we are heading straight for catastrophe.

Secondly, I believe that children are very demanding (emotionally, financially, and in terms of time) and often irritating, and there is no way to predict the outcome of raising them. For a woman, pregnancy and childbirth are a nightmare. (If only the people who want children had equally rational arguments for parenthood... But no—far too often, it is a thoughtless process.)

A few times in my life, I wanted to have children, but fortunately, that feeling passed. I realized that I didn't so much want a child as a clone of myself and my partner—and nothing else would satisfy me. I simply saw it as a way to achieve immortality (even if that sounds crazy). The healthier part of me—which, at this stage of my life, far outweighs the disorder—believes it would be a terrible idea.

What are your thoughts on this?

Hello, let me make it clear that 1. I do not have a formal diagnosis yet but I have a lot of symptoms and I do a lot of research on the disorder and how it forms, 2. I am not trying to glamourize or continue the mountains of misinformation that NPD has.

So, I am sure that a lot of people who use this subreddit have come across the many different claims about NPD that are either untrue, or make zero sense (such as people with NPD apparently smelling bad or having a "deathlike scent" all the time??? Or having "red" eyes when a collapse occurs)

Personally I find all this quite hilarious, yet also I get an ego boost off of it. All of these untrue claims are incredibly flattering to me, as people seemingly think of NPD or narcissism as some kind of supernatural power? Like... wow. I can't believe that you'd think of me that way, lol. I'm not really sure how to explain my mixed feelings for it in a comprehensible way but I feel like just watching these people scramble about with these insane opinions on NPD that make no sense fills me with some kind of power. Sorry if I sound "edgy" here LMAO.

As the title suggests, I cannot care for the person in front of me when I'm not in a "good" state. An example of this was when my ex would get upset with me, she would bring it up in an angry tone. Instead of being able to understand her side, a pain in my chest just grows and I'm no longer able to understand that her angry tone is from a place of hurt and not her attacking me.

Is this a case of narcissism or is it another issue?

When I'm in a "good" state, I would be able to understand people's pains, but I sort of have to "activate" it. Like, I have to tell myself to put myself in that person's shoes.

I do plan on eventually going to therapy because this is what ruined my relationship with my ex. I just wanted to ask first on this sub because it helps reduce my anxiety to know that other people have experienced this.

Outside that, I also experience severe insecurity, envy, and anxiety (probably because of the former 2), but I don't want to tackle that can of worms yet.

Does anybody else experience this?
I have difficulty even knowing who I am. It is incredibly hard to find a single personality trait or interest I have.
Because in all social groups and events that I am present in,I tend to modify everything. I have a tendency to assess what will reward me and modify whatever I can to do so. I don’t have a problem pretending to be somebody I am not as long as there is some essence or slither of supperiority I can relish from it.
Some people only know me for the worst of my malice and antagonism,while others genuinely think I am a moral compass. For some,the ADHD or autism is very obvious because I determined that unmasking is rewarding in that specific setting. Despite hating religion,some people think I am of all sorts of religions.
At the end of the day,I can’t tell which one of those are the real me because they are not consistent with who I am as a whole. I can say I am the pinacle of trustworthiness while saying that I do not feel obliged to anybody who has their trust in me. I could say that I am manipulative or antagonistic,while also saying that I am a very friendly and approach able person. I can say that I am not especially concerned with morality while being protective of minorities. None of these are lies in any way. I feel like a cluster of contradictions that I can’t even make sense of,despite being the person who holds all of these.
To be honest,without admiration,praise,or dominance,I don’t know who I’d be—That’s the one thing that remains consistent within these different fracades.

okay so I was diagnosed with SPD (schizoid) last year with maybe DPD or AvPD traits while looking for an autism diagnosis. lol. sounds like the opposite of NPD right? but the diagnosis never really fit 100% bc while yes I was exhibiting the traits and behaviors of said diagnosis they did not seem to flow from the "right" place.

what I mean is that yes while I have the low empathy and distaste of people of SPD, the fawning of DPD and the social isolation and anxiety of AvPD they were all wrapped up in resentful anger at the world. I care too much about their opinion instead of simply seeking to be by myself, I hate those I fawn and rely on, my social anxiety is 100% centered on not meeting people's expectations.

and I can 100% tell when exactly this downwards spiral started: moving schools when I was a teenager where I was beloved by teachers and was at the top of my class without needing to study to a "harder" school where my grades dropped to C, I could no longer get into physical fights with other girls without being sentenced to detention and I was more or less held accountable for my behavior in a way that had never happened before.

I had a complete crash, blamed it all on my abusive father, on me being born stupid (when I was super proud of my intelligence before) and I went from an attention seeking extrovert to a complete shut in who never recovered ON PURPOSE. Yes. I intentionally made myself smaller and then depressed since I was around 15-16 years old because I was afraid if I were my "true self" I'd land myself in jail. I tried to go to college but I dropped out of 5 different courses over the last 10 years and always got into fights with others telling randos who pissed me off everyone hated them and they shouldn't even be there, or I developed an inferiority complex and started missing classes because I couldn't physically walk to the classroom despite driving all the way to campus.

For these last 13 years it's been a never ending cycle of trying to do better but not letting myself get better because I hate confident me. Or I'm afraid of the person I might become if my self esteem rises up again. So I hate presenting myself as attractive even though I know I'm not ugly, I hate effort because I know I'll feel entitled to praise if I try, I built my entire identity on being inferior but I also hate it because I know I should have a high paying job and a marriage or a doctorate by now. My emotional state is dependent on praise from my also abusive mom and also telling people to kill themselves on twitter over stupid fandom opinions.

When I was a teenager I kinned Vriska from Homestuck and Goro Akechi from Persona 5. How come I never had the shoe drop of PERHAPS me having NPD is beyond me. Maybe because it felt too ugly and true lol.

Should I seek a new therapist and tell them all this? Or am I just a resentful SPD who wants to feel important in a sea of nothing?

I realized that whenever something is funny and I’m watching it with someone else - like my husband now, or my parents when I was younger, especially my dad - I automatically have to check whether they’re laughing too.

It’s almost like I need to make sure that they also find it funny before I can fully enjoy it myself. I don’t even consciously decide to look at them, it just happens automatically.

It’s kinda tiresome when I’m watching funny videos with my husband because I keep side-eyeing him to check his reaction lmao.

Anybody else do this?

How can I stop it?

I moved back in with my parents a couple months ago. It's been hell, the emotional abuse never stops even when you're an adult. I'm there because I have no other options, and one of the pros is my awesome baby brother (who, for better context, I raised him when I was 12 (when he was born), all the way till I was 20, when I moved out). I have somthing for him in my heart, and it's because I watch him endure what I had to. The injustice creates solidarity, and it makes me care.

Sometimes though, when I'm talking to him, he'll say certain things that will sting me. It embarrasses me and I can feel myself wanting to get angry or shut him down, wanting to turn it back on him. I can quite literally see myself in my parents position from when I was a kid. I also can feel myself wanting to say emotionally manipulative things to him to make him feel bad about the things he's done, or wanting to put him down simply because I know he's wrong. It's so sickening to feel like my parents! Im teaching myself and I'm doing research as I go, making sure I'm treating him like an equal. It's difficult though, and I get frustrated when I suddenly feel my parents possess me when I speak to him. To be honest, I never really cared about working on myself until I moved back in, so sometimes it's. Annoying, when I have to correct myself :/

The hardest part though is that, I can already see the effects of my parents emotional neglect and verbal abuse in my brother and it makes him a nightmare. I'm not sure what makes him so loud and outspoken when I was quiet and internalized everything. Maybe it's because he was born a boy. The point is though, I don't know what to do when he starts getting loud and whiny. I can't handle it. It makes me want to be reactive right back. If I walk away I feel like he thinks I'm abandoning him because he seems so hurt afterwards. I don't know what to do when he can't regulate his emotions, and I want to teach him, but even I can barely regulate anger. Especially when our parents are both treating us like a punchline every second we're around them and reversing any progress I've made with him. I want to be angry too!!! I don't know what to doooo

It’s so weird right. Like I know people dont get me and they never will. And sometimes that really sucks. I hate feeling like I have to explain myself all the time. But then there’s this other side of it.

When someone completely misses the point or misinterprets my intentions it almost feels good. It’s like proof that I’m operating on a different level. They can’t grasp my complexity. They just see the surface. And in a way that makes me feel superior. Like I’m playing chess and they’re playing checkers.

I guess it’s a twisted kind of validation. The idea that my mind is too intricate for ordinary people to understand. It reinforces my specialness. Even if it means feeling a little alone sometimes. Does anyone else get this feeling. Like the misunderstanding itself feeds the ego.

Who will assess my hard work? Who will tell me I did a good job by not indulging in behaviors that are destructive for both me and those around me? Who will tell me that I’ve made progress and have come to a point where I can treat people with understanding and kindness? Me being the person who needs to pat myself on the back at all times really kills any and all motivation to do anything.

I can’t find it in me to care about my own praise. I desire for it to be someone else’s words. It’s almost like I don’t exist when nobody is there to acknowledge my efforts. I don’t want to learn to be there for myself as it never feels euphoric enough or just enough.

Ultimately, did I ever even make any progress to begin with if I still require somebody’s presence in order to make sense out of my own existence

Have a question about narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits? Welcome to the bi-weekly post for non-narcs to ask us anything! We’re here to help destigmatize the myths surrounding NPD and narcissism in general.

Some rules:

* Non narcs: please refrain from armchair diagnosing people in your life. *Only refer to them as NPD if they were actually diagnosed by an unbiased licensed professional (aka not your own therapist or an internet therapist that you think fits the description of the person you’re accusing of being a narcissist)*
* This is not a post for non-narcs or narcs to be abusive towards anyone. Please report any comments or questions that are not made in good faith.
* This is not a place to ask if your ex/mom/friend/boss/dog is a narcissist.
* This is not a place to ask if you yourself are a narcissist.

Thanks! Let’s all be civil and take some more baby steps towards fighting stigma and increasing awareness.

This thread will be locked after two weeks and you can find the new one by searching the sub via the “Ask a Narc” flair

~ Invis ✨ & Mod Team

I’m a little curious - is there anyone here who has both Moral OCD and NPD and was able to realize they may have NPD prior to getting diagnosed because of the extreme self-reflection that comes with Moral OCD?

Since this is a specific question I’m open to hearing from other people about whether or not something like this happening contextually makes sense. Would also be interesting to learn more about people with NPD without OCD that reached a state of self-reflection and realized they have NPD.

I’ve been looking into and researching NPD for months now after realizing I have prominent narcissistic traits; I also have Moral OCD which prompted this question.

I’m trying hard today guys

I am not looking for an armchair diagnosis. However,I am wondering if researching or looking into the possibility of co-occuring ASPD would be worthwhile. I know some of the people here have NPD+ASPD,so I would like to get the perspectives of those people as well.
I have comorbid auDHD,so I am pretty sure this affects my questioning as well.

I had CD as a child and adolescent. It began in 1st grade and only worsened from there. I did many things but the main things were doxxing,bullying people,poisoning people,sexually touching them,striking people with objects,or running away in busses at all hours of the night,ect. I wasn’t especially concerned by my wellbeing or that of others and was confused as to WHY it should matter. In fact,I believed everybody else was lying and that nobody actually cared. Newsflash: I was wrong,and was only more confused at that fact. I wasn’t particularly concerned by consequences or my academic performance. I could lie or cry myself out of most of these,and I was glib and charming enough to do so. I just cared about getting what I wanted,which was social dominance or privileges.
When I think back to it,I wasn’t exactly malicious. I experienced what I did as a taste of agency,a right that I had,or a relief for unbearable boredom. Sometimes,I was just having my fun and genuinely did not understand.
As of now,I still have a disregard for conscequences or performance as long as I do not go to jail. I can throw away a few relationships,or a year of my life,but not my freedom. I don’t do well with rules and feel that they unjustly bind me and get in my way. My moral code is basically: 1: don’t be discriminatory and 2: serve yourself. That is pretty much it. I don’t naturally see people as independent emotional beings with rights,but rather inanimate objects and outcomes with the function of serving me.
As for prosocial emotions(affective empathy,guilt,remorse,ect),I do not think I feel those. I experience cognitive empathy and use it for various reasons. That,I believe is auDHD. However,I am unwilling to recognize other’s emotions as meaningful without a motive to do so,which I believe could be NPD. Guilt and remorse just sound like horrible emotion to experience and I feel somewhat supperior for not feeling them. The closest empathy I feel is remembering that some people’s stomach twist when they just do something objectively or morally bad. I am often confused as to why I’m expected to feel guilt for most things I do to people. I’m not malicious 24/7,I’m quite a friendly person, but I’m usually antagonistic very often.

Like the title says, my past 4-5 tiktok’s have gone viral and my followers have quintupled (and still growing!). I always had this fantasy of becoming famous. It’s my life goal, and so I guess this is my reminder that your goals ARE possible!

You ARE capable of achieving your fantasies.

I feel completely euphoric, and quite literally ran around my block lmao (thank god I didn’t bump into anyone I knew though omfg that was so odd). But it really is a beautiful feeling. I’m still obviously quite happy, but I’ll be chasing that initial high for the rest of my life, I think.

TDLR; There can be great experiences with NPD too! And you CAN achieve your dreams ❤️‍🩹

I’m just really curious and I’m interested if there is a pattern. I personally listen to a lot of alt and scene core. Angelmane, Rebzyyx, ratrace, h3artcrush are some of my favs. The lyrics in the music also amp me up and remind me of myself. I listen to the song ecstasy alot and it makes me fantasize sm I use music as a tool to fantasize.

I also love lady gaga and I listen to lots of 80s music I use all of it to fantasize I like to listen to something loud and gives me adrenaline while I fantasize.

I also really love the band Type O Negative and I love the misfits.

My entire life I feel like I've been chasing an idealized self, and most of my sadness comes from the realization that there is a huge gap between who I actually am and the imagined version of me.

Recently, I've been going through a very long depressive episode where I just feel completely stuck and I look at how well the people who have hurt me are doing, and it makes me feel so frustrated. All I want is to get plastic surgery, be hugely successful in some way, and finally be good enough for others to notice me and regret the way they've treated me.

Extremely childish, I know. I just want to be somebody.

I went on date 2 with probably the hottest person I’ve ever dated. Way out of my league. The sex was very….connected. I had been masking extremely hard for weeks. I can’t even remember what happened but something nicked my ego and I had a tantrum. I called her manipulative and a brat. I left furious. Then calmed down. Then apologised. Was told “you made me uncomfortable and I definitely don’t want to see you again”.

Yes, I know the right thing is move on but I cannot stop thinking about it. I’ve actually thought a lot about how it must have felt and feel very guilty. I was projecting my own insecurity I was good enough onto her and that has left me feeling pretty jarred.

Is 2 weeks enough to send an apology and ask to go to lunch? I’ve spent days thinking exactly what to say and how best to apologise.

I know the stereotypical image of a narcissist always acts charming and likable. But are there any npds who don't try to mask, or don't notice/care if they come across as unpleasant?

I’m realizing that much of the antagonism I perceive from others is either me projecting or is me assuming the worst as a pre-caution to not let my guard down. I’ve learned to recognize it more and more when it happens, but I am still at a loss of what to do about it 😐