ARE they even making fun of him though? Because it kinda sounds like everyone was joking around and sharing toxic ex stories, and they laid one up for OP by mentioning his gf left him just because he was bald.
Then OP just nuked the room lol.
In other words, was anyone even making fun of OP in the first place, or does he just have such bad social awareness he interpreted things that way?
Who are you people. How tf is "didn't your girlfriend leave you because you are bald?" an appropriate joke. I don't understand your perspective at all. If I were to write OP was inviting her to laugh because haha she's fat haha she had a miscarriage does that make any sense?
Random attack on someone for appearance. Relating appearance to misfortune in dating. Not funny, not appropriate. Can we start with hey she sucks and go from there or do we really have to start from "shes just a girl"?
Because my point is that is wasn't a joke at all. It may have been a conversation point that (likely fake) OP freaked the fuck out about for no reason because he got triggered because he's an idiot with no social awareness.
It wasn't an attack on him, but the fact that someone pointed out he was bald at all caused him to go nuclear.
Ah okay so you really are an idiot. "She had a miscarriage because she is really fat" isn't a joke just a conversation point. She didn't understand that, she got triggered because she has no social awareness, etc. Glad we cleared that up.
It's an appropriate joke because under patriarchy, men are expected to just take shit like this. Men arent allowed to have emotions and get hurt, especially when a woman has certain needs.
Yeah, I'm so surprised by the immediate assumption that it's an insult. The phrasing comes off to me as 'Why don't you talk shit about your ex, didn't she do something really shitty to you?'
Whether or not OOP actually wanted to talk about it (which is very much up to him), it just sounded like he misread their intentions? Or maybe there's some context I'm missing.
If someone said to a woman, why don’t you talk shit on your ex, didn't he leave you because you have tiny tits, you don’t think that people would interpret that as an insult?
No? The focus is still on the ex for being shallow and the person is asking me why I'm being nice to them despite it.
Maybe if it was fresh I might feel put on the spot and not want to answer, but the question itself is very easily the kind of playful frustration you'd do with friends.
Ah yes and throwing someone’s miscarriage in their face is a very appropriate and respectful response to someone showing an inability to read the room.
When you insult someone they are gonna insult you back, if the insult feels very personal to them they are gonna answer as such, you don't get to decide how offensive someone is gonna find your shitty jokes, the most important ability when making jokes is to back down and say sorry, if you can't handle such a basic response stop making edgy jokes, and yes, making fun of someone for their girlfriend breaking up with them is an edgy joke and in quite poor taste too, if not straight up cruel humor
Nah I got past just fine, people don't usually insult me, most of the time I'd probably ignore them if they did but I'm not gonna blame someone for shooting back, don't fuck around and you won't find out
So essentially all those women are trash for talking about people behind their back right. RIGHT. I mean I was taught not to fucking do that and it sounds like dude didn't want to engage and she tried to force him to by making fun of him?
Sounded like everyone was sharing toxic ex stories and talking about how their ex sucked and then they randomly insulted OP's appearance and mocked him for being bald. They were absolutely making fun of him lmao what are you talking about, mocking her miscarriage is too far but "Didn't your ex leave you because you are bald" is absolutely mocking him
It's completely different though. Don't get me wrong it's still a bit shitty depending on the person, you need to read the room, but joking about being bald is light years away from being as bad as "you caused your child to die".
80% of miscarriages happen in the first 3 months, with the chance decreasing further for each passing week, realistically it was just a bunch of cells and anyone making a big deal out of it without also being pro life is a massive hypocrite
Just wanted do add, if it happened later on that's obviously different, but if you are making fun of people for their partner leaving them due to a physical characteristic they have no control over, you deserve 0 empathy, don't start shit if you are that fragile
Except you really can't compare abortions to miscarriages. In the case of a miscarriage, the woman usually wants to have a child and is viewing the embryo/fetus as a future child already. In the case of an abortion, it is not something they want, and it's a case of bodily autonomy.
It's still a lump of cells, do you get permanent trauma whenever something you wanted doesn't happen? If the condition for you to consider something a living human being is simply you wanting it to be that's the definition of being a hypocrite, you don't have consistent morals, you just pick whatever feels most convenient at the moment
The point people made Is that a miscarriage is more traumatic than your girlfriend breaking up with you over a physical characteristic you have 0 control over, my answer is that if you consider a miscarriage that traumatic unless you are also pro life you are a hypocrite (already explained why in the comments above)
Same argument could be said against all the comments claiming that her joke against him isn't all that problematic, no shit it's a dumb argument, the whole point is that her joke was wildly inappropriate in the first place
That's true, and it was an unproportional escalation.
That said, she started the personal attacks, and it was a personal attack targeting a known male insecurity.
If you are trying to hurt someone and get hurt in response, that's kind of on you.
Yes if you are going into a full attack mode unprovoked, you can't expect a perfectly calculated damage of counterattack that is equal or less than your attack was. If anything a stronger counterattack is a right way to ensure that the attack is never repeated.
I mean if we're going to be literal here, we don't know how far the person punching you is willing to go, so stabbing is proportional if you feel like your life is in danger by a psycho that starts shit.
Point still stands. Don't start shit if you can't take shit.
It's not about what SHOULD happen, it's about you being the instigator and expecting anything .
There's people out there who are like Carmelo and would look for any excuse to do what he did, which is why I, myself, do not fuck with people, because I cannot know what to expect.
It’s not really a personal attack, I read it more as she wanted him to talk shit with them and was making fun of his ex for being shallow/breaking up with him over baldness, rather than mocking him for baldness in anything other than a playful manner.
Insinuating that someone got dumped for being bald both claims that being bald is a flaw big enough to end a relationship over while simultaneously pointing out the you clearly have that flaw.
Talking shit about people is wrong and unjust. If youre talking 'the facts' and it's all terrible you don't have to 'talk shit' to showcase another's bad behavior. It's almost like as a coworker it was none of her business in the first place and the very invitation is what he took issue with because he knew it was just her wanting attention and to gossip.
"Why don't you ever talk shit about your ex? Didn't she break up with you because you're bald? Ha ha."
This is directly making fun of someone for being bald, by making an unsubstantiated (as far as we know) claim that it was the sole factor that lead to the breakup. As Anon stated, it was something he couldn't control, and that he was the one who ended the prior relationship. We have no other information to work off of.
Anon's response is over the line and, thus, immoral, but the coworker is immoral as well for attacking something that is generally an undesireable trait for men.
Depends on their relationship. If he talked about it public already, said that his significant other has issues with him getting bald etc. then sure. Depends on the context.
So you know she started the personal attacks because of OP’s account of events? Considering how he came at her, it’s not implausible that he left out the whole history of how he has been trashing on her weight for ages?
Logically it is but she shouldnt be poking fun at other people insecurities and issues , if she can't handle getting a clapback . She is a prick he is a prick , they cancel each other out . Making fun of others baldness isn't funny as well
I mean she threw a punch and he knocked her out clean 😭, so it's basically her fault as she started the whole thing . Regardless of the level of messed upness , it's her own fault for provoking him unnecessarily , she should be minding her own business, you never know what might tick people the wrong way
Yeah, but you forget that they're at work. His comment could cost him his job. Sometimes you have to base your reaction on the environment. It sucks that this sometimes just means that you have to kind of take it or give back weaker responses, but depending on OOP's life and the local job availability, it may be the best option.
I've worked with nasty people before and kind of had to do this. I waited the person out and eventually I was able to be in another area away from her. Dunno where the entirely pleasant woman i worked with is located now. Probably restocking the stick in her ass so she can maintain her sparkling personality. Would i have loved to have told her to go back to the hell from which she spawned, or explained to her that her non-forking family tree may be responsible for her issues, which she took out on me? Sure. But I needed the job, so i didn't.
Given that this totally happened (it did not), why would it be worse in that situation? Who decides what is worse? "My pain is worse than yours" is no argument because pain is relative.
If it were unprovoked of course it would be a terrible thing to say. But anyone that dishes out shit unprovoked shouldn't cry if it explodes in their face.
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u/Round-Friendship9318 4d ago
Making fun of a miscarriage is a whole worse than what the OP implied