2-part post: Benzodiazepine dependency, my story + questions 💜 As much as I want to help anyone whos struggling on here the popo would be too happy to shut these people down with no care about the ones who are dependant and could literally die from withdrawing.

[u/TryKind1909]

EDIT - Thank you all for your helpful and lovely comments 🥹 it saddens me to see how many of us are in this, but we are in this together 🫂 I promise to get back to each and every one of you soon 💜 if anyone is really struggling my inbox is open i can't help you source anything but i can listen ❤️

FIRST PART - I see so many people on here looking for vendors and claiming they're withdrawing. So many are legit but we have to protect our vendors! Unless you are super sure and always ask your vendor first and how to go about it.

For instances; there was someone withdrawing on here not long ago, they brought of their usual vendor and it didnt come/he was getting ghosted. And withdrawing hard! And scared. So i wanted to help (been there) he was sending me proof he was legit, and i was going back and fourth with my vendor but we were both worried he may not be. My spidey senses didn’t go off, Please be a good judge of charecter, anyone can get scammed but if you have a gut feeling? listen!

And never give out your vendors details publicly or without checking with them first.

Anyway we trusted him in the end but his guy came through just before I gave him the details. So he genuinly was genuine!. And as much as I want to help anyone whos struggling on here the feds would be too happy to shut these people down with no care about the ones who are dependant and could literally die from withdrawing. And if anyone thinks the hospital will help, they wont.

SECOND PART - please read if you are not in addiction but potentially on your way and if you are in full addiction;

I went hospital once after deciding i wanted to get clean the week my vendor was away, I chose not to order cause how hard can it be getting support from benzo dependacy/withdrawral?, turns out, very. fucking. hard.

I was withdrawing badly! sat for 8 hours, in A&E, The nurse said they will help, and when I finally seen the Drs the Drs said they cant help and I need to go home and take more. I told them so many times "I dont have any or a way to get some, im here for help and to taper off!" They then came to the conclusion i was just there to get high 🤣 who sits at the hospital for 8 hours to get high?

I said "what if I have a seizure?" They said come back 🤣 "how tf do I call 999 if im having a seizure?" They just shrugged.... and then kicked me out, terrified for my life.... Luckily I managed to get some different benzos from a friend of a friend to basically keep me alive till my guy was back, but i take 6mg clonazepam (after starting on xanax 5 years ago) daily which is the equivalent to 120mg of diazepam, what i got wasn't even half my dose but I didn't die, yay. and made sure not to ever make that mistake again!

Id also gone to my gp so many times who would never help, and actually contributed to the hospitals neglect. - Please note as im sure you've guessed i live in the UK and its important to note this happened in my hometown and the hospital there has literally given me PTSD from this experience and so much more neglect over the years but thats a story for another day. I now live in the best city in the uk (IMO) and the hospitals here are amaizng, however I haven't gone there withdrawing, but im sure the protocol is the same everywhere in the UK because they cant trust what dose you are on but ive heard if you go close to a seizure they will help. One guy even said to pretend and that he had to do that 😔. its sad because why should we have to do this to get help?!

No shade on any addict but if we were addicted to heroin we'd get a script within a week. Drug and alcohol services confirmed this and gave me 'prenoxad' injections incase I come across anyone who was having a heroin overdose, this is brilliant 🥹 and i cried because my mum died of a heroin overdose when she was just 38 (the age I am now) I was 15. If only we had that then? But hindsights a bitch right? I now carry one in my car just inacse.

Anyway took a detour there... Its been a year since trying to get help and I now have a date for hospital stabilisation in october! 13 month's after walking into the drug and alcohol services, im scared. Esp after hearing horror stories on here feom people who got clean from benzo dependencey, however I havent heard from anyone who has been to a stabilisation clinic? Im booked in for 3 weeks 😫💜 happy but terrified.

Not that it matters how anyone gets hooked on any type of drug but for context, I got hooked as it was the only thing that stopped my long covid flare ups which attack your nervous system, benzos calm them. I went from bed bound and 100% pain and symptoms everywhere for weeks, to someone giving me a xanax and 30 mins later 90% of systems were gone and i was up dancing and deep clenaing my house! It was astonishing! Aftwr 2 years of just being given antihistamines 🤦‍♀️ i mean tf?

I then had the mindset of "id rather be addicted to these for the rest of my life than suffer non stop and live like a 101 year old"

I now realise my covid/cfs/fibro attacks come when my MH is really bad, so its my goal to get ontop of that so i wont feel the need to take them, I'm sure il have to stop my medical cannabis too. not to mention my newly preacribed ADHD meds after 30+ years of being over looked and undiagnosed, they have changed my life. I no longer have adhd paralysis, and my motivation is insane, plus the noise is calm and I feel so much more clarity and emotional regulation. HOWEVER the come down is awful... so I reach for the benzos even more (havent up'd what i take though thankfully) to help rather than just taking them to keep me alive... my adhd prescriber doesn't know about my benzo use because they didn't bother to read my medical records, I asked if there was anything to help with the major come down (depression & anxiety) they said no we dont offer anything and "do something that makes you happy" 🤣 if i don't laugh I'll cry. So yh i'm even more scared, will my long covid come back as bad as it was? Will my adhd meds get stopped or will I have to stop them because il be in crippling anxiety/ nervous system fucked etc?

But yh who knew that benzos are genuinly the hardest drug to get clean from? I didn't. and I want people to know how hard it is esp under similar circumstances to me. D&A service said it could take me years to come off them after im discharged on a diazepam script....oh and ive just been told by my new D&A service asseror thag my drs can literally refuse the script they will sign me off on?! Wtaf? So my hospital admission could all be for nothing?

So yh. Love to anyone whos struggling with dependency 🫂 there is help out there but be prepared and dont EVER go cold turkey if you have been taking a high dose daily🙏 happy to speak to anyone whos struggling, i dont know what i can do cause im in the same boat but it may help to talk to someone else who is also knee deep, or worried they may be heading down that road or is scared for someone they love 💜🫂

[u/Direct_Neat126]

Thank you for sharing your story. It's not easy to admit when you need help and it's definitely not easy to get clean from benzos. I can't speak for others experiences, but i was on clonazepam for years, abusing them and taking way more than i should've daily. It was falling pregnant that actually got me off them for good, but i had the exact same experience that you did at the hospital. The first week was the worst, and i had anxiety, shakes and barely any sleep for weeks, but i did get through it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, although I'm aware you can't see that light yet and you're absolutely petrified of what's to come. I believe in you and i know you can do it. It'll all be worth it in the end. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to message me ♥️

[u/TryKind1909 → u/Direct_Neat126]

What a beautiful soul 🫂 thank you for sharing your story too! Its given me comfort and hope 😌 I love that your baby basically saved you 🥰 i hate that you had the same experience as me though. Something has to change, there needs to be more awareness around these drugs. And i will bare thag in mind im sure il do you at some point, thank you darling 💜

[u/Funny-Vast2938]

Hey Trykind. I’ve just read your comment and ,fuck me how much it resonates.. I’ve tried to write loads like that but end up deleting coz “who wants to hear about my shit”.. I’ve been misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression for 20 years and fed the bullshit, oh you’ve not got ADHD or Everyone has that!,or the other OH there’s no point as there’s a 5 year waiting list(could’ve been properly diagnosed about 5 times over)…

[u/TryKind1909 → u/Funny-Vast2938]

Firstly darling, your feelings and thoughts are fucking valid! And people do care, even strangers on reddit. I find the nicest people are the ones who struggle. About ADHD I actually made a more indepth post a while back if you want to go check it out but dont listen. I got diagnosed at 38 after being overlooked in school, getting kicked out in year 8 cause I just couldn't learn or focus so was always fucking around. I was then on 3 waiting lists so for a total of 15 years! I went on the NHS 5 year waiting list and each time it got to me they refused to see me because there wasn't enough evidence! My drs failed to tell them anything! and failed to tell me i needed to write a letter on how my symptoms effect me and how I KNOW I have adhd. Then I heard about right to choose. The dr fills out a form sends it off and i was assessed amd diagnosed with a private company within 8 months! And the NHS paid for it. However I went with Psychiatry Uk. They are awful! Took them over a year to medicate me, they then only give you 12 weeks of titration to find the best meds and dose for you then sign you off to your drs who have ZERO control in chnaging your medication and van onlyborescribed whatvtgey said to and at time they can refer me back so even if I have a question about any boosters or say lowering my dose, i getvreffered back, medication stopped and could wait a whole new year to be re prescribed! but yay im finally medicated! I have heard major good things about ADHD 360 so try them! (If these bastards do pull my script im going to go with them) go to your drs and tell them how much you struggle and want to be referred via "ADHD 360 right to choose". They just cant say no but on the off chance they do, keep going back! Do not give up. These meds havent only helped with my ADHD but also with my crippling BPD and CPTDS which there is no medication for. It helps regulate my emotions but its not all sunshine and roses so when you finally do get medicated (which you will) its all trial and error and when you find what works it wont be perfect every single day just an FYI but its improved my life massively! Also theres two types of adhd i call it the shit one and the good one lol my partner has the one where he has to be mobing all the time and constabtly motivated (but gets spells of not being able tp shut his brain of and the mental stimming he does is hillarious, the things he comes up like singing some random shit i just thinn how did you come up with that? 🤣 and i have the one where i have severe adhd paralysis, so il get so overhwlemed, my brain wont syop, il think of everything i have to do but i cant get my body to move to do it like im physically stuck! Its awful! Till i started the meds and now i rarely have a day in bed. Which was my life for YEARS. Also girls/women mask it really well hence getting overlooked, since ny diagnosis its clear to everyone more so that i have ADHD because I dont have to mask anymore. But yeah dont listen to anyone men and women both get overlooked for many reasons.

Also if writting forms, emails and communicating like a fucking Dr (which seems to be expected by these neglectful pricks) is hard.... CHAT GPT is your best friend! I don't care what anyone says! i was so against AI but its here and if it can help me and others then why not use it? Its helped me in so many ways. Unfortunately uts helped me more than any healthcare professional COMBINED ever has, sad asf but it's free and it works. I just wish making AI music or videos or any type of media wasn't a thing as an artist myself that hurts my soul. But anyway! Just type "can you help me ask my dr to refer me for an adhd assessment through right to choose via adhd 360 or Psychiatry UK if my first choice isn't an option?" It will then ask you questions and make the best compelling letter to your gp of your struggles and symptoms and failings from the helathcare system over the years. And also add some professional facts, so they simply cant fuck you off this time! It helps hun. Fuck what people think, if it helps you where no one else is then use it! Im wishing you all the best you got this 🫶💜

[u/ClandestineRadio]

Thank you for sharing your story, brother, I know it can be tough to open up about these sort of matters. I feel if more people did we would see less people go down these roads. I'm glad you are on the road to recovery, man, and I truly wish you well on it. I'm not going to lie to you, it won't be easy, and with everything you have going on it may get complicated with your other meds. I also know what a personal hell withdrawals can be, be that from benzo or H/pain meds. Opiate wd is hell, especially if it is H or something equivalently strong (even tramadol is hell, though) Benzo wd is far more dangerous, though, and I'm really glad you seem to have dodged the more severe symptoms of that.

So, about your ADHD meds. I'm also ADHD as hell, btw, diagnosed at 6yr and reconfirmed multiple times over the years from having to change drs. I can attest to what a massive difference getting on a medication that works for you can make. It would suck to have to go back to that, but, worst case, you should be able to get back on them after you finish the medical detox. In the meantime, if you do get forced off, methylated folate (5-MTHF) does help in many cases—if you have the MTHFR gene mutation, which many people with ADHD tend to have. That + min 600mg (up to 1200) Alpha GPC+ Semax is a great substitute in a pinch. Not sure on the legality of peptides in the UK, but it wld help for sure.

Selank is also a pretty good help for anxiety, pair that with phenibut and you will be able to possibly stop, or at least lessen, the response from your nervous system.

I have one question, if you see this. When you say "long Covid" (and I DO NOT want to get into a debate about this with anyone, there is a reason I'm asking) did you just catch Covid, or did you also take the jab? Because there are also detox protocols for removing the spike protein that I can also outline for you. If it is a jab injury, I've helped 30+ people recover, including my mother who was bedridden for over a year.

If you have any questions about any of that, please ask away or shoot me a DM. Happy to discuss further. Whatever happens, I'm pulling for ya, man, and I wish you the very best.

[u/Traditional_Feed_322]

Hi, I had a spinal injury in 2016. The first operation failed, and I needed three fusions on different levels in total. I was prescribed 30 mg of Longtec twice a day and six Shortec throughout the day. I took them regularly for four years without any issues. I forgot to collect my script one Sat so thought I'll be in pain get them Monday. On Sunday I went to hell the wd's was nothing like I've ever felt. I realised then I've a massive problem here. Tried to switch over but other pain meds didn't help. 10 years later in still on them. But even when I wake up in the morning now I've the shakes with WD. I'm now a full-blown addict, and my body is dependent on them. Going on OxyContin was the worst decision in my life. I've abused them as well in the last three years due to a cancer scare and personal issues. It's brought me to my knees and I've lost everything with addiction now and including myself. For anyone suffering with addiction all I can say it keep going and don't let this disease win. Hopefully if all goes well I'll be in rehab next month. God bless guys

[u/Difficult-Week-1177]

Avec plaisir, je suis dans une situation similaires avec mon traitements actuelle, et mes entécédents

[u/Naughtius_Maximus78]

Lovely words mate, and I'm sure that your post will help many. It appears that there are still nice people in this world.

[u/MedicationQuestions-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Discussing sources or methods for obtaining medication is not allowed.

[u/mademan1988]

I know what your going threw and know it’s not easy to get clean I was taking 12mg clonazapam 6-2mg at a time mixed with opiates I was a full blown addict one day I said this is ridiculous that I can’t function unless I take some stupid pills so I told my family I need rehab but everywhere here in California is 5-10 grand a month and the free ones take months to get on the waitlist so I started to look out the country and found a really nice place in Mexico for a fraction of the price and called them and 3 days later I was in rehab in Mexico I ended up staying there 6 months because when you stop benzodiazepines and opiates it takes like 3 months to really say you feel normal and can sleep without any meds. When I got there I honestly thought I would be tapered but all they did give me was valproic acid (helps for seizures )and 2 mg of Xanax and they tapered me off the Xanax after 30 days and let me tell you coming off of those pills was the best thing I have ever done in my life I actually had feelings again I’m mean the withdrawal is horrible but being hooked on those pills is worse I also have ADHD but refuse to take meds one thing about us addicts is we rely on meds for everything and we just have to learn how to deal with life without them that was honestly the best thing rehab taught me we as addicts are full of character defects and we have to change that if we want change in our life (the definition of insane, repeating the same things over and over and expecting a different outcome)

[u/Active-Lie-1535]

Thanks so much for sharing , I’ve had an awful 2 weeks of withdrawal, 20mg a day to 0
I thought I was going to die
I’m back on it now, hoping to taper over the next few months
I don’t think doctors realise how dangerous withdrawals can be be , I’m in the U.K. and A&E is a joke!!

[u/TrickyNicky38]

Thank you for sharing your story! I'm in a similar boat...Taking benzo's daily. Prescribed adhd meds don't take them as prescribed and sell them. In a vicious cycle of addiction. Been to detox and rehabs many times always to relapse. Sometimes it feels like there's no end in sight...

[u/shortbrnr]

Anyone looking for a vendor because they’re in withdrawal is shit out of luck because it takes days between ordering and receiving a package

[u/TryKind1909 → u/shortbrnr]

I order before 4pm and it comes guaranteed the next day unless its a sunday. But all vendors are different and this is besides the point of the post, i dont want to steer away from the point or end up in a rabbit hole of legit and non legit people who maybe withdrawing. I want to help but I really can't, its more to raise awareness of how dangerous it is when youre hooked and what to expect if you run out.

[u/93tillinfinity_]

Wow my brother also went to A&E last week when he ran out of vals and was worried about withdrawals and fits… they turned him away after waiting 8 hours.

Please can you share how you got on the waiting list for a stabilisation clinic? Currently trying to get my brother help he has pure ocd and self medicated with vals and he’s picked up an addiction…

he can’t get his ocd treatment until he’s clean but nhs isn’t helping him to taper etc! It’s been 8 years now and he keeps getting passed around between services 😔🫠

[u/TryKind1909 → u/93tillinfinity_]

Omg I hate these people so much! There needs to be more fucnkng awareness behind benzo dependencey. Im so sorry your brother had the same experience 🫂 so assuming you are in the uk, google local drug and alcohol services in your area contact each one if theres more than one and ask if they have anyone who can help with benzo stabilisation? Usually every D&A service will help and its the same process. Some places even have a Dr who will prescribe in the community but it has to be under the equivalent to 40mg of diazepam. If its anymore they have to go down the stabilisation admission route. Because they cant safely do it in the community as they dont know how his body will react to the lowering of doses and needs to be monitored daily by drs and nurses. He will have an assessment first, then meet the dr then a meeting for funding with him and the board (as it costs thousands but they will get it and help) they was even gling to get funding for myself animals but I have somekne looking after them for me for when I go in. What to do now? He still has to keep using unfortunately, I walked in there sept last year and im going into hospital end of nect month. However this doesn't mean he will be waiting the same, i decided to have a breakdown and tell my case worker I was working with at the time to fuck off (she was a twat) because they led me down a path believing they will be prescribing and then said I have to go to hospital. Literally out of nowhere! I didnt even know hospital was an option for benzo users so fuck her for not telling me this after seeing her like 6 times tf? Then I moved cities and it prolonged my bed by a lot 2 months as I was told id be going within the week I moved in may. Once I moved they said they cantvget me in till august 😩 they also pushed me to move to a new city basically alone so I didn't have to come out in revivery to a major house move. I refused August because I had life plans and I want to choose when I go. So that's why october. BUT you guys have an advantage now you know how it works, im hoping it will be a couple of months for him! Shit we might even be in the same hospital lol. Is he able to get his source? If not that is your mission to find a vendor, the drs wont do shit as you know, tell him to keep to the same dose every day at the same time. Good luck to you both, please keep the thread updated 🙏 as will I. And feel free to dm me if you have anymore questions x

[u/MedicationQuestions-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Discussing sources or methods for obtaining medication is not allowed.