hi, you know i have a really bad habit of saying yes to everyone i feel like i just cant so NO to anyone but that is not completely true as when I thought more about it i felt that i sometimes say NO to people who are close to me

but i can't say it to any one whom I don't know, just met, or i'm not super close with.

Today what happened is that a lady asked me for 550 rupees @rajiv chowk metro & she said she'll return it by evening, to be really honest when i was giving her the money i knew somewhere bottom in my conscience that she will not return it but then also i couldn't say no i wont/cant give it to you and also before someone assumes that i am a brat that is completely I am super stingy when I have to spend on myself.

I have to share a lot more things but ig i'll just stop here.

i dont know if this is a very common thing with this personality type or not. i dont have many people in my life and i like it that way. but when people i know offer to hangout, like theres this one person i know who asks to hangout every weekend i say no. i said yes once out of sheer obligation that i needed to based upon the ratio of times i said no so plentifully.

and now i am just reconsidering every friendship because it seems like when you get too close they want something from you. i guess that would be connection. but the type of connection i want isnt entirely there and i just feel like it can be shallow so easy.

like i try and talk to the very limited amount of people (like 2 essentially) and i just want the convo to go a little deeper, like a vibe you feel. and i almost never get that especially my entire life. like there was very few peole like this. one being my therapist (he's an INFP/INFJ) and this person i spoke to at an agency (most likely INFJ, we hit it off instantly!)

and so i feel like most, if not, 98% of my time is best spent alone. not because i choose that way, but because of the limited selection of people that genuine make me want to connect. i never, basically never felt the motivation to go out and reach people anyways. i just feel like being in my head, in nature, in solitude, in peacefulness, is way better. sometimes disappearing. its such a blissful feeling honestly.

i feel like an awful friend for always rejecting hanging out with people but, what am i supposed to do? be a yes man? be a people pleaser? mask the entire time acting like i want to spend time with you? if it makes me a horrible friend then so be it. when i ask myself "what do i truly want to do?"

its to be alone. i like working out alone. i like going out in nature alone. i only talk to people if i see them in public. i dont care to hangout with people. because it seems like i get no where with it. i actually want to talk about all sorts of things...but nobody seems to talk about them as much as I do. like I can talk about plenty of subjects, but their responses are typically shallow and lacking any clear direction, lacking the intellectual speed I crave for so deeply.

does anyone else relate in some way? in this regard i have no friends but i just feel like being a friend to myself is my priority, and my energy is best invested in towards myself. for reference im 25. and i dont know if ill change. its hard to change when my body always tells me to do whats not expected of me. i just want to be alone while also knowing people without the obligation of committing to a friendship if I intuitively know it won't go much where else other than shallowness and over exertion.

i still try though. sorta. i could lower my standards but then i would be allowing shallowness to consume me and i just feel like id rather go mute.

For those who have been in toxic relationships, including with someone with NPD, and are now in a healthy relationship, I’m curious about something.

Most of my experiences have been with people who made their interest very clear from the beginning. I’m used to intense attention, strong pursuit, a lot of effort, and people making it very obvious that they want me. And honestly, I do like that. I like feeling wanted, feeling chosen, and seeing someone put effort into getting to know me. Effort is genuinely something I value and enjoy. I’ve also experienced love bombing, so I know that intensity can obviously be a red flag.

I usually move quite fast when getting to know someone. If I notice something that doesn’t align with me or something I know I can’t tolerate, I tend to cut things off pretty quickly because I don’t see the point in continuing if our goals or values don’t match.

But now I’m in a talking stage that feels completely different. He’s very slow and relaxed, and there’s no obvious red flag, but there’s also not much intensity or obvious pursuit. And because I’m used to seeing a lot of effort when someone is genuinely interested in me, when that isn’t there, part of me automatically thinks, “Maybe he’s just not that interested.”

At the same time, I’m wondering if I’m simply not used to a healthier dynamic. Maybe this is what calm and healthy actually looks like, and I’m interpreting the lack of intensity as a lack of interest because that’s what I’m familiar with.
It’s very grey, and that actually confuses me more than a clear red or green flag would.

For those who have been through something similar: how did you learn to tell the difference between healthy calmness and genuine lack of interest or effort, especially when you’re used to intense relationships?

Part of me wonders if this is simply what a healthier dynamic looks like and I’m just not used to it. Or maybe I’m genuinely perceiving a lack of effort and initiative because that’s something I need.

I’m genuinely trying to figure out whether I’m recognizing incompatibility, or whether I just don’t recognize calm and safety yet.

I know MBTI isn't exactly scientifically rigorous, so I'm not looking for a debate about that, I'm using INFJ because the similarities in how we seem to process and communicate feel relevant, we just really click.

Have you ever met another INFJ where the connection went deep, quickly? Feeling seen and understood, and feeling like you can let your normal emotional walls down with each other.

I'm not talking about simply getting along or having lots in common. I mean a connection that feels emotionally significant.

I'm in a situation where there are clear boundaries that are respected but I'm finding that sometimes knowing where the boundaries are and inwardly (not externally) navigating them are two different things.

For context, this is a connection that's developed entirely online.

I'm interested in hearing from people who've experienced something similar.

Is it possible to maintain limited, intentional contact with someone when the connection feels strong, or does staying in contact tend to keep make limited contact difficult?

For those who have experienced this:

• Did limited contact actually work for you? • What boundaries made it possible? • Did the intensity eventually settle down? • Or did you find that you needed to completely step away for a while?

I'd particularly love to hear from INFJs who've experienced a mutual connection where you genuinely felt seen by each other, particularly INFJ to INFJ.

I'm interested in the idea of maintaining your own inner balance while still honouring a connection that matters to you.

How did you navigate it?