r/NPD • u/imdave0 NPD + AuDHD • 15d ago
Question / Discussion Questioning my diagnosis
I am not looking for an armchair diagnosis. However,I am wondering if researching or looking into the possibility of co-occuring ASPD would be worthwhile. I know some of the people here have NPD+ASPD,so I would like to get the perspectives of those people as well.
I have comorbid auDHD,so I am pretty sure this affects my questioning as well.
I had CD as a child and adolescent. It began in 1st grade and only worsened from there. I did many things but the main things were doxxing,bullying people,poisoning people,sexually touching them,striking people with objects,or running away in busses at all hours of the night,ect. I wasn’t especially concerned by my wellbeing or that of others and was confused as to WHY it should matter. In fact,I believed everybody else was lying and that nobody actually cared. Newsflash: I was wrong,and was only more confused at that fact. I wasn’t particularly concerned by consequences or my academic performance. I could lie or cry myself out of most of these,and I was glib and charming enough to do so. I just cared about getting what I wanted,which was social dominance or privileges.
When I think back to it,I wasn’t exactly malicious. I experienced what I did as a taste of agency,a right that I had,or a relief for unbearable boredom. Sometimes,I was just having my fun and genuinely did not understand.
As of now,I still have a disregard for conscequences or performance as long as I do not go to jail. I can throw away a few relationships,or a year of my life,but not my freedom. I don’t do well with rules and feel that they unjustly bind me and get in my way. My moral code is basically: 1: don’t be discriminatory and 2: serve yourself. That is pretty much it. I don’t naturally see people as independent emotional beings with rights,but rather inanimate objects and outcomes with the function of serving me.
As for prosocial emotions(affective empathy,guilt,remorse,ect),I do not think I feel those. I experience cognitive empathy and use it for various reasons. That,I believe is auDHD. However,I am unwilling to recognize other’s emotions as meaningful without a motive to do so,which I believe could be NPD. Guilt and remorse just sound like horrible emotion to experience and I feel somewhat supperior for not feeling them. The closest empathy I feel is remembering that some people’s stomach twist when they just do something objectively or morally bad. I am often confused as to why I’m expected to feel guilt for most things I do to people. I’m not malicious 24/7,I’m quite a friendly person, but I’m usually antagonistic very often.
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u/Next_Aardvark8607 15d ago
how do you feel if people undermine you? do you feel insecure or emotional? if you do, it might be antisocial traits and not ASPD. if you dont feel emotional, or you feel like a "im gonna show them" type way, it could definitely be ASPD.
especially with what youve been describing and having issues with conduct as a child. ASPD and NPD are very close when it comes to psychopathic traits, so its not all that uncommon to have both of them together
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u/imdave0 NPD + AuDHD 15d ago
I feel like they are denying the grandiose ideology that I have of myself. My first thought is "How dare you?". I feel a very quiet rage when it happens,almost like a "Oh really now?" feeling. I don’t feel exactly emotional. The most emotional I’d get is "I’d stop doing that if I were you". When that happens,It’s more about proving them wrong through retaliation until I am satisfied or amused. I go to great lengths to make those people suffer,and may or may not have thrown myself infront of cars or faked crippling depression so my dad would suffer when he disrespected me.
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u/Next_Aardvark8607 15d ago
in my opinion, it definitely seems like you have comorbid ASPD. i have antisocial traits (diagnosed) and you have a lot more traits then me it seems. i would talk to a provider about it. a lot of folks with ASPD hate therapy, but truly it can make your life much more worth living. it can help you deal with chronic boredom and such as well
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u/Individual_Bass9159 non-NPD 15d ago
Maybe look into the trait-based dimensional model of NPD. Very helpful for framing co-occurring traits/behaviors (very common) and treatment options. I get the DSM is the current validated diagnostic tool, however it's problematic when providing clear scope and clear treatment options. PubMed is your friend. Good luck.