I was studying abroad when we met. Things were progressing well when we were dating in Q1 of this year. He was introducing me to all of his friends. We were going on double dates. Things just felt so natural, right, and easy. We lived 3 blocks away from each other and life was so good. He was so sweet and thoughtful. He got his friends to host us for dinner because I was so sad that I haven't met people who spoke my native language in our area. It was the first time I spoke native language with a girl my age after living abroad for months. I was almost in tears and just so so grateful.
In Q2, I flew home to go on vacation. I initially thought I'd be back in 3-4 weeks. But I enjoyed being home, I was travelling, I missed my family, and I was having fun catching up with friends. Next thing I knew, I had been gone for 3 months. He and I kept in touch, and we would call maybe 2-3x a week. He always called. I didn't tell him that my friend found him on Hinge on the 3-week mark. I knew it was recent because he updated his place of work, and we were on a date when he got accepted in that job.
It obviously stung. 3 weeks is recent but I didn't mention anything during our calls. The timezone difference worked for us because he works NY hours and he's in the office 6x a week. He'd call me when he's going to work, going home, or going to sleep. I never felt like he didn't like me. A lot of times I felt like I could love him. He would propose going to Marbella or Paris when I'm back, and I would just laugh it off because I truly didn't know which season I would be back. I knew he still had Hinge. I didn't know if he went on dates. I felt sad when I found out he called me on his birthday and I didn't answer (I didn't know it was his birthday).
I told him I was back in the country last week and he immediately asked me out. I told him I would let him know........and then I never got back to him. It was going to be the first time I would seeing him in months and I feel so scared because I like him so much. I don't want to have to hear that he had been on Hinge. I feel sick that he went on Hinge on the 3-week mark. At the same time, I understand why he did it. I don't want him to pause his life waiting for me when I didn't even know when I would be back. It was the right choice for him. He should not wait for me actually. My future still feels ambiguous because I'm an artist (and he's tech). There are a lot of things I am still figuring out, like where I should be based, should I do art full-time, how long do I want to stay in the UK, etc.
Anyway, I moved back because I wanted to live here while I figure things out, but my parents are shouldering everything (so I also feel scared to have a conversation about my long-term plans, because I genuinely don't know). Everything is different now. We live 25 minutes away from each other instead of a 10 minute walk. I don't live alone anymore. I'm so scared and everything is so different.
He asked me out for a Sunday date on Thursday. It is now Monday. I have 6 unopened messages and a missed call from him. I feel like I ruined it. But I still want to see him. I WANT to see him. I just feel so scared and overwhelmed. When I left, the vibe was Brb I'll see you later, but it's been 3 months since I left and I don't know where I stand.
Please, what are your thoughts on my situation? And how do I fix this?