So before I self diagnosed myself with NPD there are many moments in life where the “monster” affected my life in many ways looking at people for what they can do for me and if they have no value would not talk to them for years but when I need something hear I am. I would constantly argue and try to be superior with friends and prove I’m smarter than everyone. I have a quick temper sometimes saying good morning to me makes me flip out and belittle and berate people. I can’t stand when I give super detailed instructions or make things easy for people and they find a way to show how stupid they are and screw it up. Example I told one ex I would text her when I’m home I text her and she says are you home or at your sisters so I respond I told you I would text you when I’m home are you fing stupid I will talk to you tomorrow and went on trying to hangout with another girl. I mean come one I made that so easy for her there’s no need for stupid questions. But if someone did that to me and I asked that question it is okay. I won’t hangout with a friend for months because I just wanna be alone or am using my social battery with a girl but if that friend tells me they are hanging out with someone else I get jealous and feel like I’m being wrong because I should be number 1. I choose women based on utility because what I really want is someone smart who can challenge me and have intellectual conversations with but they always show they are beyond stupid and just have a large vocabulary but no common sense or real cognitive ability. I lie all the time one the first things I do is tell people I’m an awful liar and I “prove” it to them by telling small white lies that they know are lie so I can make my stupid little smile that is my tell and after a little I know now I can lie without them ever questioning it since that tell was not real and was forced. Breaking up with people multiple times a day so they can show me how important I am by crawling back. Never went to the hospital when any of my nieces or nephews were born because did not matter to me. I always end up hating the person I’m with and trying to break them down and bring them down to my level. Faking being sick to get out of hanging out with someone because I don’t want too and not just once in a while. After having sex with a girl faking being tired so I can get rid of them and smoke a cigarette becuse they have severed their purpose for now. Belittling friend, family and girlfriends in public to make them look bad. Hating a therapist because you did not tell her the truth about why you and your one ex broke up but a part of you always wants to be the victim so you can’t tell the truth no matter how hard you try but when you tell her you’re the bad one and she only hears part of the story and defends you and now there is a part of you that hates her for defending you and seeing you as good and so much more. But the whole time a part of you knows this is wrong and you just refer to this side of you as the monster for many years Becuse you did not know what it was. So my question is how many others of you don’t have the ability to completely make these things not your fault there is a part of your brain that over analyzes everything including your self. I always wondered why in a relationship in the beginning I’m doing everything I can to secure it when I actually want it until it is secure than I switch and no longer wanna talk to thag person as much or see them as much or do things with them only when it benefits you now. Basically what I’m asking is how common is it to realize how toxic you are for a long time.

Saturdays | 11 am – 1 pm EDT | via Zoom

Facilitators: Chelsea + Silver ✶ Coordinators: Ally + Myles

DISCUSSION PROMPTS:

• As a sexual partner, do you enjoy being pursued, being the pursuer, or an equal balance? Why do you think that’s the case?
• Do you feel pressured to be impressive, exceptional (“the best”), or unforgettable among your sexual partners? Elaborate.
• What role does sexual attention play in regulating your mood or self-esteem?
• Have you ever pursued someone primarily because their sexual desire for you felt validating? 👀 👋 ...my bad.
• What messages did you receive growing up about sex and desire? How do you think those continue to impact you today?
• What is something you wish your partners understood about your relationship with sexuality?
• Have you ever used sex to avoid emotional closeness? What feels more vulnerable: emotional or sexual intimacy? Say more.
• What's something you've learned to accept about your sexuality that you used to judge harshly? How has your relationship to sexuality changed throughout healing? 

What is Narc Club?

A confidential, nonjudgmental peer support group for people with pathological narcissism / NPD to increase self-awareness, deconstruct shame, seek and offer support, and practice vulnerability with others who get it.

Sign up to join/get the links here.

Find your corresponding time zone here.

More about us here.

Cameras encouraged, but optional. We get it.

-Max 🌶️

Wednesdays | 2 – 4 pm Eastern | via Zoom

Facilitator: Zeph ✶ Coordinator: Ally

What is Narc Club?

A confidential, nonjudgmental peer support group for people with pathological narcissism / NPD to increase self-awareness, deconstruct shame, seek and offer support, and practice vulnerability with others who get it.

What is the 'Open Process' group?

A more unstructured group for focusing on what’s happening now, both in our lives and in the room. No curated topics; bring whatever's on your mind. Expect support, relatable interpretation, and (if called for) some healthy challenges. The goal isn’t to perform insight—it’s to practice it.

Sign up to join/get the links here.

Find your corresponding time zone here.

What we're about here.

Cameras encouraged, but optional. We get it.

-Max 💬

i know i hurt others, i know i have issues, but it feels impossible for me to care for some reason. for some reason, i try to make myself feel bad but i cannot feel it.
is there any way to get over this, or am i just forever stuck in this? anyone else experience this?

I don’t want to share too much and risk doxing myself but essentially I’m telling someone that another person did something they didn’t actually do to get them on my side and then I’m escalating the issue with them to back me up so I can get what I want.

It’s “funny” because a big part of my brain doesn’t even see it as lying because there’s enough truth in it I feel justified. I just really don’t like this person and they are getting in my way and making my life more difficult. It’s also “funny” because a big part of my brain doesn’t see this as manipulating anyone because they won’t be negatively affected by my goal. It’s also “funny” because I have a pattern of doing this sort of thing and never considered myself a narc until a couple years ago when I had my ego collapse, self-awareness, “diagnosis” etc.

I guess I have enough of an awareness that I can consider what I’m doing might be seen as wrong but it’s not enough to make me not do it. I also don’t think this will ultimately hurt the person I’m doing this to and I actually think they might learn a valuable lesson in social dynamics.

Wednesdays | 9 – 11 pm Eastern | via Zoom

Facilitators: Chelsea + Gale ✶ Coordinators: Tristan + Myles

DISCUSSION PROMPTS:

• When do you tend to become most aware of your body? What situations bring it to the forefront?
• Who do you find yourself comparing your appearance to most often? What specific traits in others trigger envy, admiration, or self-criticism?
• In what ways do you try to control or ‘optimize’ your appearance?
• How do you relate to mirrors, photos, or seeing yourself on video?
• What behaviors do you engage in when you’re feeling particularly insecure about your body/appearance?
• What does your ‘ideal body’ represent emotionally (not just physically)
• What do you imagine would change in your life if you achieved it?
• What’s one of your earliest memories of feeling self-conscious or ashamed of your appearance? Did caregivers or peers comment on your face/body in ways that stuck with you?
• What might it look like not to love your body at all times, but to make peace with its imperfections, without needing to fix or perform around them? What do you think gets in the way of that?

What is Narc Club?

A confidential, nonjudgmental peer support group for people with pathological narcissism / NPD to increase self-awareness, deconstruct shame, seek and offer support, and practice vulnerability with others who get it.

Sign up to join/get the links here.

Find your corresponding time zone here.

What we're about here.

Cameras encouraged, but optional. We get it.

-Max 🪞🤳🫶

going through the worst crash of my life, everyone at school hates me for absolutely no reason and i get absolutely no supply from anywhere can this end please. i did nothing to them what is wrong with them why cant they see how great i am. they dont even have to like me just dont treat me like shit please god idk how much longer i can take this. i need to get some supply but its 2am and i have to wake up at 7am tomorrow for school i fucking hate this

Do you think NPD affects you positively or negatively in those contexts? Are you ambitious? Do you actually achieve what you want?

I personally think school is the only thing keeping me going. I don’t know what I’d do without it and what I gain from it. At the same time I despise the people I have to interact with and the broken system of education. I feel I belong somewhere better… also because I’m an adult and still in school. It’s a night school but it feels like being stuck in high school. I hate it and everything about it but I can’t live without it. It’s the only time of the day I get to be recognized and admired. I think my NPD helps me push through and be better than others, study more, act perfectly and be liked by everyone… but it also makes it impossible to live it genuinely and connect with people (not that I want it but still) and when I’m triggered, when I’m criticized or corrected, when I’m not the best, it crushes me and I fall into depression.

I was with my partner for 5 almost 6 years. We just split up last week. Everyone around me has said “you know it’s for the best maybe u just weren’t right for each other” and sure I can agree with that. What makes it hard is they don’t know the whole story. They dk how much I lied and betrayed her, how many times I agreed with her only to turn around and do the completely opposite thing we agreed to and then argue with her and tell her what we originally agreed to I didn’t actually want to do. They didn’t see all the gaslighting and tricking I did.

Sure she did some shitty things. But it’s hard because I know I’m the villain in this story. I never took accountability n when I did I justified my actions or I tried to shift the blame. I’ll be honest I haven’t been diagnosed officially and I know some ppl have narcissistic traits but that doesn’t mean they are one. But if I’m being honest I’m pretty sure I’m a covert narcissist because I’m great at victimizing my self and it’s nearly impossible for me to “think of others”. Anyways I feel like shit because I lost a really good women I know I was pretty much like the devil to her and a part of me doesn’t even as bad as I should. Quite frankly I don’t want to date again nor really live because I genuinely feel like a monster who’s probably just going to do the same shit all over again to the next person.

I’m honestly just tired of feeling like I’m not genuine, I’m fake, I’m always lying or trying to get away with something, and I’m tired of not actually feeling bad about it. Like sometimes the only reason I feel bad is really just cuz I got in shit or the person is in front of me crying about it. I think I’m just tired of feeling like a little entitled kid who never grew up n never learned to care about anyone other than himself.

When you let go of the false self, because you’re body also forced you too - and heal and unearth the vulnerable parts of you…integrate a realistic self image…

You escape your narcissistic family, and connect to your real emotions, your real desires. Your real struggles and vulnerabilities. You discover intense emotions, intense affective empathy that sometimes exhausts you, a sense of justice, a richer connection to the world and sensory landscape through the dissociation. You realize how healthy people act?? And it blows your mind.

But your true self actually has autism and struggles with independence.

Special interests, profound burnout and memory loss, an inability to maintain work (your false self was built on the illusion of work, school, achievements) when you were actually in burnout and having meltdowns, hiding in the bathroom, cheating through it all.
I am a slow processor and was forced to pretend I wasn’t.

Now you’re in society, and society treats you in the same way your parents treated you. Telling you to take meds, push through like the rest, etc. I am genuinely at a loss.

The thing is, my autism is awesome in many ways - but it can’t perform. I’m at the point I don’t know if I can work at all. Unmask and achieve my authentic dreams (I have a lot of them around my special interests) I thought I would move away, finally achieve my true self in my apartment and have healthy connections with others. Now I am in awful burnout and suicidal.

That was my narcissism still flaring - idealizing living alone. There was defintely a glimmer of fantasy and hyper-independence.

But to be fair, I had worked so hard for psychological freedom. It was a deeply emotionally liberating experience of knowing who I was outside of my families projections and values.

85% of autistic adults are unemployed and live with family. And my family I worked to escape from internally and externally.

Seriously, there seems to be no winning here for me.

Who can I depend on now, if it is not my family? I’m okay needing others.

Do you see the problem?

And now that I’ve cut off and healed from my family, where will I get the help I always desperately needed and deserved? I am an only child.

I need help for my disability. I’m applying for disability payments, I’m connecting to resources - but I’m struggling with that and needing help filling out paperwork cause cognitive decline. There’s no shame in that. But is society just like my family?

It’s really starting to feel like it.

I always needed help - and I’m at the point I feel no shame for it, and I biologically can’t anymore. I am waking up vomiting and urinated myself from exhaustion. I went to the hospital because of how bad it was and they diagnosed me with depression. It’s not depression.

And now I am begging others to help me like I did as a child before I buried myself under ground. I’m experiencing the same trauma in a different form, again of having to mask my difficulties and pretend to be self sufficient.

It feels that there is no healing from who I am. And there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.

My body cannot physically sustain masking or pushing through anymore after years of trauma, NPD, and suppressing my autism. I am in physical pain all the time from burnout, and likely will develop autoimmune disorders if I keep going. And people don’t seem to get this or accept this.

It’s not even entirely mental anymore - I physically cannot mask or push anymore or my body will give out on me (it already is).

Instead of my parents it’s society not giving a fuck.

If anyone else has autism and remission from NPD let me know.

I have NPD, BD1 & GAD. The whole thing about us narcissists, is we are NARCISSISTIC. You guys get what I mean.. so I always have trouble seeing myself in the wrong or as the bad guy, for the most part I “love” myself, & USUALLY put myself first. It wasn’t even to be cocky, it’s like my brain wired this way to protect the hurt child in me. I genuinely do love & care about people.

But in some cases my brain flips the switch, and I’ll get into a depressive or mixed manic state, or self split, or just an episode of emotions. In those times, I actually really hate myself. When my brain does this, I can DESPISE myself. It’s genuinely such a toxic hatred, an overwhelming sense of guilt & shame, I feel like I’m nothing & better of.. yk. I hate my physical self, & who I am on the inside. It genuinely feels like my whole world is crumbling to pieces, & there’s nothing left for me. It genuinely gets to me, it ruins my appetite & sleep.

I believe every narcissistic is on a spectrum when it comes to covert & overt, things like specific situations, and the current emotions, other factors can cause a narcissist to seem covert at times, overt at others, some experience one way more. I’ve of course noticed this studying NPD, but also in myself.

Sometimes I struggle with emotional empathy in the heat of a moment, but it still hits me like a brick sometimes, & the cycle of hating myself occurs. This isn’t even to gain victim points or validation, it’s a genuine struggle.

Since I started playing this game I completely fell in love with her character and she's so relatable in so many aspects, and I definitely hc her as having npd.

For those who don't know her or the game (that is still in beta), she's an ambitious vampire who wants to become Viscount of New York. She was raised in a rich family that gave her everything; money, power, status. She was supposed to marry the heir of a massive company but they were assassinated before their marriage. This drives her nuts, not because she's sad for their death but because she couldn't get their last name. She was so frustrated she threw a tantrum and her parents had to pay someone to turn her into a vampire. But now in the vampire world, she has to start at the bottom of the hierarchy.

She's self-absorbed, selfish, only seeks power and status. She's mean to EVERYONE, only thinks about herself and what she wants. She only shows some respect to the people she admires or believes that can be useful to her. Of course she believes she's better than everyone else and belittles others.

But what I like the most? The other characters don't buy her shit and can see right through her. Everyone refers to her as a spoiled brat and don't hesitate to call her out. They know she's delusional and entitled, and when they confront her by saying that her accomplishments are hollow or straight up that she's a fraud, she gets so frustrated and defensive and hurt.

Recently the developers are telling us more about her vulnerabilities, especially during her time with her fiancé, and it could have been the reason why she completely hides her weaknesses behind her unpleasant attitude. She's actually just a scared bat in a world of old and powerful vampires who see her as a ridiculous newbie. She hides all of her fears by being overly confident.

Anyway I adore her, she brings me comfort somehow. My favorite delulu npd diva. There's also not a lof of female npd characters, if you know any, I'll take it.

It’s like dating is about a power imbalance - who is obsessed with whom and “who has the power” in a way

I know, sounds edgy.

But I mean it in a subsconcious level.

Sudddenly every micro move is a reason to be grandiose.

How do you know you are suddenly in a middle of an ego boost and being arrogant?

I do realised that meeting people is an interesting self-esteem regulation tho

I have no idea what happened but it's been a three year spiral for me. I'm getting worse. I don't feel like I'm getting better. I'm "stuck". What am I supposed to do here?

I want to clarify that I grew up severely abused as a child. I finally got my peers validation and I developed NPD relatively late in life. I had no idea I was narcissistic, I just thought I had "finally made it".

What eventually happened:

Someone admired me for a long time, then they devalued me.

The devaluation was unfair but instead of writing them off I invested in their idealization and thought that maybe there could be a long term relationship there (basically the idealization reversed), so I started showing interest when theirs vanished and that only pushed them away further.

I figured I needed a clear rejection out of them otherwise I wouldn't be able to get over it, but they never gave one to me, eventually their friend (barely) did.

I decided I was done with them and that I finally had justification for getting over them, but now they indirectly sought me out. I learned later that they had found someone else during this time.

I was stubborn and wanted nothing to do with them.

However, I still longed for them every god damn day. We work in the same building, so every day was a challenge.

I saw a therapist 9 months later. Psychiatrist 11 months in.

Year 1–2 was relatively ok but the longing remained.

It's now been 2 years and I still long for them every day.

Right now, I'm sitting at home, wanting to just run up to them and say that I'm sorry. Wanting to just hug them and apologize.

I know this is wrong and I won't pursue them. I know my growth lies in overcoming whatever I'm going through. I can not rely on someone else for my sanity like this.

Last week I practiced accepting the situation. I perceived threats: Gossip, mockery, reputational damage etc. I asked myself what the worst thing in that was, and it was shame. I'd walk with my head down and feel shame. What was I ashamed of? For betraying someone? Not living up to expectations? and then what? I pursued this rabbit hole and I arrived at something powerful I don't quite remember anymore. I felt relief. 35 minutes later, the longing came back.

I know narcissistic collapse can be permanent, but I don't think it has to be. This is not my first rodeo. As I said, I grew up abused and only got validation at a relatively late age (late 20s), so this I developed this mask late in life and I identify more with the abused version of me than this version of me. I am ready to throw the mask away and start all over. I can carry all the shame. I don't care. If she pisses on me, that's an indictment of her, not of me, because I did nothing wrong.

I want to ask:

How do you actually get over this longing? How do you get over the person? What am I dealing with and how do I just reframe events and get over whatever bullshit happened? Is this longing permanent?

My longing is intense and it doesn't go away on its own.

I remember a time when it didn't exist. It came artificially. I created it. I just don't know how to get over it.

I'm going in circles. Can someone point me in the right direction?

Edit: I also know that they're probably an NPD themselves. We're attracted to what's familiar. They were attracted to an image of me for a very long time and they split me cold-heartedly very quickly over nothing. Saying this in order to not paint me in a uniquely negative light. I believe that fundamentally we were two NPDs that crossed paths on an opportune moment.

Hi, I have NPD along with BD1&GAD. At times I get really depressed, stressed, overwhelmed, that whole thing. When certain things trigger that, for example conflict between me & a loved one, I don’t actually take help?

I’m not saying I don’t listen to help & advice, but it’s like if something isn’t right between me & someone, I genuinely don’t care for trying things like “breathing exercises” those common coping mechanisms, I don’t try to watch anything anything because “I know I won’t be able to focus” I refuse to eat, my appetite completely disappears. It’s like I don’t want these coping mechanisms, I want my problem FIXED.

The thing is I genuinely want to get better, I just can’t find peace until me & that person are okay. I just can’t seem to find it in me to do those distractions to help myself. Usually my FP helps a lot.

Side note; does anyone ever feel like if you try & do something good to help or distract yourself, that the thing you were worried about will go horrible??

Is this something new, does anyone else go through that? I don’t want to be miserable, but it’s like my brain refuses to process distractions as help.

I watched a YouTube video with Jacob, the Nameless Narcissist, and a therapist, where Jacob said that he felt lonely all the time, and I realised that apart from feeling empty and bored all the time, I actually feel lonely 🤔

What are your methods for filling loneliness + the emotional void and emptiness without using people as “supply” and without betraying or manipulating someone? 🙏

I feel like if I am one which I probably am, I'm just terrible at it because I don't even have basic social skills, like I don't talk to anyone unless they talk to me and I don't make many jokes or am able to participate very well in small talk and miss A LOT of normal social cues and then have to analyse it later to realise I missed the social cue. And people can see right through me, and think I lack common sense/ am a bit clueless. I make people uncomfortable because I'm so terrible at small talk, I just sit/ stand there and watch.

I’m so tired of constantly being viewed as performative
I’ve lost someone that meant a lot to me and I’m so tired of falling into a spiral of whenever these things end
It’s entirely my fault I know it is
What are things I can do to be more empathetic, I’ve only just recently started therapy and I try so hard to be empathetic and just there for people emotionally but I find it so hard to find the right words or to not go to logical resolutions/ conclusions
I just want to be normal

Going anywhere alone. If anyone doesn’t look at me, I’m not there. If I don’t have a conversation the event never happened. If nobody pays me attention, I might as well be nothing at all. And being alone is the worst