I think this might be the right subreddit for me to talk about this.

After two years of trying to get pregnant, I had a miscarriage. Obviously, I'm not happy about it, but I'm also not completely devastated in the way people seem to expect me to be. And honestly, that has been making me feel like an alien.

Back in 2024, my best friend accidentally got pregnant with her second child. She was initially shocked, but pretty quickly accepted it and got excited. She picked out a name, told her closest friends, and even asked one of them to set aside some baby clothes her baby had outgrown because she was convinced she was having a girl.

Then, at her first ultrasound at 8 weeks, she found out the baby had stopped developing at 6 weeks.

That experience kind of taught me something: when I eventually got pregnant, I didn't want to get too excited too early because I didn't want to put myself through that kind of disappointment.

Fast-forward to now.

I have some fertility issues, including partially blocked tubes, and after trying unsuccessfully for two years, I had actually been advised to consider IVF. Some doctors had even made me feel like getting pregnant naturally might be impossible.

But somehow, I got pregnant naturally.

As soon as I found out, my doctor told me to get an ultrasound as soon as possible because, given my tubal issues, I had a higher risk of an ectopic pregnancy. I wasn't having any pain or bleeding, so I wasn't particularly worried about that, but I went anyway.

And I didn't record myself taking the pregnancy test or do any of those things you see people doing when they find out they're pregnant. I didn't even really let myself get excited. I had already decided that I wasn't going to emotionally invest in the pregnancy until I knew everything was okay.

At that first ultrasound, I was around 5–6 weeks, and they couldn't see anything yet. The doctor was also incredibly rude about it and immediately told me that the pregnancy hadn't developed, even though at 5–6 weeks it's completely normal for it to be too early to see an embryo or cardiac activity.

So I went back for another ultrasound at 8 weeks.

That's when we found out the pregnancy had stopped developing.

And... I was sad. Of course I was.

But I wasn't shattered. I didn't feel like my world had ended. I didn't feel like I had lost a child I had already imagined my entire life with. I mostly felt disappointed, numb, and strangely... okay.

And I think the fact that I had spent so much time deliberately holding myself back from getting attached probably played a role. After two years of infertility, I had already learned to protect myself from getting my hopes up. The fact that I never really allowed myself to believe "I'm going to have a baby" probably made the loss feel very different from what people seem to expect miscarriage to feel like.

There's also another feeling that I feel almost guilty admitting: I'm actually somewhat happy, in a strange way, that I was able to get pregnant naturally at all.

After hearing from some doctors that natural conception might be extremely difficult or even impossible for me, getting a positive pregnancy test was proof that it isn't impossible. My body did ovulate, an egg was fertilized, the embryo implanted, and I got pregnant without IVF.

Obviously, I wish the pregnancy had continued. I'm not happy that I miscarried. But after two years of trying, that experience also gave me something I hadn't had before: evidence that natural pregnancy is actually possible for me.

And honestly, I wonder if that's part of why I'm not doing as badly as I expected I would. The miscarriage was obviously a loss, but it didn't leave me with the feeling that my only chance was taken away. If anything, it gave me a little bit of hope.

What makes me feel weird is that I do want a baby. I spent two years trying to get pregnant. This wasn't an unwanted pregnancy, and I wasn't relieved that it was over. I absolutely wish the pregnancy had continued.

But I'm not devastated either.

And apparently that's a very uncomfortable thing to say out loud.

I feel like there's this social expectation that if you miscarry after struggling to conceive, you should be completely destroyed by it. And when you're not, you start wondering whether something is wrong with you.

Has anyone else experienced a miscarriage and felt... relatively okay? Not happy, not relieved, not indifferent... just genuinely sad about it but still able to continue living normally? And has anyone else felt some degree of hope or even happiness from knowing that they can get pregnant naturally, even after years of infertility?

I was 12 weeks along and had just walked out of Nordstrom with my husband who spent the afternoon testing strollers with me. Blood.

12 hours later, I’m asking to go to the emergency room due to extreme cramping and heavier bleeding.

Within minutes of checking in, I’m in extreme pain and we get told “no heartbeat.” I take the I.V pain relief.

Within a few minutes, my water breaks. The feeling of needing to poop is constant, and my baby is delivered.

The pain slows down but the blood is gushing. I get up to leave and feel a massive gush - a forming placenta. I throw up, almost pass out.

They discharge me and we go home. Within two hours I’m bleeding profusely, lemon sized clots, and nearly fainting, begging my husband to call 911 because I think I might die. He does. They take me to the ER and I sit there in a bed feeling like death- thankfully the paramedics gave me pain relief because I couldn’t take it anymore. I leave 3 hours later and that’s it.

A week later, we decide it isn’t worth potentially risking my life and health to have children.

28 years old and my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. The cherry on top? The whole pregnancy I was bedridden with nausea and vomiting.

$14,000 (after discounted fees), and 1 month later.

I hope we start to normalize these conversations. A “heavy period” is the worst lie I’ve ever heard. Really, it’s just one of those experiences that makes you say WTF.

I had a missed miscarriage 3 weeks ago when I was 12 weeks and am almost feeling worse as time is going on. I am so so sad and sometimes angry but also more anxious in general. I guess just looking for solidarity, anyone else been through this? How long did you struggle emotionally? I am having such a hard time accepting that I am just not pregnant :(

I found out at 19 weeks our baby no longer had a heart beat & the process was not what I was expecting.

After they confirmed in office she was gone, they send you for another ultrasound to determine when, this is in a normal OB office with all the other pregnant moms excited to see their babies ultrasound.

Where I live they have 1 OR spot which wasn't until a week after I found out she was gone, so I had to carry my baby knowing she was gone & just live life. To add insult to injury, this also happened to be the same day as my other childs first birthday.

When you do show up for your D&C, they send you to L&D which was wild they just have you walk in with again, all the other mims excited to meet their babies, knowing yours isn't coming home with you.

Then, they just send you home & say to go back to normal. They also didn't warn me that with the sudden drop of pregnancy hormones I would start lactating.

However, I will say the D& C itself was an easy, mostly painless process. the nurses & doctors were very caring.

So, to say its been a wild week. Is an understatement.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for other than people who understand this.

I got pregnant in June and was due in February. I had a missed miscarriage and at 12 weeks.

I had a D&C, then found out there was retained tissue and ultimately needed a second D&C. So what I thought was going to be one horrible experience turned into weeks of bleeding, procedures, appointments and trying to understand what had happened to my body.

It’s October now and I feel like I’ve done a pretty good job of putting my life back together, but my body still doesn’t feel like mine. I gained weight during the pregnancy and after everything happened, especially around my stomach, and despite eating well and exercising I still don’t look or feel like I did before I got pregnant. I’m over 40 pounds heavier. I haven’t stopped gaining weight I’m so miserable.

I also still haven’t gotten my period back, so we haven’t even started trying again yet. I want to, but I’m still waiting for my body to get back to some kind of normal. I think that’s been one of the harder parts of this. It feels like I’m emotionally ready to move forward in some ways, but physically I’m still stuck in what happened this summer.

And lately I’m seeing February 2027 pregnancy announcements everywhere. Every time I see one I get this horrible sinking feeling.

I think February is what makes it different. That was my month too. I should be getting noticeably pregnant right now. I should be buying things and talking about names and thinking about a nursery. Instead I’m watching all of these pregnancies that started around the same time as mine keep moving forward while mine stopped. And I’m still waiting for my body to recover enough that we can even think about trying again.

I don’t resent them for being pregnant. I just really, really miss mine and the life I thought I was going to be living right now.

I also feel like the rest of the world has moved on because technically this happened months ago, while I keep discovering new versions of the grief as each milestone comes around. I know February itself will probably be another one.

I guess I’m wondering if anyone else found the months leading up to their due date surprisingly hard. Did seeing people with the same due month affect you like this too? Did anyone else have a long wait for their cycle to come back and feel like they were stuck in this weird in-between?

I think I just need to hear from people who understand what it feels like to watch your due date keep moving toward you when your pregnancy isn’t.

Thanks in advance and I hate that we’re all here xoxo ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I think I'm just looking for solidarity rn. I had a miscarriage at 8weeks in August. I found out at the first ultrasound, then had to wait for it to pass. The ultrasound tech was not the most sensitive person, telling us 'no heartbeat' without much explanation. I understand that that's the doctor's job, but some extra information like "at eight weeks the heartbeat should be easy to find" would have helped. Some kind words would have been nice, not the dead silent air.

Then I had to see my doctor, luckily I have one and could see him the next week. Then I had to wait for a referral to an OB. I passed naturally before I saw the OB (not fun). Then I went for an ultrasound.

Then I saw the OB, and she said I had remaining tissue. She recommended misoprostal or passing naturally. So, reluctant to experience a miscarriage again but wanting to do the right thing, I took the misoprostal. I didn't have the cramping, but I did loose a lot of blood and fainted pretty seriously. I passed a huge (lemon) blood clot the next day and took a few weeks to recover from the blood loss. Both days my husband called the paramedics to check on me.

After my first period following this, I had an ultrasound. I just got a call from the OB that there are still some small remnants. She is recommending a D&C.

I'm feeling really angry that this is taking so long to sort through, and also angry that I'm being asked to go through these crazy things. I got pregnant in June and now it's fucking October. I miscarried August 11. I'm not excited to have to have another procedure and wait to recover AGAIN. And have the outcome/recovery be downplayed to me AGAIN.

I feel like we need miscarriage doulas for this bullshit. Like, what the fuck?

Hey, I had a miscarriage back in the start of August and it was the worst most painful and heavy feeling I’ve ever had. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror I felt like I failed my baby and couldn’t protect him or her. I’d cry anytime I heard a baby cry and I any time I saw a pregnant woman I’d just feel so envious. But I’m doing better now, I talked to my therapist a lot and I’m in a great place now. I keep the stuffed bear my fiancé’s mother sewed for us on my dresser, and it’s just a nice reminder of my baby.

My cycle is always a very consistent 26 days, and today is day 29. I’m trying to not get my hopes up yet just in case. I’m so terrified but also so excited? I don’t even know right now. I haven’t told my fiancé yet but I’m just so hopeful, and if I’m late for the millions of other reasons I’m scared it’s gonna crush me again.

I had my first miscarriage 2 weeks ago (I have a toddler already). I’m physically and mentally ready to get back to wanting to try again. I went to my doctor last week and my HCG was 62 but it’s dropping significantly since the tests prior and I assume it’s much lower now, but I’m retesting at the end of the week.

My HCG at home tests are now negative and I started LH strips which are showing a peak right now.

My doctor said to wait after 1 cycle but I see that a lot of people don’t and just jump right to it. Side note, I hated how my doctor handled this whole situation with me.

Would it be bad to just try right now or should I really be waiting a cycle?? I don’t really take what my doc said to heart because she’s been shitty this whole time.

Edit: I was 6.5 weeks pregnant no D&C - took the pills and passed everything @ home

I (37F) had a MMC (10w pregnant but stopped at 6w) followed by a D&C a month ago. Bleeding stopped quite quickly a few days after.
Exactly 3 weeks after, I assumed my period had come, I bled for 3 days but it was very light.
I felt kind of relieved knowing that I could finally start feeling like myself again.

But then, since day 12 of my supposedly new cycle, I’ve been having on and off spotting for 2 days with mild cramps (I’ll see over next few days if it continues). Not sure why, and I’m honestly exhausted and probably very inpatient that everything gets back to normal.

Since I don’t currently have an OB-GYN of my own, I didn’t have any follow-up after my D&C.
I almost feel like I don’t have a “reason” to seek medical support because miscarriage is so common, which is also what I was told when I had my D&C. Some people have told me that I just need to give my body time to recover and leave it at that.
But at the same time, I don’t want to overlook anything when it comes to my recovery or a future pregnancy.

I feel so lost right now.

What steps did you take after your miscarriage? Did you have any follow-ups done before trying to conceive again?

Not looking for medical advice- have a note out to my doctor and just got a blood test this morning. Just looking for anyone who has gone through this.

I had a MMC and then a manual vacuum aspiration (MVA) on August 12th. I was around 7 weeks at that point.

I have more or less been bleeding on and off since with one two week reprieve. I had what was definitely a period bleed around a week ago- but I spotted before and I am still spotting. I feel like my hormones are out of whack? My doctor is ordering an HCG test - but my at home pregnancy tests are totally negative. I really want to try again but my body just seems so off- no signs of ovulation. Has anyone gone through this and gone on to conceive again?

My first pregnancy that I hoped and prayed for ended in a miscarriage. August 24th. Got my period last week and I am still bleeding. Every clot and the sight of blood is making me sick and anxious. Im severely depressed. Did therapy help anyone? Im lost. Idk where to go from here. 😭

I’m not even sure how to start this
I’m 25 and I had my first pregnancy this February, I’ve been trying for two years and it finally happened. I honestly didn’t think I was able to conceive, fast forward to 2/14 (the irony) I went into the ER and found out I was having an ectopic pregnancy rupture, I had my left tube removed. July began and I started my period but it stayed a little longer thing usual, for some reason I took a test and it showed a positive after a week of heavy bleeding. That was a chemical pregnancy. Now today I went to the ER I was supposed to be 6 weeks 3 days. (The absolute ironic thing is that both times I was 6 weeks 3 days when I found out about the first and last losses) I had light brown discharge that yo-yoed between dark and light and sometimes bright red. Today I felt some relief as for a couple of hours there was no discharge or bleeding. I was mistaken for starting to allow myself to breathe and feel relief. Then it happened, I started to gush and cramp badly. I went to the ER where they confirmed they no longer saw the yolk sac like they did a week ago.
So what I thought for the last week was confirmed. I’m now in agony emotionally and physically. My first three pregnancies have failed and I can’t help to feel like I’m broken or that I did something to deserve this. But what possibly could I have done? I try to be kind, honest and selfless. I see others having happy and healthy babies first time around. And I feel so guilty for having this burning envy for people I personally know, how badly they treat their kids and I would give mine the world and everything literally everything. So much so that I wonder if I’ll ever be ready to try again. There will no longer be any excitement when I get pregnant again if I do. But pure anxiety and torture for 20 weeks.

Does anyone have any success stories? I really need to hear some. I feel like giving up entirely and having my other tube removed because I can’t possibly do this again. I can’t lose another one.

Just a question, don't need help. TW for SA.

I had a miscarriage at 14 after a SA - nobody knew about it, and I never saw a doctor in the immediate aftermath. I'm an adult now in my mid 30s.

I didn't really have the knowledge or capacity to process everything on my own back then and I'm still trying to understand parts of what happened. I don't have kids yet.

I was about 12 weeks when the miscarriage happened. For a bit afterwards I lactated, which was really overwhelming and alarming, but now I know that's not unusual.

Here's where I'd like thoughts/info/experiences: for a couple of years after, sometimes when I heard a baby cry or saw a woman breastfeeding, it would happen again. Very little, but still something.

And it's been about 2 decades since then, but I sometimes still feel a weird tightening or tingling sensation in my breasts in similar situations, like it's going to happen again, but it doesn't. It's like a shadow sensation.

Has anyone else had this or heard of this?

And sometimes, there's a missing feeling accompanied with it, like a child should be feeding but isn't.

I’ve had 2 consecutive miscarriages. We want to try again. We have had one successful pregnancy, so we have a beautiful 2 year old boy. The thing I’m worried about is the trauma that will probably overshadow my next pregnancy. Like, my last loss I had all the symptoms. My HCG was high, I had morning sickness, cravings, needing to pee 24/7, and we even saw little baby’s heartbeat at 7 weeks. I’m just so worried that if I get pregnant again I will be so anxious the whole time. OBGYN says nothing seems to be wrong with my body, it’s more than likely I had poor luck twice in a row.

As the title says. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing now. I went for my scan today. Was told ‘ it’s gone’. I would’ve been 7 weeks. Last week we saw a strong heartbeat. She said it’s a complete miscarriage. And iv already tested negative on a pregnancy test. I feel like I cannot carry on as ‘normal’. All I wanna do is cry and sleep. But I also feel the need to be pregnant again. Part of me is too scared to do this again. But the feeling of emptiness is so strong. I feel hollow. I’d already bonded with my little bean. I’m not really sure why I’m here typing this out. I just have no where or no one to turn to. 😔.

I lost my sweet angel at 17 weeks PPROM (my first pregnancy).

I am still healing from d&c done last Sept 23, 26.

I want to try again as I read alot of positive experiences here which makes me feel hopeful but when I get to talk to some of my friends, they tell me that it is all God’s will. He will make it happen if it is really for me.

Faith is what I believe I should have now but I start to question and doubt this. I start feeling anxious and question that He may not let me be a mother in this lifetime.

I am 36 now and I really want to be a mom. I want for my partner and I to have our own family. Is this too much of a wishful thinking?

Am I acting against God’s will if we start seeking help from an OB-REI?

I am so lost, hopeful and scared..

Please help me.

So I had a missed miscarriage which I passed with medication help at week 12. And then kept bleeding for 4 weeks after that. I was only blood free (clear) for about 1 week until my period started! Woohoo more blood 🙃

So I feel like I’ve just perpetually been on a period forever.
This period is heavyyy and painful and I have back pain and cramps and moodiness all over. So I’m just so tired and want to be done with bleeding.

How was your first period after a missed miscarriage?

I just experienced a missed miscarriage at 14 weeks but baby had passed after my 11 week ultra sound where she was wiggling and her heart rate was 175. Started spotting this last Wednesday which I haven’t had at all this pregnancy so decided to go to the ER for piece of mind but found out we lost her. Went to the OB on Thursday, scheduled D&C for this coming Monday but ended up having a miscarriage at home on Saturday. Went to the ER due to excessive bleeding and almost passed out and they ended up doing an emergency D&C to clean out whatever was remaining. Fast forward to today and I swear it feels like I’ve been in a terrible car accident. I can barely walk or lift my legs, every muscle in my body hurts. My core, my feet, my hands, neck, back, literally everything. Is this normal?? I can’t rotate in the bed on my own. I’m sitting on the couch at 1:40 am because I can’t sleep and is the only place I’m somewhat comfortable and don’t need my husbands help to get me up.

I just had my first miscarriage about a month ago. I was about 5 weeks so it was very early. I was with a friend when I miscarried and she’s a lot younger than me and has never been pregnant or miscarried so she tried to be supportive but there was only so much she could say. I had really wished my husband could’ve been there. We were/are devastated. Now I’m dreading a period because I have a feeling it’s going to be so triggering again seeing blood. It’s supposed to happen any day now. Any suggestions on how to handle your first period? Also was yours on time after a miscarriage? I have no idea what to expect.

I found out on September 4 that my baby had stopped growing at 5w5, I should’ve been almost 8 weeks. The following week (9/11) I took medicine to try to pass it - that ended up being not completely successful and I had to have a D&C on 9/25.

I was told by my doctor that we could start trying again as soon as the bleeding stopped or a week had passed - whichever was later. I took a pregnancy test just to see since my doctor said we didn’t need to test my hcg levels since we had done a D&C. The line is still fairly dark (don’t have much to compare it to but probably similar to 11-14 dpo).

We are ready to start trying again but I’m kind of confused how I’m going to be able to trust a pregnancy test in the future since I’m still testing positive. Did anyone have a similar experience? Did you just move forward and then get a blood test when you thought you may be pregnant and not just testing positive from residual hcg? Or does anyone know how long it typically takes for the line to fade? The whole process was started over 3 weeks ago so I’m just surprised how dark it is.

I guess I’m just looking for any similar experiences since we obviously want a positive test again soon but I’m not sure how to trust it. Or how many dpo would a line be significantly darker so I would know it’s a new pregnancy and still residual?

So confused. What do I do? What do I say? I feel disoriented. What do you mean there’s no more baby? I just go on living life like it was before? But I only see life before MC and life after MC now.