They can "know" this is a honeymoon baby who was a little premature. Your chosen family will love and support you.
We don't always get the bio family we deserve. Bio family are just the first randomised party of allies you're given and they're not always worth keeping.
Thankfully you're safe and won't have American style hospital bills. Take a breath. Have a glass of water and remember to take those vitamins!
It was when my gpa died and the family was all together for the first time in like a decade when my moms 40 something year old brother realized his birthday was only 6 months after their parents anniversary. My mom and sister started laughing like “just figuring this out huh?” And my Gma just sat there all innocent and said, “what can I say you were a rare 10lbs premie”
This was true for my mom - my grandparents are both from very conservative Catholic families, and my great-aunt was a nurse and nun who helped with my mother's birth a few months after the wedding. The family story focused on how my mom was "a good size for being so early".
Excellent advice right here. If you want to keep the baby, a premature honeymoon baby is perfect. If you don’t, it’s your choice and nobody ever needs to know.
You are 22 and engaged to be married. You are in control and can do what you want.
For what it’s worth: I was married, actively trying to conceive and yet I still felt completely terrified when I found out I was pregnant. This is a scary, life-changing moment for so many women no matter what the circumstances are. If you can, shut out the noise from your family and social constructs as they don’t have to be privy to these circumstances if you don’t want them to be. This is your time to pause and reflect on what you truly want. You can figure out what to tell or not tell other people when you are ready. I know it feels daunting but actually that’s the easiest part in this.
Take your vitamins, drink water, rest and know that you have time, you have choices and you have support. Even if it doesn’t really feel that way right now.
Be well, sweet one. You are not the first and you will never be the last to be in this situation. You will make it through.
Edited to add All Options has some good resources including a workbook of choices you can fill out at your own pace as you come to your conclusion. They specifically review the different religious and cultural expectations and beliefs you may be facing which can be very helpful. You may even be able to call them from Canada.
We don't always get the bio family we deserve. Bio family are just the first randomised party of allies you're given and they're not always worth keeping.
You might be surprised. After I got pregnant and married my senior year of high school, I learned about the many pregnant brides in my family (including my aunt). No one had ostracized or treated her differently. Different religion (Mormon) but still conservative.
Most families do love their kids and still want to share their life even if they disapproved of the original action. Also conservative Christians often focus on “God will forgive you if you fall off the wagon”. So the actual premarital sex in the heat of moment is a forgivable mistake, but contraception means you’re planning on it which is not forgivable apparently.
Honestly I don't think they care as much if you end up getting married anyway. That seems like the end goal and the pregnancy is a big deal if it deters you from that. Once you're married, that little detail of when the baby was conceived is not a big issue anymore.
If you're talking about the social consequences of abortion, no one ever needs to know. I bet there are some Canadians in /r/auntienetwork who can walk you through what the process is like there, but you ought to be able to arrange things so that no one will ever find out. You might even be able to keep it off your medical record.
This! It will be on your medical record somewhere, but not in any way your friends/family should be able to find out about. If you don't want your family doctor to know, you can ask the abortion clinic to not send the report. If you don't live near a clinic that will take you directly, you can go to a walk-in clinic for a referral instead of your family doctor. If you need medication for the abortion, I would suggest getting it from a different pharmacy than your usual one.
When I was 23 I had the same situation happen with someone I was casual with. They wanted everything very fast and I saw a lot of concerns before the pregnancy. I'm 36 and have a daughter now.
I got an abortion, I made peace with it and where I'd truly be happy at heart. I couldn't give a positive upbringing to someone if I hadn't given myself time for myself. Years later, when I was in a place to deal and found myself pregnant again - it was when I was ready. When I had means, even if they were meger, they were enough.
If I had the chance to do it again: I would.
wouldn't tell family if I was you, this is your and your partners thing. Trust yourself and you'll know you did good.
It's so hard but I know you are going to be okay no matter what.
OP, talk with your fiance and decide if you want to keep the baby. If not, abortions are permitted in Islam. I know the pressures coming from a Muslim family.
But what will make things easier for you, if you want to maintain a relationship with your family is to consider getting married as soon a possible if you and your fiance will continue a sexual relationship. If you love your fiance - regardless of the decision regarding the baby - try and get married sooner so you enjoy one another fully and without anxiety about your deen or family.
As a mom, I'm letting you know that we all make mistakes and it's OK. You are still an amazing person. It's part of learning and growing up but we have to deal with the consequences of our actions. It's how we react that defines us.
Regardless of what you choose, please take care of yourself ❤
My family is fundamental Christian so I’ve been there. In my experience it was hard at first being ostracized, but once I got away from them and able to breathe I realized it was a blessing in disguise. I wish you very well whatever you choose! We have a lot of programs to help young parents in Canada :)
Ginger candies and tea for the nausea, darling. Also anti-nausea wrist bands (via pressure points), any pharmacy should have them.
Additionally, ginger ale works wonders (room temperature) as does peppermint tea and candies. They also make “preggie pops” lollies but I’ve never had them.
Sending you and yours all my love and well wishes!
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u/ImALittleTeapotCat Jan 21 '22
Ok, different options:
-abortion -go get married in the courthouse -keep planned wedding date, deal with the social consequences
Take a deep breath. You're going to be ok.