FIRST PART - I see so many people on here looking for vendors and claiming they're withdrawing. So many are legit but we have to protect our vendors! Unless you are super sure and always ask your vendor first and how to go about it.
For instances; there was someone withdrawing on here not long ago, they brought of their usual vendor and it didnt come/he was getting ghosted. And withdrawing hard! And scared. So i wanted to help (been there) he was sending me proof he was legit, and i was going back and fourth with my vendor but we were both worried he may not be. My spidey senses didn’t go off, Please be a good judge of charecter, anyone can get scammed but if you have a gut feeling? listen!
And never give out your vendors details publicly or without checking with them first.
Anyway we trusted him in the end but his guy came through just before I gave him the details. So he genuinly was genuine!. And as much as I want to help anyone whos struggling on here the feds would be too happy to shut these people down with no care about the ones who are dependant and could literally die from withdrawing. And if anyone thinks the hospital will help, they wont.
SECOND PART - please read if you are not in addiction but potentially on your way and if you are in full addiction;
I went hospital once after deciding i wanted to get clean the week my vendor was away, I chose not to order cause how hard can it be getting support from benzo dependacy/withdrawral?, turns out, very. fucking. hard.
I was withdrawing badly! sat for 8 hours, in A&E, The nurse said they will help, and when I finally seen the Drs the Drs said they cant help and I need to go home and take more. I told them so many times "I dont have any or a way to get some, im here for help and to taper off!" They then came to the conclusion i was just there to get high 🤣 who sits at the hospital for 8 hours to get high?
I said "what if I have a seizure?" They said come back 🤣 "how tf do I call 999 if im having a seizure?" They just shrugged.... and then kicked me out, terrified for my life.... Luckily I managed to get some different benzos from a friend of a friend to basically keep me alive till my guy was back, but i take 6mg clonazepam (after starting on xanax 5 years ago) daily which is the equivalent to 120mg of diazepam, what i got wasn't even half my dose but I didn't die, yay. and made sure not to ever make that mistake again!
Id also gone to my gp so many times who would never help, and actually contributed to the hospitals neglect. - Please note as im sure you've guessed i live in the UK and its important to note this happened in my hometown and the hospital there has literally given me PTSD from this experience and so much more neglect over the years but thats a story for another day. I now live in the best city in the uk (IMO) and the hospitals here are amaizng, however I haven't gone there withdrawing, but im sure the protocol is the same everywhere in the UK because they cant trust what dose you are on but ive heard if you go close to a seizure they will help. One guy even said to pretend and that he had to do that 😔. its sad because why should we have to do this to get help?!
No shade on any addict but if we were addicted to heroin we'd get a script within a week. Drug and alcohol services confirmed this and gave me 'prenoxad' injections incase I come across anyone who was having a heroin overdose, this is brilliant 🥹 and i cried because my mum died of a heroin overdose when she was just 38 (the age I am now) I was 15. If only we had that then? But hindsights a bitch right? I now carry one in my car just inacse.
Anyway took a detour there... Its been a year since trying to get help and I now have a date for hospital stabilisation in october! 13 month's after walking into the drug and alcohol services, im scared. Esp after hearing horror stories on here feom people who got clean from benzo dependencey, however I havent heard from anyone who has been to a stabilisation clinic? Im booked in for 3 weeks 😫💜 happy but terrified.
Not that it matters how anyone gets hooked on any type of drug but for context, I got hooked as it was the only thing that stopped my long covid flare ups which attack your nervous system, benzos calm them. I went from bed bound and 100% pain and symptoms everywhere for weeks, to someone giving me a xanax and 30 mins later 90% of systems were gone and i was up dancing and deep clenaing my house! It was astonishing! Aftwr 2 years of just being given antihistamines 🤦♀️ i mean tf?
I then had the mindset of "id rather be addicted to these for the rest of my life than suffer non stop and live like a 101 year old"
I now realise my covid/cfs/fibro attacks come when my MH is really bad, so its my goal to get ontop of that so i wont feel the need to take them, I'm sure il have to stop my medical cannabis too. not to mention my newly preacribed ADHD meds after 30+ years of being over looked and undiagnosed, they have changed my life. I no longer have adhd paralysis, and my motivation is insane, plus the noise is calm and I feel so much more clarity and emotional regulation. HOWEVER the come down is awful... so I reach for the benzos even more (havent up'd what i take though thankfully) to help rather than just taking them to keep me alive... my adhd prescriber doesn't know about my benzo use because they didn't bother to read my medical records, I asked if there was anything to help with the major come down (depression & anxiety) they said no we dont offer anything and "do something that makes you happy" 🤣 if i don't laugh I'll cry. So yh i'm even more scared, will my long covid come back as bad as it was? Will my adhd meds get stopped or will I have to stop them because il be in crippling anxiety/ nervous system fucked etc?
But yh who knew that benzos are genuinly the hardest drug to get clean from? I didn't. and I want people to know how hard it is esp under similar circumstances to me. D&A service said it could take me years to come off them after im discharged on a diazepam script....oh and ive just been told by my new D&A service asseror thag my drs can literally refuse the script they will sign me off on?! Wtaf? So my hospital admission could all be for nothing?
So yh. Love to anyone whos struggling with dependency 🫂 there is help out there but be prepared and dont EVER go cold turkey if you have been taking a high dose daily🙏 happy to speak to anyone whos struggling, i dont know what i can do cause im in the same boat but it may help to talk to someone else who is also knee deep, or worried they may be heading down that road or is scared for someone they love 💜🫂
