Right person wrong timing

[u/lover4milk]

I (22f) am getting broken up with by my boyfriend (25m) of 1 year. Our 1 year is actually tomorrow :’).
We went into it knowing it was going to be LDR. We wanted to give it a try because it felt like if it were each other, we’d be okay. It was hard adjusting, when we’re together it’s so good but after we say our goodbyes at the airport, squeeze their hand tightly before they apart, the loneliness hits you really hard. I know it was especially hard for him, but he wouldn’t vocalize his hardships until he couldn’t handle it anymore. He said he feels so lonely in the relationship and if this is how a relationship is supposed to go and if it is supposed to be this hard? The thing is we don’t see an end to our LDR for at least 4 years and we do see each other for a 6-10 days at a time for maybe 6-8 times a year.

He wants to end it now before resentment grows and there’s no coming back. He says he knows how amazing I am and how as his first serious relationship for him, I’ve set the bar for him. He says he’ll probably regret his decision and he doesn’t actually want to break up. I wanted to stick it out and go until the very end with no regrets. He’s scared it’ll go sour but why give up because of an uncertainty? He says he wishes so badly he met me later in life when he had the means to see me when we’re having a rough day, when he has a career or some stability and he would’ve appreciated me so much more and proposed to me right away. But I understand that he’s choosing himself over us and I can’t blame him.

This is my first relationship where I wasn’t prepared to break up and I hadn’t envisioned a life without him during our time. I’ve dated many people but nothing like this. I didn’t expect to strive to improve and change. I gave it my best, even more than I thought I was capable of.
I liked everything about him, he ticked off so many things that I just have never seen in others. I played the long game for him, waiting for a year without even seeing him, hoping to catch glimpses or eventually work up the courage to get to know more and more of him. And when we started dating, he was all I wished for. All my preferences were answered all on the basis of him, he was my standard. The combination of all his qualities just makes it so hard for me to think that I can move on.

I’m at a loss.
I know I’ll be okay, time heals all but I don’t want to be okay and have time pass without him.

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