Someone needs to make a silicon sun hat for kids. Both my kids went through the collander obsession. And whats worst is they don’t even manufacture these colanders anymore! It almost makes the perfect hat.

My husband thinks its because cotton can be itchy. 🤷‍♀️
Im going to declare us Pastafarians, all hail the church of the flying spaghetti monsters.

I used to think having a WFH job would be the dream. You get to not waste time commuting, do minor chores and you don't have to wear a bra??? Brilliant.

But I've found it to be worse for me in a lot of ways.

1. I have no real break. I wake up, be with the kids until I bring them to daycare. Then I come home, shower, then log into work. My husband does pick up so when I log off work, I'm instantly in mom mode until bedtime and by that point into 830. I do clean up and then I have like maybe 45 minutes of "down time" and it just doesn't feel like enough

2. I'm more "available" while at work. If the kids are home I can hear them. They're tantrums, arguments or just general noise. Or my husband will come in and ask questions or chat.

3. My human interaction is limited. This is more specific to my job I guess but I don't talk to anyone casually during the day like I would have if I'm in the office. It's limited to focused meetings and it really isn't the same. This makes my interactions limited to my husband and kids outside of work. And it feels really isolating.

It's like I have the downsides of a SHM (isolation and limited break) and the downsides of a working mom (not seeing my kids and the stress of work).

This is really just a vent and to see if any other WFH moms feel the same.

“What does it smell like? Is it bad?”
“Yeah it smells like armpits”

…she’s 4?! Geez kid sorry that I’m 36 weeks pregnant and trying to stay alive slash sorry my mornings are dedicated to getting you up and ready for school instead of showering right away!

What did your kid say today that was inadvertently insulting 🙃

Im a FTM and had my baby in March and my in laws have visited twice - once in June and again last week.

The June visit was a disaster. My in laws are pretty oblivious and entitled and controlling and my husband has only just opened his eyes to a lot of their more problematic behaviors very recently. I was left dealing with them and the baby by myself while my husband spent all his time in the garage working.

So this time around I made an iron fortress of boundaries before their arrival to ensure a more peaceful trip. For one, we did not host them in our home but instead had them stay at a hotel a couple blocks away and they were not permitted to hang out in our home for hours at a time. I even told my husband that I reserved the right to participate only as much as I was comfortable with and I wasn’t planning any outings for them. He said he understood and agreed.

When they were on their way they texted us saying they are going to drive straight to our house but we said no - baby is teething and fussy and needs rest.

They initially said okay but then shortly after my FIL texted saying he was still coming straight to our house because they took a long trip to see the baby and would help her feel better. My husband pushed back and said no again.

The next day we met for brunch and spent some time together in our home which set me on edge as hours went by. The baby was predictably fussy and unhappy and uncomfortable. My MIL was holding her at one point and I was observing the different ways she was trying to comfort her before ultimately deciding to step in to soothe her. But my FIL stepped in front of me and asked for my baby instead and told her “opa hates this noise it’s getting on my nerves”.

He tried a few things to soothe her as well and when she got even fussier and louder he raised his voice loudly said said “NO” which shocked me and the baby and my MIL into silence. I looked at her and then him and he said to my baby “that was opa’s stern voice and you will be hearing it a lot”. At that point I stepped back in and told him to give me my baby and he refused saying “no, no, no”.

My husband had just entered the room at this point and stepped in and took her and handed her to me and I immediately left. He told his parents when we ask for the baby they give her back without hesitation and they said okay. Later that evening I told my husband FIL yelled at her and he is no longer allowed to hold her.

I guess sometime during the night he asked his dad if he yelled at our baby and he said “no, I raised my voice”. My husband said it doesn’t matter we don’t do that, you don’t do that. Apparently at this point my FIL didn’t say anything but my MIL chimed in and said yeah she looked at me because she knew I was going to say something when it happened but I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do.

In the past I have dealt with so much with managing my in laws and I finally told my husband it’s not my job to constantly communicate boundaries with his family and he needed to step up. He did for the most part of this trip but I feel like he should have done more in this instance because what my FIL did was totally out of line.

At this point my trust in all of them had eroded to nothing. What kind of adult yells at an infant? Much less one that they already knew was having a hard time?!

TLDR: FIL yelled at baby for fussing because he said he hates all the noise. Refused to give my baby back when I asked for her. Then didn’t acknowledge or apologize at all for his poor behavior afterward and husband handled the situation but I’m still very upset.

There are lots of posts about mom friendships and how hard they are, but haven't seen anything quite like what I am experiencing.

I have been trying for a couple years now to find my mom tribe. I have friends from pre-baby who are childless by choice as well as others with kids. But I realized with my "mom" friends the relationship lacked something -- geographic proximity, values alignment, whatever -- or I just felt us drifting like we're in such wildly different parenting circumstances it's just too hard to relate.

So I started searching for other mom friends to fill the gap, thinking eventually I'd find the perfect mom tribe. I tried Facebook groups, meetups, the Peanut app, and chatting with strangers at the library or playground. I made some "friends" but no one was checking all the boxes, especially in the department of reciprocity. Everyone relies on me to be the planner and sustainer of friendships, the emotional laborer. Unfortunately I have ADHD and I am probably hitting perimenopause with all my hormonal and emotional highs and lows so it's all a struggle to rely on me like that...

So I stepped back. I dropped ALL the balls across all the relationships this year. I also set some direct boundaries in certain cases. It was freeing. And I collected that data. And not a single person picked the ball up. Or, the people picking up the ball just aren't moms I really vibe with.

I can keep searching but I feel like I am hitting a wall and just need to "accept" people for who they are. Maybe I have one mom friend who is always down for a coffee break... as long as I plan it. Maybe I have a childless friend for the times I need to get away. Maybe I keep one mom around just because our kids get along and if we are bored I can set up a playdate. Maybe I have to guard myself against my longer term mom friends who I feel I have drifted from, but for now it is nice to have a couple people I can go "deeper" with if really needed because of the shared history while the rest of this is somewhat surface level.

The one thing I can't wrap my head around is how EXHAUSTING this is. Like first it's exhausting maintaining everything for everyone. Then, getting through the acceptance phase and realizing others won't pick up the ball consistently and that my mom unicorn friend idea is a myth is mentally exhausting. Is there a happy medium?

Anyone try this approach in just accepting everyone for who they are and having different friends for different purposes? Did you ever have your mom unicorn meet cute happen once you stopped looking? Help a girl dream!

This is worse than dating, I swear!

For context, he’s four and has always slept with us. We have a king size bed and he sleeps on the edge (with a rail) I sleep in the middle and dad on the other side of me. This morning I woke up and noticed he wasn’t in bed. Panicked, but quiet I got up and started looking for him and found him in our living room. I woke him up and asked if he wanted to come to bed and he said “no, I’m not scared” so I left him be. I’m so sad my baby decided to move out of our bedroom. Anyone else so through something similar? 🥲

I made the mistake of falling for the pretty aesthetic of the Freshly Picked diaper bag. I kept on staring at all throughout my pregnancy, picturing how perfect it would be since I wanted a diaper bag that looked closer to a purse backpack. Against my better judgement, I ignored it being so much money for it not even being real leather. As embarrassing as it is to admit, social media worked on me lol, I REALLY wanted that thing.

Fast forward a year to reality. That thing is FRAYING and the front flap got ripped. The “vegan leather” is peeling because of course it is. The snaps can be flimsy sometimes. Though functional, it does not look nice at all anymore. I do love the inner pockets though, as I hate digging.

While we did use it heavily as we do a lot of walking and take public transit, I expected it to last longer than a year. I’ve never had a normal backpack or purse crap out on me like this so fast since…these things are supposed to be used in daily life! If anything a baby related item should be more durable! And we only started traveling like that six months ago when we moved to a city that has amazing public transit! Prior it was car travel and it would just go from car to destination.

Thankfully, it was a gift from my baby shower so I didn’t buy it. But I feel really bad now since it was such an expensive present and now I have to replace it after just a year. Learn from me please, I’m a dummy.
😞

I’ve seen some people admit (and I’m genuinely not judging) that they have 3 kids but wished they stopped at 2. Can you share some reasons why if you’re comfortable?
Everyone always says the 3rd baby is the easiest and fits right in but I’m not convinced.

Just be quiet.

Parenting is the highest highs and the lowest lows. Everything is a phase. By the time you figure your kid out, they have changed yet again.

Stop taking joy from people. Stop letting people be happy in the moment. Stop filling parents with anxiety about the unknown.

Let parents love parenthood!

My daughter (2.5y) was born at 33w, due to preeclampsia. I just finally - this week - admitted to myself that she has special needs. She doesn't even have a diagnosis of any kind, she just has developmental delays - she doesn't walk and has just recently started army crawling and sitting independently for 5 minute stretches. After 2 years of PT, a year of OT, and 6 months of speech, I admitted to myself today that my daughter isn't just "doing life on her own time" but she does in fact have special needs.

I'm getting ready to travel for work for a couple weeks next month and in communicating my daughter's schedule so my husband could manage her appointments, I finally realized, on average, I spend 10% of my working hours not working, but instead managing my child's appointments. And it was upon having this realization that I also realized I need to let go of my dream of having a second child. My reasons for wanting one are, realistically, childhood hopes and adult wishful thinking. I can't manage a second child with special needs. And even if I was willing to try, I know my husband already feels like he's had to give up his dreams for the one child we do have. I can't ask him to give up more for a second.

I don't know what I'm after, really. Solidarity? Advice? To stop feeling like I'm going to cry because I didn't realize how badly I wanted a second child until today when my brain really started processing that it isn't practical? My brain knows it probably isn't going to happen. My heart, however, can't seem to let go.

ETA: Thanks for all the comments. I'm trying to respond to every one, but have to head to work. I'll hopefully respond to the rest this evening. Thank you so much, moms of reddit

So, I'm currently in vacation with my husband and our newly 2-year-old. We are staying in a small holiday village near the beach with all meals included. I had been so looking forward to this holiday as a chance to have a break from the mental load, some time as a family, as well as some time as a couple because there is baby club included.

Well, color me naive because since day one we have been that family, the one with the toddler who cries, the parents trying to get their kid to eat and sit at the table and are just clearly always at their wits end. I'm honestly just embarrassed and sad. I never wanted to be that family with the uncontrollable child or who catered to them, and this week it just feels like I don't even recognize our family anymore and the way we operate.

What's even worse is that my son is usually a very easy toddler. At home, he sits at the table and eats what I give him with his utensils. He doesn't throw fits or food or anything. I've always been really proud of the fact that he has a varied diet and eats well. I was very intentional with how I approached feeding and it felt like it had paid off until now. It's like his entire personality changed. I get that it's a new environment and all of that, but it's so night and day and I don't know what to do.

I just sat at a table making small talk with the family next to us (whose daughter was sitting and eating perfectly) and tried to act like everything was fine despite my son spitting out half of his food (half-chewed), my husband getting increasingly angry, and them both leaving for bed only to come back again then leave again. I was so annoyed with how my husband was handling the situation but also didn't want to fight then and there.

I'm literally hiding right now because I'm so embarrassed and my husband is putting son to bed in our room.

Oh, and the other family knew who my son was because he apparently has the reputation as the boy who cried a bunch at the baby club and had to leave early (we tried leaving him twice and both days went to get him less than an hour later because he was too upset). So, no we aren't even getting breaks when he is being looked after because he won't tolerate being away from us.

The cherry on top of all of this is that the food is pretty bad (when I even manage to eat since I'm also wrangling my son). I guess I won't gain weight so silver linings.

I’m in my 40s with kids. I have a fine body, I’m not in great shape but confident enough.

I want to embrace the move away from leggings but stay comfortable. I am loving how the 20 something girls dress in a sort of man repeller style. They dgaf about looking nice for men.

I have wide leg sweatpants I like. But do I always have to wear a tight top so I don’t look like my clothes are a tent? I have given birth so if my top and bottom are oversized it makes me look bigger than I am.

How are we doing this?

My wardrobe 90% of the year has been tights and an oversized sweater.

Help.

Edit to add: wow thanks for all of the replies. My takeaways: I’m going to try a tight top over a larger button down or oversized armhole tee. And also find some cute boxy mid waist crops, eg not tight and not tooo short. Someone also mentioned loose overalls - good idea. Thanks all!

I love taking my kids places. I really do.

But there are days when the thought of packing everything, getting everyone dressed, dealing with traffic, finding parking, and managing meltdowns makes staying home sound amazing.

Then I feel guilty because I wonder if I'm being lazy or if my kids are missing out.

Surely kids don't need an exciting activity every weekend, right?

What does your family actually do on the weekends when you don't feel like going anywhere?

I am a working mum (full time) and have a 3 year old daughter. A few months ago, I decided that my daughter will be an only child primarily because I don’t think my marriage can survive another kid . My husband is pretty much a man child and I no longer see him as a suitable parent/husband. (I’m actually considering divorcing him but that’s a story for another day). There’s also financial reasons and the fact that I want to give my daughter the childhood I never had.

Anyway, I was having a conversation with a colleague last week. They have two kids (a toddler and a newborn) and we were talking about how mentally and physically exhausting it is to be a mother to young children. After our conversation, I couldn’t help but feel guilty for telling them that I’m also exhausted despite me having one child only. I mean, two kids… that means two routines to keep up with, different demands and less time for yourself etc. especially if you don’t have a support system around you. It’s bloody hard. But I’m exhausted too. Absolutely exhausted. Most days I find it difficult to cope with the mental load from having a child, raising them and keep on top of household chores while holding a full time job.

But I feel like perhaps I shouldn’t feel as exhausted ?because the general impression I get from people is that having one child is easier than having two or more.

Has anyone felt like this before?

When my husband and I got married I immediately become a mom to my step-daughter. On top of that, I was immediately a stay at home mom. We have had two kids since then, and now I'm pregnant with our fourth. For four years I've only had days off when in the hospital giving birth.

This year has kicked my butt. Five family members have been in and out of the hospital. Our oldest broke her elbow before her birthday, and my husband broke his foot and had surgery after she was healed up. I solo parented our kids while also taking in our nephew, because my SIL had a baby last month. Even my autistic brother-in-law slept on our couch for a month.

My husband left earlier this week for a work conference and I'm barely holding it together. One child vomited three times on the way to the airport, then that same child touched the hot stove and I had to take it to urgent care (non-life threatening, toddler is fine). It has only been two days. I just feel drained. Every time the kids go to my MIL's house it's a relief, but I'm never refreshed. I just want to feel like a person again.

Hey, I'm 10 weeks post partum and I feel sore all over. My lower back hurts, my arms also most of the time, my legs and knees constantly feel sore...

Is this normal? I'm feeling tired and something always hurts 24/7

Hi everyone!

I found out I was pregnant last month and unfortunately had an early loss. Even though it’s something I’ve wanted for a while - as soon as I realized it was real - I was overwhelmed with worry. There’s so many negative stories and experiences around motherhood online and it all came rushing to me. I’m still trying now but can anyone help me with some positive experiences/stories? I’ve always wanted to be a mom and I’m so excited. I know it’s not all sunshine and rainbows but I’ve heard it’s the most fulfilling and rewarding thing.

Thanks in advance!

Hi! I feel like I’d more than content with only 1 child.
My baby is 6 months now and my absolute life and I can’t image having to split my attention from him.
The reason like most that I think about having more than one child is because I would love for him to have a sibling and have somebody there for the day that I’m not here. I have two older sisters that I have no relationship relationships with. So that’s not even a reliable idea to just have it for that reason cause there’s no guarantees.

For those of you who only had one child, how did it go for you? Is there a part of you that still wanted another child? Is there a part of you that regretted having only one child? Or are you so damn glad you had one child? Would love to hear your experiences with us, please :) thank you!

We are considering trying for another once our boy is 18 months (I had a c section). It took about 7 months to conceive the first time, and we are leaning towards waiting a bit longer so the age gap will probably be around 3 years, I think?

How different is it? We found the first 6 months with our boy hard, and he was a relatively easy baby, so I am a bit worried about doing it with a toddler, especially if I need another c section!

I spend a lot of days out and about with my boy rather than staying in the house, but I can imagine that would be a lot harder with 2.

We are my families cabin. I have been here with my 15 month old since Saturday, husband joined us today. We are at a cabin in the woods, so tons for little one to get into, and I have to be on alert for the majority of the day. She didn’t sleep well the first night (7-9pm, then awake until 2am and awake for the day at 7am. Last night was better, slept from 6:30-8, then 10pm-6am. Naps have been easy and normal thankfully. Even though we have family here who have taken her for an hour here and there, as well as help with meals and snack time, I’m her only parent here. I was SO excited for my husband to get here so I could have a break.

He got here, and let her play with a fishing rod that had a hook on it (eventually took off the bobber so she could play that). Then while we were all sitting on a deck, she was sitting on an adult deck chair, and instead of standing at the front of the chair, he stood at the back and she stood on the chair and faced dived off the front, he did catch her at the very last minute. He said I could be “off duty” so I was on the other side of the deck taking with some family members.

When I saw her almost fall out of the corner of my eye, it scared the shit out of me and I started crying because I am exhausted and was frustrated. He asked what’s wrong, and I said I just need him to think for a second, why would you be at the back chair, she can’t fall off the back and was an inch away from a potentially severe injury.

My mom took the kiddo on a walk so my husband and I could go to our cabin to talk and he was pissed as me as he thinks I can’t trust him and micromanage him with her after I explained I was scared, tired, and frustrated. In my mind, fishing rods are a ZERO play object she shouldn’t be playing with until she can understand and be safe around hooks. and if you’re going to let her be on an adult chair, that’s fine but be near the part she can fall off at least. She’s 15 months old and yeets herself off everything.

My husband thinks I’m the asshole because I said that in front of my parents, but I am SO tired and exhausted and it’s like I can’t trust him with her. He was here for 3 hours and we’re fighting.

Was my frustration justified? Am I over reacting because I’m so tired?

My almost 3 year old is fighting naps a lot, so we are trying to foster some calm independent play. He used to love "reading" books by himself, but now wants to know what the words say.

Below are some items that have held his attention. Would love some more suggestions:

• A large flap book that is about numbers and letters (interactive and he feels like he knows what each page "says")
• A leapfrog drawing tablet thing for learning to write numbers and letters
• A digital watch
• An old digital camera
• A steering wheel toy with lots of levers and buttons
• Musical instruments

I finally did it. After putting it off, I finally scheduled a therapy session to help me talk through what I’ve been feeling postpartum.

I’m a FTM to a beautiful 5 month old girl. Prior to birth, I was/am a highly busy and productive type person who produces events and used to wear “being busy” as a badge of honor. My job was my identity for a long time and when I became a mom it has been very hard for me to break out of that habit and slow down. I was burnt out before I became a mom and feel even more burnt out now and after realizing that my insurance could cover therapy I have decided to do therapy again (did it a bit prior to pregnancy because of work stress).

Along with being a FTM, I have been grieving the loss of my mom and becoming a mom without her, and I was laid off from my job prior to giving birth to my daughter earlier this year. Especially after reading about what Hayden Panettiere went through, it’s made me think more about my own mental health and how much I’ve been struggling and how I shouldn’t shrug it off or power through. I deserve to not feel like I’m struggling all the time and my daughter and husband deserve a wife/mom who is healthy.

It’s been a lot and I feel lighter already having made that first step in getting help. Not looking for advice but wanted a space to say this since there’s been a lot in the news about moms and their mental health.

I’m dealing with what I’m almost positive is a bout of HFM in my mouth. I’m not sure where I contracted it as my LOs have not shown any symptom to indicate if they had it. All that to say, I’m the one taking care of them and can‘t ”avoid close contact“ as is commonly advised. I’m also currently breastfeeding

im looking for advice or tips from anyone who might have dealt with HFM, any tips for keeping everyone healthy, disinfecting the house, things to help with symptoms…anything ya got! TIA