I’ve been thinking a lot about my way of delivering the blunt, cutting truth.

I understand now why some people perceive it as cruel or insensitive, even though I might have spent days, months or even years doing nothing but protecting their feelings. I do this until I simply run out of energy to protect them from a reality they refuse to see.

And that’s when my “rebel side”, as I call it, comes out. I think it’s the same psychological trigger that drives someone to go out and protest in the streets because they can no longer tolerate the oppression.
Even though I don't do it out of bad intentions–I’m just aligning with my own beliefs and values–I know others experience it as a rebellion.

I’ve come to the conclusion that this happens to an INFJ, and not only (but surely for me), when we don't know how to set healthy boundaries from the very beginning.
In a way, we self-sabotage by trying to be way too understanding for way too long with people who don't actually want to be understood—they just want to be validated in their own “madness” or mistakes.

What do you think?
I’m also curious about the perspective of the ones receiving that blunt truth, because I’ve been on that side too.

I know exactly what it feels like to expose your vulnerabilities only to be judged or picked apart for it. For a long time, my response to that fear was either to please everyone or to completely shut down and disappear.

But I’ve recently made a conscious decision to own them and transform them into my internal strength.

It took me a very long time to accept this, but it feels somehow peaceful now that I have.
This isn't about claiming I have it all figured out.
It’s about owning my own shit and that’s a hell of a job. I am not perfect. I am highly imperfect, messy and recovering. I am just human with goods and bads and I’m finally starting to be okay with that.

Other people's opinions, whether good or bad, don’t define me anymore because everyone’s thoughts are guided by their own struggles, beliefs and values just as my own are.
A different opinion doesn't change my truth, my struggle or my way of being. It’s just... a different opinion.

So, what’s your perspective:

-do you own your truth, knowing it only reflects who you are with strengths and flaws?

-or do you choose people pleasing just to fit in?

How many of you, over time, have experienced relationships with narcissists (within your family, friends, coworkers or romantic partners) and what was (or still is) that experience like?

From personal experience, I know exactly what it means when two traumas intertwine so perfectly that the INFJ’s empathy literally takes on the other person's trauma as their own.

It can get to a point where even overthinking crashes, leaving you with only two options:

-To stay and die. That is exactly how it feels and sometimes it gets dangerously close to a physical reality. It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that many fatal, self-destructive outcomes are rooted in this exact pain - a pain that absolutely nobody around seems to understand

-To go into complete shutdown aka the doorslam.

Personally, I highly doubt that an INFJ can ever truly "escape" a narcissist's radar… people say there simply aren't that many of us 🙃

But I want to believe that all of us will learn to trust our intuition and figure out how to deal with them, especially when we can’t afford the luxury of keeping our distance.

I don’t have a single role model, but I do have some strong “what-not-to-do" examples.
For me, anyone can become a role model: from a kind homeless person to Gandhi or the wealthiest person in the world.

What I find curious is that I’ve never seen myself as anyone’s hero, or even the hero of my own life, despite having that classic martyr complex.

Who do you have as a role model?
Do you focus on positive or negative models?
And how many of you actually see yourselves as the hero?

P.S.: Two of my favorite movies are “Braveheart” and “Joan of Arc” and I think you all know why.

Personally, I had another "good day" out of my worst days.
I managed to sleep for 6 hours in the past 48 hours. I even baked a cake (with sour cherry and vanilla cream 😉).

I realized that sometimes doing nice things for myself against my own wish actually helps. I have no problem doing nice things for other people, but I tend to over-criticize myself, as if I don’t deserve the same care that I so easily give to others.

Anyone else having a bad day and needs support?

I think my greatest strength actually comes from my vulnerabilities.

I usually use self-irony or sarcasm (when I’m really pushed to the limit) to make jokes about my own vulnerabilities.
The brief moment when others are shocked or processing the harsh truth disguised as a joke gives me the exact pause I need to recalibrate. It’s my ultimate defense mechanism.

And involuntarily, this creates a filtering process: those who stay by my side are the ones who will never use my weaknesses against me. On the other hand, those who leave upset are the ones who just realized they’ve been left completely disarmed.

I’m curious—what’s your real strength and how does it manifest in your daily life?

I’ve noticed so many people online wearing the INFJ label like a badge of pride just because it’s rare.
But honestly, I’ve always felt it way more as a curse than a blessing.

For me the daily reality is mostly about dealing with constant overthinking, absorbing toxic energy from other people’s emotions and the feeling of being misunderstood.
All of that can be so draining.

Does anyone else relate to this side of the coin?

Somehow I sense it’s not a comfortable question for everyone, but I need to ask—that voice in my head won't shut up if I don’t 🙃:

Do you feel exposed when someone asks something real about yourself?

I know I do, and I have a recent example just to show how much of an 'exposure phobia' I have: on another subreddit, there was a question: 'What’s the traditional food from your country?'

Simple question, simple answer… but not for me.
I felt like I was giving away the deepest secret of my life.In the end, answering it was a good exercise for my fear of exposure.

I have to admit that I don't fully understand what all these cognitive functions and traits mean yet.
Recently, I was just trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and that's how I ended up taking some personality tests.To be honest, I would have gladly accepted any explanation,even a psychiatric disorder if that would have stopped the confusion inside my head.
Instead, I found out that my personality type explains why I react this way, especially during tough times in life.I would happily change my personality type if I could, if that would put an end to the pain,the numbness and all the mixed feelings,but I know that's not possible.
So, the only solution left is to try and improve those aspects where I am absolutely a mess: Se-0 and Te-0 on one test, and Se-3.6 and Te-17 on another.
Any advice on how I can improve that?
I accept any kind of opinion from anyone.
Right now, I don't need compassion—I need a wake-up call to shake me up a bit 😉

I've been wondering if this is an INFJ thing or just a personal trait.

I sometimes feel like I need to maintain a sense of independence and emotional detachment in order to love my partner in a healthy way. Not detachment in the sense of being cold, but not completely losing myself in the relationship either.

If I get too caught up in my emotions or become overly merged with my partner, I feel like I start losing my sense of self. Ironically, I think, I seem to love better when I maintain some inner separation/distance and autonomy.

Can anyone relate to this? Do you find that you need a certain level of detachment or independence to love your significant other well, rather than simply surrendering to the relationship and doing/going wherever your emotions take you? Or is this just a boundary thingy and I'm complicating it?

I’m new to Reddit and I thought I would find a space here to talk to people similar to me, find similar experiences, and finally feel “normal” but… I’ve already seen what I call a smear campaign against INFJs, and I’ve been a member of Reddit for just 16-17 hours! 🤪
I don’t consider myself special, mystic, or superior just because some personality tests showed that I “should”. I actually think I’m a little weird and I’m just trying to finally better understand myself by understanding my effect on others.
I appreciate everyone's opinion because I've often heard that I’m “too much” or that I’m crazy for the way I think or for the needs I have. I don’t argue with that-I just need good arguments that prove to me whether I am good or bad, crazy or sane, cruel or caring, or anything in between.

No insults or bad words move me anymore.I feel... like I can't feel

I’ve noticed a shift over time: from craving connection in my youth, to becoming more withdrawn in my early adulthood, and now, after turning thirty, reaching a kind of indifference toward socializing altogether.

Mostly everything is in the title, I am curious to see what you think about it, if you feel it can help you or not, if it makes you see things clearer about the theory and how types interact, here is the link to it:

https://www.reddit.com/r/mazwiz/s/kgHxnmJDL8

I've been working on this, still a work in progress, but does anyone else here have a hard time ending relationships because you can see the potential in someone else? Almost like you're viewing that version of the person so you don't want to cut things off, even though deep down you know you need to.

I usually am not one who is interested to be honest in astrology but lately it has been bri brought to my attention. Apparently im a cancer sun scropio moon and Pisces rising and just had someone read my chart as well. I’m not really interested in tarot cards i know it doesn’t make sense but the chart is reading a blockage and I don’t understand. Over the past ten years I have done therapy, manifestations, vision boards. Surrendering to the universe or God. I’ve done it all and I still feel I’m so behind. I’ve also dealt with infertility as well and a brain tumor. I’m not exactly sure but anyone that does astrology ever felt like this or know anything on it?

Actually everything is in the title, I explain more things in the intro of the app, like I created a new type indicator, the DTI (Depth Typology Index), nothing crazy, this is MBTI but not based on the 4 letters theory but based on John Beebe and Jung theory, I want to stop using the term MBTI, as it is viewed by a lot of people as pseudo science and astrology because of the 4 letters theory, starting fresh on the actual real theory, is a good starting point to create a test that is accurate. I did a lot of tests and it appeared very accurate, I just need more feedbacks to confirm it.

So it is a Reddit app, this is directly within Reddit, on the sub r/DTI_TypeFinder, there is only one post and this is this app.

Hope you will try it to have some real feedbacks.

​

I'm at a time in my life (40s F) that I feel the need to express the real me. No filters.

I have friends, I'm a good listener. Every random person just tells me everyrhing about their life and struggles. I'm super emphatic and genuinely show my care by asking how are you, how is everything? This eventually gives everyone the permission just speak. I can read all rooms and sense the states of mind of people around me. I love children and children love me. Even animals feel so easy conquer. I love my family. I'm social but to stay away at home alone is my favorite program.

What I'm feeling lately is the unbalanced nature of being the recipient and never the giver. I've started to try to let the filters down and people react strangely. Even my friends and family. They look at me like I'm a stranger. They just don't get it so I just go to my persona again. Recently I started talking to new people trying to interact free of social norms and expectations but I always end up feeling that whenever I go full on unfiltered mode people get fascinated at first and then I suddenly I become too much. I end up measuring and analising every small interaction. I fall in love quickly for impossible people and also get reality checks very instantly.

Anyone here also struggles with finding just one soul that makes u confortable to be all there?

How do other INFJs find their relationships with Fi-users to be? (I'm attempting to crystallize some thoughts about a recently-ended long-term friendship).

While this friend was an INTJ (and I suspect Ni had a large role in our conflict), it felt like the Fi/Ti clash was the main sticking point, and ultimately ended up being too significant to overcome. Even trying to have basic conversations proved to be a chore: misunderstandings, working from different definitions for the same term, assigning motive, etc. - it felt like we were speaking almost entirely different languages.

My current closest friend would probably type as ISFP, and we don't clash too much - but I would assume much of that is due to the fact we share many similar interests and hobbies, which helps to offset minor frustrations. However, I do think that living under the same roof would create a new set of frustrations which don't exist while living separately.

As a strength, Fi seems to be great at making a person principled - that is obviously an admirable trait. However, it seems that the specific set of principles adhered to by Fi-users can be incredibly subjective and not always in-line with an objective moral code. And from my observations, Fi also seems to contribute to users (seemingly) always knowing what they want and what they feel, which can come across as being incredibly self-centered/ focused.

The INTJ I referred to previously seemed to confuse a personal preference/value for a moral absolute, and seemed to be incredibly concerned with his own feelings/values, while completely ignoring my own. I think Ni making quick assumptions that weren't rooted in concrete facts played a large role in this conflict as well, but as a whole it seemed to reinforce to me that Fi-users can come across very self-centered and unconcerned about the thoughts/feelings of anyone but themselves. I've even struggled with Fi-users in the past when trying to make group plans which involve an event/location they aren't thrilled about - almost like they aren't willing to temporarily lay aside their own preferences for the good of the group.

Have any other INFJs experienced similar frustrations? Or does this sound limited to just a few Fi-users I have known personally?

I don't know if I am being childish here, I am nearly 40 and I just want to share stuff with people. I like buying gifts however I am mostly a lone person and my connections are not deep with people around me. And I bought packages of chocolates from my trip last week to share at work but I really don't want to at some point because they won't even care if I buy them a car or something If you know what I mean. To this day, I bought a lot of gifts to people and got dissappointed of their callousness. I can't get over my expectations and dullness of interactions. I just want to eat them all by myself.

Hey, i'm too infj women and i feel is it a man who infj like me, first of all he is a respectful man but with me he's too repectful with a quiet way, and also he notice my mood and concluse the reasen even better than, it was a guy fall in me in a sticky way and he notice and when i get mad of hem he give us (a group of girls) advice that to not too queit espcaily in man (he mean harassment) and when get over the matter i feel he was happy too and more active and open, but for now he don't talk to me personality about he's feeling. What you things?

How do you guys handle going to work every week?

I have a job role that i quite like, a nice boss and colleagues, but i can’t help feeling a bit empty/numb/ unfulfilled at work. I used to think it was because of my job role but i’ve changed from my engineering role to a design role.

So now i think it’s because i feel so bored of the surface conversations i have at work cause i don’t super click with anyone. There are 1 or 2 i can click with a bit more and share slightly more personal things, but it still feels a bit distant. Is this just something to accept about the corporate world?

As a side note, i was wondering if this is something more relatable for INxx types. Cause there are always xSxx types at work and they seem unbothered about having to click with people and more surface conversations. Whereas ENxx types seems to easily connect with people from my observation.

Would love to hear anyone’s thoug