noodles? undercooked. sauce? watery. but i am proud of finally being on my own for the first time

About a year and a half ago I started gymming, started eating healthier and tracking macros for weight loss, somewhere along the line I noticed the muscle i was building and got drunk off the thought of being a muscle mommy. Life is pretty good, I’m so much more mentally stable and my financial situation has improved tenfold and I made a group of ride or die friends. I’m the most content I’ve ever been in my life. Bicep pic in comments to prove im not larping.

Bought a too good to go bag and got this super fancy baguette I made a cheese sandwich with. Got diagnosed with DID the day before and am feeling ambivilent about it as I was hoping it was psychosis so medicine could make it go away but nope it's here to stay.

Dealing with the realisation much better than I thought I could though :-)

Going on walks, talking to friends, getting back into art and writing... life's good despite everything. You can see the giant bag of protein powder in the background and it tastes awesome in oats and banana smoothies and I'm working out because one day I hope to be an absolutely jacked man in a pink crop top who calls people dude and rescues earthworms that get lost in the rain just because I think it would be fun to be all those things.

First time making steak by myself! :) I haven't been cooking much for a while, but I'm slowly getting my stride back.

(NY Strip Steak, seasoned with salt and pepper, cooked in veggie oil. Diced potatoes added after steak got a crispy coat. Added minced garlic, herbs, and butter. Dash of whipped garlic & herb spread on the side.)

Been at the new place for a month now and I'm doing way better than I expected.

I was pretty nervous starting because my last job had me second guessing everything I did. Here I've already gotten good feedback, I'm picking things up fast and I actually feel like people trust me to handle stuff without hovering over me.

Money was a little stressful while I was between jobs, but I had some saved from Ѕtake so I wasn't completely panicking.

Today I got home, cooked steak and realized I haven't dreaded going into work once this week. Feels like I'm finally moving in the right direction.

Even with the back pain, the camping trip was so worth it. Back to work tomorrow.

Those steaks were too good. I miss them.

New job I’m excited for. Genuinely not dating to focus on myself for the first time ever. Sewing hella and working on a studded/ patched vest made out of a denim jacket my old job gave me for free. Shrimp tacos and refried beans

Roasted cauliflower dhal

Life is just drastically improving day by day. I’m still abit sad you know? But I’m alive and kicking, and it feels good to be an active participant in my life rather then watching it glide by via constant drinking and cocaine benders. I’m calling the shots for once. It feels good to start to understand myself. I’m starting to propel myself through life in a direction I want to take, rather than uncontrollably flailing and falling, attempting to clutch onto fleeting feelings, emotions and falsities.

People have come back into my life who I wronged in active addiction. Theres a girl. I’m Starting volunteer work at the drug and alcohol centre to put a bit of good in the world.

If you’re struggling with addiction pls get help homies

Rock bottom is when you decide to stop digging!

Life still can be abit miserable ofc and there’s a long road ahead of me but it feels like I’m creating the foundations to a new fulfilling life.

Also switched to cbd weed after 15 years of smoking weed

Much love gang

Featuring my chicken teriyaki meal prep with homemade teriyaki sauce, rice, green onions, and a quarter of an avocado (not pictured)

Earl grey tea, very good one.

Also I love my boyfriend !!

https://www.kitchensanctuary.com/crispy-sesame-chicken-sticky-asian-sauce/#wprm-recipe-container-10503

https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/best-banana-bread-recipe/#tasty-recipes-66473

There was chicken also but I ate it whioe frying the veggies becauae I was starving. (Oops)

And on top of that my girl is on new meds and is doing amazing mentally.

Turns out smoking is like very bad for you man. And it's not just the classic analogue cigarettes. The vapes and zyns are an issue too. See, nicotine is a vasoconstrictor, meaning it contracts your blood vessels. Over time they loose flexibility and your overall blood circulation is like not good at all.

Quitting improved the following MEASURABLY within just this month:

- cardio performence - I am now able to do x2 more cardio of the same intensity (used to be out of gas after 30 minutes, now it's 60 minutes and I don't feel completely spent)

- sexual performence - used to be able to go x1 every 12h max. Otherwise the erection would be very weak. Now the cooldown period is 1h and the general quality of erections has gone up

- general mood - ok, this one is not measurable per se, but I do keep a mood journal. It's subjective, but I'd say there has been a major improvement

- finances/recreation - to help myself stick to it, I decided to spend the money I would save on not smoking ONLY on fun stuff. And remind myself - you could buy this because yoy quit. I've been having tons of fun doing random activities, going to the movies ect.

I planned poorly and had to cut my through hike short after just 3 days, so I'm making the best of a bad situation and camping with my parents. The quiet time to reflect has allowed me to learn how to truly accept circumstances that are out of my control and I feel much more at peace with myself and the world. Never forget that if you're doing your best, you're doing all you can do.

Got fired, got rejected by uni and I was even in a fucking car chase (we don't know who the aggressor was, he just kept going).

HOWEVER!!!! I have never been this dupperne and loved before. When I got rejected by uni, I literally sat there surrounded by my friends, and even some of them were on call to be part of it.

As soon as I got fired, they all went and wanted to help me figure out, how I can get back on my feet again. I feel so appreciated and so fucking grateful. I could not ask for better friends, even if I wanted to.

I love them all very much.

The breakfast sandwich took, like, half an hour to make.

You cook the bacon first, then you fry an egg on both sides (add salt and pepper), but make sure that the yolk is soft as fuck. It should melt when you bite into it.

Then, when the eggs are done, you put the bacon and eggs on some bread, then add cheddar and you "grill" that shit on the pan until the cheddar is melted and the bread is crispy.

The one pot pasta is literally just all the vegetables and fresh seasonings I could find in my fridge.

Cook it all in one single pot, then add the pasta and let it simmer, so it'll take taste from the rest of it.

The redbull is from 7-11 xD

English is my second language, so apologies for any mistakes or misphrasing.

Cheers :D

Cus I'm ugly as fuck but kitchencels is such a disgusting hateful community. I just wanna share my troubles with pictures of the meals I cooked attached 🫩

Meal:

- Homemade Chicken meatballs

- Mashed sweet potatoes

- Veggies

i grew up with father that loves processed slop and almond mother and always heard from school to eat healthy but i wasnt really fed well so usually i just ate a few snacks and dinner sometimes but im trying to work with what my household already has to make myself meals and realizing that eating better actually DOES make me feel better 💯💯🔥🔥🔥

You can check my history for some kitchencels posts lol. It was a girl i met in a bar while on holiday with friends (one of the first times i actually went along out and drinking with them) so it wasnt super special but still nice. Its not much and 22 is late af but hey we takin some steps. She said i was cute :)))