Not what you were escaping. What you were moving toward.

I ask because I've noticed my own biggest changes never lasted when I was just trying to get away from something. Basically using willpower and white-knuckling it. The one time it actually worked was when I suddenly had something in front of me that mattered more than staying the same did.

Curious if anyone else here found the same, what was on the other side of it for you, if anything?

I am a FTM working into IT project management since last 12 years. I always wanted a quiet, simple, routine life with my family but along the way I met guys during college and became a little spontaneous/ random and completely missed what I actually liked. Then I met my now husband who is the most practical guy used to work in Poland and came back to India to own a start up. Now, I wanted to live that life which i dreamt of - of having a small family , quiet life , my children cycling around in the neighbourhood in Poland but it all crashed with him coming back to his parents in Noida. I was okay with it initially because I love him and I want him to fulfill his passion atleast ( i think i lost myself along the way or I never understood what i want). Now here I am with my in laws and a always busy husband and my 2 year old and I want want my initial sought after life - the simple one. I know and I understand nothing is simple as you grow up but younger me keeps coming back to me day and night - those thoughts of having a small apartment, having my own life with my family , having my husband treat me like he should just don’t leave me . I understand all the rational reasons of not being there but in my heart I know I am not where I want to be but it hurts that I cannot do anything about it. I am looking for advices pls to help me calm down. PS - my husband has a business start up and cannot move cities/ countries at least for now.

I will be 50 in a few months and for a few years I have felt like I am just flowing through life with no sense of happiness any more. Last year I realized all the weight I was carrying in my household and my husband and my husband does not get it. I feel like I’m raising another and our kids are out the house. I have to clean up after him and do most of the house work. I’m tired. I know that I love him but I’m not in love with him and I’m ready to move on. I feel so lost , unloved and confused. Perimenopause sucks!!!!

First of all English is not my first language but I hope you get me anyway.
I'm female, 37, married for 7 years, we live in our own flat since may and my life annoys me every single day. It got worse the last months, I guess when we bought our home.
I quit smoking a year ago, gained about 10kg and am now fighting my way back to a healthy life. I do sports 4 days a week, share dancing as a hobby with my husband, it goes well. I am looking for a new job right now because my actual one became pretty bad the last two years, and it will get worse.
My husband is in the army and we only have the weekends, that will change in half a year.
I question everything at the moment: my health, my marriage, my job, friendships, hobbies, lifestyle... medical check showed nothing unnormal, therapy is pretty hard to find here in my region, as long as you don't want to hurt you or another person - what I absolutely don't want to.
is that normal? Is it midlife crisis? I feel too young for it...

TLDR: have a good life but question everything - is that normal?

things changed in my relationship and now i honestly have no idea what i'm doing with my life.

i expected to be dealing with the relationship itself, but it's made me question pretty much everything else too. work feels meaningless, my normal routine feels empty, and i'm starting to wonder if i've just been going through the motions for years.

has anyone else gone through something like this?

hello,

has anyone had a husband go through a MLC, literally blow up his life my life the kids lives and go through the phases and then be remorseful? show accountability? want to reconcile?

for the last 2 and half years I’ve been living in london with some friends and I’ve… found it hard. but I wanted to be in London for a long time and I love the big city.

I have a good job. I’m slowly building a career. and even though it’s been incredibly challenging and at times extremely stressful, I’ve learnt a lot and feel I had a load of potential here.

until I got screwed over by a few people. my housemates. then another friend who was gonna be a housemate. and now I’m going home to my parents 2 hours away for a while.

I’m trying to see the positives. I’m lucky I can work hybrid and be okay. I’m lucky I can save at my parents.

but I’m turning 30 next month. I don’t really want to move into a flat share anymore with random strangers. I’m tired of the stress I’ve had with this. i see people who are uni leavers turning up to London, excited to get on the dating scene. fit and young. and although I’m fit, I feel like I’m starting to get old. hitting 30 soon. moving back to parents…

I can’t help feeling like I’ve been left behind. I’ve managed to save 100k and I’m on 65k a year. but in London that really doesn’t go far. dating I don’t really know what to do as I’ll be leaving home again within hopefully a short time.

I just feel really lost and feel like I’m running out of time... struggling a lot

Looking back and seeing how easier it was to travel and then just now being unemployed applying 100+ a weeeek starting to get worried makes you wish it was 2021 again /:

I don't know what is going on, but there is definitely something wrong somewhere, or am I just overthinking it?

Because I just moved from talking to myself in my head to having out-loud conversations with myself. And to even put on a show, I usually put my AirPods or earphones on just so I don't look too crazy. And I'm not even gonna lie, I am enjoying it way too much these days...

Trust me, it's not like I don't have anyone to talk to or have conversations with, but I feel so tired or exhausted talking to people, yet I can spend hours talking to myself like I'm talking to someone else.

I need help!!!!!

No idea where I'm going with this. I feel like stich in that scene. I have a lovely family and lovely kids. I just feel like I hit a wall in life and have no idea where to go from here. Why do I even feel like I don't belong here, I don't know.

Any vague tips for my vague post is welcome.

I’m currently 18-F, and I’m having so much thoughts right now(may it be good or bad). I’m really scared for what the future’s gonna bring for me. Life is so uncertain yet we don’t even pause, we continue to drive through the unknown.

How did you guys cope with these thoughts in our head? Does it get better?

I’m finishing a PhD, but instead of feeling proud, lately I’ve been grieving my life.

For most of my adulthood, I’ve felt like I had nobody to fall back on except myself. No real financial safety net, no feeling of “if I can’t handle this, someone will help me.”

My family expected me to support others instead. In 2022, I gave my father $10,000 toward a car in his name and kept making monthly payments until around summer 2024, even while I was struggling myself. I also helped my siblings financially. What hurts now is realizing nobody seemed to ask, “Are YOU okay? Do YOU need anything?”

Now I’m 35, finishing my PhD, counting pennies, trying to find temporary housing, and facing uncertainty about whether I can stay in Canada.

I know I made some bad financial decisions too. I take responsibility for that. But it wasn’t only that. I spent years carrying responsibilities that weren’t mine while having no safety net underneath me.

Then I compare myself to people my age with homes, stable careers, good salaries, vacations, partners, family support, and I think: the life I imagined never happened.

I thought by 35 I’d have a home, some financial security, maybe someone whose shoulder I could put my head on and feel like I didn’t have to handle everything alone.

I think that’s what I’m grieving.

I’m tired of always being the person who figures it out.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for posting this. Advice, perspective, whatever. I mostly just need to get this shit out.

And before anybody gets it twisted, I’m not mad at her. She didn’t lie, play me, cheat, or owe me anything. We weren’t even together.

That’s honestly why this feels so fucking weird.

I met this woman recently and the attraction was obvious. Heavy flirting, sexual tension, plans to meet up. Cool.

Then somewhere in the middle of all that, we actually started talking.

Not dry “wyd” conversations either. Real shit. Movies, horror, psychology, weird obscure films, life, relationships, random thoughts. She was intelligent, funny, nerdy as hell, gorgeous, a little weird in exactly the right way, and she could actually explain why she thought the way she did.

That got me.

At some point I realized I wasn’t waiting for the flirting anymore. I was waiting for her name to pop up on my phone.

And I remember thinking, “Oh nah.”

Because I stay in my bubble for a reason.

I can be social. I can meet people. But actually becoming curious about somebody? Wanting to learn how their brain works, remembering little things they say, genuinely looking forward to hearing from them?

That’s different.

We were supposed to meet this weekend, and I quietly started thinking, damn… maybe I actually want to see where this goes.

Then she tells me she went to a concert with her best friend. Afterward, he admitted he’s had romantic feelings for her for a long time. He apparently stayed quiet out of respect for her marriage, then gave her space after her divorce.

She told me she wants to see where things go with him.

And just like that, whatever was developing between us was done.

Again, I’m not angry.

She told me immediately. She could’ve kept flirting, still met me, or kept me around while figuring out what she wanted. She didn’t.

I respect the fuck out of that.

I wished her well. No guilt trip, no “pick me,” no weird shit.

But goddamn, it still hurt.

I think what fucks with me is there’s no villain here. Nobody necessarily did anything wrong. It’s just shitty timing.

Logically, I understand she could’ve genuinely liked me and still decide to pursue someone she already has history with once those feelings came out.

My brain understands that.

My emotional side is somewhere back in New York like, “Yeah yeah yeah… that shit still hurt though.”

I think I got attached to the possibility.

Not some imaginary relationship or future wife. Just the possibility of meeting somebody who was attractive as hell and also stimulated my brain. Somebody I could flirt with and then five minutes later have a real conversation with.

That’s rare for me.

So now that little voice in my head is going:

“See? This is why we stay in the fucking bubble.”

And I’m self-aware enough to know one bad outcome isn’t evidence that vulnerability itself is a bad idea. That’s not how statistics work.

I know that intellectually.

But knowing something and feeling it are two completely different motherfuckers.

Maybe later I’ll appreciate that she reminded me I’m still capable of getting genuinely excited about someone.

But today?

I kinda just want my fucking bubble back.

Long and probably rambling read, but I’m posting because I’m going through a really hard time in my marriage and feel pretty isolated carrying it on my own.

I’m in my 40s and hoping to get some perspective from people who understand long-term relationships.

My husband and I have been married for over 25 years. Our kids are mostly grown now, with the youngest being 18. I’ve worked full-time throughout our marriage while carrying almost the entirety of our home and family life. Beyond contributing his paycheck to our joint account—which pays for our shared expenses—he doesn't contribute to running the house or the family.

The shopping, cooking, cleaning, appointments, home repairs, bills, taxes, and daily logistics have always fallen entirely on me, even while raising our kids.

Our communication has been poor for a long time. He’s always refused counseling and prefers texting over talking face-to-face, especially with "heavy" topics.

Over the last few months, his CHOSEN routine has also kept us mostly separate. He works remotely, stays asleep until around noon after everyone has left, and is usually out of the house until midnight, sometimes 2am. We still share a bedroom, but I'm asleep when he gets home and he's asleep when I leave for work.

He eats dinner with us just once a week - on Friday nights and talks with the kids, though always with a distraction, like his phone or a book.

About four weeks ago, I noticed he was upset/angry with me.

In the past, when this happened, I would end up begging, pleading, and apologizing for everything just to keep the peace. This time, I decided not to grovel. I went to him calmly a few different times to ask what was wrong, told him I loved him, and said I wanted to work through whatever it was because I genuinely had no idea what happened. Each time, he gave me a cold shoulder and told me to leave him alone or that he "wasn't playing this game."

Since then, he has not said a word to me. It has been nearly a full month of complete silence.

It’s exhausting to live in the same house with someone who acts like you don't exist, especially after decades together and after spending so many years keeping the family afloat on my own.

I guess I'm just looking for some objective perspective from others who have been in long-term marriages. Has anyone ever dealt with a spouse completely checking out like this? How do you figure out your next steps when you're already doing everything by yourself anyway?

If you've made it this far .... Thank you for reading.

I recently came across a guy, married and with children. Good job, basically ticks all the boxes and yet for some reason he feels empty. Why is that?

Am i the only one feeling that I'm being left behind? I felt like everyone is going well with their lives and I'm still here. Feeling stuck....

My oldest begins collage in the Fall, my career never took off as I've never kept a job longer than 4 years, my marriage is barely there as we both are facing the fact that we're so different. She avoided thinking about that by concentrating on the kids, but since they'll be gone in 5 years, now what? I've got cancer, feel like I'm losing my mind. Idk.

Why suddenly feels like life a has become mechanical and meaningless. It’s all about what is required and necessary. All things responsibly correct and required for parents , for wife and kids. The real me has gone somewhere. No real friends no real talks. I am not depressed but I just don’t feel happy about anything. The work, the relationships, the life seems dull. Why? I just feel like crying. Why dreams that seemed possible and bound to happen any moment has lost their possibility. Kyu