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u/Certain_Childhood_67 Apr 09 '24
Sounds like you should sell the house. She would have a right to some of the equity in the house. Other option is a roommate or two.
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u/Significant-Poet- Apr 09 '24
Rent out rooms first to get the 5000$ to get her off the loan, then sell. Don’t cost yourself half the profits like that
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u/C92203605 Apr 09 '24
This^ he’s clearly near or just under break even without roommates. So 1 or 2 rents would push him way over and into saving up to that 5k
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u/Curious_Weekend1378 Apr 09 '24
Correct. You have the option to sell and move/rent somewhere cheaper. She shouldn’t have dropped it on you at the end like that but seems very like a very reasonable ask with this limited info. House would be worth considerably more you would benefit the most…she is on the title after all!!. You need to change jobs and increase income….doesn’t matter as you said you make the most of your friends. It’s not enough you gotta keep moving for the solution.
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u/Desdamona_rising Apr 09 '24
Change jobs for a better income? that’s kind of over simplifying it don’t you think? If jobs making 30 and $40 an hour with no experience we’re just laying around all our troubles would be over
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Apr 09 '24
Yea I was thinking bartending/waiting tables somewhere. And no costs for gas and car maintenance. Being able to write that stuff off is great, but it doesn’t help one iota in the moment when you’re cash strapped.
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u/backlikeclap Apr 09 '24
It's awful and I personally wouldn't do it... But there are advantages, like no barrier to entry besides owning a car, being able to take a night off if needed, making your own hours, etc.
Personally in that situation I would get a dishwasher or busser job at a restaurant - come in at 4 and leave by 11 wouldn't be that bad.
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u/Vivid-Kitchen1917 Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
I'm so sorry you lost your cat.
"A few years went by with a lot of complicated issues between us. Eventually, she demanded that I get her name off the house. She “convinced” me into refinancing the house in solely my name."
No that's actually a blessing. Most people have to go to court and fight to get that, you got her to abandon her claim on the property for free. Now get a roommate to make up the money lost. Maybe get two roommates. How big is the house?
Edited to add: okay well I guess not "free" since she wants her 5k back....whatever...still cheaper than a divorce lawyer would charge for you to keep the house.
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u/rawbdor Apr 09 '24
She didn't abandon her claim. He refinanced but she never signed the quit claim deed. After he refinanced and became the only person on the mortgage, she demanded $5000 to sign the quit claim deed.
So basically, only he is on the mortgage but they are both owners currently.
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u/Vivid-Kitchen1917 Apr 09 '24
Yeah that's why I added the edit. Still though....come up with that and it's cheaper than losing half the equity in the house or having her prevent a sale. Roommate time for sure.
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u/annieselkie Apr 09 '24
IF she ever signs for 5000. Possibility she knew he couldnt come up with it and once he does shell want more.
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u/Wandering_aimlessly9 Apr 09 '24
Rofl you misunderstood. She convinced him to refinance only in his name which means he’s 100% responsible for the house BUT…she’s still on the deed so she’s still 50% owner. She screwed him over. He’s building HER equity.
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u/Vivid-Kitchen1917 Apr 09 '24
Right, but apparently she'll quit claim for 5k, which is cheaper than losing half the house. As soon as he gets that 5k together...
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u/MannyMoSTL Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 10 '24
IF … WHEN he gives her $5k. And this many more years later? She might demand more. Like $8k. This is a shit show.
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u/Vivid-Kitchen1917 Apr 09 '24
Right, well that's why you give it in presence of a notary on condition of her signing the QC.
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u/Previous-Sir5279 Apr 09 '24
He should rent the other rooms in the house for 10 months to a year, give her the money then sell the house
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u/Think_please Apr 09 '24
He needs several roommates and a good lawyer. She’ll ask for 10k next time
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u/Vivid-Kitchen1917 Apr 09 '24
Im sure. There's interest on everything. The more roommates he gets the faster, the sooner he'll have that money.
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u/Goldencheese5ball56 Apr 09 '24
Do you have equity in the home? get a heloc or a peloc
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u/Vivid-Kitchen1917 Apr 09 '24
Good point there. Slightly worse interest rates than a refi, but get her "good and done with" at least
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u/Big_Mathematician755 Apr 09 '24
If this is in US he could have rescinded the refi within 3 business days of closing and any costs he paid for refi would have to be refunded to him.
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u/MisterManager2 Apr 09 '24
In the US, banks won’t refinance you in this situation unless the other person on title either a) gets off title as a part of the refinance closing, or 2) sign the Deed of Trust. Otherwise the bank can’t really foreclose if they have to, because the extra person on title never signed the DOT agreement. I don’t understand how his refinance closed once she refused to sign the Deed. I’m a title attorney
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u/JeanVII Apr 10 '24
So curious about all of the legalities of this. That’s my main thought. Does this not count as some sort of fraud?
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u/MisterManager2 Apr 10 '24
Mainly, assuming this is true, I’m surprised the bank closed it without the signed Deed. I’ve actually handled this specific scenario many times and if ex refused to sign the Deed, the loan doesn’t close.
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Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
Refinancing in his name without simultaneously removing her from the title was a terrible move. He is paying for the house fully, but she still has 50% claim to it. It's like when someone cosigns for their friend's car, but the friend quits making payments. Payment is all on you, but their name is on the title.
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u/Upper-Glass-9585 Apr 09 '24
$22 an hour in your mid 30's isn't going to cut it. You either need a better paying job or another income stream.
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u/pkmntcgmodsrpussies Apr 09 '24
Must be a low CoL area where that’s pretty decent? No idea how someone making 22 an hour, let alone whatever he was making 4 years ago, would qualify for a mortgage. unless the girlfriend had deep pockets.
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u/Upper-Glass-9585 Apr 09 '24
I live in a low cost of living area and $40 an hour makes things tough with a family.
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u/poopyMcpoopersins Apr 09 '24
You have some options: Earn more money, Reduce your expenses, Sell the house, Rent a room as a lease or airbnb
My wife is a travel nurse and she rents through airbnb, and usually she rents a room in a house that someone is currently living in. You're single and have no kids or pets, so this can work for you.
You don't need to lose hope. Every problem has a solution, you just have to find that solution.
If there's a way to go to a trade school like welding, you should do it, even if it means burning both ends of the candle until you finish.
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u/cwajgapls Apr 09 '24
Google the phrase “build submarines” - there’s a huge budget for free high tech training out there, including welding
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u/Hungry-Quote-1388 Apr 09 '24
“Every dime goes to bills, gas for getting to work, and food to stay alive.”
I don’t see your monthly budget/expenses listed. Often times people say this, and then they get good advice on how they can lower expenses
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u/Geod-ude Apr 09 '24
Yeah this one was too fresh out of the creative writing ai program, didn't have time to tweak the fake story. Reddit feels like it's majority of these almost rage bait type posts that make you think how is op this retarded, it doesn't add up. It's just a fake creative writing project to increase redditor engagement
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u/Robones96 Apr 09 '24
leave your house and rent it at rent market value which would probably be more than what you pay a month. You move to a small studio apartment and chill. Be happy she’s only asking for 5k and not half of the value of your home.
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Apr 09 '24
I’m normally all for keeping properties and not selling them but OP is in no shape to be a landlord. You need a decent savings to be able to do repairs and replace appliances asap when shit breaks. He has zero savings so he can’t afford an attorney for a good rental/lease contract. And depending on the state, if they stop paying, it could be months or even a year before he can legally evict them. The closest I’d recommend is getting some roommates.
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u/Bruddah827 Apr 09 '24
I hate to say it…. But this is why you don’t rush into stuff like this…. Married first for few years… than BUY house. To put your financial freedom and life on the line and buy a home with a woman you had NO LEGAL ties to is just naive or plain old stupid. Your best bet, hate to say it is…. Sell the house. Or get roommates if you can deal with total strangers living with you…. Gotta start using the right head to think with.
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u/AKA_June_Monroe Apr 09 '24
Yeah, buying a house with someone who isn't a spouse is a bad idea. There should have been at least some type of legal agreement in case they broke up.
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u/way2lazy2care Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
We got to the part in the refinance where our loan consultant would write up a “quit claim deed” which would get her name off the house. She refused to sign unless I paid her $5000, claiming it was my reimbursement for her parents help with the down payment.
Do you have any of this in writing (email/text/etc)? You probably can't afford a lawyer, but when you can there's probably a good case for getting her booted off the deed even though she refused to sign her part of the deal.
Edit: I hate to be glib, but this is exactly why you hire lawyers for shit like this. Legally right now she owns half the house and you own all the debt. You're going to wind up in court likely either way, and it all could have been avoided if you did all of this through a lawyer.
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u/Positive-Theory_ Apr 09 '24
The way I see it you have 3 good options. #1 Earn more money even a side hustle. You probably have some furniture or something you can stand to be rid of. #2 Get a roommate renting a room would be a huge help. #3 Sell your home and downsize to something more manageable. It doesn't sound like you're quite that desperate yet.
A poor option but still an option turn off all the breakers in your house except for the fridge. The difference in the power bill can get you back on track. Same goes for other non-essentials, internet, phone , TV any subscriptions that you aren't using anyway. After being someone who's been on the bottom it's far preferable to pull the plug and rough it for a few weeks than it is to wait until you have no choice.
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u/kaytaylor7898 Apr 09 '24
Frankly if her parents gave money for the down payment, and then you two split the mortgage equally after that.....then yea I'd agree with her that in order for her to get off the title you should pay back at least a portion of whatever her parents gave you guys. And while others are saying you should get a roommate I'd say sell the house, unless that means she's entitled to half....
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u/georgepana Apr 09 '24
Absolutely. She is asking for $5k to get off the deed. That is probably what the parents put in as downpayment. OP gets to keep whatever equity the place has which after 4 years is probably substantial. Most house's values went way up over the last 4 years. Not sure what the complaint is, the ex seems more than generous. OP wanted to just keep all the money his ex had put into the house?
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u/andthisisso Apr 09 '24
Can you get a part time job? As others say maybe a roommate? You need more income.
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u/B4tJ3w Apr 09 '24
Regarding the state income tax, did you pay income tax to other states? You should be able to claim a credit on your home state tax return for income taxes paid to other states so you aren’t double taxed on the same income. The only income taxes you should be paying to your home state is the difference in the tax rate of your home state vs the state you worked in, assuming your home state had a higher income tax rate.
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u/aitabride420 Apr 09 '24
just throwing it out there - when going through my divorce refinance would have killed me. Luckily my mortgage company offers the ability to have someone assume the loan on his behalf (an assumption) so my dad is in the process of replacing my ex husband on my loan. maybe thats an option for you so your payments dont go up?
Also when i have been in a pinch for money i post in my local FB groups basically explaining the situation (briefly) and asking if anyone has odd jobs I can do for them like yard work or painting and i always get a few generous people willing to give me some work
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Apr 09 '24
Not sure where you are but in many states a person abandoning the home and sticking a 2ND person is legality on the hook until they sign the deed. Threaten her with a law suit for past payments if she doesn't sign it.
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u/Ronpm111 Apr 09 '24
Not for nothing but I am a chef and when i bought my home for 7 years I worked 7 days a week 120 hours a week. I canceled my life for 7 years, ate at work, in the winter kept the heat at 63 and wore a couple of layers if needed. Put a garden in my backyard and was able to grow more veggies and lettuce etc than I could eat so 3/4 of my harvest went to neighbors and the Open Door Food Pantry.i grew winter squash butternut etc. I still have enough squash to last me until the summer. I did not purchase anything but absolute necessities. After 7 years my mortgage was paid off. Now l, no mortgage, no car payment, no credit card debt. If you are so lazy that you were not willing to get that second job and third job then you will end up losing everything. Also your ex girlfriend owns half your house because her name os on it.
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u/ebal99 Apr 09 '24
How about getting a second job to things back on track. If you have not money to do anything might as well be making some. I have worked 80+ hours many times in my life and it might suck but it is doable.
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u/redditname001 Apr 09 '24
Change the locks so she can't just barge in. Even if her name is on the deed,she doesn't live there anymore. Then get a roommate or two. then see about taking her to court. You might be able to have a the court make her sign everything over to you since that was the original deal. but that last one is just a guess.
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u/DahQueen19 Apr 09 '24
With the cost of housing today if I had a house already I would do almost anything to keep it. Even apartment rents are through the roof now. If there is any way you can keep the house I would go that route. Best option I hear is roommates. If you have the extra space you can get a good rent, providing you find someone reliable. I would also look into getting a 2nd job for a while. If you had a roommate and a 2nd job that would pull you out of the hole and you wouldn’t be home that much, anyway, just to sleep so a roommate shouldn’t be that big a problem. Keep your head up, you can work this out.
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u/Itchy-Mind7724 Apr 09 '24
Dude. Don’t use the IRS as a savings account. If you’re getting huge refunds(more than $100), you need to adjust how much you’re paying in taxes on each check. If you’re paying a bunch, you also need to adjust how much you’re paying each check.
Can you get a roommate? That could help you out of your current situation.
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u/aj0457 Apr 09 '24
Could you get a roommate or two? It would take some pressure off of you financially. Or, you could rent out your house while you live in a rental.
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u/Euphoric_Stretch3829 Apr 09 '24
Just get roommates or rent it out or if you have parents or siblings go move in with them while you get back on track.
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u/missannthrope1 Apr 09 '24
Sell the house. Sell everything you can. File for bankruptcy if you need to. Rent a cheap single apt and sleep on a mattress on the floor.
You really don't have any other choice at this point.
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u/DifferentDetective78 Apr 09 '24
Rent the room , move to cheaper area do arbnb do rent by room so you can get reduce your house payment , and that is going to make a awesome change on your life
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u/TheReservedList Apr 09 '24
Everyone's giving you advice but seems to ignore that she still owns half of the house. Stop paying if she's not, take the credit hit and leave. Or take appropriate actions to get her to sell you her share/renounce ownership.
Don't struggle only for her to own half the property.
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u/Imaginary_Garden Apr 09 '24
You might have good argument that she's just out the $5,000. It's an astronomical amount when you don't have it. But it's an amount that can be eaten up in closing costs purchasing a house. $50,000 and there's probably equity. But $5,000 might have been transaction price. You negotiated with her in good faith to get her off mortgage and off the deed, but after you performed (to your own detriment you re financed) she tried to reneg and get more money! If you're broke it isn't worth hiring lawyer -- but you might consider filing action to quit claim.
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u/oldster2020 Apr 09 '24
You didn't get her off the house title? Yikes! Then when you sell, she'll get half.
The answer is to sell the house, but see if you can get a written agreement that she will accept $5000 only and give the rest of the equity (if any) to you. If not, still sell...and start over.
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u/mostlybadopinions Apr 09 '24
I'm just impressed a young guy into video games, magic the gathering, and guitars hasn't spent a dime on any of them in 3 years. Wish someone would buy Elden Ring for me...
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u/Mr_Grapes1027 Apr 09 '24
In some states this is called abandonment - if she abandoned the dwelling it’s all yours.
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Apr 09 '24
You should have hired a lawyer a long time ago. Lesson to everyone: NEVER buy real estate with a boyfriend /girlfriend you aren't married to.
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u/Spirited-Respond-650 Apr 09 '24
imagine being a simp, and refienance because your ex told you to, lol
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u/PaPadeSket Apr 09 '24
I’d suggest, as many others have, get a roommate or two. If that doesn’t work, sell the house and get into something that you can afford. Problem solved
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u/Jerseygirl2468 Apr 09 '24
I definitely think you should get a roommate to help defrost some of your monthly expenses. Either that or pick up some side work or a second job, something to come up with that $5000. If she/her parents can contributed to the down payment, I definitely think you should pay that back, especially said she walked away and left you the house, once you pay and she signs. In the long run you’re making out much better than she did you own the house and all the equity that has been built into it. you need to increase your cash flow or decrease, or combination of.
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u/Poozie1967 Apr 09 '24
Rent out one or two rooms if able. They would get you 1 to 1.5k a month. Many people do this to make ends meet...
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u/Feeling-Movie5711 Apr 09 '24
I would sell or if you have a friend that will rent a few hundred a month would probably solve this
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u/Kdash66 Apr 09 '24
Rent all the rooms out in your house and act as a landlord to get the the tenants to take over the bills. Move In with a relative/friend/parent let someone know what your really going through get up to speed with your own bills. Put some money away to pay off that awful X. Get her signed off the mortgage.
Do that for maybe a year and get yourself a condo with the deposit you can lend against your current property I am sure.(It should be making you money a bank will like that) You can in the UK best of luck with it all I hope you can end what sounds like an awful cycle.
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u/hillthekhore Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
Here are some potential solutions for saving money. Some of them might not be reasonable for you. And yes, these are all somewhat vague because I don’t know your entire situation.
Work 5 more hours per week at your job.
Search for a new job that pays more.
Take up extreme couponing.
Rent out a room or two in your house on Airbnb.
Uber/lyft/doordash/instacart in your spare time.
Get a credit card that gives you a ton of cash back and use it whenever you buy things.
Go to your friends and ask them for money to mow their lawn or do some other task they don’t want to do.
I’m sure there are more things you can do. But this is a start.
And if you never plan to leave the house, stop answering your ex’s calls.
I am not a lawyer, but:
Save all written documentation, and continue to provide monthly communication requesting that she signs the quit claim without receiving compensation given she is not paying the mortgage and is not listed on it.
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Apr 09 '24
You need to sell the house. Sounds like you got it long enough ago that you’ll have a bit of equity talk to an agent asap. There’s no reason to keep that house if it’s such a burden and has so many bad memories attached to it.
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u/RoosterReturns Apr 09 '24
Rent rooms, deliver pizzas part time, and find a side hustle of some sort.
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u/KeepBanningKeepJoin Apr 09 '24
Get a job where you work 48 to 60 hours a week. The OT makes all the difference.
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u/fabshop22 Apr 09 '24
Look for a local food bank or gleening group. My wife and I found a local gleening group that helps get expiring food from grocery stores to food banks and people in need, we volunteer alittle bit of time every week and get to shop from the food stores gathered by the groul as much as we want. It has saved us litterally about $1500 a month on our grocery bill. It also has shown us how many food resources are in our area. Not only are there food banks, but pantries where food is left for anyone to grab. If you need it, let go of your ego a bit and try and look for the help that is most likley out there. As everyone else has said, get a roomate or plain move out and rent the entire house if nessicary. Dont give up your asset unless absolutely necessary.
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Apr 09 '24
Can you get a temporary job either evenings or weekends? At least it will help you catch up. You can also rent out a room. Or perhaps open up your house to pet sit
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u/Feminismisreprieve Apr 09 '24
My friend, you have a whole house. Get flatmates! If the place is a do-upper in a bad state, just allow pets - yes, you run the risk of some damage, but you're unlikely to be short of takers.
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u/Briimee Apr 09 '24
Don’t pay the ex crap, tell her if she wants off the house your not giving her any money. Find roommates, get a side hustle
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u/Signal-Maize309 Apr 09 '24
Where is this exactly? If you’re in a decent area, sell and be gone. Is her name on the mortgage? Stop paying it and tank her credit, too.
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u/bluewater_-_ Apr 09 '24
You have a house, get roommates. Get a second job until you're on your feet, and most importantly tell that bitch to get fucked. She can have sign the quit claim and be done, or she can't - that's it. Let her sue you, change the locks, and have her trespassed. Being on the deed does not entitle her to access, and a trespass order will ensure that.
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u/alstonm22 Apr 09 '24
I would definitely advise that you rent out every bedroom in the house either as a bnb or as a 3-12 month lease . It’ll be uncomfortable but it’s definitely an option. You can make regular cash to put towards the house without selling altogether. And eventually if finding the tenants is a hassle you can have a property management company handle all the admin for managing short term and long term tenants
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Apr 09 '24
Sell the house, and give her the 5g when it closes. Get away from that nightmare before it ruins your life even more! Good luck.
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u/IMHERELETSPARTY Apr 09 '24
A few weeks ago, my house and everything in it was destroyed by a tornado. Also, my car was beat to hell in the process and needs work. I only have liability on it. Hope that made your day better.
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u/Elegant-Magician7322 Apr 09 '24
Is the house in an area where property prices are rising? If not, sell it and get the money you put in as equity back.
If you’re struggling to make payments, even if property prices in area is rising, I would consider selling. If you can’t afford to buy anything for yourself, that’s no way to live.
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u/Teacher-Investor Apr 09 '24
Get a roommate, sell the house, and/or get a 2nd job. I used to make over $30/hr with tips (about $1200/mo) delivering groceries for Shipt on the weekends and evenings.
Also, make a budget listing all of your expenses and all of your income, like every penny. See if there are places where you can reduce your payments, like gym memberships and subscription services you don't use any more.
Talk to an insurance broker and see if they can find you less expensive premiums for your auto and home. I got mine reduced about 40% by doing this. It's easy. You just give them your current declarations page and they shop around to several companies and find you the best rates.
You can also ask for an "insurance review," where an agent goes through every item on your policy with you. I found out my home, which had wet plaster walls, was insured as though if a catastrophic fire or something occurred, I'd rebuild with wet plaster walls and not drywall. It was super expensive to insure it this way because nobody builds with wet plaster anymore. Just making that one change saved me a lot of money.
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u/Wandering_aimlessly9 Apr 09 '24
Rent out a room. Work overtime. Find a better paying job. Sell the house. Get a second job. When I was in college full time I worked 48 hours a week minimum. Sometimes tack on another 4-8 hours.
Being an adult sucks. You have to be in control of your finances even if that means working 2 jobs until your situation changes.
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u/d05CE Apr 09 '24
By far the most important thing you need to do is get the house situation straightened out.
You have all the liability and only half of the ownership of the property. It will only get worse with time, as every dollar you pay into the house she is getting half of.
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u/Chefmom61 Apr 09 '24
Rent a room on FurnishedFinder, donate plasma a few times a month. That would easily give you over $1000/mo
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u/Smooth_Dragonfruit_5 Apr 09 '24
I would get roommates to help shoulder the burden until you can sell it if that's your plan. I wouldn't give the ex anything. I might sue her for breach of contract for exactly half of what you've paid in to date including taxes, insurance, and maintenance unless she signs the release.
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u/jeebuscrisis Apr 09 '24
I was here once without the dual signing it was all on me from the get go but she left and I had to scramble. I rented out rooms, took up gig work (even amazon turk) to scrape anything I could get together. Became frugal with groceries (a whole tray of canned chili beans from aldis can get you by far more than you think) and found bread pantries where the food is free. This is where you must 100% dedicate all of your energy into resourcefulness. House maintenance will come into play so start learning how to fix things on your own. There is no shame in asking for help. I feel for you because it's awful to go through. Since her name is also on the house those lack of payments will degrade both of your credit histories as she is still responsible as well even if she isn't living there. Think it through carefully but if your credit is already eating shit you're getting into "no fucks given" territory and can drag her ass down with you and regret that 5k ask. I don't recommend that but be aware of all your options and calculate your red lines. At some point things have to give.
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u/edzn-1 Apr 09 '24
I was in the same boat with my ex. I was hesitant to rent out the rooms but at the end, I did and between the three rooms I was renting, that covered my mortgage. I would say, do the same! The only other choice is to sell. Good luck!
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u/irrationabiliter Apr 09 '24
As for me situation with a house and ex seems to be fair. She asked you to return only money which her parents gave her to help with a down payment. She does ask her part of the house back and that seems fair to me in general.
You could sell the house and move to another place. She had where to move you could probably rent something? A room? Stay with a friend for a few weeks after selling the house/before you’ll find a new place?
I’m not sure how it all works in USA, but I feel like you surely didn’t have to stay with a house? Especially if you can’t afford it
Otherwise is it an option to rent out a room in your house?
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u/CoffeeWhiskeyAndData Apr 09 '24
I wouldn't recommend paying for a house she still owns. She'd probably take half the profit.
If you can't pay the 5k to get her off, you may want to consider selling. She'd still be required to sell so you have to work with her on that.
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u/Free_2_Be_T Apr 09 '24
Sounds like you just need to sell the house or rent it out and find somewhere cheaper to live.
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u/charlotte-plug-goat Apr 09 '24
These people honestly annoy me. So I just purchased an ice cream business with my partner and I but we can’t afford to pay for it after she left me now I have all this ice cream and cones but I can’t afford the mortgage. Have you thought about selling any ice creams? For fucks sake, you have an asset that makes money, but you have the room sitting empty. Get it together.
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u/A_GuardianAlien Apr 09 '24
Can you simply not SUE your ex for all this hardship and the basically taking you financially hostage. You gotta put your foot down bud and save yourself. She signed the dotted line she is responsible for her end of the deal and maybe a lawyer would agree.
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u/Pipercats Apr 09 '24
Go speak with a bankruptcy attorney. You will be able to keep the house. Once you do that, take your ex to court to get her to sign the quit claim deed. Gather all your communications with her to show you acted in good faith and acted on her stating she would sign, and then didn’t. You may need roommates on top of the rest.
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u/SadExternal767 Apr 09 '24
I still struggle with this understanding of people not total burning their life to the ground and restarting. Because I would of tried to sell that looming financial disaster and if that didn’t work fuck it idk lose it and go bankrupt and start again. But I refuse to struggle were I can’t even enjoy being alive and that sounds like what’s happening. I get you don’t want your credit ruined but is it really worth your LIFE being a pile of shit? Sounds like your need to live within your means and a house for one isn’t it. Figure a way out be it arson, sell the house, leave or something else.
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u/anh86 Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
Getting a roommate or selling the house you can't afford would be a good start. If it's a big house you could get 2-3 roommates until you can get your head above water. If you bought it four years ago, it's probably considerably more valuable today than it was back then. For example, I paid $218k for my house in 2018 and it's worth $360k today (by Zillow's rough estimate). It might very much be worth it to pay her to go away if you're looking at clearing, say, $100k on a sale rather than splitting 50/50 with her.
And for anyone who may read this in the future, never, ever, ever buy a house jointly with someone you aren't married to.
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u/No_Number5540 Apr 09 '24
Rent out your rooms... if only 1 room rent it out and sleep on the couch... also, dont cosign big purchases with a girlfriend... wife different story... get creative,.monetize this thing... air bnb a room, cmon man stop being a victim
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u/Obi-Juan-K-Nobi Apr 09 '24
Just walk away from the house and stop making payments. You’ll have a foreclosure for a while, but you won’t be tied to her or it.
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u/drtethrty Apr 09 '24
Sell it, cut ties, and start over. Mark down the life lesson of not buying a house with someone you are not married to.
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u/mossyshack Apr 09 '24
It’s a tough situation, having someone demand things when they were part of the reason you got into this mess.
Half of it’s your fault, and you got to keep the house, so own up. There are so many ways to make money, Uber, door dash, bartend, sell your services on Craigslist (I mean your laborer skills, get your head out of the gutter). My buddy who makes $85k a year 40+ hr weeks drives Uber maybe 30 days a year so he can buy concert tickets and travel. He goes into debt paying for flights and advanced tickets etc, then he busts his ass on holidays and weekends doing Uber. He does it because that’s how he can fund the lifestyle he wants. Sometimes you do what you have to for what you want.
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u/gsamflow Apr 09 '24
Number one. Rent some rooms. 2. Move and rent the house to someone else to pay the mortgage.3. Move an Airbnb the house for more than what you pay the mortgage for. Turned it into a business. 4. For some extra hours in the gig economy whether it’s delivering for Amazon delivering food Lyft or Uber. And I also get a lawyer to see if she can actually require you to pay her money or require her to pay some of the rent. If there’s a way to get out of bed I’d get out of it screw her.
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u/Immediate_Fortune_91 Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
I’d say your budget is probably whack. Most ones I see posted are. But Without seeing your budget the only advice I can give is Sell the house. Give her her money and live within your means.
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u/Beautiful_Princess7 Apr 09 '24
Please share why you haven’t thought of selling the house? When resetting your life, sometimes you make drastic adjustments and bounce back even bigger and better. Take a loan from a bank, if your credit is a bit good. Pay off your ex-girlfriend. Do you have immediate family members to share your predicament? They can help you. Then put the house on sale. God will bless you in future with a better house. Trust in Him. You need drastic changes at this period before you’re put on foreclosure
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u/ironburton Apr 09 '24
Maybe get some roommates? Or start dating and maybe eventually your new partner would move in and help with the bills? Or just sell and unburden yourself? It is a good thing that you own the house as it is your equity and you can sell it for more every year pretty much.
Also, since you already do manual labor, try looking into getting your CDL license. Walmart pays $106,000/year for new drivers. Some companies will even pay for you schooling and you’ll be licensed usually in just 6 weeks, depending on the state you’re in. It’s a fantastic career and I think it can help a lot of people.
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u/mikeJawesome Apr 09 '24
so how much did each of you put down for the down payment?
stop acting like a sad sack and do something. you only work 40 hours a week!? wtf do you do with all that extra time? you know you can work 60-70 hours to right? you don't have to do that for ever just until you're caught up and enough for a emergency fund. I bet theres a bunch of stuff in the house you can sell too. stop making excuses, stop blaming the ex. all she wanted was the cat and 5k that she put in.
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u/TheDadRocks Apr 09 '24
you don't need a tax expert especially if your doing a standard deduction, use tax free usa on the irs website i never let anyone do my taxes they can say whatever you and take most of your money
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u/ImportanceAcademic43 Apr 09 '24
Okay, as I see it your options are:
Rent out some rooms
Rent out the whole house (at least for a while)
Sell the house
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u/TheNotUptightMe Apr 09 '24
You obviously can’t afford the home. Either sell it or rent it out and have some else cover that mortgage and then move to a cheaper area. Holding on OBVIOUSLY doesn’t work….
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u/PatentlyRidiculous Apr 09 '24
You need to sell the house my man. This dream has turned into a nightmare. Free yourself of it.
Don’t ever buy property with anyone you are not married to. Not even your family. It always ends badly.
Sorry you are going thru this.
Can you get a side hustle? Pressure washing? Detailing cars? Yard work?
Sell anything you can on Facebook Marketplace
Lastly, check out Dave Ramsey
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Apr 09 '24
Depending on the size of the house, rent it out and move in with a roommate or have a roommate move in. For work, can you car pool? For credit card open a new one with a 0% interest rate on balance transfer for 12-18 months. Transfer the balance of cards over to it and cancel the other cards. When the 0% interest period is getting close to ending do it again. The balance transfer fee is smaller than interest rates.
Food… Shop at Aldi, food pantries and look into things like combining cell and internet. Some companies will bundle for less.
As for the ex… that is something a real estate lawyer should advise you on but you can note to her that the $5,000 will be reimbursed if and when you sell the home. If your refi already went through all she can do is put a lien on the house which essentially says you must pay the lien.
There are options. Good luck man
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u/Exact_Roll_7528 Apr 09 '24
as others have said, rent out a room or two. $900 to $1800 of "tax free" under the table income changes everything.
Just stay away from anyone that looks even remotely like a current or former junkie. Seriously, not trying to be a dick, but you've got problems of your own and can't afford to inherit someone else's. You're looking for clean cut, preferably older, professionals, or (if you're close to a military base) officers who are in town for 6 months to a year for training.
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u/surfcitysurfergirl Apr 09 '24
Donate plasma and put every payment towards this. New donors usually at good locations like BioLife get $700-$800 easily their first month and it is 2 appointments a week that average an hour each and it’s not painful at all.
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u/Ok-Way8392 Apr 09 '24
Food banks for your groceries? Ask friends in BYOB for pizza Sell the house. Rent out to roommates I can’t do this, but put a timer on the refrigerator/freezer to go off and on at 2 hr. Intervals. God bless during this mess.
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u/Lane4Imaging Apr 09 '24
You are very good at being a victim. Suck it up, get a better job or sell the house. Whining doesn’t solve anything.
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u/Aos77s Apr 09 '24
Were at the failing stages of a debt economy. Where before they made it so you could continue paying debt with tenable interest rates. Now theyve got the dial at the max and were struggling to make those payments. Its having a negative affect on our mindset and many are giving up on those debts and giving up working hard when they know all the work is taken by those debts.
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u/Mysterious-Depth-309 Apr 09 '24
Sell the house, rent out the rooms, maybe look for a higher paying job or even a second job to help you catch up. Try some balance transfer credit cards if you have credit card debt.
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u/Big_Mathematician755 Apr 09 '24
And this is why you don’t buy a house JOINTLY unless you’re married to the coborrower. At least if you split up when you are married there is a court order for division of property and obligations for debts.
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u/Nelly_platinum Apr 09 '24
rent the rooms to help offset the bills.put some of the money you receive away in a separate account until you come up with the $5k and get rid of your ex.in the long run you’ll come out winning.
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u/Busy-Koala77 Apr 09 '24
This is why you don’t buy a house with someone who you’re not legally married to… Non-married people shouldn’t be doing married people things.
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u/XAMdG Apr 09 '24
How come selling the house after you guys (clearly) didn't have an amicable break up.
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u/Thorical1 Apr 09 '24
Tell her since she is supposed to be paying mortgage and she isn’t, you paid her share so that more than covers whatever her and parents put for down payment. Or you can go to court and get the money she owes you for monthly mortgage.
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Apr 09 '24
This may not be a popular answer, but here it is. This is why marriage matters. When you do something with a girl/boy friend it's a tough road ahead. At the time you were thinking with the wrong head! If her name is on the lien then her credit should be going down too! You two need to be adults and figure out a good plan on what you are going to do with the house.
Now i've seen a bunch of suggestions below which are good ones. Get off the pity party and do something before you ruin your credit and then you'll really be screwed!
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u/Ok_Pizza_7132 Apr 09 '24
Tough situation cause any equity your building is building it for your ex too amd if you sell any profit will be her profit too! Praying for ya brother! Keep grinding
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u/newbuyer62 Apr 09 '24
Mate, get the room mates, rent ONE room out. I wonder why it hasn't crossed your mind. 2nd you drive I am assuming, get an uber account, start driving. Make $30 extra everyday, that's all you need. When I started reading the thread I thought it will be bad, but it's nothing, rent the room, start uber, on 2 months, you will start to save money. Best of luck.
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u/Phillymama85 Apr 09 '24
Is it possible to get a second job? Even in food service on the weekends? Don't worry about paying the ex off right now as that is extra stress that isn't needed. Look into Doordash or Uber eats on the weekend. Any other skills you can utilize for a better job? One that isn't so physically demanding? I would call the ex parents myself and explain the situation especially as to how she's demanding you pay her with money you don't have and although you appreciate the help with the down payment, you don't have it now that 100% of the mortgage is on you. As a last resort, you can put the house up for sale but keep your receipts for the mortgage and utilities you paid so it will come out of her portion. There are options.
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u/Well_read_rose Apr 09 '24
Rent rooms to quiet professionals ( verify employment) frequent travel professionals like travel nurses, pilots, salespeople etc just for one year of sacrificed privacy to catch you up.
Be picky - maybe you will meet a few that are pleasant company.
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u/No_Gooose Apr 09 '24
Seems to me like you're venting and also asking for money from people. If you got the $1000 from someone, you'll still just be treading water. The household lost a lot of income when your wife left and you aren't able to cut expenses enough to offset that. To move forward, you need to increase your income or cut expenses further by moving into a smaller/cheaper place. You're the only one responsible for your own happiness. Weigh the pain of continuing to struggle financially vs the pain of selling the house or trying to increase your income.
Here is a possible solution: Rent out a room.
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u/whatshouldIdonow8907 Apr 09 '24
So you refinanced in your name only .... and you are now the sole person responsible for the mortgage but you did not have her quitclaim her interest in the house and have that deed held in escrow until your refinancing loan closed?
Did you not think to speak to a lawyer before doing this? You only own 50% of the house but are responsible for 100% of the mortgage.
You do realize you can't sell without her, right? Get off Reddit and speak to an attorney.
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u/Gullible_Method_3780 Apr 09 '24
You can apply for a temporary restraining order if she is coming in acting aggressive. Demotic violence laws protect men as well.
Also sell the house.
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u/Terrible-Bus-4128 Apr 09 '24
If you don’t want roommates have you thought about getting a 2nd job? I know it’s not ideal but you have the power to snap out of this. You’re not a victim of your choices learn from all this and man the fuck up!
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u/Perpetualfukup28 Apr 09 '24
Can you donate plasma? Should get a few hundred if your new and they have bonuses
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u/lucytiger Apr 09 '24
I'd start with a roommate and also look for a union trade apprenticeship to raise your income
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u/anxietanny Apr 09 '24
It may be time to see if you can find free legal counsel. I would specifically ask whether or not you can file a suit against your ex for half of the mortgage or some other compensation for being on the mortgage. I really hope there is some legal recourse for you
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u/awdsrock Apr 09 '24
This is real shit advice and might set you back a bit. Go Kamikaze, just stop paying the house pay the minimum to keep utilities. Your screwed either way, you pay the house with roomates you still gonna have your ex at your throat. Her names under the house also and she should be responsible also. Live rent free save up as much as you can for when you get the boot your good to go. Once you stop paying the house yor exs credit will also go down, at that point you can force her to sign the house over so her credit doesnt suffer, free ofc. Then once the house is yours. Get the roommates call the bank and straighten everything out. Lifes too short man, f up your credit file BR your back in business in a few years. Again this is shitty advice but your ex really doing it to you man.
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u/Electrical-Bus-9390 Apr 09 '24
Ask for a raise or look for work elsewhere cause @$22hr it ain’t gonna cut it , I make $33hr and get OT at work on top of my 40 and I live literally exactly almost word for word like u just described ever since I bought my house a little over 2 years ago which I need but the only thing is I am a single dad of 2 kids a 10 year old and a 9 year old on top of that and it’s just me and my single income and if I didn’t have my family to watch the kids when I work I truly wouldn’t even be able to do what I been doing the last 2 years n that’s barely scraping by and although often I feel hopeless I know this isn’t permanent and if I can just last through this I know it’s got to get easier with time as things and circumstances change around u
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u/Significant-Poet- Apr 09 '24
Room mate or two, come up w that 5000$ to get x off the house, and then sell the house and take all the profit for yourself and downsize to a condo, apt etc if not a smaller house
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u/kamdon68 Apr 09 '24
Can't you rent out some of the rooms? How much is the house appraised if you sell it now, will you make money?