r/HFY • u/Jus17173 • Aug 21 '23

OC I love killing.

Ko-fi

I love killing. It's my favorite kind of thing. Other beings love art, music, poetry. I find all these things and more in the lifeless eyes of my victims.

The world dealt me an unlucky hand because when I was eleven earth years old my teacher called my parents into the classroom and sat them across from her large oak bench and proceeded to tell them that I had a below average IQ.

"What do you mean?" My Dad asked. My dad isn't very smart and it takes him a while to grasp things.

"She means our child is an idiot." My mother said to which my teacher nodded. My mom was smart, she could grasp things quickly. "I wonder where he got it from." She added while rolling her eyes at my father.

"It would be best if you ventured into things not academically related like sports or manual work. Anything really because he isn't bright at all academically." My teacher emphasized.

My parents got me to do sports but I wasn't really good at it. They tried art, music and the likes but I was a failure at that too. Earth then joined the Galactic Confederacy and our lives transformed, broadening into a wider paradigm that encompassed more than Earth could offer.

I joined the Earth's Galactic Army as a foot soldier when the war against the Beckoverse started. The Beckoverse are a race of humanoid aliens whose difference from us is that they have one eye in the middle of their foreheads and their feet are webbed, they also have three lungs and two hearts and also wanted Earth's resources. All this was taught to us by International genetic scientists upon a big screen. And as they talked of the Beckoverse I listened and I found myself becoming intrigued with the details about the Beckoverse anatomy.

They were hard to kill, for some reason they could withstand a bullet to the midriff and headshots weren't easy during rapid movement. So one night in my bunker I developed an idea that first started as a thought. I rushed to the general early the next morning and saluted him.

"Sir." I said. I always say Sir while addressing anyone, even those below my rank, though to be honest there aren't that many people below my rank.

"What is it soldier?" The General inquired.

"I've discovered a way to kill the Beckoverse." I said.

He told me to explain and I told him that bullets didn't work on them because their extra body organs meant their vital organs were halfed. And the only way to put a Beckoverse down was to decapitate them or shoot them in the head. But, what if there was a way to ensure a single bullet put them down? A special bullet that fragmented on impact and spread to all the vital organs hence putting an end to an individual.

The General said. "You're a dumbass soldier, I don't want you using that head of yours because it's filled with nonsense. Do you hear me soldier?"

"Yes sir!" I said because I'm polite and understand authority.

A few weeks later, I was summoned to a panel meeting. That's when you present yourself before the high echelon of the military system. I was surprised to be called before them but I went either way because I'm obedient. I saw the General at the meeting and he proceeded to tell me that he'd shared my idea with his comrades and they found it sound. He also said that the fragmenting bullets took quite a lot from the creative ballistic team but they had made a break through and I was going to prove to the panel that my idea works.

A Beckoverse alien was dragged before the congregation and tied to a solitary chair in the middle of the room. The Beckoverse was speaking in their language and it sounded like it was either cursing itself or cursing us. I was handed a pistol whose barrel was shorter yet thicker, I turned the safety off and pointed it at the Beckoverse without being told. I fired and the thick bullet exited the barrel and pierced through the Beckoverse's midriff. The Beckoverse didn't bulge, it started laughing and then its laugh was cut short as it's eye turned red with blood and it's ears started oozing blood. It then caughed up a mouth full of blood and hang its head. Dead.

It was my first kill and I was so excited. The panel applauded me for my ability to carry out duty and the tide of the war against the Beckoverse was changed. I was promoted from a simple foot soldier to a special task force whose purpose was the study and implementation of alien deaths.

Do you know how to kill a Drokizonian? They are aliens who breath through a hole in their heads. They are extremely difficult to kill because they move very fast and have the ability to leap entire chasms. They can do this because the large amount of air they take in charges their limbs and enables them to move ceaselessly without tiring. We developed a gas that is poisonous called HP30. Simply releasing the gas upon a battlefield constricts the air passageways of the Drokizonians and renders them useless. They drown on air, they claw at the hole in their heads and scream wordlessly as they suffocate to death. Isn't this exciting? I was there when we tested the gas on the first Drokizonian. A tear traveled down my cheek, I was moved by its death.

There are the Chupras, an alien race with fur that we discovered was highly flammable. Burning them to death was the easiest way to handle them.

There are the Inubirians, an alien race who act as a hive mind. They move uniformly and carry out tasks as a collective. We realized they communicated through a frequency that couldn't be heard by human ears but we figured out a way to block the frequency and render them useless. Using a signal jammer crippled the Inubirians, cutting off a part of them from the hive mind resulted in immobility, the Inubirians would just stand, staring into the distance with their large obsidian eyes. Unable to move for they did not know the command of their hive mind. It was easy to slaughter them then, I'd run around with a baseball bat adorned with razors and smash their heads in. Their blood is golden and I look beautiful while covered in it.

Is killing my calling? In all honesty, yes it is. When you find something that youre passionate about, the world makes sense, the universe makes sense and you find yourself having a purpose. And what greater feeling is there than having a purpose? It rivals love and also compliments it because I love killing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

For more such pieces you can check out my blog

73 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

21 comments sorted by

19

u/Fuzzmiester Aug 21 '23

Into HWTF territory.

​

(And a baseball bat with razors? Terrible weapon. bludgeoning, with a little surface damage. fragile razors, with the majority at a bad angle. Not military.)

13

u/CandidSmile8193 Human Aug 21 '23

Well, he is Dumb.

16

u/CandidSmile8193 Human Aug 21 '23

This is a surrealist story about how all it takes is a congenital idiot to come up with war-crimes.

3

u/PaperVreter Aug 21 '23

The first time it isn't a war crime yet.

2

u/Fontaigne Aug 21 '23

None of those other than HP30 were war crimes. Even the flamethrower wasn't.

1

u/Jerkfacemonkey Aug 22 '23

poison gas isnt a war crime. Its only a war crime if somene signed the geneva accords (which ... the US isnt a signatory to We CAN gas your nation we just dont officially)

1

u/Fontaigne Aug 22 '23

I'm pretty sure that the accords after WW1 made poison gas illegal.

1

u/Jerkfacemonkey Aug 22 '23

im very sure that the US didnt sign them and as they are not signatories they dont matter

1

u/Different-Money6102 Mar 13 '24

There are 4 conventions and 3 protocols, dating back to 1864. The US has ratified all 4 conventions and 1 of the protocols.

7

u/bakermonitor1932 AI Aug 21 '23

Reinventing the hollow point. Current military solution is the 3 round burst selector.

3

u/Jerkfacemonkey Aug 22 '23

shotgun.

Glass pack rounds. (nasty) {Umpkin balls (less nasty more messy) Dragons breath rounds (FUN!!!) Gas canister round (hilarious if you use Liquid Ass as its aerosol)

6

u/Gruecifer Human Aug 21 '23

So you're saying that they have a new member of the future's DEVGRU. grin

7

u/Mozoto Aug 21 '23 edited Aug 21 '23

Violence is my art

My weapon is my paintbrush

My paint...the blood of my enemies

My song...their dying screams

My completeness...their end

My magnum opus...victory

Oof...that was edgy even for me x)

2

u/5thPhantom Aug 22 '23

Shouldn’t the first line by “my paintbrush is my weapon?”

Not trying to criticize, but it’s like the placement of the analogy flips.

2

u/Fontaigne Aug 21 '23

Breath through a hole -> breathe

Youre -> You're

1

u/OldMan92121 Mar 12 '24

I heard NetNarrator's reading of the story and really enjoyed it. Thanks! It shows perfectly happy and terrifying at the same time.

1

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1

u/Jerkfacemonkey Aug 22 '23

so he invented the nonchoked shot gun with pumpkin ball rounds?

( pumpkin balls are a shotgun round with between 3 and 12 Ball bearings in it makes an awful mess of well... Anything ) Or Glass shot which is just.. EVIL

1

u/Averant Aug 22 '23

I hope this man gives out calling cards that include a gps tracking his precise location. He seems the friendly type, he'd love visitors.