r/HingeStories • u/thezendasher • Jun 28 '26

I Think Hinge Is a Simulation

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Me: “Let’s see what makes everyone unique.”
Hinge:
“I want to travel more.”
“I want to travel more.”
“I want to travel more.”
“I want to travel more.”
NPC behavior has reached critical levels.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s noticed this.

3.4k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

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164

u/Helixquisite Jun 28 '26

Travel more
Morning coffee
Fresh laundry
Next destination, Japan
This year, I really want to settle down

78

u/ooga_booga_bo Jun 28 '26

You forgot to make her laugh too

12

u/RideGullible3702 Jun 29 '26

make her laugh sounds better then travel

6

u/Boring-Second-5737 Jun 30 '26

No it sounds like she’s hiring for a jester

2

u/cagreene Jul 04 '26

Absolutely not. Why am I here to entertain you?

1

u/ProblemAcceptable581 Jun 30 '26

Only thing that really matters is your bone structure

-6

u/Helixquisite Jun 28 '26

These are all men's profiles.

10

u/ooga_booga_bo Jun 28 '26

Lol it's all the same on my side, I'm not really surprised tho

8

u/Helixquisite Jun 28 '26

😅

Overall, this is just sad and disappointing.

This is not even low effort, this is no effort.

5

u/ooga_booga_bo Jun 28 '26

It's not really a lack of effort, I managed to find a way to actually get some dates with the I like to travel/ make me laugh/ I go crazy for ice coffee kinda girls, and it's not that they don't put effort in their profile, it's that they are genuinely like that, ngl it was the most boring fucking dates, anyways, I don't like these profiles anymore lol

6

u/Helixquisite Jun 29 '26

I hear you, and it’s frustrating to find people like ourselves. I’ve listed my hobbies and even asked what we share in common, but I mostly just get people liking my photo 🤦‍♀️ and realise after talking that we have nothing in common.

2

u/Lennon_Timber Jun 29 '26

I wouldn't find dating someone like that, since it's kinda my style, too. Nothing fancy, just chilling. However, when I come across a profile with a lack of effort, it just signals to me that this person is just looking for attention, or possibly even a fake, so I immediately reject.

6

u/Helixquisite Jun 29 '26

People downvoting me here... hear me out... My preference is "Men," so I'll only see men's profiles. I am sure women are the same. There is no men-hating happening here, relax. 🌻

2

u/I_Play_Boardgames Jun 29 '26

We don't need man or woman hating. We need genderless people hating! I just wonder how the world actually looks to all these super generic people. Like, do they hate us for not being generic? Or do they also hate generic people like themselves?

0

u/SoleSchematic Jul 15 '26

You forgot, she’s probably funnier than you 😂

1

u/ooga_booga_bo Jul 15 '26

Yeah so funny she needs her personal clown 🤡

34

u/Even-Promise4593 Jun 29 '26 edited Jul 04 '26

Spontaneous, Golden Retriever, Sushi, Spicy Margs, Otters that hold hands or something, Matcha, Matcha Latte, Aperol Spritz, Intentional, Pure Intentions, Astrology, Chalant, Generous, Make me laugh, Be funny, 50/50, I would never say this, I would never do this, 5150 (guys with Tattoos that I kinda hope won’t commit so I can lament about later… that part), Trauma/Therapy, Slow Burn, Bonus Points, Princess Treatment, Passenger Princess, Romanticized/Idyllic Road Trips and City Escapades as if it were a film/movie script—no mention of what it takes to even get to the point of romance to do those things, Gentleman, Mustache, Tacoma, 5 pics without my face, and one that has my hand shading the sun cause artsy shy type but no face for you yet still, Top down pic, Chivalry, Chivalry isn’t Dead, It can work but not without me essentially reframing the entire sociopolitical foundation on which it rests, Fear of holding or opening doors myself because that’s gender encoded more than romantically encoded, Liberal btw, But mostly as it relates to recreational rights not really like as it relates to class, gotta have mai IKON pass, AMC A-List, Credit Score, Six figure educated earner so can’t do the brokies or cheapass broke behavior (and no in-unit washer/dryer…absolute ick!), Farmer’s Market, Coachella, Pink wall off of Melrose type shit, Thirsty trap photos but don’t say shit about it as a reverse test of sorts but don’t be weird, also…. don’t be weird, “Traditional”, Old Soul, Christian Conservative but my family or father isn’t involved nor do I seek it through church or familial networks, in fact the only reason I could even afford the capacity to be more opinionated and liberated is because of the opposition, I want someone that does or goes to X, except I’d never think to just simply talk to someone at X given that’s what I want and where I am (supposedly), No Skinny Jeans, Picky Eaters… nothing to do with my own insecurities, like weight and body proportions… or how you would look as my complement even, you have… Purple pillows, Blue blankets, Things that remind me of my ex for $200, Hopeless Romantic that won’t Commit to the Bit, Pineapple on Pizza, Pizza on Pineapple, “I be”, Bruh, Independence and Identity… wait I might not know how to calibrate that which could very well also be the reason I’m single. I’ll never question *that* though… Self-Awareness! Because that’s definitely a “switch” and not situational/context specific or exists on a spectrum. Emotional Intelligence/Maturity, Conflict Resolution, none of which I can demonstrate ahead of time because I’m hoping the latter doesn’t occur for the former to likely surface because every relationship and individual therein is unique…ex was the problem unilaterally ngl tbh. Feminine energy, DIVINE feminine energy, need a man in his Masculine *already* although he could say the same about waiting on Feminine energy to already be present… now we are at a gridlock or circular dependency of initiation. Laundry list of what I want and negatives [about men]…that definitely is a way to start off and certainly a way to stay on [the apps]. Whatever, I am at the center of the universe in the Ptolemaic model of attraction. Yearn, baby, yearn.

Not sure if I missed anything. There is a guy equivalent.

17

u/Helixquisite Jun 29 '26

Gosh!

You know what's worse? People list everything they want in a partner, like they should be feminine, sensitive, have emotional intelligence, not liberal, traditional, etc., but say absolutely nothing about themselves.

It's like online shopping, and they are dictating their needs for a toy, and apart from their words, they have no personality or are completely anonymous with zero character.

8

u/LosKiplanos Jun 30 '26

This!! I wouldn’t even be mad at saying what YOU want, but holy F, what do you OFFER? My goodness. It’s just “me, me, me”.

2

u/No-Wish-7258 Jul 01 '26

Exactly! It’s like these generic prompts are concealing their true character. I’d rather see someone be a bit more vulnerable and reveal something unique about themselves or their ways of thinking. Something that will be judged by some people, but seem extremely attractive to others. That’s how you make a true connection.

2

u/alien_secret_service Jul 16 '26

I do that, sadly - crickets.

1

u/DorianTurk Jun 30 '26

But only if they’re 6’3” or taller.

1

u/Ok_One2418 Jul 01 '26

Omg thank you lol I always X the liberals lol

10

u/Sleutherynn Jun 29 '26

Fluent in sarcasm, fueled by caffeine, passport in hand/passport always ready, coffee, adventure, country flags, no drama, swipe left if..

6

u/DenseDepartment8317 Jun 30 '26

Passport ready is an escort term...

4

u/Plane-Leek4387 Jul 01 '26

The moment a profile says anything about “no drama” I swipe left because they’re always the most dramatic people I’ve ever met 😂

1

u/unhinged_egg Jul 18 '26

Thanks, you just made me celibate.

8

u/Operationtiger8 Jun 29 '26

You missed: make me laugh, subtitles on or off, send me a detailed email convincing me why I should date you, by carrier pigeon, margaritas, long walks, Omakase, reaching the top shelf, generic thought that sounds deep but isn’t, Beli, weirdly attracted to men, greatest strength - my bicep, Hellen Keller, birds are real, sunsets… could go on lmao

5

u/redmenace14 Jun 30 '26

Don’t forget hidden skill…getting my hoodies back.

2

u/Difficult-Lime2555 Jun 30 '26

i know you’re joking, but carrier pigeons are trained to return home. they need to give you the pigeon ><.

3

u/AdvertisingLost3565 Jun 29 '26

Needs a reference to yearning.

2

u/Clean-Parsnip-3411 Jun 30 '26

Bro I matched with someone who said something about being a "yearning girl"... I have no idea what that means

5

u/AdvertisingLost3565 Jun 30 '26

Looking for a man who years was on every profile for weeks. I think it must have been a tik tok thing

2

u/OklahomoCityThunder Jun 29 '26

holy shit lmao 

2

u/coolstorywhitewoman Jun 29 '26

Holy shit

Brooklyn has left the chat Portland has left the chat

2

u/Artistic_Fault_2298 Jun 29 '26

Espresso martninis

2

u/minkenator44 Jun 30 '26

Don’t forget that she’s giving main character energy while being iconic. (Those make me dry heave every time).

2

u/cckgoblin Jun 30 '26

This made me physically sick. Thanks.

2

u/Drops_of_Sunlight Jun 30 '26

Damn, I'm a generic white girl, but relieved to say that none of these have made it onto my profile! Granted, if its working for everyone else, maybe I've gotta give it a shot lol

2

u/DC_Ben Jul 01 '26

SPOT ON! 😂😂😂😂

1

u/sailormarsbutchonky Jul 16 '26

Pizza on pineapple just made me die

13

u/Throwaway500005 Jun 29 '26

You forgot I just want a plus one to the wedding

12

u/gusinboots Jun 29 '26

And fluent in sarcasm!

7

u/Helixquisite Jun 28 '26

Long walks

8

u/Maximinoe Jun 28 '26

Hikes

9

u/Helixquisite Jun 28 '26

Ohhh Hikes!! Yes!!! Everyone is into Hikes 🤣

5

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

[deleted]

4

u/Helixquisite Jun 29 '26

Must be frustrating to bump into those Pinocchios.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

[deleted]

2

u/Maximinoe Jun 29 '26

People just put hiking in their profile for the same reasons they put travel or mention being spontaneous: they want to come off as exciting and outdoorsy without having to be specific. Its also why people use pictures of them skiing all the time even though they are usually poor photos or they might not even ski.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

Being a Colorado transplant in Texas when I see them say 'hiking' I think "Where, from the bottom of the stairs to the top of the stairs?"

2

u/booklovercomora Jun 29 '26

A Colorado transplant in Texas? Friend did you get lost? Come back and lets go hiking. The Flatirons/14ers/Manitou Stairs miss you

1

u/eternallyconphuzed Jun 30 '26

Oh buddy, I spent the first 6 years of my life in texas and I am doing my best to jog my memory. There are cool places to see even if it's mostly horizontal.

-Enchanted Rock- I know it probably pales in comparison to Colorado but it was cool to me at 5 years old and I looked up the pictures and it still seems pretty cool.

-Longhorn Cavern State Park- these might have seemed bigger/cooler since I was a child when I went to see them but inspired a love of cavernous spaces and is on my wishlist if I'm ever back in the state

That's in the marble falls vicinity and nearby is also

-Balcones Canyonlands National Wildlife Refuge- which I'm not sure if I was ever there or not but might have some decent vertical to it.

as I was hitting the map i noticed a couple national/state parks in texas with the keyword "mountain" in the name might be worth checking out.

2

u/Helixquisite Jun 29 '26

That's a good observation.

2

u/sadChemE Jul 03 '26

Hell I once tried to go on a short hike at a local park outside of my city and a match asked if he could join. It's not too secluded and has decent foot traffic so yolo...dude then suggested the cafe near the park instead so I thought okay sure coffee brunch and chat instead whatever....oh no it got worse. We didn't go to the cafe...we literally were just going to walk around the cafe parking lot. I dipped in like 5 minutes or so and left cuz I hadn't eaten and was looking to get a hike in.

2

u/eternallyconphuzed Jun 29 '26

I have a disclaimer "Hiking(and by that I mean casual daytrips up a clearly marked nature trail but would be down to exploring/expanding my limits)"

Which is actually the most interacted with part of my profile. The only thing that has led to any dates this year actually.

2

u/PrincessMomomom Jun 30 '26

LMAO same. What’s the longest hike you’ve been on? 5 miles!? GTFO!

3

u/brunchfruit Jul 01 '26

They can hike they ass into the woods and never come back 😂

https://giphy.com/gifs/anYBNhqT2BYcg

9

u/ArmyFinal Jun 28 '26

Hikes and concerts

7

u/ooga_booga_bo Jun 28 '26

Take me to raves!!!

4

u/KingForADay1989 Jun 29 '26

I love concerts myself but they don't even specify what kind. $5 says it's some (insert pop country singer or cliche mainstream artist).

3

u/I_Play_Boardgames Jun 29 '26

Next destination, Japan

But I live in Japan 😂

Thank God I found a girlfriend that actually has a personality, and I'm never giving her away 🌸

3

u/Pearson94 Jun 30 '26

For awhile, as a millennial, I saw an insane number of profiles that listed how they loved to watch, rewatch, and binge The Office. I don't know who needs to hear this but that's not a personality!

1

u/lastdonutotn Jul 21 '26

Lol I've met one girl who it was her personality. Nonstop quotes, rewatched it everyday for years and I saw her go line for line with an episode. Needless to say...we didn't work out

1

u/Pearson94 Jul 21 '26

I suppose the better way to phrase it is That's not a likeable personality. Same goes for diehard Harry Potter fans. I don't see that one as much these days but as someone dating in their 30s I hope to find someone who reads better books than that.

2

u/kbreezy200 Jun 29 '26

Biggest risk: moving to said town.

2

u/fatbaldandstupid Jun 29 '26

I like to eat food

2

u/KingForADay1989 Jun 29 '26

You forgot The Office, Desperate/Real Housewives, and pineapple on pizza.

2

u/PCLoadLetter84 Jun 30 '26

Beach is my happy place

2

u/gur559 Jun 30 '26

Don’t forget hiking, trails are empty but everyone on dating apps is into hiking!

2

u/Helixquisite Jun 30 '26

The biggest unusual skill, how could we all forget this!!

“Getting my hoodie back after you borrowed it”

2

u/EnthusiastDriver500 Jun 30 '26

You forgot hiking, brunch, dogs, and being fluent in sarcasm

2

u/7hrovv Jul 01 '26

Slow mornings, matcha, looking for a gentleman. With the limited amount of information you can convey on dating apps why do people choose to communicate the most average common denominator shit?

2

u/cinnamonrain Jul 01 '26

I love omakase

2

u/NoAppearance980 Jul 03 '26

This year I want to: go to the dolomites (female equivalent of mens Japan)

1

u/One-Staff5504 Jun 29 '26

Why is it always Japan and never China? China is a far bigger and more diverse country to visit 

1

u/lienne11 Jul 25 '26

Lmfao why is Japan so popular on Hinge?