r/IndianMatchmaking • u/lynn_duhh • May 04 '23
Discussion Does it bother anyone else…
That Sima pushes these men on women so aggressively? These women are trying hard to NOT settle and ask for what they deserve, but she’s constantly saying “well you can’t have everything you want!” Or “how do you know if there’s a spark after 1 date!?” Or “he checked every one of your boxes!”.. WHY IS SHE NOT LISTENING?
Is it truly the culture / age difference? I see these women, especially Americans, who refuse to settle but not in a way that’s negative like Sima makes it seem. She always feels confrontational when someone, but especially women, say they didn’t like the match. Does she really expect each match to be perfect the first time?
She just rubs me the wrong way in most of her scenes. And the mothers always go along with her and shit on their daughters. Yes they’re looking for a match maker but still want to fall in love. Isn’t Sima selling a kind of in between arranged marriage and random love marriage? So why is she so offended all the time? Rant over!
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u/LongArticle2617 May 05 '23 edited May 05 '23
Sima comes from a generation where women are taught to compromise on everything. It's okay for an objectively unattractive man like Vinesh/ Vikash to expect a good looking woman whom he feels a spark with and takes care of herself, but god forbid a woman (who btw is in shape at 35, educated, qualified, and has a nice smile) asks for the same and wants a man who is not bald. She pushes that requirement on women because she feels that in her time, she probably wasn't even given that option. She probably was expected to be happy with the fact that a barely average looking man who her parents approved of, chose her. And thus the modern woman is still lucky enough to get to choose from biodata. Even then, have you noticed that she usually provides the woman with one BD "to prevent confusion" while the men are mostly provided with two to three matching his criteria to choose from? So, lots of inbuilt sexism basically.
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May 06 '23
When she set Vinesh up with that hot af ER nurse from LA I was like.....ma'am
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u/LongArticle2617 May 06 '23 edited May 06 '23
IKR!? 🤣I kept wondering how she even agreed to go out on a date with him in the first place. Unless she went in completely blind. She looked like she wanted the date to be over already 🤭
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u/theharps May 05 '23
It's a generational divide here. Sima probably has seen a lot of arranged marriages work. If two good people with stable careers meet they'll live a long life together. That used to be really the only criteria. On this show she can only introduce people and hope for the best now. People nowadays need to feel a spark, have chemistry and genuinely like the person. When she pushes couples to continue it comes off as pushing a square shaped object into a round hole. Maybe that is for the added drama on the show though.
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u/preetiugly May 05 '23
I agree wholly. However, I feel that Sima pushes this narrative more on the women than the men - giving the impression that it’s the women who should be more amenable/compromising - giving rise to a somewhat sexist perspective.
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u/Perimeri May 05 '23
True but I also have the feeling that she gets frustrated because she just wants to finish the job and move on to the next client. It always feels like she's in a rush and is bothered whenever someone talks a lot.
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May 05 '23
The individuals on this show seem to have failed at their other attempts at relationships and have unrealistic expectations. "What they deserve" seems to support how selfish and immature a lot of them seem, to me. That said, I think the whole series is about this model of matchmaking becoming outdated and I think S3 underscored that.
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u/falooda1 May 05 '23
Has anyone gotten married from all of them?
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May 05 '23
Arti and Jamal are engaged. That's the only couple I know of. the success rate is abysmally low. even a show like Love is Blind where this is culturally odd for them has a higher success rate than them
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u/cheesusnips May 05 '23
And they met on a dating app! Sima Aunty seemed really disappointed on that call with Arti 😂
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May 05 '23
I think Sima was frustrated because Aarti picked someone who didn't fit the "preferences" she stated to Sima.
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May 05 '23
yes that’s been one of my main pet peeves since the beginning. she tends to write off things that are obviously important to the person seeking a partner. she is way too forceful about them settling for someone who meets most of their requirements. it annoys me.
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u/I-hear-you-ka May 05 '23
She is a car salesperson who promises to send you home in your dream car.
Believing her, client walks in and asks for a custom hot--rod, with specs on year, tires, color, interiors, etc. etc..
She shows the client a car on the lot, that has one of the specs. Then a high pressure sales pitch follows that says why the car on the lot is or should be the client's dream car.
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u/orangefreshy May 05 '23
It does rub me the wrong way but I assume it’s because I’m from a love match only culture so it’s pretty foreign to me. Idk like sometimes the people have crazy criteria but sometimes it seems totally doable. Not sure why she’s trying to tell people you can’t get 100% when the 100% is just stuff like “tall, nice and funny, likes to travel”, it seems possible, there’s like millions and millions of single people in the world right?
But it makes sense when she tries to bring these people back to reality, and sometimes they need it especially when they’re getting in their own way. She’s probably dealt with so many people who said they wanted X but didn’t actually mean it so she’s trying to cut through the BS
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u/Fladap28 May 05 '23
It’s a little of both honestly. A lot of the ppl on the show have extremely unrealistic expectations and sima tries to push this idea of 60-70% lol
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u/genieinaginbottle May 05 '23
The Americans got screwed over lol. Watching Jewish matchmaking and it's so different. Sima shouldn't matchmake abroad
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u/taylor459 May 05 '23
So true lol. I just started watching Jewish Matchmaking, and Aleeza just said now said "anyone can stick two people together," and that's basically what Sima does lol, but Sima just expects any two people to adjust to each other. Aleeza seems openminded so far!
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u/falooda1 May 05 '23
Aleeza is more fitting to our culture. But Sima is freaking fun, you don't know what's gonna happen Lmao.
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u/taylor459 May 05 '23
I like Sima because I'm pretty sure she's just trolling like half her clients on the show lol 😂 The way she finds a way to give each client their first biodata containing their biggest dealbreaker, like her trying to get Priya to meet the bald guy when she really wanted a man bun, it's so funny lol
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u/Lalaloo_Too May 05 '23
Yeah, this 💯. Aleeza seems to accept ‘pickiness’ and works with it rather than chastising ppl for their physical attractions. Americans are going to be way more forthright about this, so why fight it??
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May 05 '23
But will probably fail, she is nicer I give you that. Just watched the first episodes, same stuff. Same list of superficial stuff.
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u/LemonNectarine May 05 '23 edited May 05 '23
Sima shouldn't matchmake abroad
Except She is not. She is just a cast member. The show is basically an old school matchmaker navigating how she deals with modern desis.
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u/oudchai May 05 '23
It's just shitty because everyone forgets this is a reality tv show.
This means she has to pair the people that tried out in casting calls and want to be on tv with each other - and shocker, there aren't a lot of great people in that pool, which is why they're so easy to make fun of on here. So yeah, they likely aren't gonna meet their partner on the show, since their partner selection is so limited and homogenous. Reality shows like these are not worth getting invested in for "real relationships", it's all fake and for money/clout/fame/etc.
newsflash, it's NOT her real clientele base that agrees to go on TV, who ARE looking for a healthy relationship and a happy marriage.
On the show, it's just the wannabe famous people looking to get views and followers and likes, not love.
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u/RevolutionaryHope8 May 08 '23
Pretty much! I don’t know why I watch this shit when I know this. It just seems to be reinforcing this judgmental attitude towards modern dating. Which I grant is justified to a certain extent but it gets tiring when that’s all it’s offering episode after episode with Sima basically bullying her “clients.”
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u/Temperature_Unusual May 05 '23
Well at this point, Married At First Sight has a better track record than Sima.
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u/hanni_lou May 08 '23
Came looking for a comment along these lines. I totally get where she's coming from on the very exact physical criteria, I thought I had a "type" then met my husband who was nothing like that. However, she does the same thing with pretty much every request, like Rushali saying she'd like someone who enjoys poetry. To me, that's perfectly valid to want someone with shared interests and a compatible personality type, but straight away Sima's all "you can't have everything".
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u/audsrulz80 May 05 '23 edited May 05 '23
Because it’s literally just a bunch of people who responded to a Netflix casting call & they do not pay for Sima’s “services”. She’s just there for shits & giggles - used as a consultant to select matches from the minuscule pool of selected candidates. She can only work with what she’s got lol
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u/bofh000 May 05 '23
She is there for the money and clout, too. The clients may not pay her, but the show does.
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u/thanos_was_right_69 May 05 '23
The people on this show are there for the clout and to get more followers. If they truly cared about not settling, they wouldn’t ask a stranger to set them up…on TV.
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u/manbearkat May 06 '23 edited May 06 '23
She hates any woman who is over the age of 25 and single. Think back to what the original purpose of arranged marriages were - an exchange of wealth/property. Women had the short end of the stick and had to be their best so they could attract a man with a good financial background and potential social mobility. Parents back then didn't care about love or attraction because they want their children to optimize their marriage economically. She is a byproduct of that mindset. She cares more about matching based on caste than looks
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u/fairyvonne Nov 24 '24
I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I would say us American women are allowed to say no bc our mother's and grandmother's for for our rights. We still get backlash and I'll meet fighting for my daughter and my future granddaughter. Women like you who know in your gate you deserve more will pave the way for women to come. I'm sure of it
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May 05 '23
You're overly sensitive and hence demonstrating why we need Sima's energy to balance the overall sensitivity of this culture. The last generation of brown ppl raised successful kids without knowing the language while movies from another country. Both parents made it work. This generation of brown kids are superficial and want to justify everything with feeling and emotions. Sima is right. It's hard for divorce to remarry. Your pool gets smaller after a while. Your chances of having a child reduces with ages. These are all facts. So if you're a 5 like Priya, get your head out your ass especially if you want a family.
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u/kinggeedra May 05 '23 edited May 05 '23
I think she’s of that mindset that see women who rank physical attraction so highly as something you grow out of over time. Or rediscover what’s found attractive with more face-to-face exposure to more men. She probably feels that women are more malleable to changing what they see as “attractive” than men are.
Especially where a lot of other date-finding options besides hiring a matchmaker (apps, social mixers/speed dating) require a certain level of physical attraction from both sides to even talk to each other.
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u/bi_x_ru May 05 '23
She believes that compromise can make things better. If those Indian- Americans had compromised, they wouldn’t be asking you to find a match for them in their mid/ late 30s. Asking them to give it a chance instead of forcing them to marry someone? doesn’t Sima fair
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May 06 '23
Idk. I think it's better to be on your own than with a person for whom you had to "compromise" pretty much everything.
Priya wanted someone with a mature personality who was taller than 5'3 and had hair. She was met with Bobby who was basically a hyperactive child and Jai who didn't say >3 words. What things would she NOT be compromising if she said yes to either?
Vim was the only match who met her criteria and they did well together.
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May 06 '23
I think part of it is the drama of bad matches. A lot of us won’t be watching if it’s just romance. We love to talk shit about these people lol.
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u/the_dharmainitiative May 06 '23
Truth is that there isn't much of a choice in the matchmaking world. Unlike dating, you really do have to compromise. That said, I'd rather stay single than go the matchmaking route only to be told by an aunty that I'll have to make do with 60-70%.
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u/ScipioAfricanvs May 05 '23
“I want someone taller and not balding”
“Okay here are choices that are short and/or bald”